Never Mind the Buzzcocks Quotes
Stine: I honestly have no clue how to do that one.
Jack: It's great having you on the team.
Jack: It's great having you on the team.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: Stine, I'm so warm.
Stine: Are you? [laughs] Well get out of your..weird bunny suit then.
Simon: Why don't you get out of your weird bunny suit?
Stine: But I'm not wearing a bunny suit.
Simon: Your mum's a bunny suit.
Stine: Are you? [laughs] Well get out of your..weird bunny suit then.
Simon: Why don't you get out of your weird bunny suit?
Stine: But I'm not wearing a bunny suit.
Simon: Your mum's a bunny suit.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: Would you do other shows than this.. what about CelebArmy?
Lisa: Only if I could kick arse.
Simon: That would be nice, wouldn't it? You'd go to Afghanistan with Chico.
Lisa: Yeap yeah!
Simon: What time is it? It's War Time.
Lisa: Only if I could kick arse.
Simon: That would be nice, wouldn't it? You'd go to Afghanistan with Chico.
Lisa: Yeap yeah!
Simon: What time is it? It's War Time.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Anna: Kylie's looking quite hot for me. What do you think, Jack?
Stine: Yeah definitely.
Simon: NOO! Not lesbianism!
Jack: Doesn't have to be lesbianism.
Stine: Yeah definitely.
Simon: NOO! Not lesbianism!
Jack: Doesn't have to be lesbianism.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Jack: [rolls his eyes]
Simon: People just didn't like the idea of you having sex there. Now why's that?
Jack: Um..-
Simon: Are you a grumpy lover?
Jack: Yeah must be. OK then. Well, [grumpily] 'I hope you liked it'.
Simon: People just didn't like the idea of you having sex there. Now why's that?
Jack: Um..-
Simon: Are you a grumpy lover?
Jack: Yeah must be. OK then. Well, [grumpily] 'I hope you liked it'.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Jack: [trying to solve the line-up question then looks at Anna]
Anna: Don't blame it on me if it's wrong.
Simon: Don't pick up anything from Anna.
Anna: Don't blame it on me if it's wrong.
Simon: Don't pick up anything from Anna.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
With regulars Simon Amstell and Phill Jupitus
With guests Davina McCall (Guest captain), Kelly Jones, Mitch Hewer and Alesha Dixon.
With guests Davina McCall (Guest captain), Kelly Jones, Mitch Hewer and Alesha Dixon.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: Does he wash up?
Alesha: Never wash up.
Simon: Correct. Alesha Dixon, "The Boy Does Nothing". Does he clean up?
Alesha: No, he never cleans up.
Simon: Correct. Alesha Dixon, "The Boy Does Nothing". Does he brush up?
Alesha: Never brushed up.
Simon: Correct. Alesha Dixon, "The Boy Does Nothing".
Alesha: Never wash up.
Simon: Correct. Alesha Dixon, "The Boy Does Nothing". Does he clean up?
Alesha: No, he never cleans up.
Simon: Correct. Alesha Dixon, "The Boy Does Nothing". Does he brush up?
Alesha: Never brushed up.
Simon: Correct. Alesha Dixon, "The Boy Does Nothing".
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
With regulars Simon Amstell and Phill Jupitus
With guests Dermot O'Leary (Guest captain), Dappy, Robert Webb, Arlene Phillips and Keith Murray.
With guests Dermot O'Leary (Guest captain), Dappy, Robert Webb, Arlene Phillips and Keith Murray.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: Those are the teams, by Jove I've just defecated in my trousers.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: Before we start, I'd like to address something. Like all of you, I am deeply upset and probably traumatized by the bad language infecting television today. And I can't sit here any longer and let this potty mouth culture contaminate the nation. There was a time when we didn't rely on disgusting and offensive language. For example...[pulls out his kitten, Toby, to the amusement of the audience]...take this innocent...[pauses to let the crowd laugh]...yeah. Take this innocent, and naive kitten. He's called Toby. He's only 10 weeks old, and he likes being tickled on the tummy. [tickles kitten] Just like that. And if any of our guests swear tonight, I am going to have murder Toby! [lets crowd laugh while he places Toby under the desk while Phil makes a face] It's for the best. And firmly biting his tongue for the good of the nation tonight, it's our guest captain, ITV filth monger, Dermot O'Leary! [applause]
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: What are you talking about? Do you do it all in that funny voice just to wind up the contestants?
Arlene: I've got a minute and a half to think of what I'm going to say, and then it all just comes burbling out.
Simon: It's wonderful.
Arlene: Just.. anything that I read in the newspaper that morning that might have--
Simon: It's nice that you keep it topical. "Your dancing was like terrorism."
Arlene: I've got a minute and a half to think of what I'm going to say, and then it all just comes burbling out.
Simon: It's wonderful.
Arlene: Just.. anything that I read in the newspaper that morning that might have--
Simon: It's nice that you keep it topical. "Your dancing was like terrorism."
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: You were famously very mean to that John Sergeant fellow recently.
Arlene: No, not as mean as I was made out to be.
Simon: You called him... a dancing pig?
