Robot Chicken Quotes
Draco Malfoy: Look Potter, I taught the Sorting Hat a new trick. [he places it onto Harry Potter's head]
Sorting Hat: Virgin.
[Students laugh]
Malfoy: Looks like Potter is "He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Laid." Heheh. Guess the monster Pubertus hasn't quite caught up with you yet, huh?
Hermione: Ugh, Pubertus is just a myth, Malfoy!
[Malfoy places the hat on Hermione's Head]
Sorting Hat: Second base!
[Students gasp]
Sorting Hat: Virgin.
[Students laugh]
Malfoy: Looks like Potter is "He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Laid." Heheh. Guess the monster Pubertus hasn't quite caught up with you yet, huh?
Hermione: Ugh, Pubertus is just a myth, Malfoy!
[Malfoy places the hat on Hermione's Head]
Sorting Hat: Second base!
[Students gasp]
TV Show: Robot Chicken
[Ricky gets run over by a car while playing soccer.]
Ricky's Dad: Ricky, the doctors say the accident left you mute. Do you know what that means? (Ricky shakes his head) It means you can't talk no more. (now cheerful) But just because you can't talk don't mean you can't communicate. Look what I got you! (shows him a big sandwich board saying "Hi, my name is Ricky!") You'll wear this everywhere you go.
[The soccer game continues to play, Ricky is in possession of the soccer ball.]
Red Team Player #1: Kick it over here, "Hi, my name is Ricky"!
[Ricky starts passing the ball but the defense blocks it.]
Blue Team Player #1: Nice job on Defense, "Hi, my name is Ricky"! You suck! You seriously fucking suck, dude!
[The accident sequence continues to go on, Ricky gets run over twice.]
Ricky's Dad: Ricky, the doctors say the accident left you mostly deaf. Do you know what that means? I said, "Do you know what that means?" Well anyways, this is just another challenge, yo champel! I got you those hearing aids. (fits two horns of Ricky's ears)
[The soccer game continues once again. Ricky, as his sandwich board now reads "Hello, I am hearing impaired!" gets the ball.]
Coach: Nice huzzle, "Hello, I am hearing impaired!"
[Another blue player blocks the ball.]
Blue Team Player #2: You kinda suck, "Hello, I am hearing impaired!"
[Ricky gets run over for the last time.]
Ricky's Dad: Ricky, the doctors say the accident affected your brain. We don't know what that means yet, but I got you these googly eye glasses.
[The soccer game continues for a third time, as Ricky, with his googly eye glasses and sandwich board now saying "Howdy, I have brain damage!", stands by the blue team's goal. The ball bounces off Ricky and straight into the goal.]
Ricky's Dad: Ricky, the doctors say the accident left you mute. Do you know what that means? (Ricky shakes his head) It means you can't talk no more. (now cheerful) But just because you can't talk don't mean you can't communicate. Look what I got you! (shows him a big sandwich board saying "Hi, my name is Ricky!") You'll wear this everywhere you go.
[The soccer game continues to play, Ricky is in possession of the soccer ball.]
Red Team Player #1: Kick it over here, "Hi, my name is Ricky"!
[Ricky starts passing the ball but the defense blocks it.]
Blue Team Player #1: Nice job on Defense, "Hi, my name is Ricky"! You suck! You seriously fucking suck, dude!
[The accident sequence continues to go on, Ricky gets run over twice.]
Ricky's Dad: Ricky, the doctors say the accident left you mostly deaf. Do you know what that means? I said, "Do you know what that means?" Well anyways, this is just another challenge, yo champel! I got you those hearing aids. (fits two horns of Ricky's ears)
[The soccer game continues once again. Ricky, as his sandwich board now reads "Hello, I am hearing impaired!" gets the ball.]
Coach: Nice huzzle, "Hello, I am hearing impaired!"
[Another blue player blocks the ball.]
Blue Team Player #2: You kinda suck, "Hello, I am hearing impaired!"
