My Hero Quotes

[The doorbell rings. Janet goes to answer it.]

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Janet: They're here! Quick, lie down!

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George: Arnie, explain it to him!

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Arnie: Tyler, how can I explain this in a way you'll understand?

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[A pause, then Arnie punches Tyler]

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Arnie: I can't!

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[George and Janet are chronically in debt]

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George: I've solved our problem. I've consolidated all our debts into one easy payment!

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Janet: Oh, no! Not with one of those companies that advertises on the telly!

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George: No, no, Janet. I've heard all about them. That's why I went to this disused warehouse, and spoke to a guy called "Big Reg"!

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Janet: What?

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George: Now, we only have to pay £3,000...

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Janet: That's brilliant!

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George: ...a month, for the next ten years! It's all part of Big Reg's "Miss a payment, Lose a limb!" plan!

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Tyler: I used to be poor. Back when I were a farmer. Eventually, we got so poor, my mum sent me to market with our one remaining cow. So I took it to market, and on the way there I met a bloke who bought it off me for some magic beans! When I took them home, my mum was so furious she threw them out of the window...

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Janet: No, don't tell me! When you woke up the next morning, they'd grown into a massive beanstalk!

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Tyler: No! They weren't magic at all! What a swizz!

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George: It's OK, if you paid for them with a credit card, you're automatically covered...

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[Later on, Arnie suggests that to solve the family's financial 'crisis', Ollie should fix the numbers so they 'win' the lottery]

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Tyler: Don't do it! My life was hell when I won!

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Janet: You won the lottery? What did you do with the money?

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Tyler: I bought some more magic beans...

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[At their celebration party]

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George: Tyler, I hope you liked those Ultronian magic beans I bought you. They really are magic, you know!

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Tyler: Magic? They were delicious!

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Janet: Did you get rid of all those begging letters?

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George: Yes. There was even one for you, Janet, asking for £5,000. But I just wrote back to them, and told them to get stuffed!

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Janet: Well done!

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George: By the way, who are the Inland Revenue?

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[Janet's eyes widen]

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