The West Wing Quotes
Santos: [about border problems with Mexico] This is not a law enforcement problem. This is an economic problem. If Mexico's economy was as strong as Canada's, there wouldn't be a problem. The President cannot solve this problem. You cannot seal a 2,000-mile border. Mexico has to solve it. Mexico has to grow its own economy. It has to provide enough jobs so that it's not worth it to try to cross into our borders illegally. There is no other real solution to this. And Senator Vinick is smart enough to know that and I think you are, too.
TV Show: The West Wing
Vinick: Liberals who are opposed to tax cuts anyway always say you can't cut taxes until you've cut spending. I say we can lecture our children about overspending until we run out of breath or we can just cut their allowance. I'm a cut-the-allowance kind of parent.
TV Show: The West Wing
Santos: Our whole school system has been slipping for years and our rankings with other countries in math and science achievement... we've got to find a way to turn that around. If we provide the school systems and teachers with everything they need and the flexibility to experiment with fresh new approaches, I think that American students can be number one in the world in math and science in ten years.
Vinick: That's a lie.
...
Vinick: It's a lie that every President, Democrat and Republican, has been telling for 20 years: we're going to be number 1 in ten years. Go ahead, Google it right now. I'm not saying that every President knew it was a lie when he said it or that Congressman Santos knows it's not true, but I do. So let me tell you what our goals should be, our realistic goals. First of all, let's stop pretending that everyone can or should go to college. Every airline needs high-paid mechanics and none of them have to go to college. There are plumbers in some parts of the country that make a better living than dentists. Now, I'm not talking about lowering our ambitions. I'm talking about targeting our ambitions correctly. Now, it's true: some other countries have raised their academic standards over and above what they were once. But we still have the best scientists in the world, the best doctors, and by far the most Nobel prizes. If a kid does well in one of those foreign high schools, guess where he or she wants to go to college. That's right; Harvard, Stanford, Cal-Tech, the University of Texas, and a hundred other American universities that are better than anything they have in their countries. So, if we're going to have a practical approach to education, we're going to have to admit that not every one can go to MIT. But most of the kids who do go to MIT come from American public schools.
Vinick: That's a lie.
...
Vinick: It's a lie that every President, Democrat and Republican, has been telling for 20 years: we're going to be number 1 in ten years. Go ahead, Google it right now. I'm not saying that every President knew it was a lie when he said it or that Congressman Santos knows it's not true, but I do. So let me tell you what our goals should be, our realistic goals. First of all, let's stop pretending that everyone can or should go to college. Every airline needs high-paid mechanics and none of them have to go to college. There are plumbers in some parts of the country that make a better living than dentists. Now, I'm not talking about lowering our ambitions. I'm talking about targeting our ambitions correctly. Now, it's true: some other countries have raised their academic standards over and above what they were once. But we still have the best scientists in the world, the best doctors, and by far the most Nobel prizes. If a kid does well in one of those foreign high schools, guess where he or she wants to go to college. That's right; Harvard, Stanford, Cal-Tech, the University of Texas, and a hundred other American universities that are better than anything they have in their countries. So, if we're going to have a practical approach to education, we're going to have to admit that not every one can go to MIT. But most of the kids who do go to MIT come from American public schools.
TV Show: The West Wing
Santos: Do you want a President who will get out of the way when airline executives are putting their companies into bankruptcy so that they can avoid the pension responsibilities to the workers that have dedicated their lives to those companies?
Vinick: Some of our older airlines are having trouble meeting their huge pension obligations at the very same time when they're facing intense competition from low-cost airlines that are so new they don't yet have pensions to pay. Now, an unthinking liberal will describe the airline bankruptcies as the evil capitalists screwing the workers.
Santos: I didn't say that Senator and I don't think you should put words in my mouth.
Vinick: No. Of course you didn't say it. You're not an unthinking liberal. Are you?
[The audience laughs and applauds.]
Santos: I know you like to use that word 'liberal' as if it were a crime.
Vinick: No. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have used that word. I know Democrats think liberal is a bad word. So bad you had to change it. What do you call yourselves now, progressives? Is that it?
Santos: It's true. Republicans have tried to turn liberal into a bad word. Well, liberals ended slavery in this country.
Vinick: A Republican President ended slavery.