[Ricky gets run over for the last time.]
Ricky's Dad: Ricky, the doctors say the accident affected your brain. We don't know what that means yet, but I got you these googly eye glasses.
[The soccer game continues for a third time, as Ricky, with his googly eye glasses and sandwich board now saying "Howdy, I have brain damage!", stands by the blue team's goal. The ball bounces off Ricky and straight into the goal.]
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Cheer Bear: We did it!! We killed all the Care-Bear cousins!
All Care Bears: Hooray for murder!
Cheer Bear: Now let us celebrate our genocide! Get your party on!
Care Bear: Whooo!!! Everyone eat some rainbow!
Another Care Bear: Mmmm...that's good rainbow. [sky darkens and lightning flashes] Jesus fucking Christ! IT'S the great Cloud Keeper in the sky!
Cloud Keeper: Care Bears! I have watched you actions with great displeasure!
Cheer Bear: But, we purified the land of Care-a-Lot!
Cloud Keeper: For your dark and terrible deeds, I shall turn Care-a-Lot into a dark and terrible place. A hell on Earth; I shall turn Care-a-Lot into...[lightning]...New Jersey! [transformation begins and cuts to a mayors desk]
New Jersey Mayor: Hello. I'm New Jersey's Governor John Corzine. I hope you've enjoyed this reenactment of our state's proud history: The Garden State. [eats some rainbow] Come get in on some of this rainbow.
All Care Bears: Hooray for murder!
Cheer Bear: Now let us celebrate our genocide! Get your party on!
Care Bear: Whooo!!! Everyone eat some rainbow!
Another Care Bear: Mmmm...that's good rainbow. [sky darkens and lightning flashes] Jesus fucking Christ! IT'S the great Cloud Keeper in the sky!
Cloud Keeper: Care Bears! I have watched you actions with great displeasure!
Cheer Bear: But, we purified the land of Care-a-Lot!
Cloud Keeper: For your dark and terrible deeds, I shall turn Care-a-Lot into a dark and terrible place. A hell on Earth; I shall turn Care-a-Lot into...[lightning]...New Jersey! [transformation begins and cuts to a mayors desk]
New Jersey Mayor: Hello. I'm New Jersey's Governor John Corzine. I hope you've enjoyed this reenactment of our state's proud history: The Garden State. [eats some rainbow] Come get in on some of this rainbow.
TV Show: Robot Chicken
[Waving goodbye to Elliot.]
E.T.: Be good.
Elliot: Good-goodbye E.T.
E.T.: E.T. home.
Alien #1: Oh my God! Look everyone, that retard we ditched on Earth somehow found his way home!
E.T.: E.T. phoned home.
Alien #2: What the hell are you calling yourself "E.T." for, spaz? Your name is Kleeborp. Kleeborp the retard!
Alien #3: Yeah, Kleeborp the retard with only one glowing finger.
Aliens #1, #2, #3: Ha, Ha! [shows all glowing fingers]
E.T.: [gives them a glowing middle finger]
Alien #1: Oh now you're fucking dead. [Aliens grab E.T.]
E.T.: [Screams like a girl]
Alien #1: And next time, stay lost, loser!!!
E.T.: [Looks at Xenomorph from Alien] Friend.
E.T.: Be good.
Elliot: Good-goodbye E.T.
E.T.: E.T. home.
Alien #1: Oh my God! Look everyone, that retard we ditched on Earth somehow found his way home!
E.T.: E.T. phoned home.
Alien #2: What the hell are you calling yourself "E.T." for, spaz? Your name is Kleeborp. Kleeborp the retard!
Alien #3: Yeah, Kleeborp the retard with only one glowing finger.
Aliens #1, #2, #3: Ha, Ha! [shows all glowing fingers]
E.T.: [gives them a glowing middle finger]
Alien #1: Oh now you're fucking dead. [Aliens grab E.T.]
E.T.: [Screams like a girl]
Alien #1: And next time, stay lost, loser!!!
