Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby Quotes
Ricky Bobby: Holy moly, that's like lookin' up Yasmine Bleeth's skirt!
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Cal Naughton, Jr.: I had a dream where Jesus was a dirty old bum, and I was about to sock him in the face because, well he's a dirty old bum, but then I thought, theres something special about him...
Ricky Bobby: Because it was Jesus, right...
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Yeah...
Ricky Bobby: Because it was Jesus, right...
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Yeah...
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Jean Girard: Bon. So, what if you just said: "I love really thin pancakes"? That is a fair compromise, no?
Kyle: That is a fair compromise.
Herschell: Very fair, actually.
Ricky Bobby: No! Because then everyone would know I really meant crêpes!
Kyle: That's actually a pretty good compromise right there.
Jean Girard: Why do you want me to break your arm so badly?
Ricky Bobby: You don't understand. You don't understand because you don't understand liberty. You don't understand freedom. So you put a crack in my arm like the crack in the Liberty Bell! You hear me?
Cal Naughton, Jr.: [leans down to talk to Ricky in a low voice] Hey. This is just between you and me, okay? I mean, forget all these other guys. But he did give you a pretty decent out. But it's your call.
Ricky Bobby: [whispering] What do you think?
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Don't say it.
Ricky Bobby: Yeah. I'm not gonna say it. Nope. Break it, Pepé Le Pew!
Jean Girard: As you wish.
[He breaks Ricky's arm]
Ricky Bobby: [in pain] He actually did it!
Kyle: That is a fair compromise.
Herschell: Very fair, actually.
Ricky Bobby: No! Because then everyone would know I really meant crêpes!
Kyle: That's actually a pretty good compromise right there.
Jean Girard: Why do you want me to break your arm so badly?
Ricky Bobby: You don't understand. You don't understand because you don't understand liberty. You don't understand freedom. So you put a crack in my arm like the crack in the Liberty Bell! You hear me?
Cal Naughton, Jr.: [leans down to talk to Ricky in a low voice] Hey. This is just between you and me, okay? I mean, forget all these other guys. But he did give you a pretty decent out. But it's your call.
Ricky Bobby: [whispering] What do you think?
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Don't say it.
Ricky Bobby: Yeah. I'm not gonna say it. Nope. Break it, Pepé Le Pew!
Jean Girard: As you wish.
[He breaks Ricky's arm]
Ricky Bobby: [in pain] He actually did it!
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Ricky Bobby: [running around on the track in his underwear] Help me Jesus! Help me Jewish God! Help me Allah! AAAAAHHH! Help me Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise, use your witchcraft on me to get the fire off me!
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Ricky Bobby: I came here to tell you one thing. Come race time tomorrow I'm coming for you.
Jean Girard: Do you know why I came to America Monsieur Bobby?
Ricky Bobby: Health care systems, giant water parks. The same reason anyone comes to America.
Jean Girard: I came here for you to beat me.
Ricky Bobby: What are you talking about?
Jean Girard: My husband Gregory and I want only that what every other couple wants. To tame komodo dragons in Sri Lanka and teach them to perform Hamlet but before I can do that...
Ricky Bobby: That's dumb.
Jean Girard: It's not dumb.
Ricky Bobby: It is dumb.
Jean Girard: Why is it dumb?
Ricky Bobby: I don't know.
Jean Girard: But before I can do that I must be beaten by a driver who is truly better than me.
Ricky Bobby: You saying you're going to lose to me on purpose?
Jean Girard: No.
Ricky Bobby: No?
Jean Girard: NO! I will battle you with the entirety of my heart and you will probably lose. But maybe, just maybe. You might challenge me. The Beatles needed the Rolling Stones. Even Diane Sawyer needed Katie Couric. Will you be my Katie Couric?
Ricky Bobby: Wow I feel like I'm in the Highlander.
Jean Girard: What's the Highlander?
Ricky Bobby: It's a movie.
Jean Girard: Oh any good?
Jean Girard: Do you know why I came to America Monsieur Bobby?
Ricky Bobby: Health care systems, giant water parks. The same reason anyone comes to America.
Jean Girard: I came here for you to beat me.
Ricky Bobby: What are you talking about?
Jean Girard: My husband Gregory and I want only that what every other couple wants. To tame komodo dragons in Sri Lanka and teach them to perform Hamlet but before I can do that...
Ricky Bobby: That's dumb.
Jean Girard: It's not dumb.
Ricky Bobby: It is dumb.
Jean Girard: Why is it dumb?
Ricky Bobby: I don't know.
Jean Girard: But before I can do that I must be beaten by a driver who is truly better than me.
Ricky Bobby: You saying you're going to lose to me on purpose?
Jean Girard: No.
Ricky Bobby: No?