Santos: Yes, a liberal Republican; Senator, what happened to them? They got run out of your party! What did liberals do that was so offensive to the Republican Party? I'll tell you what they did. Liberals got women the right to vote. Liberals got African-Americans the right to vote. Liberals created Social Security and lifted millions of elderly people out of poverty. Liberals ended segregation. Liberals passed the Civil Rights Act, the Voting Rights Act. Liberals created Medicare. Liberals passed the Clean Air Act, the Clean Water Act. What did Conservatives do? They opposed them on every one of those things, every one. So
Vinick: Some of our older airlines are having trouble meeting their huge pension obligations at the very same time when they're facing intense competition from low-cost airlines that are so new they don't yet have pensions to pay. Now, an unthinking liberal will describe the airline bankruptcies as the evil capitalists screwing the workers.
Santos: I didn't say that Senator and I don't think you should put words in my mouth.
Vinick: No. Of course you didn't say it. You're not an unthinking liberal. Are you?
[The audience laughs and applauds.]
Santos: I know you like to use that word 'liberal' as if it were a crime.
Vinick: No. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have used that word. I know Democrats think liberal is a bad word. So bad you had to change it. What do you call yourselves now, progressives? Is that it?
Santos: It's true. Republicans have tried to turn liberal into a bad word. Well, liberals ended slavery in this country.
Vinick: A Republican President ended slavery.
Santos: Yes, a liberal Republican; Senator, what happened to them? They got run out of your party! What did liberals do that was so offensive to the Republican Party? I'll tell you what they did. Liberals got women the right to vote. Liberals got African-Americans the right to vote. Liberals created Social Security and lifted millions of elderly people out of poverty. Liberals ended segregation. Liberals passed the Civil Rights Act, the Voting Rights Act. Liberals created Medicare. Liberals passed the Clean Air Act, the Clean Water Act. What did Conservatives do? They opposed them on every one of those things, every one. So
TV Show: The West Wing
Bram: The bus is here. We've really got to move.
Lou: Sir, do you know what the average SMT time was this week?
Santos: Bram clocks this. He rounds up because he's got money on it.
Lou: 92 minutes.
Santos: That's a lie!
Helen: SMT?
Edie: Santos Mean Time.
Helen: 92 minutes late?
Santos: The notion that I'm the problem is convenient, but completely fallacious!
Lou: Sir, do you know what the average SMT time was this week?
Santos: Bram clocks this. He rounds up because he's got money on it.
Lou: 92 minutes.
Santos: That's a lie!
Helen: SMT?
Edie: Santos Mean Time.
Helen: 92 minutes late?
Santos: The notion that I'm the problem is convenient, but completely fallacious!
TV Show: The West Wing
Will: [going over the guest list] Andrew Edward... what's he doing in the H's? Oh, right! His Royal Highness, Duke of York.
[Vic stands up and looks uncomfortable]
Ellie: Do you want to get some air?
Will: Hey, at least he's not bringing the Queen. [pauses and checks the list] Oh, maybe he is bringing the Queen...
[Vic stands up and looks uncomfortable]
Ellie: Do you want to get some air?
Will: Hey, at least he's not bringing the Queen. [pauses and checks the list] Oh, maybe he is bringing the Queen...
TV Show: The West Wing
Toby: [about Santos] He’s not presidential material.
Josh: Why?
Toby: Why? Because he left. He left Congress. He left Washington to go home and do small, important work. You had to haul him by the hair out of the family bed. Did you never stop to wonder if that was a good choice?
Josh: He stepped up. When presented with the opportunity…
Toby: [interrupting] A man in that job shouldn’t have to be presented with anything. It’s for someone who grabs it and holds onto it. For someone who thinks the gods have conspired to bring him to this place. That destiny demands of him this service! You don’t have that kind of drive, that hubris, how in the hell are you gonna make the kind of decisions that stump every other person in this country? How in the hell are you gonna hold that kind of power in your hand?”
Josh: You don’t know he’s not that man.
Toby: You don’t know that he is. [pauses] Is he? Look me in the eye and tell me that you know. Without a shadow of a doubt…you know. [pauses] That’s why the other guy wins.
Josh: Why?
Toby: Why? Because he left. He left Congress. He left Washington to go home and do small, important work. You had to haul him by the hair out of the family bed. Did you never stop to wonder if that was a good choice?
Josh: He stepped up. When presented with the opportunity…
Toby: [interrupting] A man in that job shouldn’t have to be presented with anything. It’s for someone who grabs it and holds onto it. For someone who thinks the gods have conspired to bring him to this place. That destiny demands of him this service! You don’t have that kind of drive, that hubris, how in the hell are you gonna make the kind of decisions that stump every other person in this country? How in the hell are you gonna hold that kind of power in your hand?”
Josh: You don’t know he’s not that man.
Toby: You don’t know that he is. [pauses] Is he? Look me in the eye and tell me that you know. Without a shadow of a doubt…you know. [pauses] That’s why the other guy wins.