E.T.: [Looks at Xenomorph from Alien] Friend.
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Fast-food Worker: [Practicing to himself at a drive-through window] Would you like fries with that? Would you like fries with that? Would you like fries with that? [Car pulls up] Uh, excuse me! Would you like flies with that? [realizing his mistake] Ahhhh dammit! Dammit!!
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Penny: Who bookmarked dog on dog porn in my browser? [stares at Brain] As if I had to ask!
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Dr. Claw: With Skynet online, Gadget is under my complete control! And I'll use him to wipe out my true nemesis - that meddlesome twelve-year-old niece of his!
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Penny: Brain, that's still Uncle Gadget. We need to remember that deep down inside-- [Gadget appears in front of their car] Aggh! Ram that son of a bitch!!!
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Hulk Hogan: [to Roddy Piper] Roddy, we need your stealth. Go take out the guard real quiet-like, and the rest of us will sneak pa--
Roddy Piper: Gotcha, Hogan! [walks up to guard] Hey, hey, hey, you (bleep)ing Nazi! How are ya? [takes out the guard with a headbutt, a piledriver, a suplex, and a clothesline]
Roddy Piper: Gotcha, Hogan! [walks up to guard] Hey, hey, hey, you (bleep)ing Nazi! How are ya? [takes out the guard with a headbutt, a piledriver, a suplex, and a clothesline]
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Murky: If only we had Rainbow Brite's magic star sprinkle, we turned the whole world gray!
Owner: Guys, every night with this. What's so gray about turning the world gray anyway?
Lurky: Whoa! It really uses a metaforce.
Owner: If you wanna do something evil, arson is pretty evil.
Murky: Look it-- [Punches his face] Shut up!
Lurky: I say we break all the magic sprites and take all the star sprinkles we want!
Murky: I'm here, what's under the sink?
Lurky: Tampons!
Owner: Guys, every night with this. What's so gray about turning the world gray anyway?
Lurky: Whoa! It really uses a metaforce.
Owner: If you wanna do something evil, arson is pretty evil.
Murky: Look it-- [Punches his face] Shut up!
Lurky: I say we break all the magic sprites and take all the star sprinkles we want!
Murky: I'm here, what's under the sink?
Lurky: Tampons!
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Murky: Uh oh, Game over man! Game over! Rainbow Brite's gonna kick our asses if she finds us in here!
Rainbow Brite: Oh good God! What a day!
Rainbow Brite: *sigh* Damn! I was all the meaded for hours.
Rainbow Brite: Hahaha! Black people are so much funnier than white people.
Rainbow Brite: Damn! I'm active starving!
Rainbow Brite: Intruders!
Murky: Let's get the f*** outta her man!
Rainbow Brite: Oh good God! What a day!
Rainbow Brite: *sigh* Damn! I was all the meaded for hours.
Rainbow Brite: Hahaha! Black people are so much funnier than white people.
Rainbow Brite: Damn! I'm active starving!
Rainbow Brite: Intruders!
Murky: Let's get the f*** outta her man!
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Archie: What if you can't avoid the Grim Reaper?
Betty: Who's he, he sounds dreamy!
Reggie: Blondes are dumb whores!
[Everybody laughs]
Betty: Who's he, he sounds dreamy!
Reggie: Blondes are dumb whores!
[Everybody laughs]
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Betty: Come with me Archie, I'm sweet and innocent.
Veronica: Come with me Archie, I'm rich and easy.
Archie: (thinking about it) I choose...
[Betty crosses the street and gets hit by a bus. Veronica looks hopeful at Archie.]
Archie: (still thinking about it, completely oblivious to what just happened) Still deciding...
[Veronica groans]
Veronica: Come with me Archie, I'm rich and easy.
Archie: (thinking about it) I choose...
[Betty crosses the street and gets hit by a bus. Veronica looks hopeful at Archie.]
Archie: (still thinking about it, completely oblivious to what just happened) Still deciding...
