The Nanny Quotes
Sylvia: I can't believe [Niles] quit. It's so sad. I can still smell his chicken cacciatore. It's like when you lose a limb and swear it's still there.
TV Show: The Nanny
Niles: I've come back! Hide me please!
Fran: What happened?
Niles: I can handle the jacuzzis and giving the oil massages. I can even suck on a big toe the size of a Louisville Slugger but I do NOT... do windows.
Frieda: NILESY!!
Niles: Oh, God, Sasquatch!
Fran: What happened?
Niles: I can handle the jacuzzis and giving the oil massages. I can even suck on a big toe the size of a Louisville Slugger but I do NOT... do windows.
Frieda: NILESY!!
Niles: Oh, God, Sasquatch!
TV Show: The Nanny
Bellhop: [To Mr. Sheffield] Can I have your last name, sir?
Fran: Good luck. I've been waiting five years for it.
Fran: Good luck. I've been waiting five years for it.
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Niles: All I wanted was a simple thank you. I suppose in order to get some attention around here, I have to hop up on your desk in my short skirt.
Mr. Sheffield: Did you say "my"?
Niles: I was putting myself in Ms. Fine's shoes.
Mr. Sheffield: Well, you can't wear those wingtips with your skirt. Make you look stumpy.
Niles: He who belts "I'm Gonna Wash That Man Right Outta My Hair" in the shower should not throw stones. I assure you I am the most masculine one in this room... [Enter C.C.] ...until now.
Mr. Sheffield: Did you say "my"?
Niles: I was putting myself in Ms. Fine's shoes.
Mr. Sheffield: Well, you can't wear those wingtips with your skirt. Make you look stumpy.
Niles: He who belts "I'm Gonna Wash That Man Right Outta My Hair" in the shower should not throw stones. I assure you I am the most masculine one in this room... [Enter C.C.] ...until now.
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Fran: I was the most popular girl in school. It said so on all the bathroom walls.
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Maggie: How lucky is your grandmother getting married at her age. Do you know the odds of a woman over 35 finding a husband?
Sylvia: 1 in 1245.6
Fran: Uh-huh. How much do you weigh, Ma?
Sylvia: Who can remember numbers?
Sylvia: 1 in 1245.6
Fran: Uh-huh. How much do you weigh, Ma?
Sylvia: Who can remember numbers?
TV Show: The Nanny
Fran: Dr. Miller, I had the weirdest dream last night. Grandma Yetta was running down a football field carrying a bridal bouquet and Count Basie was waiting for her at the end zone when Miss Piggy comes walking by carrying a very lean corn beef sandwich and says: "You are not getting any younger."
Dr. Miller: Clearly the dream indicates that you are bitter and upset over the fact that your 85-year-old grandmother is getting married for the second time when you haven't been married once.
Fran: Really?! Now you see I just thought I had a thing for jazz and the Muppets. Duh!... I'm gonna stop obsessing on wanting to be married and follow my dream. From here on end, I'm gonna be a more interesting mature independent woman. Maybe then he'll propose.
Dr. Miller: Clearly the dream indicates that you are bitter and upset over the fact that your 85-year-old grandmother is getting married for the second time when you haven't been married once.
Fran: Really?! Now you see I just thought I had a thing for jazz and the Muppets. Duh!... I'm gonna stop obsessing on wanting to be married and follow my dream. From here on end, I'm gonna be a more interesting mature independent woman. Maybe then he'll propose.
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Mr. Sheffield: It's driving me crazy, her being out with some other man. I can share these feelings with you because I'm not in love with you.
Niles: [Coyly] Nobody looks good at two in the morning.
Niles: [Coyly] Nobody looks good at two in the morning.
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C. C.: Hello Steve, C.C. Babcock. I understand you're a professor. And you're going out with Nanny Fine. What's the matter, research wouldn't give you a chimp?
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[Negotiating days off at work with Mr. Sheffield]
Niles: I'll bring you back Cuban cigars.
Fran: I'll send my mother to Cuba.
Niles: I'll make you Baked Alaska.
Fran: I'll send my mother to Alaska.
Mr. Sheffield: In all fairness, Niles did ask me first.
