Dumb and Dumber Quotes
Ms. Heller: The band sounds awful.
Principal Collins: Ha ha. I sold the wood instruments for Hawaiian Air tickets.
Principal Collins: Ha ha. I sold the wood instruments for Hawaiian Air tickets.
Movie: Dumb and Dumber
Lloyd: Whoa! Look at Jessica, look at her milk bubbles, and her shorts are really short!
Harry Dunne: I know...
Lloyd: Yea, last time I wore shorts that short, I got beat up!
Harry Dunne: I know...
Lloyd: Yea, last time I wore shorts that short, I got beat up!
Movie: Dumb and Dumber
Principal Collins: You know, Honey... I think I've finally figured out a way to bilk this school out of enough money to get us that condo in Waikiki.
Ms. Heller: How, Sweet Baby? You've done it all.
Principal Collins: Small potatoes. This is the big one. This is visionary. This idea is genius.
[Ms. Heller giggles]
Principal Collins: Look at this. The "Richard Moffitt Special Needs Grant".
Ms. Heller: Mm-hmm.
Principal Collins: This Moffitt guy used to be in a Special Needs program, & then he learns to string a couple of sentences together and now he's some big hotshot. Anyway, the State is giving 100 Grand in his name to every school that has a Special Needs Class.
Ms. Heller: This is fantastic!
Principal Collins: Mm-hmm.
Ms. Heller: All we have to do is *kill* this Moffitt guy, & we get all the money.
Principal Collins: No.
[Ms. Heller sighs]
Principal Collins: No. What we need is to set up a *fake* Special Needs Class.
Ms. Heller: We start our own class.
Principal Collins: Problem is, where do we find kids... we can pass off as "Special"?
Lloyd Christmas: O.k., that's high enough! Thanks, Turk.
Harry Dunne: I'm flying! Woo-hoo! So this is what a flag sees all day.
Lloyd Christmas: Yeah.
Harry Dunne: And your friend Turk is totally great.
Lloyd Christmas: Yeah, he's Aces, huh?
[
Ms. Heller: How, Sweet Baby? You've done it all.
Principal Collins: Small potatoes. This is the big one. This is visionary. This idea is genius.
[Ms. Heller giggles]
Principal Collins: Look at this. The "Richard Moffitt Special Needs Grant".
Ms. Heller: Mm-hmm.
Principal Collins: This Moffitt guy used to be in a Special Needs program, & then he learns to string a couple of sentences together and now he's some big hotshot. Anyway, the State is giving 100 Grand in his name to every school that has a Special Needs Class.
Ms. Heller: This is fantastic!
Principal Collins: Mm-hmm.
Ms. Heller: All we have to do is *kill* this Moffitt guy, & we get all the money.
Principal Collins: No.
[Ms. Heller sighs]
Principal Collins: No. What we need is to set up a *fake* Special Needs Class.
Ms. Heller: We start our own class.
Principal Collins: Problem is, where do we find kids... we can pass off as "Special"?
Lloyd Christmas: O.k., that's high enough! Thanks, Turk.
Harry Dunne: I'm flying! Woo-hoo! So this is what a flag sees all day.
Lloyd Christmas: Yeah.
Harry Dunne: And your friend Turk is totally great.
Lloyd Christmas: Yeah, he's Aces, huh?
[
Movie: Dumb and Dumber
Harry: You found my treasure? Why didn't you tell me?
Lloyd Christmas: Three words: I did.
Lloyd Christmas: Three words: I did.
Movie: Dumb and Dumber
Harry: You found my treasure? Why didn't you tell me?
Lloyd Christmas: Three words: I did.
Lloyd Christmas: Three words: I did.
Movie: Dumb and Dumber
Principal Collins: You know, Honey... I think I've finally figured out a way to bilk this school out of enough money to get us that condo in Waikiki.
Ms. Heller: How, Sweet Baby? You've done it all.
Principal Collins: Small potatoes. This is the big one. This is visionary. This idea is genius.
[Ms. Heller giggles]
Principal Collins: Look at this. The Richard Moffitt Special Needs Grant.
Ms. Heller: Mm-hmm.
Principal Collins: This Moffitt guy used to be in a Special Needs program, & then he learns to string a couple of sentences together and now he's some big hotshot. Anyway, the State is giving 100 Grand in his name to every school that has a Special Needs Class.
Ms. Heller: This is fantastic!
Principal Collins: Mm-hmm.
Ms. Heller: All we have to do is *kill* this Moffitt guy, & we get all the money.
Principal Collins: No.
[Ms. Heller sighs]
Principal Collins: No. What we need is to set up a *fake* Special Needs Class.
Ms. Heller: We start our own class.
Principal Collins: Problem is, where do we find kids... we can pass off as Special?
Lloyd Christmas: O.k., that's high enough! Thanks, Turk.
Harry Dunne: I'm flying! Woo-hoo! So this is what a flag sees all day.
Lloyd Christmas: Yeah.
Harry Dunne: And your friend Turk is totally great.
Lloyd Christmas:
Ms. Heller: How, Sweet Baby? You've done it all.
Principal Collins: Small potatoes. This is the big one. This is visionary. This idea is genius.
[Ms. Heller giggles]
Principal Collins: Look at this. The Richard Moffitt Special Needs Grant.
Ms. Heller: Mm-hmm.
Principal Collins: This Moffitt guy used to be in a Special Needs program, & then he learns to string a couple of sentences together and now he's some big hotshot. Anyway, the State is giving 100 Grand in his name to every school that has a Special Needs Class.
