Becker Quotes
Dr. John Becker: (after a neighbor's music wakes him up) Hey, foreign guy! Whatever you're doing to the goat is not my idea of an alarm clock!
TV Show: Becker
Dr. John Becker: There's only one reasons to run: if you're being chased, or if you're on fire.
TV Show: Becker
Dr. John Becker: What is this, National Sex Day? I got a woman doing it in a parked car. This clown wants Viagra. Everybody I see this morning has sex on the brain.
TV Show: Becker
Radiator Repairman: You got a really old system, here. Your pipes are clogged. You gotta let off the pressure or the system won't handle it.
TV Show: Becker
Marvin Johnson: My brother told me if I see a girl naked then she's going to have a baby. Yesterday, I saw my cousin Francene naked. I don't have it big with her. She's mean.
Dr. John Becker: Well, they all are, kid.
Dr. John Becker: Well, they all are, kid.
TV Show: Becker
Mr. Morello: Come on my other doctor wouldn’t prescribe anymore, I need this stuff! With Viagra I’m like a 17 years old boy again.
Dr. John Becker: Look, Viagra is a treatment for a specific and a very serious condition. Ever since it came out, I have had every middle age lothario with hair growing out of his ears sleazing in here begging for a booster shot. Do you think I’m gonna hand you a loaded gun so you can go out on a rampage? You’re outta your mind pall!
Mr. Morello: Come on! Doc! I was married for 15 years, I feel like I’ve been on the bench forever now I’m back in the game. Please doc, give me the bat!
Dr. John Becker: You just ruined baseball for me, you know that?
Dr. John Becker: Look, Viagra is a treatment for a specific and a very serious condition. Ever since it came out, I have had every middle age lothario with hair growing out of his ears sleazing in here begging for a booster shot. Do you think I’m gonna hand you a loaded gun so you can go out on a rampage? You’re outta your mind pall!
Mr. Morello: Come on! Doc! I was married for 15 years, I feel like I’ve been on the bench forever now I’m back in the game. Please doc, give me the bat!
Dr. John Becker: You just ruined baseball for me, you know that?
TV Show: Becker
Radiator Repairman: Hey, doc? When was the last time you got it serviced?
Dr. John Becker: Excuse me?
Radiator Repairman: Your system. How long's it been since you blew your pipes out?
Dr. John Becker: Excuse me?
Radiator Repairman: Your system. How long's it been since you blew your pipes out?
TV Show: Becker
Dr. John Becker: (looks at a patient's chart)Eczema. Thank you, God. (takes one look at her) Oh, brother.
TV Show: Becker
Dr. John Becker: So, where's the problem?
Patient: See this thing on the back of my neck? It's like this all over. Between my breasts, my thighs. Do you want me take my clothes off?
Dr. John Becker: Hold it, hold it. We'll just work our way down. No, I mean, take our time. Take this-- no.
Patient: See this thing on the back of my neck? It's like this all over. Between my breasts, my thighs. Do you want me take my clothes off?
Dr. John Becker: Hold it, hold it. We'll just work our way down. No, I mean, take our time. Take this-- no.
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Patient: See, I've got to keep my skin perfect. I'm a dancer.
Dr. John Becker: Ah! Broadway?
Patient: No. Lap.
Dr. John Becker: Ah! Broadway?
Patient: No. Lap.
TV Show: Becker
Radiator Repairman: I'm glad you got me over here, doc. Your system is getting ready to blow!
Dr. John Becker: Stay away from me!
Dr. John Becker: Stay away from me!
TV Show: Becker
(Becker turns on the TV)
Woman on TV: Hi. I'm Tiffany. I want to tell you things I've never told anyone. Hot, nasty, thi--
(changes channel)
Woman on TV: You want firm, tasty, sexy fun? I mean, just look at these!
(changes channel)
Woman on TV: Jerry, I don't think nymphomaniac is a big enough word to describe me.
(changes channel)
Reporter: And in our final story tonight, we'd like to wish a special happy birthday to Hazel Meyers. Today, the oldest woman in New York is 106 years old.
Dr. John Becker: And not lookin' to bad, either.
Woman on TV: Hi. I'm Tiffany. I want to tell you things I've never told anyone. Hot, nasty, thi--
(changes channel)
Woman on TV: You want firm, tasty, sexy fun? I mean, just look at these!
(changes channel)
Woman on TV: Jerry, I don't think nymphomaniac is a big enough word to describe me.
(changes channel)
Reporter: And in our final story tonight, we'd like to wish a special happy birthday to Hazel Meyers. Today, the oldest woman in New York is 106 years old.
Dr. John Becker: And not lookin' to bad, either.
TV Show: Becker
Dr. John Becker: Jake, let me give you a little tip: whatever you do, never, ever, go to a hospital. You got a problem, throw yourself in front of a train. It's quicker, it's cheaper and it's a hell of a lot less paperwork. Patient of mine went to this morning for surgery. By the time I get there, he's gone.