Jean Girard: NO! I will battle you with the entirety of my heart and you will probably lose. But maybe, just maybe. You might challenge me. The Beatles needed the Rolling Stones. Even Diane Sawyer needed Katie Couric. Will you be my Katie Couric?
Ricky Bobby: Wow I feel like I'm in the Highlander.
Jean Girard: What's the Highlander?
Ricky Bobby: It's a movie.
Jean Girard: Oh any good?
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Ricky Bobby: If you ain't first, you're last. You know, you know what I'm talking about?
[to television camera]
Ricky Bobby: That there is trademarked, not to be used without written permission of Ricky Bobby, Inc.
[to television camera]
Ricky Bobby: That there is trademarked, not to be used without written permission of Ricky Bobby, Inc.
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Jean Girard: [has Ricky in an arm lock] I will let you go, Ricky. But first, I want you to say..."I... love... crepes."
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Don't you say it, Ricky. These colors don't run.
Ricky Bobby: I'm not gonna say it.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Good.
Ricky Bobby: Hey, look, Frenchy, I thought about it. So why don't you go ahead and break my arm?
Jean Girard: I do not want to break your arm, Monsieur Bobby, but I am a man of my word.
Ricky Bobby: Here's the deal. He's not gonna break it because I'm gonna slip out of it right now. Houdini!
[he tries unsuccessfully to get free]
Jean Girard: Whoa! Get down, you little pancake.
Ricky Bobby: Someone might as well get me a beer while I'm down here.
Jean Girard: But you have forced me to do this. You are now mocking me and making me look ridiculous. Just say, "I love crepes."
Cal Naughton, Jr.: You know, just to put this in there, I had a whole mess of crepes this morning. They're just like pancakes, maybe even better.
Ricky Bobby: Wait, are they the really thin pancakes?
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Yeah.
Jean Girard: Yes they are. They are the really thin pancakes. It's just a French word for them.
Ricky Bobby: Oh, my god, I love those.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Put any syrups you want on them. I'm just saying, think about it.
Ricky Bobby: They come with cheese sometimes?
Jean Girard
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Don't you say it, Ricky. These colors don't run.
Ricky Bobby: I'm not gonna say it.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Good.
Ricky Bobby: Hey, look, Frenchy, I thought about it. So why don't you go ahead and break my arm?
Jean Girard: I do not want to break your arm, Monsieur Bobby, but I am a man of my word.
Ricky Bobby: Here's the deal. He's not gonna break it because I'm gonna slip out of it right now. Houdini!
[he tries unsuccessfully to get free]
Jean Girard: Whoa! Get down, you little pancake.
Ricky Bobby: Someone might as well get me a beer while I'm down here.
Jean Girard: But you have forced me to do this. You are now mocking me and making me look ridiculous. Just say, "I love crepes."
Cal Naughton, Jr.: You know, just to put this in there, I had a whole mess of crepes this morning. They're just like pancakes, maybe even better.
Ricky Bobby: Wait, are they the really thin pancakes?
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Yeah.
Jean Girard: Yes they are. They are the really thin pancakes. It's just a French word for them.
Ricky Bobby: Oh, my god, I love those.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Put any syrups you want on them. I'm just saying, think about it.
Ricky Bobby: They come with cheese sometimes?
Jean Girard
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Ricky Bobby: Here's the deal I'm the best there is. Plain and simple. I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Ricky Bobby: Nobody plays jazz at the Pit Stop!
Jean Girard: Then why is the song on the jukebox?
Bartender: We use it for profiling purposes. We also have the Pet Shop Boys and Seal.
Jean Girard: Then why is the song on the jukebox?
Bartender: We use it for profiling purposes. We also have the Pet Shop Boys and Seal.
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Jean Girard: My name is Jean Girard and I am a racing-car driver just like you except I am from Formula Un. I am the greatest one in the whole world. I have been following your career with great interest, Monsieur Bobby.
Ricky Bobby: I can't understand a word you've said the whole time.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Did you eat some peanut butter or something?
Ricky Bobby: Yeah, you sound like a dog with peanut butter on the roof of your mouth
Jean Girard: I think what you are hearing is my accent. I am French.
Ricky Bobby: You say you're French?
Jean Girard: Oui.
[sounds like 'We']
Ricky Bobby: We? No, we are not French. We're American, because you're in America, okay? Greatest country on the planet
Jean Girard: Well, what have you given the world apart from George Bush, Cheerios, and the ThighMaster?
Ricky Bobby: Chinese food?
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Chinese food.
Jean Girard: That's from China.
Ricky Bobby: Pizza.
Jean Girard: Italy.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Chimichanga.
Jean Girard: Mexico.
Ricky Bobby: Really, smarty-pants? What did French land give us?
Jean Girard: We invented democracy, existentialism, and the blowjob.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Those are three pretty good things.
