The Wolf of Wall Street Quotes
Jordan Belfort: My wife, Naomi, the Duchess of Bay Ridge, Brooklyn. A former model and Miller Lite girl. Yeah. She was the one with my cock in her mouth in the Ferrari, so put your dick back in your pants.
Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Donnie Azoff: I check my messages every day when I come home from work... my answering machine... zero! I got a blinkling light because I don't have shit from you. I got my wife... I got my wife checking the messages every forty-five minutes calling the office saying. Has Brad apologized yet? Is there an apology message on the machine? I don't have jack-shit. You know what? That's not how you treat people.
Brad: You gotta be a fucking pal... You know what, I'm gonna give you a fucking pass, just give me the case.
Donnie Azoff: You're gonna give me a pass?
Brad: Look, it's a figure of fucking speech, just give me the fucking...
Donnie Azoff: Oh my God, the emperor of Fucksville came down from Fucksville to give me a pass! Hey, what are the citizens of Fucksville doing today when their emperor's gone? Is it, is it mayhem? Are people looting and raping? What are all the little fuckheads doing while you're here?
Brad: You gotta be a fucking pal... You know what, I'm gonna give you a fucking pass, just give me the case.
Donnie Azoff: You're gonna give me a pass?
Brad: Look, it's a figure of fucking speech, just give me the fucking...
Donnie Azoff: Oh my God, the emperor of Fucksville came down from Fucksville to give me a pass! Hey, what are the citizens of Fucksville doing today when their emperor's gone? Is it, is it mayhem? Are people looting and raping? What are all the little fuckheads doing while you're here?
Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Nicholas the Butler: [Naomi walks in on a gay orgy]Oh, hey! Is it Wednesday already?
Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Jordan Belfort: See those little black boxes? They're called telephones. I'm gonna let you in on a little secret about these telephones. They're not gonna dial themselves. Okay? Without you, they're just worthless hunks of plastic. Like a loaded M16 without a trained marine to pull the trigger.
Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Jordan Belfort: So you listen to me and you listen well. Are you behind on you credit card bills? Good, pick up the phone and start dialing! Is your landlord ready to evict you? Good! Pick up the phone and start dialing! Does your girlfriend think you're fucking worthless loser? Good! Pick up the phone and start dialing! I want you to deal with your problems by becoming rich!
Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Mark Hanna: Number one rule of Wall Street. Nobody... and I don't care if you're Warren Buffet or if you're Jimmy Buffet. Nobody knows if a stock is gonna go up, down, sideways or in fucking circles. Least of all, stockbrokers, right?
Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Naomi Lapaglia: Did you just cum?
Jordan Belfort: Oh yeah. I just came. Did you? Did you cum?
Naomi Lapaglia: No.
Jordan Belfort: No? OK. I'm still hard. Just give me a second.
Naomi Lapaglia: Sure.
Jordan Belfort: Oh yeah. I just came. Did you? Did you cum?
Naomi Lapaglia: No.
Jordan Belfort: No? OK. I'm still hard. Just give me a second.
Naomi Lapaglia: Sure.
Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Donnie Azoff: Jordan, it's fucking good, right? It's fucked up. [laughing hysterically]
Jordan Belfort: GET OFF THE PHONE! GET OFF THE PHONE! FBI! [swipes at Donnie]
Donnie Azoff: Hey! I'm on the phone!
Jordan Belfort: GET OFF THE PHONE! GET OFF THE PHONE! FBI! [swipes at Donnie]
Donnie Azoff: Hey! I'm on the phone!
Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Donnie Azoff: I got a couple of mil' comin' in like a week. And when it gets in, I'll give you a call and you come pick it up.
Brad: You'll give me a call?
Donnie Azoff: When it gets here, I'll give you a call and you'll come pick it up.
Chantalle: Well, we don't work for you, man!
Donnie Azoff: Sweetheart, you have my money taped to your tits. Technically, you do work for me.
Brad: You'll give me a call?
Donnie Azoff: When it gets here, I'll give you a call and you'll come pick it up.
Chantalle: Well, we don't work for you, man!
Donnie Azoff: Sweetheart, you have my money taped to your tits. Technically, you do work for me.
Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Jordan Belfort: Donnie and I were going out on our own. And the first thing we needed was brokers. Guys with Sales experience. So I recruited some of my home town boys. Sea Otter, who sold meat and weed. Chester, who sold tires and weed. And Robbie, who sold anything he can get his hands on, mostly Weed. This is Brad, and Brad is the guy i really wanted. But he didn't go along with us. He was making so much money selling Quaaludes that he become the Quaalude King of Bayside.
Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Patrick Denham: I'm sure we'll be seeing each other real soon.
Jordan Belfort: I'm sure. Good luck on that subway ride home to your miserable ugly fuckin' wives. I'm gonna have Heidi lick some caviar off my balls in the meantime.
Jordan Belfort: I'm sure. Good luck on that subway ride home to your miserable ugly fuckin' wives. I'm gonna have Heidi lick some caviar off my balls in the meantime.
Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Jordan Belfort: [when asked who is Captain Ahab]The book, motherfucker, the book!
Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Max Belfort: [hears a phone]Who the fuck has the goddamn gall to call this house on a Tuesday night? God damn it!
Leah Belfort: [watching TV]You're gonna miss it!
Max Belfort: Tell me something I don't know, I wait ALL WEEK for the fucking Equalizer and they have to fucking... [picks up the phone]
Max Belfort: [calmly, in a transatlantic accent]Hello?... Jean? How are you, Jean?... Righto, Jean, That'll be great... Cheerio! [hangs up]
Max Belfort: [explodes]Fucking half-wit!
Leah Belfort: You missed it!
Max Belfort: GOD... DAMN IT!
Leah Belfort: [watching TV]You're gonna miss it!
Max Belfort: Tell me something I don't know, I wait ALL WEEK for the fucking Equalizer and they have to fucking... [picks up the phone]
Max Belfort: [calmly, in a transatlantic accent]Hello?... Jean? How are you, Jean?... Righto, Jean, That'll be great... Cheerio! [hangs up]
Max Belfort: [explodes]Fucking half-wit!
Leah Belfort: You missed it!
Max Belfort: GOD... DAMN IT!
Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Naomi Lapaglia: Wake up, you piece of shit! Who's Venice?
Jordan Belfort: Who?
Naomi Lapaglia: Huh?
Jordan Belfort: Who? Who?
Naomi Lapaglia: Who? What are you, a fucking owl? Who is she? Some little hooker you were fucking last night?
Jordan Belfort: What the fuck are you talking about? No. No way, baby, no!
Naomi Lapaglia: You were calling her name in your sleep!
Jordan Belfort: Are you out of your fucking mind? I don't even know who Venice is. What the fuck does that even mean? Venice. That's the stupidest shit I've ever heard in my fucking life! [after flashback of sex with Venice]
Jordan Belfort: That's right. That's right, I forgot. Donnie and I were investing in a condominium complex in Venice. That's why all this confusion.
Naomi Lapaglia: Oh, you're investing in Italy?
Jordan Belfort: Not Italy. California, baby!
Naomi Lapaglia: Oh, California? You're a lying piece of shit!
Jordan Belfort: Duchess, baby, come on!
Naomi Lapaglia: Don't you fucking Duchess me! Don't you Duchess me! Do you really think that I don't know what you're up to? You're a father now, Jordan.
Jordan Belfort: Yeah! I know.
Naomi Lapaglia: You're a father now. And you're still acting like an infant! [throws water in his face]
Jordan Belfort: Fuck! Goddamn it! Baby, you know you got real anger issues.
Naomi Lapaglia: Who is the one who flew in here at 3: 00 in the morning on their stupid helicopter and woke up Skylar? That was you! Doesn't even matter to you! Does it even matter to you that I just had that driving range sodded with Bermuda grass, Jordan, and now you fucking wrecked it!
Jordan Belfort: Oh, Bermuda grass.
Naomi Lapaglia: No, you didn't research t
Jordan Belfort: Who?
Naomi Lapaglia: Huh?
Jordan Belfort: Who? Who?
Naomi Lapaglia: Who? What are you, a fucking owl? Who is she? Some little hooker you were fucking last night?
Jordan Belfort: What the fuck are you talking about? No. No way, baby, no!
Naomi Lapaglia: You were calling her name in your sleep!
Jordan Belfort: Are you out of your fucking mind? I don't even know who Venice is. What the fuck does that even mean? Venice. That's the stupidest shit I've ever heard in my fucking life! [after flashback of sex with Venice]
Jordan Belfort: That's right. That's right, I forgot. Donnie and I were investing in a condominium complex in Venice. That's why all this confusion.
Naomi Lapaglia: Oh, you're investing in Italy?
Jordan Belfort: Not Italy. California, baby!
Naomi Lapaglia: Oh, California? You're a lying piece of shit!
Jordan Belfort: Duchess, baby, come on!
Naomi Lapaglia: Don't you fucking Duchess me! Don't you Duchess me! Do you really think that I don't know what you're up to? You're a father now, Jordan.