TV Show: The West Wing
Abbey: You're not performing at the ceremony.
Bartlet: I wasn't asked to.
CJ: Sir, I'm sorry to interrupt--
Abbey: No, that's quite all right. He was about to go into his Spencer Tracy routine.
Bartlet: I wasn't asked to.
CJ: Sir, I'm sorry to interrupt--
Abbey: No, that's quite all right. He was about to go into his Spencer Tracy routine.
TV Show: The West Wing
Abbey: So, rumor has it you're going to have a chat with the groom tomorrow morning.
Bartlet: I am.
Abbey: Well, that will be lovely, I'm sure!
Bartlet: What? I did it with Doug!
Abbey: Yeah. I don't recall that as being an unqualified success.
Bartlet: Well, now I've had a run of it.
Abbey: You do know that talking him out of marrying your daughter is not an option.
Bartlet: Yeah. [pause] You really think it's not an option?
Bartlet: I am.
Abbey: Well, that will be lovely, I'm sure!
Bartlet: What? I did it with Doug!
Abbey: Yeah. I don't recall that as being an unqualified success.
Bartlet: Well, now I've had a run of it.
Abbey: You do know that talking him out of marrying your daughter is not an option.
Bartlet: Yeah. [pause] You really think it's not an option?
TV Show: The West Wing
Will: [at a press conference on TV] Uh, they'll be walking down the aisle to "Sorge Nel Patto", the aria Gaffredo sings to his daughter in Handel's Rinaldo. The aria was picked for its beauty and its text, which translates roughly to, "a certain delight surges from my breast and promises to calm my heart."
Kate: That was lovely.
Will: I made it up. Don't tell.
Kate: That was lovely.
Will: I made it up. Don't tell.
TV Show: The West Wing
Vic: Sir, was there something you wanted to discuss?
Bartlet: No, no. I just thought...you know, when you have a daughter, you just like to know...you really want to know whether...ah, hell. Just tell me you decided to marry her before you got her pregnant.
Vic: Eleven months, two weeks and three days.
Bartlet: Excuse me?
Vic: That's when I decided to marry her: a year ago, on our third date.
Bartlet: What was wrong with the first two?
Bartlet: No, no. I just thought...you know, when you have a daughter, you just like to know...you really want to know whether...ah, hell. Just tell me you decided to marry her before you got her pregnant.
Vic: Eleven months, two weeks and three days.
Bartlet: Excuse me?
Vic: That's when I decided to marry her: a year ago, on our third date.
Bartlet: What was wrong with the first two?
TV Show: The West Wing
Santos: [about Josh] How'd it go?
Leo: Fine.
Santos: You taking over?
Leo: No.
Santos: Leo, I thought we...
Leo: Josh is going to make a lot of strategic decisions over the next few weeks. He's going to sweat them like life and death. And they'll be important, sure, which is why you and me are going to be in on every one of them. But they're meaningless compared to the decision the voters are going to have to make just by listening to you and trying to see if they can connect with the idea of Matt Santos as President. And Josh has nothing to do with that. Goodwin's right: Josh has taken you as far as he can. The rest is up to you.
Leo: Fine.
Santos: You taking over?
Leo: No.
Santos: Leo, I thought we...
Leo: Josh is going to make a lot of strategic decisions over the next few weeks. He's going to sweat them like life and death. And they'll be important, sure, which is why you and me are going to be in on every one of them. But they're meaningless compared to the decision the voters are going to have to make just by listening to you and trying to see if they can connect with the idea of Matt Santos as President. And Josh has nothing to do with that. Goodwin's right: Josh has taken you as far as he can. The rest is up to you.
TV Show: The West Wing
Martin Sheen: Good evening. On December 16, we lost our good friend and colleague John Spencer. Through our shock and grief, we can think of no more fitting memorial to this wonderful man, this extraordinary actor, than to share with you, beginning tonight, the last few months of his work here on The West Wing. Johnny, it seems we hardly knew you; we love you and we miss you.
TV Show: The West Wing
[Josh and Donna are on the phone with each other]
Santos: Tell Josh to chill.
Donna: Josh, chill.
Josh: Did you just tell me to chill?
Donna: It would appear so.
Josh: Is it somehow not clear that I'm your boss?
Donna: Congressman's recommendation.
Josh: Oh.
Donna: To which I heartily concur.
Josh: Yeah, I don't think you tell me to chill.
Donna: I wanted to scream it everyday for eight years.
Josh: Whatever inhibition prevented you, summon it.