Fran: He's wearing your suit!
Niles: She's wearing Ms. Gracie's skirt.
Fran: And that's how I just won.
Niles: I'll bring you back Cuban cigars.
Fran: I'll send my mother to Cuba.
Niles: I'll make you Baked Alaska.
Fran: I'll send my mother to Alaska.
Mr. Sheffield: In all fairness, Niles did ask me first.
Fran: He's wearing your suit!
Niles: She's wearing Ms. Gracie's skirt.
Fran: And that's how I just won.
TV Show: The Nanny
Niles: I don't know what I was doing in that unholy alliance with Babcock.
Fran: I know. It's like Yogi dumping Boo Boo for the Ranger.
Fran: I know. It's like Yogi dumping Boo Boo for the Ranger.
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Sylvia: Since I started my diet, I went down an entire cup size.
Fran: What cup size did you go down to, Ma? Stanley?
Fran: What cup size did you go down to, Ma? Stanley?
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C. C.: Maxwell, there's a horrifying glimpse of the future. A 250-pound apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
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[Anticipating the arrival of a famous actress]
C. C.: When she gets here, I don't want any screw-ups. [Starts sniffing]
Mr. Sheffield: What are you doing?
C.C.: I'm sniffing for Alberto VO 5, Top Ramen, anything that reeks of Nanny Fine.
C. C.: When she gets here, I don't want any screw-ups. [Starts sniffing]
Mr. Sheffield: What are you doing?
C.C.: I'm sniffing for Alberto VO 5, Top Ramen, anything that reeks of Nanny Fine.
TV Show: The Nanny
Fran: Are you implying that I cannot keep this thing a secret?
Mr. Sheffield: C'mon, Ms. Fine, the only secret safe with you is your age. Barry Scheck and a whole barrel of sodium penthatol couldn't drag that out!
Mr. Sheffield: C'mon, Ms. Fine, the only secret safe with you is your age. Barry Scheck and a whole barrel of sodium penthatol couldn't drag that out!
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Niles: [To C.C] In the risk of sounding like the doctor who delivered you, this could get ugly.
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Mr. Sheffield: [About Fran] Niles, I don't know what the woman wants anymore! What am I supposed to do?
Niles: May I speak freely, sir?
Mr. Sheffield: Yes, of course, old boy.
Niles: [menacingly] I am so bloody sick of this, year after year, "Niles, what am I to do? I told her I loved her, I took it back, I'm afraid of commitment, I'm worried about the children!" [yelling, grabs Mr. Sheffield's shirt and shakes him] For God's sake, make a move! Do something! You passed on Cats, do you want to regret this for the rest of your life too?!
Niles: May I speak freely, sir?
Mr. Sheffield: Yes, of course, old boy.
Niles: [menacingly] I am so bloody sick of this, year after year, "Niles, what am I to do? I told her I loved her, I took it back, I'm afraid of commitment, I'm worried about the children!" [yelling, grabs Mr. Sheffield's shirt and shakes him] For God's sake, make a move! Do something! You passed on Cats, do you want to regret this for the rest of your life too?!
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Mr. Sheffield: Ah, good afternoon, Ms. Fine.
Fran: Good afternoon, Mr. Sheffield. You know, the kids are at school, Niles is shopping. We could... do it.
Mr. Sheffield: [Tentatively] All right. Hi... Fran.
Fran: [Playfully] Hi, Max.
Fran: Good afternoon, Mr. Sheffield. You know, the kids are at school, Niles is shopping. We could... do it.
Mr. Sheffield: [Tentatively] All right. Hi... Fran.
Fran: [Playfully] Hi, Max.
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Mr. Sheffield: Why can't a woman be more like a man?!
Niles: [Enter C.C.] Well, there's your prototype.
Niles: [Enter C.C.] Well, there's your prototype.
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Mr. Sheffield: Niles, can you keep a secret?
Niles: Well, I'm good until I meet another person.
Niles: Well, I'm good until I meet another person.
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Sylvia: [Picking up the telephone] Yes?
Fran: [Excitedly] I'm getting married!
