Six Feet Under Quotes
David: [taping an answering machine message] Hi! You've reached David and Keith, but we can't come to the phone right now because we're too gay!
TV Show: Six Feet Under
David: [trying to catch the dog] Charlie! Here, boy, I got a cookie. I got a cookie for you!
Jake: Don't lie to my dog!
Jake: Don't lie to my dog!
TV Show: Six Feet Under
Margaret: Sex is something you should feel, not something you should think!
Brenda: Yeah, well, I have to think to keep from behaving in a compulsive and destructive manner thanks to my early exposure to compulsive and destructive sexual energy, thank you very much.
Brenda: Yeah, well, I have to think to keep from behaving in a compulsive and destructive manner thanks to my early exposure to compulsive and destructive sexual energy, thank you very much.
TV Show: Six Feet Under
Margaret: [about her vaginal rejuvenation surgery] I mean, come on! No one wants to fuck a glass of water, if you know what I'm saying.
TV Show: Six Feet Under
Keith: [on phone with David] Honey, forget about it. You're just feeling needy right now.
David: Honey? When do you ever call me honey? Because you don't want them to know you're talking to a guy. Jesus, why don't you just call me Darlene?
David: Honey? When do you ever call me honey? Because you don't want them to know you're talking to a guy. Jesus, why don't you just call me Darlene?
TV Show: Six Feet Under
Art Student: Is this more lesbian stuff?
Art Teacher: Yes, I have to meet my quota so I get my toaster oven.
Art Teacher: Yes, I have to meet my quota so I get my toaster oven.
TV Show: Six Feet Under
Ruth: I want to know why your other wives left you!
George: Because they asked too many fucking questions!
George: Because they asked too many fucking questions!
TV Show: Six Feet Under
George: [about David's new cellphone] Well, it's the one good thing about getting robbed, right? It's a great excuse for getting a new gadget.
David: I hope it happens again so I can get a new palm pilot!
David: I hope it happens again so I can get a new palm pilot!
TV Show: Six Feet Under
Claire: The world is ending out there, and people are just getting cosmetic surgery and watching debutantes get screwed up the ass.
TV Show: Six Feet Under
George: The greenhouse effect will definitely come to pass if we start to burn coal as oil supplies dwindle over the next twenty years, but I don't think even we could be that stupid!
TV Show: Six Feet Under
Keith: David, you can take a little more time off.
David: Four days of daytime TV is my personal limit, okay? If I see another triumph over weight loss, I think I'll kill myself!
David: Four days of daytime TV is my personal limit, okay? If I see another triumph over weight loss, I think I'll kill myself!
TV Show: Six Feet Under
Keith: Javier, I'm gay. I have a boyfriend. I sleep with men, okay? I have a lot of sex, and it's really, really gay.
TV Show: Six Feet Under
David: [on phone with Keith] Sorry to bother you. And if anybody gets mad, just tell them your wife is on her woman's time. They'll feel bad for you that I'm such a bitch when I'm on the rag. Good night!
TV Show: Six Feet Under
Edie: I don't understand what's changed.
Claire: Nothing's changed. Part of me thinks this is what I want and part of me thinks it isn't, but … what if the part who thinks it isn't feels that way because I'm scared?
Claire: Nothing's changed. Part of me thinks this is what I want and part of me thinks it isn't, but … what if the part who thinks it isn't feels that way because I'm scared?
TV Show: Six Feet Under
Claire: It's so much easier to be gay.
David: Oh no!
Claire: Yeah, I'd have a really defined subculture.
David: Overrated!
Claire: We're both women, I'd have some idea of what she was thinking and feeling.
David: Not necessarily.
Claire: I wouldn't have to deal with unfamiliar sex organs.
David: They're all unfamiliar unless they're yours.
David: Oh no!
Claire: Yeah, I'd have a really defined subculture.
David: Overrated!
Claire: We're both women, I'd have some idea of what she was thinking and feeling.
David: Not necessarily.
Claire: I wouldn't have to deal with unfamiliar sex organs.
David: They're all unfamiliar unless they're yours.
TV Show: Six Feet Under
George: If you have no interest in the past and you don't read history, how can you possibly comprehend the present?
Anita: George, history is not what really happened. History is some stupid war-mongering patriarchal idea of what happened! Who gives a shit about that?
Anita: George, history is not what really happened. History is some stupid war-mongering patriarchal idea of what happened! Who gives a shit about that?
TV Show: Six Feet Under
Billy: What's going on with you?
Claire: l don't know. l guess l'm depressed. l don't think it's clinical, but l just can't seem to have a normal healthy relationship with another person.
Billy: Right. Get in line. Nobody has normal healthy relationships. My theory, which l have yet to put into practice, is to pick someone slightly less crazier than you are.
Claire: Society propagates this vision of people hooking up and staying together forever. ln reality, how often does that actually happen?
Claire: l don't know. l guess l'm depressed. l don't think it's clinical, but l just can't seem to have a normal healthy relationship with another person.
Billy: Right. Get in line. Nobody has normal healthy relationships. My theory, which l have yet to put into practice, is to pick someone slightly less crazier than you are.
Claire: Society propagates this vision of people hooking up and staying together forever. ln reality, how often does that actually happen?
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David: It's just so absurd. The idea that there are kids waiting for homes, and people still have the nerve to say who's good enough, and who isn't based on are you gay or not.
Keith: People are stupid. What a shock.
Keith: People are stupid. What a shock.
TV Show: Six Feet Under
Keith: [to David] You're in my will, I'm in yours. We basically are married even if the law refuses to recognize it. But then again, I refuse to recognize most of the Bush administration, so I guess it all evens out.
TV Show: Six Feet Under
Edie: The world's not your own private fucking chemistry set. Just stay away from me!
TV Show: Six Feet Under
[Bettina and Ruth are playing Scrabble.]
Bettina: I have colitis.
Ruth: Oh, no.
Bettina: C-O-L-I-T-I-S.
Bettina: I have colitis.
Ruth: Oh, no.
Bettina: C-O-L-I-T-I-S.
TV Show: Six Feet Under
[Talking about Lisa's internment.]
Brenda: Well, when you think about it, this ceremony does the same thing. You want to go so that when Maya grows up you can say that you were there.
Brenda: Well, when you think about it, this ceremony does the same thing. You want to go so that when Maya grows up you can say that you were there.
TV Show: Six Feet Under
Roger: [to Keith] You better go find your boyfriend before he bites my cat or something.
TV Show: Six Feet Under
Vanessa: Oh please, she smoked a little pot in high school. We all did.
Rico: I didn't!
Vanessa: I know, Rico, 'cause you were boring.
Rico: I didn't!
Vanessa: I know, Rico, 'cause you were boring.
TV Show: Six Feet Under
Olivier: Of course, they're going to say nice things about you; they're your kids. But me, I'm a miserable prick who cares nothing about anybody but himself; and I look at you in your hospital bed, tired and worn-out from surgery and I selfishly wonder "How long must I wait before I can fuck you?"
Margaret: Wow. Finally somebody said something right.
Brenda: It would have been weird if I'd said it.
Billy: Not in this family.
Margaret: Darlings, could you give us a moment?
Brenda: Oh, Mom, you're not going to –
Margaret: I just want to be with Olivier for a minute.
Margaret: Wow. Finally somebody said something right.
Brenda: It would have been weird if I'd said it.
Billy: Not in this family.
Margaret: Darlings, could you give us a moment?
Brenda: Oh, Mom, you're not going to –
Margaret: I just want to be with Olivier for a minute.
TV Show: Six Feet Under