Jordan Belfort: Yeah! I know.
Naomi Lapaglia: You're a father now. And you're still acting like an infant! [throws water in his face]
Jordan Belfort: Fuck! Goddamn it! Baby, you know you got real anger issues.
Naomi Lapaglia: Who is the one who flew in here at 3: 00 in the morning on their stupid helicopter and woke up Skylar? That was you! Doesn't even matter to you! Does it even matter to you that I just had that driving range sodded with Bermuda grass, Jordan, and now you fucking wrecked it!
Jordan Belfort: Oh, Bermuda grass.
Naomi Lapaglia: No, you didn't research t
Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Donnie Azoff: [peeing on his subpoena]Fuck you, U.S.A. Fuck you, U.S.A. Fuck you! Fuck you!
Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Mark Hanna: Nobody knows if a stock is going to go up, down, sideways or in circles. You know what a fugazi is?
Jordan Belfort: *Fugayzi*, it's a fake.
Mark Hanna: *Fugayzi*, fugazi. It's a whazy. It's a woozie. It's fairy dust. it doesn't exist. It's never landed. It is no matter. It's not on the elemental chart. It's not fucking real.
Jordan Belfort: *Fugayzi*, it's a fake.
Mark Hanna: *Fugayzi*, fugazi. It's a whazy. It's a woozie. It's fairy dust. it doesn't exist. It's never landed. It is no matter. It's not on the elemental chart. It's not fucking real.
Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Max Belfort: This is obscene!
Jordan Belfort: It was obscene, in the real world. But who the fuck wanted to live there?
Jordan Belfort: It was obscene, in the real world. But who the fuck wanted to live there?
Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Jordan Belfort: You wanna know what money sounds like? Go to a trading floor on wall street. Fuck this, shit that. Cunt, cock, asshole. I couldn't believe how these guys talked to each other! I was hooked in seconds. It was like mainlining adrenaline.
Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Naomi Lapaglia: I want a divorce.
Jordan Belfort: What do you mean you want a divorce? What is that supposed to mean, you want a divorce?
Naomi Lapaglia: Get off me! I want a divorce. Get off.
Jordan Belfort: You just made love to me. What the fuck is wrong with you?
Naomi Lapaglia: I don't love you anymore, Jordan!
Jordan Belfort: Oh, you don't love me? You don't love me anymore, huh? Well isn't that just fucking convenient for you! Now that I'm under federal indictment with an electronic bracelet around my ankle, now you decide you don't fucking love me anymore. Is that right?
Naomi Lapaglia: No, no.
Jordan Belfort: What kind of person are you? Tell me.
Naomi Lapaglia: You married me!
Jordan Belfort: What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
Naomi Lapaglia: Jordan, this is how it's gonna go. I'm gonna take custody of the kids. If you agree to the divorce right now, I will allow visitation. Okay? Don't try to fight it.
Jordan Belfort: Oh my God.
Naomi Lapaglia: It will save us both a lot of money and I got a feeling you're gonna need it.
Jordan Belfort: You're not taking my kids, sweetheart. You hear me?
Naomi Lapaglia: I've already talked to the lawyer. He said even if you don't get convicted I've got a good chance of getting them.
Jordan Belfort: I got news for you. You're not fucking taking my children you vicious fucking cunt, you! [Naomi slaps Jordan and he slaps her back]
Jordan Belfort: Fuck you! You fucking bitch! You're not fucking taking my goddamn fucking kids! You hear me? Fuck you! You're not fucking taking my fucking kids! Fucking whore.
Naomi Lapaglia: [Sees Jordan snorting cocaine]Look at yourself, Jordan. You're sick! You're a sick man!
Jordan Bel
Jordan Belfort: What do you mean you want a divorce? What is that supposed to mean, you want a divorce?
Naomi Lapaglia: Get off me! I want a divorce. Get off.
Jordan Belfort: You just made love to me. What the fuck is wrong with you?
Naomi Lapaglia: I don't love you anymore, Jordan!
Jordan Belfort: Oh, you don't love me? You don't love me anymore, huh? Well isn't that just fucking convenient for you! Now that I'm under federal indictment with an electronic bracelet around my ankle, now you decide you don't fucking love me anymore. Is that right?
Naomi Lapaglia: No, no.
Jordan Belfort: What kind of person are you? Tell me.
Naomi Lapaglia: You married me!
Jordan Belfort: What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
Naomi Lapaglia: Jordan, this is how it's gonna go. I'm gonna take custody of the kids. If you agree to the divorce right now, I will allow visitation. Okay? Don't try to fight it.
