Osmosis Jones Quotes

Drix: Where did you study?
Osmosis: Study? When you grow up on the wrong side of the digestive track, you ain't got no money for no fancy schools.
Drix: Oh...
Osmosis: I'm not kiddin', man. My school was Crack Central.
Drix: Oh?
Osmosis: No, it was IN the crack. Right in the stanky, puckered center.

Movie: Osmosis Jones
Chill: Hey, I was injected into this body to rat on influenza only, and this don't sound like influenza to me. Now beat it.
Osmosis: I'm sure Johnny Streptacoccus and the Melanoma Brothers would be very interested to know about your flu shot work.
Chill: You can't jack me on that, brother. I'm on the Virus Protection Program.

Movie: Osmosis Jones
Drix: Special Agent Drixobenzometaphedrimine... Drixenol! The brand that eases your coughs and sneezes. Warning - do not exceed recommended dosage. If symptoms persist, consult a physician. May cause drowsiness. Do not attempt to operate heavy machinery. Pregnant women should not handle broken tablets.
Osmosis: Wow! I'm feeling better already.

Movie: Osmosis Jones
Osmosis: Did you know my great-great-grandpappy fought the measles? Yup, there's been a Jones on the force ever since my ancestors came over on the umbilical cord.

Movie: Osmosis Jones
Osmosis: Next time, I'll be the bad cop.
Drix: You ARE a bad cop!
Osmosis: Yo, who you calling a bad cop?

Movie: Osmosis Jones
Osmosis: We were so poor, we lived off peanut butter and cellulite sandwiches! You ever try to blow-dry your hair with a fart?
Drix: OK, I get it. You were poor.
Osmosis: You bet I was! You ever try to make a snowman out of toilet paper cling-ons? Now that's poor!
Drix: OK, please, you're going to make me vomit!
Osmosis: Vomit? We couldn't afford no vomit; that's for rich folk.
Drix: Excuse me while I wipe my eyes.
Osmosis: Oh, you wanna talk about wiping?
Drix: NO!

Movie: Osmosis Jones