[Veronica groans]
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Moose: Duh Ms. Grundy, what's a haiku?
Ms. Grundy: It's a kind of poem.
Moose: Duh, what's death?
Ms. Grundy: Oh Moose, just make yours about football.
Ms. Grundy: It's a kind of poem.
Moose: Duh, what's death?
Ms. Grundy: Oh Moose, just make yours about football.
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Man: [sitting on top of a chimney] Hey baby, Merry Christmas. Yes, I know I said I'd stop calling but it's the holidays and I just wanted to say how happy I am that you found someone new. Is he there right now? Oh the whole family is there opening presents. Well that's just great because I have a present for you. [starts cutting his head off, which falls through chimney]
People in the House: Oh God! Santa?
People in the House: Oh God! Santa?
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Alien #1: Oh dear, our fleets are being destroyed!
Alien #2: Will help ever arrive?
Alien #2: Will help ever arrive?
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Buck Rogers: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Did someone call for a hero?
Alien #1: Oh, thank goodness! F(bleep)ck Rogers is finally here!
Buck Rogers: What.. did you just call me?
Alien #1: F(bleep)ck!
Alien #2: F(bleep)ck Rogers!
Buck Rogers: [goes near Alien #1: ] My name is Buck. Buck Rogers.
Alien #3: The Robots are through the south defenses! F(bleep)ck Rogers, we need your help immediately!
Buck Rogers: [annoyed groaning]
Alien #1: It's Buck!
Buck Rogers: My name is Buck, not F(bleep)ck! What's with you aliens?!
Alien #4: F(bleep)ck!
Buck Rogers: It's Buck! Damn what the-- it's Buck! Buck! Buck! BUCK!
Alien #4: What are you talking about?! I've been shot! F(bleep)ck, it hurts! [dies]
Alien #5: Welcome, F(bleep)ck!
Alien #1: [as Buck gets annoyed: ] It's Buck!
Buck Rogers: THAT DOES IT!!
Alien #1: Oh, thank goodness! F(bleep)ck Rogers is finally here!
Buck Rogers: What.. did you just call me?
Alien #1: F(bleep)ck!
Alien #2: F(bleep)ck Rogers!
Buck Rogers: [goes near Alien #1: ] My name is Buck. Buck Rogers.
Alien #3: The Robots are through the south defenses! F(bleep)ck Rogers, we need your help immediately!
Buck Rogers: [annoyed groaning]
Alien #1: It's Buck!
Buck Rogers: My name is Buck, not F(bleep)ck! What's with you aliens?!
Alien #4: F(bleep)ck!
Buck Rogers: It's Buck! Damn what the-- it's Buck! Buck! Buck! BUCK!
Alien #4: What are you talking about?! I've been shot! F(bleep)ck, it hurts! [dies]
Alien #5: Welcome, F(bleep)ck!
Alien #1: [as Buck gets annoyed: ] It's Buck!
Buck Rogers: THAT DOES IT!!
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Aliens: [getting shot: ] F(bleep)ck, Motherf(bleep)cker!
Buck Rogers: F(bleep)ck you!
Alien #3: Wait! Wait! [gets shot]
Buck Rogers: F(bleep)ck you! F(bleep)ck you and you! F(bleep)ck you! F(bleep) you! F(bleep)ck you! F(bleep)ck you! F(bleep)ck you! F(bleep)ck you!
Buck Rogers: F(bleep)ck you!
Alien #3: Wait! Wait! [gets shot]
Buck Rogers: F(bleep)ck you! F(bleep)ck you and you! F(bleep)ck you! F(bleep) you! F(bleep)ck you! F(bleep)ck you! F(bleep)ck you! F(bleep)ck you!
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Wilma: You really told all the aliens that Buck's name was Fuck?[chuckles]
Twikky: Bidi-Bidi-Bidi, I was attempting human comedy.
Twikky: Bidi-Bidi-Bidi, I was attempting human comedy.