Sylvia: Sorry, Miss. You got the wrong number.
Fran: [Excitedly] I'm getting married!
Sylvia: Sorry, Miss. You got the wrong number.
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Niles: How does it feel to wake up an engaged woman?
Fran: You know how they say when you finally attain your dream, it's always a letdown?
Niles: Mm-hmm.
Fran: They were WRONG!
Fran: You know how they say when you finally attain your dream, it's always a letdown?
Niles: Mm-hmm.
Fran: They were WRONG!
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Singing Telegram: [To C.C., sung to the tune of Yankee Doodle]
Fran and Maxwell are engaged
It looks like you're a loser
She'll be happy all her days
And you'll become a boozer.
Fran and Maxwell are engaged
It looks like you're a loser
She'll be happy all her days
And you'll become a boozer.
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Fran: You know, sweetie, last night you didn't give me that little something that I'm used to getting from you every week.
Mr. Sheffield: Well, Fran, since we got engaged, I didn't think I had to give it to you anymore.
Fran: Wait a minute. I know what I'm talking about. What are you talking about?
Mr. Sheffield: Your paycheck.
Fran: Thank God. That's what I'm talking about too.
Mr. Sheffield: Well, Fran, since we got engaged, I didn't think I had to give it to you anymore.
Fran: Wait a minute. I know what I'm talking about. What are you talking about?
Mr. Sheffield: Your paycheck.
Fran: Thank God. That's what I'm talking about too.
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Sylvia: You're his partner in life. You're the woman behind the man. Help him, support him, be there for him, never refuse him. You get me?
Fran: Yeah, I get you. You're talking about dinner, right?
Sylvia: What else is there?... Do you know where your father would be today if I hadn't pushed him?
Fran: Not collecting disability?
Fran: Yeah, I get you. You're talking about dinner, right?
Sylvia: What else is there?... Do you know where your father would be today if I hadn't pushed him?
Fran: Not collecting disability?
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Sylvia: It's not natural. I never heard of such a thing. What man doesn't want to procrastinate with the woman he loves?
Fran: Procreate, ma.
Sylvia: Fran, I am telling you right now. If I don't get grandchildren out of him, I'll never step foot in this house again.
Fran: Well, congratulations, Ma. You just invented the first foolproof male contraceptive.
Fran: Procreate, ma.
Sylvia: Fran, I am telling you right now. If I don't get grandchildren out of him, I'll never step foot in this house again.
Fran: Well, congratulations, Ma. You just invented the first foolproof male contraceptive.
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Mr. Sheffield: Fran wants to have a baby with me.
Niles: What, you've forgotten how to do it?
Mr. Sheffield: This is serious, Niles. I'm not sure I really want to go through that again. All the crying and the diapers and the waking up at 4am.
Niles: Oh, sir, it's not so bad when you consider I DID ALL THAT! You know, come to think of it, you are too old to have a baby.
Mr. Sheffield: I'm not that old.
Niles: You have three children already. Why can't Ms. Fine be happy with that?
Mr. Sheffield: Because they're not... ours. Having a baby is one of those things that bond a couple together.
Niles: Mmm. That's why we're so close.
Niles: What, you've forgotten how to do it?
Mr. Sheffield: This is serious, Niles. I'm not sure I really want to go through that again. All the crying and the diapers and the waking up at 4am.
Niles: Oh, sir, it's not so bad when you consider I DID ALL THAT! You know, come to think of it, you are too old to have a baby.
Mr. Sheffield: I'm not that old.
Niles: You have three children already. Why can't Ms. Fine be happy with that?
Mr. Sheffield: Because they're not... ours. Having a baby is one of those things that bond a couple together.
Niles: Mmm. That's why we're so close.
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Mr. Sheffield: What proof do we have this woman and I are related?
Fran: Let's get to know her a little bit. Hi, honey, are you married?
Concepcion: I was living with a man for 5 years but I couldn't make a commitment.
Fran: There's your DNA test!
Fran: Let's get to know her a little bit. Hi, honey, are you married?
Concepcion: I was living with a man for 5 years but I couldn't make a commitment.
Fran: There's your DNA test!
TV Show: The Nanny