Jake Malinak: Oh, John. I'm sorry.
Dr. John Becker: No, he's not dead! He's gone! They lost him! They physically lost the entire person! Oh, yeah, they keep track of their $25 aspirin there, $40 Q-tips, but apparently poor, unconscious Mr. Barelli was just a little too slippery for them! But at least it was all worthwhile. When I got Mr. Barelli up to his room, he found the perfect way to thank me. Threw up all over my shoes.
Jake Malinak: Oh, John. I'm sorry.
Dr. John Becker: No, he's not dead! He's gone! They lost him! They physically lost the entire person! Oh, yeah, they keep track of their $25 aspirin there, $40 Q-tips, but apparently poor, unconscious Mr. Barelli was just a little too slippery for them! But at least it was all worthwhile. When I got Mr. Barelli up to his room, he found the perfect way to thank me. Threw up all over my shoes.
TV Show: Becker
Dr. John Becker: Know what I'm doing right now?
Jake Malinak: Hm?
Dr. John Becker: Giving you the finger.
Jake Malinak: John, I'm blind, I'm poor and I'm running a newsstand in the Bronx. God gave me the finger long before you ever did.
Jake Malinak: Hm?
Dr. John Becker: Giving you the finger.
Jake Malinak: John, I'm blind, I'm poor and I'm running a newsstand in the Bronx. God gave me the finger long before you ever did.
TV Show: Becker
Dr. John Becker: You know, I can't help but notice you're acting a little- what's that word you used, Jake? Oh, yeah. Bitchy.
Jake Malinak: I never said that. I agree, but I never said that.
Jake Malinak: I never said that. I agree, but I never said that.
TV Show: Becker
(after he arranged the chess pieces on the board)
Mr. Schmalen: Hey sweetheart, tell the doctor I’m ready and I’m white.
Linda: Excuse me sir, but the doctor does not discriminate, he takes patients in the order they come in.
Mr. Schmalen: Hey sweetheart, tell the doctor I’m ready and I’m white.
Linda: Excuse me sir, but the doctor does not discriminate, he takes patients in the order they come in.
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Mr. Schmalen: Hey doc, are we playing chess today or should I just go screw myself?
Dr. John Becker: Nah.. we’ll finish the game. Aha! Got your rook!
Mr. Schmalen: Aha! Checkmate!
Dr. John Becker: You beat me, how did you do that?
Mr. Schmalen: I have a nephew, 38, we have to pin his bus pass to his sleeve, he could beat you.
Dr. John Becker: Nah.. we’ll finish the game. Aha! Got your rook!
Mr. Schmalen: Aha! Checkmate!
Dr. John Becker: You beat me, how did you do that?
Mr. Schmalen: I have a nephew, 38, we have to pin his bus pass to his sleeve, he could beat you.
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(to Linda as he’s leaving Dr. Becker’s office)
Mr. Schmalen: Honey, a little tip, next time I come in, it wouldn’t kill you to offer me a little coffee, maybe a Danish. And by the way, they invented brassiere for a reason!
Mr. Schmalen: Honey, a little tip, next time I come in, it wouldn’t kill you to offer me a little coffee, maybe a Danish. And by the way, they invented brassiere for a reason!
TV Show: Becker
Dr. John Becker: Margret, there’s a reason why they named a blind date after a disabling condition.
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Dr. John Becker: If you and I were the only people on the face of the Earth, that would be the only thing we'd have in common.
TV Show: Becker
[Linda wants to rename the exam rooms A, B and C and put the patients in them according to the letter of their ailment]
Dr. John Becker: There are three exams rooms, that's only A, B and C. What if someone comes in with, oh, I don't know, "M" for "migraine"?
Linda: Headache, "A" for ache.
Dr. John Becker: Pregnancy?
Dr. John Becker': "B" for baby.
Dr. John Becker: X-ray?
Linda: "C" for see-through.
Dr. John Becker: There are three exams rooms, that's only A, B and C. What if someone comes in with, oh, I don't know, "M" for "migraine"?
Linda: Headache, "A" for ache.
Dr. John Becker: Pregnancy?
Dr. John Becker': "B" for baby.
Dr. John Becker: X-ray?
Linda: "C" for see-through.
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(after he introduces two old patients to each other)
Dr. John Becker: Just call me Dr. Becker, the geriatric pimp.
Dr. John Becker: Just call me Dr. Becker, the geriatric pimp.
TV Show: Becker
Becker: I'd love to set you straight, but I gotta go heal the sick!
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: Do you really heal the sick or do you just harangue the disease out of the person like an exorcism?
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: Do you really heal the sick or do you just harangue the disease out of the person like an exorcism?
TV Show: Becker
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: [about Becker] Oh I hate it when he's like that!
Jake Malinak: Smug?