Jordan Belfort: Oh my God.
Naomi Lapaglia: It will save us both a lot of money and I got a feeling you're gonna need it.
Jordan Belfort: You're not taking my kids, sweetheart. You hear me?
Naomi Lapaglia: I've already talked to the lawyer. He said even if you don't get convicted I've got a good chance of getting them.
Jordan Belfort: I got news for you. You're not fucking taking my children you vicious fucking cunt, you! [Naomi slaps Jordan and he slaps her back]
Jordan Belfort: Fuck you! You fucking bitch! You're not fucking taking my goddamn fucking kids! You hear me? Fuck you! You're not fucking taking my fucking kids! Fucking whore.
Naomi Lapaglia: [Sees Jordan snorting cocaine]Look at yourself, Jordan. You're sick! You're a sick man!
Jordan Bel
Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Mark Hanna: So if you've got a client who bought stock at 8 and now it's at 16 and he's all fucking happy, he wants to cash in and liquidate, take his fucking money and run home, you don't let him do that... 'cause that would make it real.
Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Jordan Belfort: Every person around here, they want to get rich and they want to get rich quickly. They all want something for nothing.
Alden Kupferberg: There was this one time I was selling pot to this Amish dude. You know those guys who got like the beard with, like, no mustache or some bullshit? Well, he says that he only wants to make furniture.
Robbie Feinberg ('Pinhead'): I don't understand
Jordan Belfort: What the fuck are you talking about?
Alden Kupferberg: I'm not putting words in your mouth or nothing, but you just said that everybody wants to get rich.
Robbie Feinberg ('Pinhead'): Holy fuck, you did just say that.
Jordan Belfort: What the fuck are you talking about?
Alden Kupferberg: Yeah, like Buddhists. They don't give a shit about money. They're wrapped in sheets. They're not buying shit.
Jordan Belfort: I'm not talking about Buddhists or Amish. I'm talking about normal people, working-class everyday people. Everyone wants to get rich. Am I crazy?
Chester Ming: There's no such thing as an Amish Buddhist. I'm pretty fucking sure.
Robbie Feinberg ('Pinhead'): There could be.
Jordan Belfort: Do you guys not want to make money?
Alden Kupferberg: [All at once]I want to make money.
Alden Kupferberg: There was this one time I was selling pot to this Amish dude. You know those guys who got like the beard with, like, no mustache or some bullshit? Well, he says that he only wants to make furniture.
Robbie Feinberg ('Pinhead'): I don't understand
Jordan Belfort: What the fuck are you talking about?
Alden Kupferberg: I'm not putting words in your mouth or nothing, but you just said that everybody wants to get rich.
Robbie Feinberg ('Pinhead'): Holy fuck, you did just say that.
Jordan Belfort: What the fuck are you talking about?
Alden Kupferberg: Yeah, like Buddhists. They don't give a shit about money. They're wrapped in sheets. They're not buying shit.
Jordan Belfort: I'm not talking about Buddhists or Amish. I'm talking about normal people, working-class everyday people. Everyone wants to get rich. Am I crazy?
Chester Ming: There's no such thing as an Amish Buddhist. I'm pretty fucking sure.
Robbie Feinberg ('Pinhead'): There could be.
Jordan Belfort: Do you guys not want to make money?
Alden Kupferberg: [All at once]I want to make money.
Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Jordan Belfort: Even though I own 85 of Steve Cocksucking Motherfucking Madden Shoes, the shares were in his fucking name!
Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Donnie Azoff: You're a fucking pill dealer. I got five more just like you, bro.
Brad: Keep talking, you fucking piece of shit!
Donnie Azoff: And you know what else? You dress like shit, so fuck you!
Brad: Fucking motherfucker! [knocks Donnie unconscious]
Jordan Belfort: Oh! Jesus!
Brad: How about that, faggot? Who's a faggot?
Jordan Belfort: [checks on Donnie]You okay? Hey, pal.
Brad: Keep talking, you fucking piece of shit!
Donnie Azoff: And you know what else? You dress like shit, so fuck you!
Brad: Fucking motherfucker! [knocks Donnie unconscious]
Jordan Belfort: Oh! Jesus!
Brad: How about that, faggot? Who's a faggot?
Jordan Belfort: [checks on Donnie]You okay? Hey, pal.
Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Jordan Belfort: [Furious about newspaper article]That conniving twat! Look at this! The wolf of Wall Street they call me! Look!
Teresa Petrillo: There is no such thing as bad publicity. Your hair looks good.
