The West Wing Quotes
Toby: Listen to me. We've got all kinds of atmospheric cabin pressure up here. We're a little late, so the Colonel's put the hammer down in a 747. You've got wind shear, downdraft, massive turbulence, not to mention four giant engines burning jet fuel at galactic temperatures. We're standing in a flying death tube! [people look up] No, not the rest of y-y-you, it's just my family. It's fine. Look...
Andy: What do you want me to do, step off?
Toby: Also, you've got twins in there; you're basically a minivan. How are you fitting into a seat?
Andy: Uh-uh... I saw him first, girls.
Andy: What do you want me to do, step off?
Toby: Also, you've got twins in there; you're basically a minivan. How are you fitting into a seat?
Andy: Uh-uh... I saw him first, girls.
TV Show: The West Wing
Abbey: How did you live with Josh Lyman?
Amy: I'm sorry?
Abbey: How did you live with him? He beat Max out of the 12 million earmarked for vaccine education. And when I said I wanted the 12 million he said "So did I. And at the end of a prize-fight, you look at the guy who's dancing around and that's who won"? So I wanna know how you lived with him.
Amy: We never technically lived together which was the subject of many...
Abbey: Don't you wanna kill him when he says things like that?
Amy: My problem is I wanna jump him when he says things like that.
Abbey: Where'd you get your mouth?
Amy: Brown, then Yale Law School.
Amy: I'm sorry?
Abbey: How did you live with him? He beat Max out of the 12 million earmarked for vaccine education. And when I said I wanted the 12 million he said "So did I. And at the end of a prize-fight, you look at the guy who's dancing around and that's who won"? So I wanna know how you lived with him.
Amy: We never technically lived together which was the subject of many...
Abbey: Don't you wanna kill him when he says things like that?
Amy: My problem is I wanna jump him when he says things like that.
Abbey: Where'd you get your mouth?
Amy: Brown, then Yale Law School.
TV Show: The West Wing
Sam: [in jail] How'd you call Josh? Didn't they take your cell phone from you?
Toby: [motioning to a group of prostitutes] I used theirs.
Sam: So on a call-girl's phone bill, there's gonna be a call to Air Force One?
Toby: You really gonna be teaching a seminar on call-girl caution? Really?
Toby: [motioning to a group of prostitutes] I used theirs.
Sam: So on a call-girl's phone bill, there's gonna be a call to Air Force One?
Toby: You really gonna be teaching a seminar on call-girl caution? Really?
TV Show: The West Wing
Toby: It made the news out there?
Will: A Jewish guy won a bar fight. It's news everywhere.
Will: A Jewish guy won a bar fight. It's news everywhere.
TV Show: The West Wing
CJ: [about the First Lady's speech] You should tell her not to talk about the House vote.
Charlie: You want me to tell Mrs. Bartlet she's going to look like a dilettante?
CJ: I once had to tell the President he was wearing two different shoes.
Charlie: That's roughly the same.
Charlie: You want me to tell Mrs. Bartlet she's going to look like a dilettante?
CJ: I once had to tell the President he was wearing two different shoes.
Charlie: That's roughly the same.
TV Show: The West Wing
Toby: [to Sam] You're gonna lose, and you're gonna lose huge, they're gonna be throwing rocks at you next week, and I wanna be standing next to you when they do.
TV Show: The West Wing
Abbey: So we're for freedom of speech everywhere but poor countries, where they can have our help, but only if they live up to Clancy Bangert's moral standards? What the hell kind of free world are you running?
Bartlet: I really don't know, Abby. The day hasn't started yet.
Bartlet: I really don't know, Abby. The day hasn't started yet.
TV Show: The West Wing
Company Guy: We don't make chemicals, Toby. We make ideas.
Toby: Uh huh. But what do you sell?
Company Guy: Chemicals.
Toby: Uh huh. But what do you sell?
Company Guy: Chemicals.
TV Show: The West Wing
Charlie: Do you have a girlfriend?
Will: No.
Charlie: When was the last time you did?
Will: About nine months ago.
Charlie: How long did it last?
Will: About two days. In my defense, though, she was psycho.
Charlie: So why are you giving me relationship help?