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: No, breathing!
Jake Malinak: Smug?
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: No, breathing!
TV Show: Becker
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: Look, Jake, not that I don't enjoy this sucking up, but if you want the hockey ticket, you're gonna have to do better than this; after all, there are other men in my life! [Bob walks in]
Bob: Hello, losers! That's right, Bob's back! [Reggie rolls her eyes]
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: I've got to get a bug-zapper in here!
Bob: Notice anything different about Bob?
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: [indifferent] You shed a layer of skin!?
Bob: You're closer than you think. Bob had a makeover; I've been loofahed, polished, waxed and buffed to a high sheen! I've had a facial, and for the first time in the salon's history, a back-al! I'll show you later!
Jake Malinak: Thank God I'm blind!
Bob: Hello, losers! That's right, Bob's back! [Reggie rolls her eyes]
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: I've got to get a bug-zapper in here!
Bob: Notice anything different about Bob?
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: [indifferent] You shed a layer of skin!?
Bob: You're closer than you think. Bob had a makeover; I've been loofahed, polished, waxed and buffed to a high sheen! I've had a facial, and for the first time in the salon's history, a back-al! I'll show you later!
Jake Malinak: Thank God I'm blind!
TV Show: Becker
Margaret: [coming into Becker's apartment] Did you know it smells like cabbage out there!?
Becker: Yeah, it's the old couple at the end of the hallway. Either they cook sauerkraut every night, or they've been dead since Tuesday!
Becker: Yeah, it's the old couple at the end of the hallway. Either they cook sauerkraut every night, or they've been dead since Tuesday!
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Becker: Valentine's Day: the shallowest, greediest exploitation of emotion since my second marriage!
TV Show: Becker
[After talking with John's father, Fred]
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: I'm just relieved to know Becker has a father: I was always under the impression he was raised by wolves.
Jake Malinak: Yeah, really pissy wolves!
Regina "Reggie" Kostas: I'm just relieved to know Becker has a father: I was always under the impression he was raised by wolves.
Jake Malinak: Yeah, really pissy wolves!
TV Show: Becker
[Fred is in John's apartment, trying to get his son to talk to him and going about it as if it were a sales pitch]
John Becker: [annoyed] Cut the crap, will you!? I'm not a customer; I'm your son! I don't wanna joke, I don't want a pen! Every few years, you show up and we do this ridiculous little dance! You wanna talk to me, talk to me!
Fred Becker: What do you want to talk about?
John Becker: No, no, no, no! This time, we're really gonna talk!...I was eleven years old. Why'd you leave?
Fred Becker: [solemn] Ok, Johnny. Here it is; your mother and I were completely wrong for each other. All we ever did was argue. It got to the place where I took any kind of a job, just to get out of town. Your mother finally got fed up and...told me to keep going.
John Becker: I didn't ask you to leave! I didn't argue with you, why didn't you at least come back and see me!?
Fred Becker: Because your mother asked me not to. [John looks stunned] You didn't know that, did you? And yes, I could've insisted I have a bigger part in your life, but I didn't. I took the easy way out and I regret it.
John Becker: [shocked] She asked you to-?
Fred Becker: Don't blame her; she was afraid I'd be a bad influence on you. [chuckles] Back in those days, she wasn't entirely wrong. I was...[pause] I took time to look in on you now and again; I saw one of your high school basketball games and...I was there when you graduated from med school.
John Becker: I know. I saw you. What was with the lime-green leisure suit?
Fred Becker: It was the 70's! Give me a break!
John Becker: [annoyed] Cut the crap, will you!? I'm not a customer; I'm your son! I don't wanna joke, I don't want a pen! Every few years, you show up and we do this ridiculous little dance! You wanna talk to me, talk to me!
Fred Becker: What do you want to talk about?
John Becker: No, no, no, no! This time, we're really gonna talk!...I was eleven years old. Why'd you leave?
Fred Becker: [solemn] Ok, Johnny. Here it is; your mother and I were completely wrong for each other. All we ever did was argue. It got to the place where I took any kind of a job, just to get out of town. Your mother finally got fed up and...told me to keep going.
John Becker: I didn't ask you to leave! I didn't argue with you, why didn't you at least come back and see me!?
Fred Becker: Because your mother asked me not to. [John looks stunned] You didn't know that, did you? And yes, I could've insisted I have a bigger part in your life, but I didn't. I took the easy way out and I regret it.
John Becker: [shocked] She asked you to-?
Fred Becker: Don't blame her; she was afraid I'd be a bad influence on you. [chuckles] Back in those days, she wasn't entirely wrong. I was...[pause] I took time to look in on you now and again; I saw one of your high school basketball games and...I was there when you graduated from med school.
John Becker: I know. I saw you. What was with the lime-green leisure suit?
Fred Becker: It was the 70's! Give me a break!
TV Show: Becker