Arlene: No, I didn't!
Simon: You called him a steaming turdface.
Arlene: No! Not that either.
Simon: You said "We should cut his arms and legs off and put him in a box."
Arlene: No, not as mean as I was made out to be.
Simon: You called him... a dancing pig?
Arlene: No, I didn't!
Simon: You called him a steaming turdface.
Arlene: No! Not that either.
Simon: You said "We should cut his arms and legs off and put him in a box."
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: Keith, what do you prefer, Strictly Come Dancing or the X Factor? Do you prefer the one where the mentally ill people get to sing, or the one where the mentally ill people get to judge?
Keith: I haven't the foggiest idea what any of you are talking about.
Keith: I haven't the foggiest idea what any of you are talking about.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: The new Guns 'N' Roses album is so much more exciting because we had to wait sixteen suspense-filled years for its eventual release. And it's for that reason that I'm not going to listen to the new N-Dubz album until 3012.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Dappy: You know, everything you say to me, it seems like it's very sarcastic.
Simon: What? What do you..? No!
Dappy: Am I right, D, am I right? Tell me the truth.
Dermot: He has... elements of sarcasm about him, but I believe, when he's congratulating you about the MoBo and the gold disc, he actually means it.
Simon: I mean it. Yeah.
Dappy: Thank you, Simon. Thank you.
Simon: One day I'll get good at that sincerity, and then I'll get the big money.
Simon: What? What do you..? No!
Dappy: Am I right, D, am I right? Tell me the truth.
Dermot: He has... elements of sarcasm about him, but I believe, when he's congratulating you about the MoBo and the gold disc, he actually means it.
Simon: I mean it. Yeah.
Dappy: Thank you, Simon. Thank you.
Simon: One day I'll get good at that sincerity, and then I'll get the big money.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: You had an interview in the Times recently, an interview in the Times. You mentioned your time on Buzzcocks.
Dappy: Yeah, see? See?
Simon: Dappy said.. this is very exciting, Dappy said, "If I was to see Simon by himself, I would spank him on the bottom". [produces a paddle from under the desk] I've got this paddle, if you want to...
Dappy: Yeah, see? See?
Simon: Dappy said.. this is very exciting, Dappy said, "If I was to see Simon by himself, I would spank him on the bottom". [produces a paddle from under the desk] I've got this paddle, if you want to...
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: What does she mean by "My name is Shaniqua and what"?
Dappy: "My name is Shaniqua and what"... basically...
Simon: "My name is Shaniqua, and do you have any other questions?".
Dappy: Basically, yeah. "And what.. what are you going to do about it?"
Dermot: Is she the one who's been sleeping with that dude there? Who's the other one?
Dappy: His girlfriend's the one who's walking up the stairs.
Robert: Are any of these people married!?
Dappy: "My name is Shaniqua and what"... basically...
Simon: "My name is Shaniqua, and do you have any other questions?".
Dappy: Basically, yeah. "And what.. what are you going to do about it?"
Dermot: Is she the one who's been sleeping with that dude there? Who's the other one?
Dappy: His girlfriend's the one who's walking up the stairs.
Robert: Are any of these people married!?
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: This old heart of mine. And this old heart of mine would like to say to you: I enjoyed you guessing the intro, and in the words of Tom Jones, it's not unusual for me to continue saying words when the sentence has surely finished.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Arlene: Basically, my daughter said to me, "You're not going to guess one of them, Mum, so don't go on the show." I think she might have been right.
Keith: But you lived up to your child's expectations, and that's always a good thing.
Keith: But you lived up to your child's expectations, and that's always a good thing.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: Morrissy recently quashed unfounded accusations of bigotry, when he donated twenty-eight thousand pounds to Love Music Hate Racism. Although he did ask that most of it go towards the "loving music" bit.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Robert: I want to say One, because he has a kind face.
Dermot: I think they all have kind faces.
Robert: I think One's the kindest. He's my favourite of the kindness.
Dermot: I think they all have kind faces.
Robert: I think One's the kindest. He's my favourite of the kindness.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: Robert Webb, are you having a fun time on the show?
Robert: Yes, I speak when I'm spoken to.
Robert: Yes, I speak when I'm spoken to.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
[after Angela has sworn and Simon has done his "kill the cat" routine]
Simon: Oh, Angela. How could you?
Simon: Oh, Angela. How could you?
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
With regulars Simon Amstell and Phill Jupitus
With guests Omid Djalili (Guest captain), Josh Groban, Martin Freeman, Heston Blumenthal and Grant Nicholas.
With guests Omid Djalili (Guest captain), Josh Groban, Martin Freeman, Heston Blumenthal and Grant Nicholas.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Simon: Katy Perry also recorded the song: 'You're so gay'. It sounds homophobic, but of course, she's using the other, fashionable, version of the word, meaning "anything generally bad". And anyone who thinks that sounds offensive should just Jew off and just stop being so bloody black about it.
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Phill: Heston, do you listen to much contemporary pop music?
Simon: Or do you eat it?
Simon: Or do you eat it?
TV Show: Never Mind the Buzzcocks