Ricky Bobby: Hey.
Cal Naughto
Ricky Bobby: I can't understand a word you've said the whole time.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Did you eat some peanut butter or something?
Ricky Bobby: Yeah, you sound like a dog with peanut butter on the roof of your mouth
Jean Girard: I think what you are hearing is my accent. I am French.
Ricky Bobby: You say you're French?
Jean Girard: Oui.
[sounds like 'We']
Ricky Bobby: We? No, we are not French. We're American, because you're in America, okay? Greatest country on the planet
Jean Girard: Well, what have you given the world apart from George Bush, Cheerios, and the ThighMaster?
Ricky Bobby: Chinese food?
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Chinese food.
Jean Girard: That's from China.
Ricky Bobby: Pizza.
Jean Girard: Italy.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Chimichanga.
Jean Girard: Mexico.
Ricky Bobby: Really, smarty-pants? What did French land give us?
Jean Girard: We invented democracy, existentialism, and the blowjob.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Those are three pretty good things.
Ricky Bobby: Hey.
Cal Naughto
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Ricky Bobby: Wait, Dad. Don't you remember the time you told me If you ain't first, you're last?
Reese Bobby: Huh? What are you talking about, Son?
Ricky Bobby: That day at school.
Reese Bobby: Oh hell, Son, I was high that day. That doesn't make any sense at all, you can be second, third, fourth... hell you can even be fifth.
Ricky Bobby: What? I've lived my whole life by that!
Reese Bobby: Huh? What are you talking about, Son?
Ricky Bobby: That day at school.
Reese Bobby: Oh hell, Son, I was high that day. That doesn't make any sense at all, you can be second, third, fourth... hell you can even be fifth.
Ricky Bobby: What? I've lived my whole life by that!
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Ricky Bobby: I get emotional. You guys are workin' so hard, and I'm just so proud of you. You remind me of me, precocious and full of wonderment.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: I tell you what, Ricky, you are truly blessed. These two are two in a million, just like Carley's ta-tas. You won't find another rack like that, I guarantee it.
Carley Bobby: Thank you, Cal.
Walker: That's real sweet of you, Cal.
Ricky Bobby: Cal, that's a real nice sentiment. That's about one of the nicest things you ever said.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Well, I mean it.
Carley Bobby: Stop it, gonna make me cry.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Comes from the heart.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: I tell you what, Ricky, you are truly blessed. These two are two in a million, just like Carley's ta-tas. You won't find another rack like that, I guarantee it.
Carley Bobby: Thank you, Cal.
Walker: That's real sweet of you, Cal.
Ricky Bobby: Cal, that's a real nice sentiment. That's about one of the nicest things you ever said.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Well, I mean it.
Carley Bobby: Stop it, gonna make me cry.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Comes from the heart.
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Susan: Ricky Bobby is not a thinker! Ricky Bobby is a driver!
Ricky Bobby: [pauses] Susan, I've never heard you talk like this before!
Ricky Bobby: [pauses] Susan, I've never heard you talk like this before!
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
PA Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, that is a new track record. As it stands now, Jean Girard is sitting on the pole, which is a statement of fact, and is in no way a comment on the driver's sexual orientation.
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Ricky Bobby: This sticker is dangerous and inconvenient, but I do love Fig Newtons.
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Ricky Bobby: I'm just a big hairy American winning machine, you know?
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Ricky Bobby: While people try to restrain him: get back, I'll windmill ya.
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Susan: It's because it's what you love, Ricky. It is who you were born to be. And here you sit. Thinking. Well, Ricky Bobby is not a thinker. Ricky Bobby is a driver. He is a doer, and that's what you need to do. You don't need to think. You need to drive. You need speed. You need to go out there, and you need to rev your engine. You need to fire it up. You need to grab ahold of that line between speed and chaos, and you need to wrestle it to the ground like a demon cobra. And then, when the fear rises up in your belly, you use it. And you know that fear is powerful, because it has been there for billions of years. And it is good. And you use it. And you ride it; you ride it like a skeleton horse through the gates of hell, and then you win, Ricky. You WIN! And you don't win for anybody else. You win for you, you know why? Because a man takes what he wants. He takes it all. And you're a man, aren't you? Aren't you?
Ricky Bobby: Susan, I've never heard you talk like that... Are we about to get it on? Because I'm as hard as a diamond in an ice storm right now.
Ricky Bobby: Susan, I've never heard you talk like that... Are we about to get it on? Because I'm as hard as a diamond in an ice storm right now.
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Ricky Bobby: Wait, Dad. Don't you remember the time you told me "If you ain't first, you're last"?
Reese Bobby: Huh? What are you talking about, Son?
Ricky Bobby: That day at school.
Reese Bobby: Oh hell, Son, I was high that day. That doesn't make any sense at all, you can be second, third, fourth... hell you can even be fifth.
