Curb Your Enthusiasm Quotes

[Ted Danson orders Larry and Denise a slice of pie at a restaurant]
Ted: You're gonna love this. It is the best piece of pie you've ever had.
Larry: Honestly, you know, I'm not eating dessert anymore.
Ted: Just have one bite. Come on.
Larry: I'm not in the mood, Ted. I don't want it. Thank you, it's a nice gesture but I'm not in the mood.
Ted: You're making me look like an asshole.
Larry: I had the option of ordering dessert and I didn't want the dessert at the time so I don't want the dessert.
Ted: Just have one little bite for my sake, please.
Larry: I don't care. I don't want it for your sake.
Ted: Be a friend, be a fucking friend, will you!
Larry: I'm being a friend but I don't have to take a bite just because you want me to! Okay?
Ted: Have a bite of the pie!
Waiter: [starts to take the pie away] You know, I'm just gonna get this out of the way for you..
Larry: I don't want the pie! Thank you.
Ted: No, no. Put the pie down. Put the pie down.
Larry: No, don't. Here, take it. Thank you.
Ted: Don't pick up that pie. Put the pie down.
Larry: I'm not taking a bite, I don't want a bite! Take this fucking piece of pie and get it out of my face!
Ted: Put that fucking pie down!
Larry: Don't put that pie down! Do not put that pie down!

TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Susan: Jeff, let's take a walk.
Jeff: Eh, I'm comfortable.
Susan: Come on, it's gorgeous! Perfect walking weather. It's good for you.
Jeff: Nah, I don't want to. I'm not in the mood.
Susan: Please?
Jeff: No, I'm fine.
Susan: Get up off your fat ass and let's take a walk! It'll be romantic!

TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Leon: Denise called.
Larry: What'd she say?
Leon: Give her a call.
Larry: She leave her number?
Leon: Nah.
Larry: Damn it! I don't have her number or her address.
Leon: Call information.
Larry: I don't know her last name. She was in my BlackBerry under "Denise handicapped". That's how I remember these names. Don't you do that in your Blackberry? You put names down with jobs, some association, so you remember who they are? I got "Sean yoga", the yoga teacher, and "Teresa masseuse".
Leon: I do the same thing. I got "Nancy big tits". I know Nancy got big ass tits. "Janelle sweet ass"..

TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Larry: Fruit's good.
Jeff: Yeah.
Larry: Delicious, isn't it?
Marty: How can you talk about the food? I wanna throw up. We should get out of here.
Andy: Yes, let's get out of here.
Larry: Oh, that's a wonderful idea.
Marty: I want to get out of here now.
Larry: Let me explain something to you, moron, okay? Swan killers leave. People who aren't swan killers stay, have a little lunch, enjoy themselves, socialize, get to know the members. There's nothing wrong. Get it?
Marty: Guess what, I'm not a swan killer, okay?
Larry: Hey, let me remind you of something, asshole. You're talking way too loud about swan killing in the dining room. Why is that so hard to understand?
Marty: How many rules are you gonna break? You're not suppose to have your phone on, it's always ringing. You killed a swan!
Larry: Keep your fucking voice down!
Marty: You killed a swan!
Larry: [raises butter knife] Shut up! Shut up!

TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Andy: Why did I order turkey? I should've just had the eggs and onions. I know they're good here.
Marty: Will you do me a favor and shut up about your food.
Larry: Yeah, he's right. All you're doing is complaining about your food. I told you to get the fruit. It's delicious.
Andy: I had the fruit this morning. Why am I going to order it twice for?
Larry: You could have fruit twice in one day.
Andy: No you can't, you get the acid and it'll rip a hole in your stomach.
Larry: They have non-acidic fruit. You got papaya and mango and banana!

TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Larry: My name is Larry David and I happen to enjoy wearing women's underpants.

TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Jerry: You surprised me. I had no idea it would be that revolting.

TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Mocha Joe: Did you get a chance to pick up those beans? I'm really low on coffee.
Larry: You know, I went, and there was a lot of traffic, and I got stuck in traffic, and by the time I got there - I went all the way over there - the store was closed so I couldn't get them.
Mocha Joe: So you didn't get the beans?
Larry: No. I didn't get the beans.
Mocha Joe: So you didn't do me the favor?
Larry: I attempted to do you the favor. I tried to do you the favor. What are you talking about?
Mocha Joe: No. An attempt is not a favor.
Larry: What? It is a favor. It is a favor. That's as good as a favor. The effort was there.
Jerry: What did you come back with, though?
Larry: The store was closed.
Jerry: Driving to a coffee place is not a favor.
Mocha Joe: Where did I bring the jumper cable? Halfway to your office, or to your office?
Jerry: Mocha Joe has nothing to show for your supposed favor.
Larry: I know.
Jerry: You have jumper cables. What does he got?
Mocha Joe: Exactly.
Jerry: He's got a guy who's got a story about traffic.
Mocha Joe: Thank you, Jerry.
Jerry: You're welcome, Mocha Joe.
Larry: Come on! I did a lot for Mocha Joe.
Jerry: Mocha Joe doesn't need people driving around for him. He needs coffee.
Larry: Whatever happened to E for effort, Jerry? E for effort? You people think about that! E for effort!
Mocha Joe: F for favor!
Jerry: C for coffee!

TV Show: Curb Your Enthusiasm