Will: Because I'm the only one in this conversation who didn't get a Dear John email from his ex-girlfriend's boyfriend.
Charlie: God, that's really true, isn't it?
Will: No.
Charlie: When was the last time you did?
Will: About nine months ago.
Charlie: How long did it last?
Will: About two days. In my defense, though, she was psycho.
Charlie: So why are you giving me relationship help?
Will: Because I'm the only one in this conversation who didn't get a Dear John email from his ex-girlfriend's boyfriend.
Charlie: God, that's really true, isn't it?
TV Show: The West Wing
Amy: Am I being hazed? Is this a hazing? 'Cause I'll go along and everything, but I have to see Josh...
Will: It's not a hazing. They don't do that. [feels in his pocket] Except... yes, you put olives in my jacket again.
CJ: I did, I did do that. But this is on the level.
Will: It's not a hazing. They don't do that. [feels in his pocket] Except... yes, you put olives in my jacket again.
CJ: I did, I did do that. But this is on the level.
TV Show: The West Wing
Zoey: Are you going to do what I asked in the email?
Charlie: No.
Zoey: You just refuse.
Charlie: I do. I refuse, respectfully.
Zoey: You can't refuse and be respectful at the same time.
Charlie: Watch me. Ask again.
Zoey: Stop pursuing me.
Charlie: Respectfully, no.
Zoey: Why?
Charlie: 'Cause I'm in love with you, and that's the way it goes.
Charlie: No.
Zoey: You just refuse.
Charlie: I do. I refuse, respectfully.
Zoey: You can't refuse and be respectful at the same time.
Charlie: Watch me. Ask again.
Zoey: Stop pursuing me.
Charlie: Respectfully, no.
Zoey: Why?
Charlie: 'Cause I'm in love with you, and that's the way it goes.
TV Show: The West Wing
Will: There's a Festival of Lights and Bonfires in this region that accompanies something called the Wildflower, you know, Renaissance, with lilac and ochre.
Reporter: That you can see from thirty-three thousand feet?
Will: Yes, it's arranged in a pattern that befuddles astronomers to this day. We should be coming up on it any...
Chris: Oh my God!
Will: Of course, on the right side of the plane, there's an F-16 Falcon.
Reporter: That you can see from thirty-three thousand feet?
Will: Yes, it's arranged in a pattern that befuddles astronomers to this day. We should be coming up on it any...
Chris: Oh my God!
Will: Of course, on the right side of the plane, there's an F-16 Falcon.
TV Show: The West Wing
Josh: Stopping all bipartisan legislation is like saying 'Let's blow up the place. Maybe voters'll hire us to rebuild it.'
TV Show: The West Wing
Leo: By the way, not for nothing, but draftees aren't nearly as well trained. It's why there were so many casualties in Vietnam.
Toby: Right. Also, the Vietcong.
Leo: Plus that.
Toby: Right. Also, the Vietcong.
Leo: Plus that.
TV Show: The West Wing
C.J.: It's okay, you're afraid of flying.
Will: I'm not afraid of flying. I... experience flying.
Will: I'm not afraid of flying. I... experience flying.
TV Show: The West Wing
Katie: If there is an issue of national security, isn't it also a national issue for everyone down there?
Reporter: In other words, turn on the damn phones.
C.J.: Someone ask Steve what time it is; it's going to crack you up!
Reporter: C.J....
C.J.: How is it a threat to anyone on the ground?
Steve: Air Force One generally doesn't break all by itself.
C.J.: Steve...
Steve: Claudia, in a room someplace, they're talking about the possibility that the plane was sabotaged.
C.J.: By screwing with the front wheel?
Mark: If the malfunction is because of a leak in the hydraulics, and they try to recycle the gear, the front end of the plane's gonna blow up.
C.J.: No, you're right, I should definitely let you use the phones.
Reporter: In other words, turn on the damn phones.
C.J.: Someone ask Steve what time it is; it's going to crack you up!
Reporter: C.J....
C.J.: How is it a threat to anyone on the ground?
Steve: Air Force One generally doesn't break all by itself.
C.J.: Steve...
