The Wolf of Wall Street Quotes

Jordan Belfort: Let me tell you something. There's no nobility in poverty. I've been a poor man, and I've been a rich man. And I choose rich every fucking time.

Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Max Belfort: What kind of hooker takes credit cards?
Donnie Azoff: A rich one!

Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Jordan Belfort: On a daily basis I consume enough drugs to sedate Manhattan, Long Island, and Queens for a month. I take Quaaludes 10-15 times a day for my back pain, Adderall to stay focused, Xanax to take the edge off, pot to mellow me out, cocaine to wake me back up again, and morphine... Well, because it's awesome.

Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Jordan Belfort: My name is Jordan Belfort. I'm a former member of the middle class raised by two accountants in a tiny apartment in Bayside, Queens. The year I turned 26, as the head of my own brokerage firm, I made $49 million, which really pissed me off because it was three shy of a million a week.

Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Mark Hanna: The name of the game, moving the money from the client's pocket to your pocket.
Jordan Belfort: But if you can make your clients money at the same time it's advantageous to everyone, correct?
Mark Hanna: No.

Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Jordan Belfort: I fucked her brains out... for eleven seconds.

Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Jordan Belfort: Brad, show them how it's done. Sell me that pen. Watch. Go on.
Brad: You want me to sell you this fucking pen?
Jordan Belfort: That's my boy right there. Can fucking sell anything.
Brad: Why don't you do me a favor. Write your name down on that napkin for me.
Jordan Belfort: I don't have a pen.
Brad: Exactly. Supply and demand, my friend.

Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
[repeated line] Jordan Belfort: Sell me this pen!

Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Mark Hanna: You gotta stay relaxed. Do you jerk off?
Jordan Belfort: Do I jerk off? Yeah.
Mark Hanna: How many times a week?
Jordan Belfort: Like, um, three or four. Three or four times, maybe five.
Mark Hanna: Gotta pump those numbers up. Those are rookie numbers in this racket. I myself, I jerk off at least twice a day.
Jordan Belfort: Wow.

Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Jordan Belfort: You want a beer, pal?
Donnie Azoff: What are you drinkin'?
Jordan Belfort: I got this non-alcoholic shit...
Donnie Azoff: What's that?
Jordan Belfort: It's like a non-alcoholic beer. It's got no... no alcohol.
Donnie Azoff: It's a beer?
Jordan Belfort: Yeah, with no alcohol.
Donnie Azoff: But, you drink enough and... you drink a lot and it'll get you fucked up?
Jordan Belfort: No, there's no alcohol. That's the fuckin' point.
Donnie Azoff: I'm not a scientist; I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. I can get you beer if you want fuckin' beer.
Jordan Belfort: I know, but I don't drink, remember? I don't drink anymore?
Donnie Azoff: What, you wanna go inside and blow some lines of baking powder, baking soda? Can't imagine ever not enjoying getting fucked up. I love it.
Jordan Belfort: Yeah...
Donnie Azoff: How's being sober?
Jordan Belfort: It fuckin' sucks.
Donnie Azoff: Boring, right?
Jordan Belfort: So boring. I'm gonna kill myself.

Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Jordan Belfort: I am not gonna die sober!

Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Jordan Belfort: [holding his child]Does Daddy get a kiss from both of his little girls?
Naomi Lapaglia: Oh, no. No, Daddy doesn't even get to touch Mommy for a very, very... very long time.
Jordan Belfort: Daddy's really sorry about what he said in the other room, he didn't mean any of it!
Naomi Lapaglia: Daddy shouldn't waste his time. And from now on... it's gonna be nothing but short, short skirts around the house. And you know something else, Daddy? Mommy is just so sick and tired of wearing panties.
Jordan Belfort: Yeah?
Naomi Lapaglia: Yeah.
Naomi Lapaglia: [pushes him away with her legs]But no touching.
Jordan Belfort: Oh, gosh.

Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Jordan Belfort: [Wakes up on plane; finds he is restrained by a seatbelt across his chest]Oh, Jesus Christ. Fuck. Donnie. Donnie this isn't... this isn't funny, you gotta untie me, buddy.
Donnie Azoff: I can't untie you! The captain tied you up, he almost fuckin' tasered you!
Jordan Belfort: Why?
Donnie Azoff: Why? You were, like, screaming at people. You were on the floor rollin' around and shit.
Jordan Belfort: Oh, Jesus.
Donnie Azoff: You called the captain the n-word.
Jordan Belfort: I called the captain the n-word?
Donnie Azoff: Yeah, he was very upset.
Jordan Belfort: Really?
Donnie Azoff: Luckily we're in first class. Jesus Christ. I think you have a fuckin' drug problem.

Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Max Belfort: $430,000 in one month, Jordy. huh?
Jordan Belfort: They're business expenses.
Max Belfort: Jordy, look what you've got here. Look at this! $26,000 for one fucking dinner!
Jordan Belfort: No, no, this can be explained. Dad, we had clients, Pfizer clients. champagne.
Nicky Koskoff: The porterhouse from Argentina.
Jordan Belfort: Expensive champagne and the what, we had to buy champagne. [to Donnie]
Jordan Belfort: And you brought in all the sides tell him about the sides.
Donnie Azoff: I ordered the sides, so...
Max Belfort: Sides? Sides? $26,000 worth of sides? What are these sides? They cure cancer?
Donnie Azoff: The sides did cure cancer, that's the problem, that's why they were so expensive.
Jordan Belfort: [bursting into laughter]Shut the fuck up!
Donnie Azoff: I'm serious.

Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Naomi Lapaglia: Who's Venice?
Jordan Belfort: Who? Who?
Naomi Lapaglia: Who? Who? What are you, a fuckin' owl?

Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Jordan Belfort: People say shit... I mean like, you married your cousin or some stupid shit.
Donnie Azoff: Yeah, my wife is my cousin or whatever, but it's not like what you think.
Jordan Belfort: Is she like, a first cousin?
Donnie Azoff: Her father is the brother of my mom. Like, we grew up together, and she grew up hot, you know, she fucking grew up hot. And all my friends are trying to fuck her, you know, and I'm not gonna let one of these assholes fuck my cousin. So I used the cousin thing, as like, an in with her. I'm not like, gonna let someone else fuck my cousin, you know? If anyone's gonna fuck my cousin, it's gonna be me. Out of respect.

Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Patrick Denham: Let me give you some legal advice: Shut the fuck up!

Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Jordan Belfort: [to the waiter]Oh, I'm good with water for now.
Mark Hanna: It's his first day on Wall Street. Give him time.

Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Jordan Belfort: [throwing money at the FBI agents]Fun coupons!

Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Jordan Belfort: I heard some stupid shit. I... I didn't even want to bring it up. It's just... stupid.
Donnie Azoff: Shit with me?
Jordan Belfort: You know, just... people say shit. I don't even know. I don't even listen to it half the time.
Donnie Azoff: What do they say?
Jordan Belfort: Shit about you and your cousin or something like that. I don't even listen to it. It doesn't even...
Donnie Azoff: No... it's not like that. It's not like that.
Jordan Belfort: You know what I mean? Like you married your cousin or some stupid shit, you know?
Donnie Azoff: Yeah, my wife... yeah, my wife is my cousin or whatever. But it's not like what you think or whatever, you know...
Jordan Belfort: Is she like a... first cousin, or is she...
Donnie Azoff: Yeah, no. She... you know, her... her father is the... is the brother of my mom.
Jordan Belfort: Mhm.
Donnie Azoff: It's not like... Look. We grew up together, and she grew up hot, you know. She fuckin' grew up hot and all of my friends were trying to fuck her, you know, and I wasn't... I'm not gonna let someone, you know, one of these assholes fuck my cousin. So I, you know, used the cousin thing as like... like an in with her. I'm not gonna let someone else fuck my cousin, you know? If anyone is gonna fuck my cousin it's gonna be me, out of... out of respect, you know?
Jordan Belfort: No, I get it, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you're not afraid of like the whole kid thing, right? Like the whole...
Donnie Azoff: What, if the kid's retarded?
Jordan Belfort: Yeah.
Donnie Azoff: No, we have two kids.
Jordan Belfort: And they're... I mean, I don't want to get personal or anything, but are they okay?
Donnie Azoff: No, they're not retarded or a

Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Jordan Belfort: Oh my God! You had to deal with the Golf Course people too! What a greek tragedy! Honey oh my God!, you probably had to pay them in cash with your hands! What a fucking burden, and actually had to do some work besides swiping my fucking credit card all day? Huh? Cause I can't keep track of your professions honey! Last month you were a wine connoisseur, and now you're an aspiring landscape architect, Isn't that right?
Naomi Lapaglia: Fuck you!
Jordan Belfort: Don't you dare throw that fucking water on me! Don't you fucking dare!

Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Donnie Azoff: I'll tell you what: I'm never eating at Benihana again. I don't care whose birthday it is.

Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Donnie Azoff: How much money you make?
Jordan Belfort: $70,000 last month.
Donnie Azoff: Get the fuck outta here!
Jordan Belfort: Well technically, $72,000 last month.
Donnie Azoff: You show me a pay stub for $72,000, I quit my job right now and work for you. [later, on the phone]
Donnie Azoff: Hey Paulie, what's up? No, everything's fine. Hey listen, I quit!

Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Jordan Belfort: [narrating to the camera]An I.P.O. is an initial public offering. It's the first time a stock is offered for sale to the general population. Now as the firm taking the company public, we set the initial sales price then sold those shares right back to our friends. Yet... [stops and chuckles]
Jordan Belfort: Look, I know you're not following what I'm saying anyway, right? That's... that's okay, that doesn't matter. The real question is this: was all this legal? Absolutely fucking not. But we were making more money than we knew what do with.

Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Jordan Belfort: [in thoughts]What I'm asking, you Swiss dick, is are you going to fuck me over?
Jean Jacques Saurel: [also in thoughts]I understand perfectly, you American shit,
Jean Jacques Saurel: Ãa depend.
Jordan Belfort: Ãa depend on what exactly?
Jean Jacques Saurel: Whether America plans to invade Switzerland in the upcoming months.

Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Jordan Belfort: The only thing standing between you and your goal is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why you can't achieve it.

Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Jordan Belfort: This right here is the land of opportunity. This is America. This is my home! The show goes on! [quoting Norma Rae]
Jordan Belfort: They're gonna need to send in the National Guard to take me out, cos I ain't going nowhere!

Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Donnie Azoff: Jesus Christ, I think you have a fuckin' drug problem.
Jordan Belfort: Where are the 'ludes'?
Donnie Azoff: They're up my ass. Don't worry about it, I got it.
Jordan Belfort: [sigh of relief]Thank God.

Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Jordan Belfort: [dubious]S-so if I, if I sell a stock at $10,000, my commission is 5,000 bucks.
Dwayne: If you sell $10,000 worth of this stock, I will personally give you a blowjob for free [Jordan laughs]
Dwayne: ... and I hope it happens. [both laugh]

Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Patrick Denham: Most of the Wall Street jackasses that I bust, they're to the manor born. Their fathers are douchebags, just like their fathers before them. But you... you, Jordan, you got this way all on your own.
Jordan Belfort: Did I?
Patrick Denham: Good for you, little man.
Jordan Belfort: Little man? [laughs]
Jordan Belfort: Me, the little man?
Patrick Denham: Let me tell you something else. Honestly, I'm not bullshitting here, this is one of the nicest boats that I've ever been on. I gotta tell you.
Jordan Belfort: I bet it is.
Patrick Denham: And you wanna know what I was just thinking too? The fucking hero I'm gonna be back at the office when the Bureau seizes this fucking boat. Because, I mean, fuckety fuck fuck, Jordan, look at this thing! It's beautiful! And you got the beautiful girls there. It;s wonderful.
Jordan Belfort: [laughing]All right, get the fuck off my boat.
Patrick Denham: I'm sure we'll be seeing each other real soon.
Jordan Belfort: I'm sure. Good luck on that subway ride home to your miserable, ugly fucking wives. I'm gonna have Heidi lick some caviar off my balls in the meantime.

Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street