The Oblongs Quotes

[Shoes come down and hit Mikey in the head and knock him out]
Milo: Wow, these are Michael Jumps-a-Lots! I'm keeping them!
[Hobo walks by]
Hobo: Wow, an unconscious kid! I'm keeping him! [picks up Mikey]

TV Show: The Oblongs
Helga: Wow! I've never felt prettier then with this garbage can over my head. Wow, the irony is even in my grasp.

TV Show: The Oblongs
Mikey: Do you have anything that will take attention away from my buttocks?
Saleswoman: A world war?
Helga: You're funny! You're also old.
Susie: Soon you will be dead. Then we dig up your grave and make your corpse do embarrassing things à la Weekend at Bernie's.

TV Show: The Oblongs
Bob: Parent-teacher night is two hoots and a sock full of yowzas!
Chip: How do you survive in the world?

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Bob: It's probably best not to wear those today, son. It's raining cats and dogs outside.
Milo: Oh, no!
Bob: Actually, it's raining rain. I'm just busting your chops.

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Susie: [To Milo, while wearing a frilly dress] You cruel bastard.

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Bob: Where are all our customers? Surely everyone saw the one-line advertisement I placed in the "et cetera" section of our local PennySaver.
Beth: Maybe they don't want to smell like flowers and pork.
Pickles: That's their problem. I think it's two great smells that smell great together.

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Pickles: There ya go. Now it's a ham bucket.

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[The family is having dinner in a restaurant]
Biff: Man, I wish we could eat decent food like this every day.
Pickles: I wish you could too, but that would involve me and the kitchen, and I'm just not seeing it.

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[Pickles is selling ham buckets. Milo's friends arrive]
Pickles: Fifty bucks.
Helga: Fifty bones? I ain't got that kind of scratch. I work for a living, lady.
Pickles: For Milo's little friends, they're on the house.
Milo: But they'll cheapen the coolness factor.
Pickles: Do you want another spanking like last night?
Milo: Mom, that wasn't me. That was Dad.
Pickles: That's none of your business.

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Debbie: [after seeing Milo fall down a flight of stairs] Bitchin' move!
[The other kids follow suit]
Jared: Ow! My spine!

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Pickles: Here, take this and go get me 50 buckets and 50 yams!
Milo: HAMS, mom! HAMS! Who would wear a yam?!

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[Pickles answers the door and sees all the Debbies standing on her porch]
Pickles: Either I'm really smashed or you and your friends look exactly alike!

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Helga: Well, well, well! A dog always returns to its vomit... wait a minute.

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Milo: Helga, stop eating your fringe.
Helga: You shouldn't have made it out of bacon.

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Peggy: Why should we help you when you've been a fantastic ass?!

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Milo: I know about the attitude, but how do I not care about what people think?
Pickles: Well, I have a great husband and great kids and you all think I'm cool.
Milo: Are you saying I should marry Dad?

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Bob: Morphine... what a rascal!

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Pickles: Why can't you be like your brother and QUIETLY read pornography?
Biff: I prefer to stay focused on the manliness of sports. Coach always says heart, obedience, motivation, opportunity... H - O - M - O.
Beth: That spells 'homo'.
Biff: You don't know how to spell!

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Helga: [about Milo's sports drink, Manic] Looks like pee, tastes like crap!
Milo: Maybe we shouldn't say "Tastes like crap."
Susie: Milo, these days you need a slick marketing campaign to succeed.

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Everybody: Hail Milo! Hail Milo!
Man Among Group: Hail Satan!... Sorry, got swept up in the moment.

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Debbie: [gasps] Crashers! and that fat girl has my locket!
Helga: Debbie! It's Me, your best friend, Helga... and I'm not fat, I'm zaftig.

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Milo: [Grunts] I can't get the locket off. The clasp is covered with fat.
Helga: Zaftig! It's covered by Zaftig.

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Jared: Stupid gravity!

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Milo: [as he and his friends are rolling away] Kiss my butt goodbye! [The ball rolls back to where it started] Um, I'm sorry about that "butt" crack. Buttcrack! I'm on a roll!

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Helga: [stuck in the sewer and surrounded by food] Hey guys! Want some Egg Foo Yung?
Peggy: Helga, you're supposed to be losing weight!
Helga: It's not my fault. All this stuff just fell down here. So I'm not Kate Moss. Big deal.
Milo: Kate Moss isn't stuck in a sewer.
Helga: Oh, I don't know. When you think about it, isn't there no bigger sewer than the world of professional modeling?

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Mikey: [being stung by wasps] The candy's stinging me!

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Debbie: [seeing the American flag] Look! The Ralph Lauren flag!

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Pickles: [singing; bringing in cake] Happy whatever to whoever, happy whatever to whoever! Mazel Tov!
Milo: [tastes the frosting; lurches back in disgust] This cake tastes weird...
Pickles: Well, we didn't have any chocolate icing, so I used deviled ham instead. Enjoy!

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Pickles: Make a wish!
Milo: I wish I was dead...
Susie: Milo, if you say it out loud, it won't come true.

TV Show: The Oblongs