TV Show: Robot Chicken
[A giraffe is sinking in quicksand, struggling to get out.]
Giraffe: Uh-oh.
["Stage One: Denial"]
Giraffe: It's no big deal. It's probably not even quicksand. I'm gonna have a good laugh about this tonight with the guys. [Laughs nervously.]
["Stage Two: Anger"]
Giraffe: Well, this is just fucking perfect!! Stupid quicksand! Stupid jungle! Ah! I wanna bite someone in the face! Motherfucker!!!!! Motherfucker!!!!!! Motherfuck!!!!!!! Ahh! Fuck!!! That stupid jungle! Uhh!! Fuuuuuuuuck!!!!!!!!
["Stage Three: Bargaining"]
Giraffe: Are you there, God? It's me, Giraffe. Li-listen if you could just give me a mulligan on this quicksand thing, I promise, I promise, no more peeing on your shorter creatures. [Laughs nervously.] We got a deal?
["Stage Four: Depression"]
Giraffe: [Screams and cries.] MOMMY!!
["Stage Five: Acceptance"]
Giraffe: You know somethin'? I'm cool with this. I-I bet, I bet heaven has all the tender leaves I can eat and everyone gets their own Slurpee machine. Yeah! Take me sweet death! I await your loving embrace! [The sinking stops.] What? I think I hit the bottom. [The giraffe struggles with no avail.] Fuck...
Giraffe: Uh-oh.
["Stage One: Denial"]
Giraffe: It's no big deal. It's probably not even quicksand. I'm gonna have a good laugh about this tonight with the guys. [Laughs nervously.]
["Stage Two: Anger"]
Giraffe: Well, this is just fucking perfect!! Stupid quicksand! Stupid jungle! Ah! I wanna bite someone in the face! Motherfucker!!!!! Motherfucker!!!!!! Motherfuck!!!!!!! Ahh! Fuck!!! That stupid jungle! Uhh!! Fuuuuuuuuck!!!!!!!!
["Stage Three: Bargaining"]
Giraffe: Are you there, God? It's me, Giraffe. Li-listen if you could just give me a mulligan on this quicksand thing, I promise, I promise, no more peeing on your shorter creatures. [Laughs nervously.] We got a deal?
["Stage Four: Depression"]
Giraffe: [Screams and cries.] MOMMY!!
["Stage Five: Acceptance"]
Giraffe: You know somethin'? I'm cool with this. I-I bet, I bet heaven has all the tender leaves I can eat and everyone gets their own Slurpee machine. Yeah! Take me sweet death! I await your loving embrace! [The sinking stops.] What? I think I hit the bottom. [The giraffe struggles with no avail.] Fuck...
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Garfield: : [to Heathcliff] I'm gonna start calling you Monday, and I hate Mondays!
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Announcer: Up next on Cat Court heres the assault case against Cheester Cheetah.
Timer: He Hankered for a Hunka my ASS YAH-HOO.
Timer: He Hankered for a Hunka my ASS YAH-HOO.
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Wolverine: Look sharp Team!
Professor Xavier: Remember my X-Men, use extreme caution. This is the most dangerous mission yet!
Cyclops: Right Professor!
Professor Xavier: Welcome recruits, although we had to lower our standards thanks to the shortage of actual mutants, the danger you're facing will be no less real! You'll be defending a world that hates and fears you!
Larvell Jones: What?! Hate and fear us, because we're mutants?
Professor Xavier: No, because you were in the Police Academy movies.
Professor Xavier: The hell's wrong with this chair? And it seems it's missing someone.
Miral James: Sorry I'm late!
Professor Xavier: MY HOMIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!
Professor Xavier: Remember my X-Men, use extreme caution. This is the most dangerous mission yet!
Cyclops: Right Professor!
Professor Xavier: Welcome recruits, although we had to lower our standards thanks to the shortage of actual mutants, the danger you're facing will be no less real! You'll be defending a world that hates and fears you!
