The Virginian Quotes

[Trampas is on his way to Laramie with a woman faro dealer, a boy, and a baby. After making a messy diaper change, he lets the woman take over.]
Trampas: I'll admit your diaper looks better than mine. Thought you said you didn't know anything about babies.
Melinda: Oh, there's just some things that anybody knows, except those that are just plain stupid.
Trampas: I'm not stupid. I'm ignorant. There's a difference.

TV Show: The Virginian
[Ryker, Trampas and Randy are telling tall tales in the hotel's saloon.]
Trampas: That ain't nothing. Why I had a rifle one time that could knock down a prarie dog two miles away.
Ryker: That so?
Trampas: Why I had the range measured by a licensed surveyor. Two miles even. That was his sworn testimony.
Randy: I had a long rifle like that one time. Carried quite a bit further though.
Trampas: Furthur?
Ryker: Three miles.
Randy: Carried so far I had to use smoked and salted bullets.
Trampas: Smoked and salted bullets?
Randy: Well like I said, it killed at such a distance, if I didn't use them smoked and salted bullets, the game would spoil before I could get to it.

TV Show: The Virginian
[Trampas has just returned from taking an girl to town, and he meets the Virginian and Stacey in the corral.]
Stacey: What happened in town?
Trampas: Plenty. She's staying here while they try and locate her real parents.
The Virginian: Stace told me what happened.
Stacey: Is she still claiming to be an Indian?
Trampas: It doesn't much matter to her what she is. She feels Indian, she thinks Indian, and that's the way she likes it.
The Virginian: What happened to the rustlers?
Trampas: Old Man Grainger... (Trampas looks at Stacey) Uh... Mr. Grainger told the sheriff to send them back to the reservation.
Stacey: Well that was real kind of Old Man Grainger. (Turns to The Virginian) You mind if I go up and see what's happening?
The Virginian: Go ahead.
Trampas: How come Grainger sent me into town with him and sent Stace back to the range?
The Virginian: I guess he's just trying not to show favoritism.
Trampas: Why he doesn't have to do that! I never think of Stace as being the boss's grandson. Until I call him Old Man Grainger.

TV Show: The Virginian
[Mr. Grainger and Trampas and discussing Liz's wanting to enter her horse in the Founder's Day Race.]
John Grainger: Trampas, I wouldn't want her to know that we discussed this.
Trampas: "You're right. Well, I guess I'll have to be sneaky about it. I'm pretty good at that."

TV Show: The Virginian
[Trampas sets Liz up to race with him, and she wins.]
Virginian: Well, today's the big day. I'll be glad when this race is over and we can get some work done around here.
Trampas: Well, all right, so I took a minute or two or three or four to--
Virginian: Any regrets? About getting her to race with you.
Trampas: Now that you bring the subject up, no. Not after I saw the look on her face when she won.

TV Show: The Virginian
[Trampas drives a new girl to town.]
Trampas: There's not much to see in Medicine Bow.
Melanie: It's not Medicine Bow I'm interested in.
Trampas: What are you interested in?
Melanie: You.
Trampas: Why me?
Melanie: I don't know.
Trampas: Well, let's see if I can figure it out. Uh.. wealthy, spoiled Eastern girl comes west, finds things kind of dull, meets cowhand. Wants to stir up a little excitement, something she can her friends about back in Chicago. Hmm?
Melanie: Well, maybe. But, I don't think so. But what about you? Why did you kiss me?
Trampas: I don't know.
Melanie: Well, maybe I can figure it out. Hard working, hard-headed cowhand gets a little bored with pretty little girls in calico. Meets wealthy spoiled Eastern girl, stir up a little excitement, something to tell the boys back in the bunkhouse.
Trampas: [Smiles] Well. Let's find out.

TV Show: The Virginian
Stacey: Elizabeth!
Elizabeth: Stacey? Did you get it? Did it come?
Stacey: What?
Elizabeth: You know.
Stacey: Godey's Ladies' Book.
Elizabeth: Give it to me.
Stacey: On one condition. (opens the book) Do you promise you won't wear that?
Elizabeth: It's the latest thing!
Stacey: I think there's uh.. a little too much going south for ladies going on?
Elizabeth: I think a gentleman wouldn't look in a ladies magazine.

TV Show: The Virginian
[Stacey delivers Trampas' perfumed mail to the bunkhouse.]
Stacey: Here's your mail, lover.
Trampas: Thank you sir.
Stacey: You sure you're not advertising for a wife or something?
Trampas: Some people don't have to advertise.
Stacey: Apparently not.

TV Show: The Virginian
[Trampas is falsely accused of murder and sentenced to hang.]
Luke Nichols: A lot can happen in six days. You got friends outside? I mean real friends, not just poker playing and howdy-do friends.
Trampas: No, They're real friends.
Luke Nichols: Then you still got something left. You know a man comes in here, they take his pride and his pocketbook and they put them in a box in the warden's office. But if you've got friends outside, you've still got something left. Maybe the most important thing, boy.

TV Show: The Virginian
The Virginian: "You're really letting him get under your skin, aren't you."
Trampas: "Well, you're not making it any easier for me, making me work with him every day."
The Virginian: "Because he's actin' like a kid is no reason for me to treat you like one."
Trampas: "You mean to tell me with all the hired hands you've got I'm the only one that can work with Frank?"
The Virginian: "I figure you're the best one to work with Frank."

TV Show: The Virginian
Ranch Hand: Anybody here know how to play poker?
Dick Shane: Matter of fact, I give lessons.
Trampas: Now, that's what I like to hear. Why, I got so I know personally every dollar bill in the house. Over here, boys.

TV Show: The Virginian
Trampas: Oh, Ohhh. Well, looks like the party's over. And you did a pretty good job of keeping me here while your sister and her boyfriend pulled off another robbery.
Geraldine: Where are you going?
Trampas: To complain about the champagne. It was flat.

TV Show: The Virginian
Jim Horn: Trampas? The other night when I tried to pick that fight with you, I know what you done for me, and well, anyway, I appreciate it.
Trampas: "Well, I used to be a pretty feisty yahoo myself. So I know how it feels to be so hopping mad inside you want to take a swing at the whole cock-eyed world. The last time I tried was about eight years ago in a saloon full of cavalry troopers. It took about two black eyes and a mouthfull of knuckles to decide it wasn't too much fun when the world swung back."

TV Show: The Virginian
[After going to the water to soak her swollen ankle, a woman falls in. Trampas comes to her rescue, but thinks at first she is just having fun.]
Trampas: She's done it again. [Walks over to the water hole] I thought you were just going to soak your ankle.
Mary: I...can't...SWIM! [goes under]
Trampas: [chuckles at first, then grows quiet] Oh. [jumps in]

TV Show: The Virginian