Ms. Heller: This is fantastic!
Principal Collins: Mm-hmm.
Ms. Heller: All we have to do is *kill* this Moffitt guy, & we get all the money.
Principal Collins: No.
[Ms. Heller sighs]
Principal Collins: No. What we need is to set up a *fake* Special Needs Class.
Ms. Heller: We start our own class.
Principal Collins: Problem is, where do we find kids... we can pass off as Special?
Lloyd Christmas: O.k., that's high enough! Thanks, Turk.
Harry Dunne: I'm flying! Woo-hoo! So this is what a flag sees all day.
Lloyd Christmas: Yeah.
Harry Dunne: And your friend Turk is totally great.
Lloyd Christmas:
Movie: Dumb and Dumber
Harry Dunne: [Harry is covered in mud and hit by Jessica's dad's car] Charlie!
Jessica's Dad: Oh, my God... it's you... you're the guy that crapped up my house! What are you... you're covered in ******! My car's covered in ******!
Harry Dunne: No, no, no, no... It's not that?
[gets off the hood and starts to walk off]
Jessica's Dad: There's crap all over my hood! You got feces all over my mercedes! It's in my grill! My car's covered in ****!
Lloyd: Who's that?
Harry Dunne: Jessica's Dad? she says he's really anal.
Lloyd: [winces, disgusted] Ew... ugh, that's gross.
Jessica's Dad: [as they walk off, fading out] Get back here! I'm not cleaning this up! I'm gonna have to have this towed! Are you out of your mind? What is it with you and *fecal* matter?
[fade out]
Jessica's Dad: Oh, my God... it's you... you're the guy that crapped up my house! What are you... you're covered in ******! My car's covered in ******!
Harry Dunne: No, no, no, no... It's not that?
[gets off the hood and starts to walk off]
Jessica's Dad: There's crap all over my hood! You got feces all over my mercedes! It's in my grill! My car's covered in ****!
Lloyd: Who's that?
Harry Dunne: Jessica's Dad? she says he's really anal.
Lloyd: [winces, disgusted] Ew... ugh, that's gross.
Jessica's Dad: [as they walk off, fading out] Get back here! I'm not cleaning this up! I'm gonna have to have this towed! Are you out of your mind? What is it with you and *fecal* matter?
[fade out]
Movie: Dumb and Dumber
Mrs. Dunne: Hey, fellas, it's getting kind of late. Come on.
Lloyd Christmas: Can I be on top?
Harry Dunne: Only if I can be on bottom.
Lloyd Christmas: All Right!
Lloyd Christmas: Can I be on top?
Harry Dunne: Only if I can be on bottom.
Lloyd Christmas: All Right!
Movie: Dumb and Dumber
[Harry is about to throw away Lloyd's chipped tooth]
Lloyd: No! Wait - save it for the Tooth Fairy.
Harry: I happen to know for a fact that my mother is the Tooth Fairy.
Lloyd: No way! Your mom's the Tooth Fairy?
Harry: Yeah, she flies around at night while I'm asleep.
Lloyd: Well nice to meet you. I'm Lloyd Christmas.
Harry: Well, I'll be. Here I am bragging about how my mom's the Tooth Fairy and you're dad's Santa Claus!
Lloyd: No! Wait - save it for the Tooth Fairy.
Harry: I happen to know for a fact that my mother is the Tooth Fairy.
Lloyd: No way! Your mom's the Tooth Fairy?
Harry: Yeah, she flies around at night while I'm asleep.
Lloyd: Well nice to meet you. I'm Lloyd Christmas.
Harry: Well, I'll be. Here I am bragging about how my mom's the Tooth Fairy and you're dad's Santa Claus!
Movie: Dumb and Dumber
Lloyd Christmas: There's gonna be chicks all over us. It's gonna be so faggy I don't think I can stand it.
Movie: Dumb and Dumber
Harry: I like your flight suit.
Ray: I'm a custodian.
Harry: Well then... [salutes Ray]
Ray: I'm a custodian.
Harry: Well then... [salutes Ray]
Movie: Dumb and Dumber
Harry: I like your flight suit.
Ray: I'm a custodian.
Harry: Well then... [salutes Ray]
Ray: I'm a custodian.
Harry: Well then... [salutes Ray]
Movie: Dumb and Dumber
Lloyd: Excuse me, little old lady. Do you have change for a dollar?
Elderly woman: Change? No I'm sorry, I don't.
Lloyd: Well, can you do me a favor and watch my stuff here while I go break a dollar?
Elderly woman: Of course.
Lloyd: Thanks. Hey, I guess they're right. Senior citizens, although slow and dangerous behind the wheel, can still serve a purpose. I'll be right back. Don't you go dying on me!
Elderly woman: Change? No I'm sorry, I don't.
Lloyd: Well, can you do me a favor and watch my stuff here while I go break a dollar?
Elderly woman: Of course.
Lloyd: Thanks. Hey, I guess they're right. Senior citizens, although slow and dangerous behind the wheel, can still serve a purpose. I'll be right back. Don't you go dying on me!
Movie: Dumb and Dumber
[first lines]
Lloyd: Excuse me. Could you tell me how to get to the medical school? I'm supose to be giving a lecture in 20 minutes, and my driver's a bit lost.
Lloyd: Excuse me. Could you tell me how to get to the medical school? I'm supose to be giving a lecture in 20 minutes, and my driver's a bit lost.
Movie: Dumb and Dumber