Teresa Petrillo: There is no such thing as bad publicity. Your hair looks good.
Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Mark Hanna: You jerk off?
Jordan Belfort: Do I... Do I I jerk off? Yeah, yeah I jerk off. Yeah.
Mark Hanna: How many times a week?
Jordan Belfort: Like, um, three or four. Three or four times, maybe five.
Mark Hanna: Gotta pump those numbers up. Those are rookie numbers in this racket. I myself, I jerk off at least twice a day.
Jordan Belfort: Wow.
Mark Hanna: Once in the morning, right after I work out, then once right after lunch.
Jordan Belfort: Really?
Mark Hanna: I want to. That's not why I do it. I do it 'cause I fucking *need* to. Think about it. You're dealing with numbers. All day long, decimal points, high frequencies. Bang, bang, bang. [imitates squeaking]
Mark Hanna: fucking digits. All very acidic above-the-shoulders mustard shit. All right? It kind of wigs some people out. Right? You gotta feed the geese to keep the blood flowing. I keep the rhythm below the belt.
Jordan Belfort: Done.
Mark Hanna: This is not a tip, this is a prescription. Trust me. If you don't, you will fall out of balance, split your differential and tip the fuck over. Or worse yet, I've seen this happen, implode.
Jordan Belfort: No, I don't wanna implode, sir.
Mark Hanna: No. No, you don't.
Jordan Belfort: I'm in this for the long run, you know?
Mark Hanna: Implosions are ugly. Pop off to the bathroom, work one out any time you can. When you get really good at it, you'll fucking be stroking and you'll be thinking about money.
Jordan Belfort: Do I... Do I I jerk off? Yeah, yeah I jerk off. Yeah.
Mark Hanna: How many times a week?
Jordan Belfort: Like, um, three or four. Three or four times, maybe five.
Mark Hanna: Gotta pump those numbers up. Those are rookie numbers in this racket. I myself, I jerk off at least twice a day.
Jordan Belfort: Wow.
Mark Hanna: Once in the morning, right after I work out, then once right after lunch.
Jordan Belfort: Really?
Mark Hanna: I want to. That's not why I do it. I do it 'cause I fucking *need* to. Think about it. You're dealing with numbers. All day long, decimal points, high frequencies. Bang, bang, bang. [imitates squeaking]
Mark Hanna: fucking digits. All very acidic above-the-shoulders mustard shit. All right? It kind of wigs some people out. Right? You gotta feed the geese to keep the blood flowing. I keep the rhythm below the belt.
Jordan Belfort: Done.
Mark Hanna: This is not a tip, this is a prescription. Trust me. If you don't, you will fall out of balance, split your differential and tip the fuck over. Or worse yet, I've seen this happen, implode.
Jordan Belfort: No, I don't wanna implode, sir.
Mark Hanna: No. No, you don't.
Jordan Belfort: I'm in this for the long run, you know?
Mark Hanna: Implosions are ugly. Pop off to the bathroom, work one out any time you can. When you get really good at it, you'll fucking be stroking and you'll be thinking about money.
Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Brad: [Donnie haphazardly gets out from car]Put the fucking car in park, you dumb fucking idiot!
Donnie Azoff: [slurred speech]I can't... I can't close this briefcase.
Brad: One fucking day. One fucking day, you couldn't keep it together?
Donnie Azoff: I'm fucked up, Brad. Fucked up.
Brad: Gotta be fucking kidding me.
Donnie Azoff: [stands up tall, smiling]It's a joke!
Brad: It's a joke?
Donnie Azoff: I'm sober.
Brad: Jesus fucking Christ!
Donnie Azoff: [slurred speech]I can't... I can't close this briefcase.
Brad: One fucking day. One fucking day, you couldn't keep it together?
Donnie Azoff: I'm fucked up, Brad. Fucked up.
Brad: Gotta be fucking kidding me.
Donnie Azoff: [stands up tall, smiling]It's a joke!
Brad: It's a joke?
Donnie Azoff: I'm sober.
Brad: Jesus fucking Christ!
Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
Jordan Belfort: After 15 years in storage, the lemons had developed a delayed fuse. It took 90 minutes for these fuckers to kick in but once they did, *pow.* And I had skipped the tingle phase and jumped straight to the drool phase. These little bastards where so strong I had discovered a whole new phase. The Cerebral Palsy phase.
Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street
[last lines] Jordan Belfort: I'm not ashamed to admit it: my first time in prison, I was terrified. For a moment, I had forgotten I lived in a world where everything was for sale. Wouldn't you like to know how to sell it?
Movie: The Wolf of Wall Street