Santos: Tell Josh to chill.
Donna: Josh, chill.
Josh: Did you just tell me to chill?
Donna: It would appear so.
Josh: Is it somehow not clear that I'm your boss?
Donna: Congressman's recommendation.
Josh: Oh.
Donna: To which I heartily concur.
Josh: Yeah, I don't think you tell me to chill.
Donna: I wanted to scream it everyday for eight years.
Josh: Whatever inhibition prevented you, summon it.
TV Show: The West Wing
Sullivan: We have had a good time always running for the center. But the party's over. You're a Republican, you need to start talking to the Republican, conservative base.
Bruno: Nail him to the cross. He can stump for votes on the Via Dolorosa.
Bruno: Nail him to the cross. He can stump for votes on the Via Dolorosa.
TV Show: The West Wing
Will: I have a thing of yours.
Kate: My Pyongyang book, good. I tore up my whole office looking for it.
Will: It's not that.
Kate: Really?
Will: Really.
Kate: It's in a blue binder. It may not be —
Will: Nothing in a blue binder.
Kate: Are you sure? I mean, picking it out —
Will: It's a bra.
Kate: ...oh, okay.
Kate: My Pyongyang book, good. I tore up my whole office looking for it.
Will: It's not that.
Kate: Really?
Will: Really.
Kate: It's in a blue binder. It may not be —
Will: Nothing in a blue binder.
Kate: Are you sure? I mean, picking it out —
Will: It's a bra.
Kate: ...oh, okay.
TV Show: The West Wing
Josh: [looking at Donna] Oh, this must be what your first smack high feels like.
CJ: Here's hoping it's not followed by a huge crash and years of rehabilitation.
Josh: Nothing could kill my mood right now, but that was a good try.
CJ: Here's hoping it's not followed by a huge crash and years of rehabilitation.
Josh: Nothing could kill my mood right now, but that was a good try.
TV Show: The West Wing
Santos: Is there a problem?
Helen: It's just that when you said you were going to come home and spend time with the kids, I thought you were going to spend some time with the kids.
Santos: I played with them this morning.
Santos: I don't want to get in their faces. They're sick.
Helen: They have head colds. It's unlikely you'll start bleeding from the eyes.
Santos: I'm in the middle of a Presidential campaign.
Helen: That's where you've been nights.
Santos: I know it's been rough.
Helen: The kids being issued panic buttons and the house transformed into an armed camp?
Santos: A bit of an exaggeration.
Helen: Do the windows in here look any different?
Santos: No, not really.
Helen: It's amazing the natural look they can achieve now with bulletproof glass. Labor Day, the barbecue: I had to provide the Secret Service with everyone's names, Social Security numbers, birth dates. To come by and have a hot dog, everybody had to be issued ID pins. My mother walking around tagged like she was some threatening wacko. If you're considering this an opportunity to crack a mother-in-law joke, you are seriously misjudging the mood of your audience.
Santos: [pause] I had a real good one, too.
Helen: Yeah, what?
Santos: Too late. [pause] I'm sorry. Tomorrow will be better.
[Helen laughs.]
Santos: Hey, think about the neat place we get to live in once we win this thing.
Helen: It's just that when you said you were going to come home and spend time with the kids, I thought you were going to spend some time with the kids.
Santos: I played with them this morning.
Santos: I don't want to get in their faces. They're sick.
Helen: They have head colds. It's unlikely you'll start bleeding from the eyes.
Santos: I'm in the middle of a Presidential campaign.
Helen: That's where you've been nights.
Santos: I know it's been rough.
Helen: The kids being issued panic buttons and the house transformed into an armed camp?
Santos: A bit of an exaggeration.
Helen: Do the windows in here look any different?
Santos: No, not really.
Helen: It's amazing the natural look they can achieve now with bulletproof glass. Labor Day, the barbecue: I had to provide the Secret Service with everyone's names, Social Security numbers, birth dates. To come by and have a hot dog, everybody had to be issued ID pins. My mother walking around tagged like she was some threatening wacko. If you're considering this an opportunity to crack a mother-in-law joke, you are seriously misjudging the mood of your audience.
Santos: [pause] I had a real good one, too.
Helen: Yeah, what?
Santos: Too late. [pause] I'm sorry. Tomorrow will be better.
[Helen laughs.]
Santos: Hey, think about the neat place we get to live in once we win this thing.
TV Show: The West Wing
Josh: I forget, in D.C. do they allow felons to vote? [pause] Too soon?
Toby: Yeah, a little bit.
Toby: Yeah, a little bit.