Steve: Claudia, in a room someplace, they're talking about the possibility that the plane was sabotaged.
C.J.: By screwing with the front wheel?
Mark: If the malfunction is because of a leak in the hydraulics, and they try to recycle the gear, the front end of the plane's gonna blow up.
C.J.: No, you're right, I should definitely let you use the phones.
TV Show: The West Wing
CJ: The substance of things hoped for, and the evidence of things not seen.
Toby: I think what he's asking is why, on most other nights, do you think the world's going to hell in a hula hoop, but tonight...
CJ: We dip twice and eat gefilte fish?
Toby: Suzy Creamcheese, do not attempt the Haggadah.
CJ: I know how to bless the soup, too.
Toby: I think what he's asking is why, on most other nights, do you think the world's going to hell in a hula hoop, but tonight...
CJ: We dip twice and eat gefilte fish?
Toby: Suzy Creamcheese, do not attempt the Haggadah.
CJ: I know how to bless the soup, too.
TV Show: The West Wing
Toby: And they're sending in a team of lawyers to look into it?
Will: Yeah, but we're scrappy.
Will: Yeah, but we're scrappy.
TV Show: The West Wing
Josh: Your sense of humor's a bit of a high wire act isn't it? You're really trying to thread the needle.
Donna: And half of it you don't even get.
Donna: And half of it you don't even get.
TV Show: The West Wing
CJ: There's no website supporting it?
Toby: And you gotta ask yourself, if no one on the Internet wants a piece of this, just how far from the pack have you strayed?
Toby: And you gotta ask yourself, if no one on the Internet wants a piece of this, just how far from the pack have you strayed?
TV Show: The West Wing
Joe: I know that when life expectancy goes up, that's not victimizing undertakers.
CJ: Well argued, though I do hate you and everything you stand for.
Joe: Claudia Jean, you've only known me for four minutes. Usually it takes people the better part of an hour to hate me and everything I stand for.
CJ: I'm the Press Secretary, Boo-Boo. I don't have that kind of time.
CJ: Well argued, though I do hate you and everything you stand for.
Joe: Claudia Jean, you've only known me for four minutes. Usually it takes people the better part of an hour to hate me and everything I stand for.
CJ: I'm the Press Secretary, Boo-Boo. I don't have that kind of time.
TV Show: The West Wing
Will: I came in to show you the spots and to tell you I think we should run a counter-ad. I don't have an idea for one.
Toby: Well get one! Have an idea! Don't come in here with half a thing and not be able to - you know, after you've walked me to the brink, and say 'we've got to do this, it's important, though I have no earthly idea how.' Like one of those guys who buys a big new thing, but doesn't really know how to get the most out of it!
Will: Toby, either get Andy to marry you, or kill yourself.
Toby: [pause] Yeah.
Toby: Well get one! Have an idea! Don't come in here with half a thing and not be able to - you know, after you've walked me to the brink, and say 'we've got to do this, it's important, though I have no earthly idea how.' Like one of those guys who buys a big new thing, but doesn't really know how to get the most out of it!
Will: Toby, either get Andy to marry you, or kill yourself.
Toby: [pause] Yeah.
TV Show: The West Wing
Charlie: Are you eating a salad?
Toby: Yeah.
Charlie: Why?
Toby: 'Cause I am.
Charlie: I don't think I've ever seen you eat a salad. What kind of salad is it?
Toby: I don't know.
Charlie: Just mixed greens?
Toby: I don't know what kind of salad it is, I'm eating a salad, okay? I'm doing it, do I have to know the names? There's no difference between them, it's a bowl of weeds!
[Charlie looks at Toby silently]
Toby: Some of them have cheese, this isn't the kind with cheese, does that answer your question?
[Charlie continues to look at Toby silently]
Toby: How many years have you guys been 'Toby, you eat like a teenager.' 'Toby, that's red meat.' 'That's your second cigar.' Here I am, eating this salad, which, by the way, you could cover this thing in barbecue sauce and it still tastes like the ground, and I'm getting heckled from the gallery! Who wanted to come in here and eat his roast beef sandwich with ketchup on a kaiser roll and watch the damn tennis on my TV! That's all I'm saying.