Larvell Jones: What?! Hate and fear us, because we're mutants?
Professor Xavier: No, because you were in the Police Academy movies.
Professor Xavier: The hell's wrong with this chair? And it seems it's missing someone.
Miral James: Sorry I'm late!
Professor Xavier: MY HOMIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Professor Xavier: It seems some mischief-maker has gone to great lengths to hide a prostitute underneath my podium. Unfortunately, I'm paralyzed from the waist down, and her enthusiastic efforts are for naught. Moving on to the - *looks down* I didn't say 'stop'!
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Detective: Hey ar-are you Deepthroat?
Rimjob: Hmm? Oh no I-I'm Rimjob, you want Level B2.
Rimjob: Hmm? Oh no I-I'm Rimjob, you want Level B2.
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Kevin: Star light, Star bright, first star I see tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might, have this wish, I wish tonight. I wish-- (turning into a robot) Holy crap! I got to tell Oscar. Oscar, Oscar, Oscar.
Oscar: Agghhhhh!!
Kevin: Hey Oscar, it's me, Kevin.
Oscar: Oh, what happened?
Kevin: I made a wish on that star.
Oscar: (turning into a dinosaur) Dude, we've got to tell Jimmy.
Jimmy: (turned into a giant turtle) Dudes, we've got to tell Louis.
Kevin: Louis, hey Louis make a wish. It'll come true.
Louis: Okay! (turning into a giant squid)
Jimmy: Giant squid? You idiot, we're not even near water.
Louis: Oh crap! Sorry guys! (is put on Ocsar's head) Let's go tell Timmy!
Oscar: Timmy! Hey Timmy! Make a wish and it'll come true!
Oscar: Agghhhhh!!
Kevin: Hey Oscar, it's me, Kevin.
Oscar: Oh, what happened?
Kevin: I made a wish on that star.
Oscar: (turning into a dinosaur) Dude, we've got to tell Jimmy.
Jimmy: (turned into a giant turtle) Dudes, we've got to tell Louis.
Kevin: Louis, hey Louis make a wish. It'll come true.
Louis: Okay! (turning into a giant squid)
Jimmy: Giant squid? You idiot, we're not even near water.
Louis: Oh crap! Sorry guys! (is put on Ocsar's head) Let's go tell Timmy!
Oscar: Timmy! Hey Timmy! Make a wish and it'll come true!
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Everyone: Timmy?!?
Timmy: Let's go tell Zach!
Kevin: Zach! Make a wish and it'll come true!
Timmy: Let's go tell Zach!
Kevin: Zach! Make a wish and it'll come true!
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Captain James T. Kirk: Report, Mr. Scott.
Scotty: Captain, somebody traded all of the dilithium crystals for pornographic holograms!
James T. Kirk: And?
Scotty: With no power, all life support on the ship is about to fail.
James T. Kirk: And?
Scotty: Our only hope is to beam down to the nearest planet, but there is only enough power to send five people. I can't do no more!
Mr. Spock: Captain, logic dictates that each of the 433 crew members.
Lt. Uhura: Hey! Where did Kirk go? (camera scene changes to the same bridge scene without James Kirk) Oh, no. He didn't.
Scotty: Captain, somebody traded all of the dilithium crystals for pornographic holograms!
James T. Kirk: And?
Scotty: With no power, all life support on the ship is about to fail.
James T. Kirk: And?
Scotty: Our only hope is to beam down to the nearest planet, but there is only enough power to send five people. I can't do no more!
Mr. Spock: Captain, logic dictates that each of the 433 crew members.
Lt. Uhura: Hey! Where did Kirk go? (camera scene changes to the same bridge scene without James Kirk) Oh, no. He didn't.
TV Show: Robot Chicken
Lt. Uhura: Uh, I have a vagina.
Scotty: Sure.
Mr. Spock: A vagina could prove quite useful.
Scotty: Sure.
Mr. Spock: A vagina could prove quite useful.
TV Show: Robot Chicken