TV Show: The West Wing
Josh: Get some rest. I need you to look pretty for 20 million TV viewers.
Leo: If that's what we're counting on, the campaign is doomed.
Leo: If that's what we're counting on, the campaign is doomed.
TV Show: The West Wing
CJ: I wanna do my job. I wanna suck every morsel of meat off this experience before it's over.
Danny: Just get something done, will ya?
C.J.: That'll come down to what it always comes down to.
Danny: What's that?
C.J.: How dirty do my feet have to get without disappearing into the mud in order to get an inch of what I really want done.
Danny: Just get something done, will ya?
C.J.: That'll come down to what it always comes down to.
Danny: What's that?
C.J.: How dirty do my feet have to get without disappearing into the mud in order to get an inch of what I really want done.
TV Show: The West Wing
Danny: We're both about to fall off a cliff. And I don't know what I'm gonna do with the rest of my life, except I know what I don't wanna do. And on Inauguration Day, you're going to be released from that glorious prison on Pennsylvania Avenue, with...
C.J.: No human skills?
Danny: Seems to me...
C.J.: I should punch you in the face.
Danny: That's what I'm talking about.
C.J.: Keep going...
Danny: So, if I'm gonna jump off the cliff, and you're gonna get pushed off the cliff, why don't we hold hands on the way down?
C.J.: No human skills?
Danny: Seems to me...
C.J.: I should punch you in the face.
Danny: That's what I'm talking about.
C.J.: Keep going...
Danny: So, if I'm gonna jump off the cliff, and you're gonna get pushed off the cliff, why don't we hold hands on the way down?
TV Show: The West Wing
C.J.: Men are like salmon. Swimming upstream, hosing down the riverbed with their indiscriminate seed...
Danny: Indiscriminate seed?
C.J.: Until...
Danny: Did you just say "indiscriminate seed"?
C.J.: Until they die, bloated and spent, belly-up in the sun.
Danny: Oh, quit sweet-talkin' me, baby.
C.J.: Unless they get taken out with a bear paw in the waterfall, as they deserve to be.
Danny: Indiscriminate seed?
C.J.: Until...
Danny: Did you just say "indiscriminate seed"?
C.J.: Until they die, bloated and spent, belly-up in the sun.
Danny: Oh, quit sweet-talkin' me, baby.
C.J.: Unless they get taken out with a bear paw in the waterfall, as they deserve to be.
TV Show: The West Wing
Will: What's wrong?
C.J.: Close the door.
Will: I didn't do it.
C.J.: Close the door.
Will: Toby did it.
C.J.: Shut up!
Will: [closes the door] Gonna talk now? [silence] Seriously. I don't react well to this... It's like staring at a dog.
C.J.: I think Doug Westin is having an affair with his nanny.
Will: Geez! I don't wanna know that! Why did you tell me that?
C.J.: Because you deal with the press and I don't want you to get blind sided.
Will: Exactly! I work with the press. I do my best work when I'm the least informed person in the room. You taught me that.
C.J.: Suck it up.
C.J.: Close the door.
Will: I didn't do it.
C.J.: Close the door.
Will: Toby did it.
C.J.: Shut up!
Will: [closes the door] Gonna talk now? [silence] Seriously. I don't react well to this... It's like staring at a dog.
C.J.: I think Doug Westin is having an affair with his nanny.
Will: Geez! I don't wanna know that! Why did you tell me that?
C.J.: Because you deal with the press and I don't want you to get blind sided.
Will: Exactly! I work with the press. I do my best work when I'm the least informed person in the room. You taught me that.
C.J.: Suck it up.
TV Show: The West Wing
Santos: Yes, we worry about what's happening in the culture: we have two young children. But censorship is like saying I can't have a steak because a baby can't chew it. Let's be careful. Yeah?
TV Show: The West Wing
Bartlet: [Trying to persuade the California governor to evacuate San Andreo] Better a few fender benders on the I-5 than a generation of babies with thyroid cancer.
TV Show: The West Wing
Bartlet: [trying to figure out the nuclear plant accident] I thought a degree in economics was plenty for this job. My kingdom for a plumbing license.
TV Show: The West Wing
CJ: Are you ready?
Will: To fly into a massive cloud of radiation while the rest of the country is making hats out of tin foil?
CJ: It was a rhetorical question.
Will: To fly into a massive cloud of radiation while the rest of the country is making hats out of tin foil?
CJ: It was a rhetorical question.
TV Show: The West Wing
Vinick: [who endorsed nuclear power during the debate] Every time they show that debate clip, it looks like I ran into that plant myself and spilled uranium on the floor!
TV Show: The West Wing