Charlie: Man, Toby, you're really doing everything you can do to get that woman to marry you?
Toby: Yeah.
Charlie: Why?
Toby: 'Cause I am.
Charlie: I don't think I've ever seen you eat a salad. What kind of salad is it?
Toby: I don't know.
Charlie: Just mixed greens?
Toby: I don't know what kind of salad it is, I'm eating a salad, okay? I'm doing it, do I have to know the names? There's no difference between them, it's a bowl of weeds!
[Charlie looks at Toby silently]
Toby: Some of them have cheese, this isn't the kind with cheese, does that answer your question?
[Charlie continues to look at Toby silently]
Toby: How many years have you guys been 'Toby, you eat like a teenager.' 'Toby, that's red meat.' 'That's your second cigar.' Here I am, eating this salad, which, by the way, you could cover this thing in barbecue sauce and it still tastes like the ground, and I'm getting heckled from the gallery! Who wanted to come in here and eat his roast beef sandwich with ketchup on a kaiser roll and watch the damn tennis on my TV! That's all I'm saying.
Charlie: Man, Toby, you're really doing everything you can do to get that woman to marry you?
TV Show: The West Wing
Leo: [to Hoynes] You're a giant, John. You're a US Senator, the Vice-President of the United States, and presumptive nominee of your party. You cannot be taken down by this... cheap person and her customers huddled around Macy's window waiting for someone to turn themselves inside out.
TV Show: The West Wing
Danny: You want to comment on a wire report that says that the President lifted his gown and groped himself during the Invocation?
C.J.: Yeah, that was a troubling moment, but he had to get his napkin.
C.J.: Yeah, that was a troubling moment, but he had to get his napkin.
TV Show: The West Wing
Butterfield: We have a situation. We're up at black, and procedurally, the Chief of Staff is told before--
Leo: What happened?
Butterfield: Zoey Bartlet's missing, and there's a dead agent at the scene.
Leo: What happened?
Butterfield: Zoey Bartlet's missing, and there's a dead agent at the scene.
TV Show: The West Wing
Leo: [to CJ] Do not get into a discussion of the President's emotional state. You have to pivot whatever you get to Commander-in-Chief...We're in control. The government is functioning. This is the most important press conference of your life.
TV Show: The West Wing
Bartlet: I need you to tell me now: Do you think she's already dead?
Leo: I absolutely do not.
Bartlet: If they show me a picture of her alive and tell me to aim cruise missiles at Tel Aviv, they're counting on the fact that a father--
Leo: But you wouldn't.
Bartlet: I might.
Leo: There are people around you who won't let you.
Bartlet: How about a picture they've got a knife to her throat; get out of Saudi Arabia?
Leo: You shouldn't think of images like that.
Bartlet: All I can think of are images like that...Leo, the people you just named don't have the legal authority to stop me from doing certain things, and some of them would go to jail if they didn't follow my orders. Very quietly, I want you to assemble the Cabinet. I want you to call the Speaker of the House.
Leo: I absolutely do not.
Bartlet: If they show me a picture of her alive and tell me to aim cruise missiles at Tel Aviv, they're counting on the fact that a father--
Leo: But you wouldn't.
Bartlet: I might.
Leo: There are people around you who won't let you.
Bartlet: How about a picture they've got a knife to her throat; get out of Saudi Arabia?
Leo: You shouldn't think of images like that.
Bartlet: All I can think of are images like that...Leo, the people you just named don't have the legal authority to stop me from doing certain things, and some of them would go to jail if they didn't follow my orders. Very quietly, I want you to assemble the Cabinet. I want you to call the Speaker of the House.
TV Show: The West Wing
Nancy: It was an absurd kidnapping. She's not going to turn up in a Bahji camp... she's going to turn up in the back of a muffler shop.
Fitzwallace: Well, I'm looking at Syria moving twenty thousand troops closer to Lebanon today. And Pakistan testing a long-range missile, so... I'm not sure about that.
Fitzwallace: Well, I'm looking at Syria moving twenty thousand troops closer to Lebanon today. And Pakistan testing a long-range missile, so... I'm not sure about that.
TV Show: The West Wing