Ricky Bobby: What? I've lived my whole life by that!
Reese Bobby: Huh? What are you talking about, Son?
Ricky Bobby: That day at school.
Reese Bobby: Oh hell, Son, I was high that day. That doesn't make any sense at all, you can be second, third, fourth... hell you can even be fifth.
Ricky Bobby: What? I've lived my whole life by that!
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Ricky Bobby: Wow. I feel like I'm Highlander!
Jean Girard: [Jean chuckles, confused] What is the Highlander?
Ricky Bobby: It's a movie. It won the Academy Award.
Jean Girard: Oh for what?
Ricky Bobby: Best movie ever made.
Jean Girard: [Jean chuckles, confused] What is the Highlander?
Ricky Bobby: It's a movie. It won the Academy Award.
Jean Girard: Oh for what?
Ricky Bobby: Best movie ever made.
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Chip: [to Ricky Bobby] Are you just going to let your sons talk to their grandfather like this?
Ricky Bobby: Hell yes I am! They are winners! That is how winners talk!
Carley Bobby: If we wanted two wussies, we would have named them Dr. Quinn and Medicine Woman!
Ricky Bobby: Hell yes I am! They are winners! That is how winners talk!
Carley Bobby: If we wanted two wussies, we would have named them Dr. Quinn and Medicine Woman!
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Shake~n~Bake!
[puts hand out]
Ricky Bobby: No. You're the Magic Man and I'm El Diablo
Cal Naughton, Jr.: What does El Diablo mean?
Ricky Bobby: It's like Spanish for like a fighting chicken.
[puts hand out]
Ricky Bobby: No. You're the Magic Man and I'm El Diablo
Cal Naughton, Jr.: What does El Diablo mean?
Ricky Bobby: It's like Spanish for like a fighting chicken.
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Ricky Bobby: Hey. I'm Ricky Bobby. When you're workin' on your mysterious lady parts and stuff, you should have the right tools too. That's why you should use... MayPax. The oficial tampon of NASCAR.
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Ricky, if you turn on the stereo, how do you control the volume on the television?
Ricky Bobby: If you have the stereo on, why would you turn up the volume on the TV?
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Cause I like to party.
Ricky Bobby: If you have the stereo on, why would you turn up the volume on the TV?
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Cause I like to party.
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Ricky Bobby: What's going on?
Jean Girard: Soon you will know what it is like to be beaten by the hands of somebody who is truly better than you. As William Blake wrote 'The catworm forgives the plow".
Ricky Bobby: Well I got something for you from the late great Colonel Sanders who said "I'm to drunk to taste this chicken"
Jean Girard: What's that got to do with this?
Cal Naughton, Jr.: I got a message for all of 'em. Shake... and bake.
Ricky Bobby: What does that do? Does that blow your mind? That just happened!
Jean Girard: What is that a catch phrase or is that uh epilepsy?
Cal Naughton, Jr.: [whispers] Shake and bake.
Jean Girard: What?
Cal Naughton, Jr.: [whispers] Shake and bake.
Jean Girard: [puts finger in Ricky Bobby's face] Listen you better be careful because tomorrow you're going to get beaten. Beaten real bad cowboy!
Ricky Bobby: Really?
Jean Girard: Yes!
Jean Girard: Soon you will know what it is like to be beaten by the hands of somebody who is truly better than you. As William Blake wrote 'The catworm forgives the plow".
Ricky Bobby: Well I got something for you from the late great Colonel Sanders who said "I'm to drunk to taste this chicken"
Jean Girard: What's that got to do with this?
Cal Naughton, Jr.: I got a message for all of 'em. Shake... and bake.
Ricky Bobby: What does that do? Does that blow your mind? That just happened!
Jean Girard: What is that a catch phrase or is that uh epilepsy?
Cal Naughton, Jr.: [whispers] Shake and bake.
Jean Girard: What?
Cal Naughton, Jr.: [whispers] Shake and bake.
Jean Girard: [puts finger in Ricky Bobby's face] Listen you better be careful because tomorrow you're going to get beaten. Beaten real bad cowboy!
Ricky Bobby: Really?
Jean Girard: Yes!
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
[on why Ricky should resume his racing career]
Susan: It's because it's what you love, Ricky. It is who you were born to be. And here you sit, thinking. Well, Ricky Bobby is not a thinker. Ricky Bobby is a driver. He is a doer. And that's what you need to do. You don't need to think. You need to drive. You need speed. You need to go out there, and you need to rev your engine. You need to fire it up. You need to grab a hold of that line between speed and chaos, and you need to wrestle it to the ground like a demon cobra! And then, when the fear rises up in your belly, you use it. And you know that fear is powerful, because it has been there for billions of years. And it is good. And you use it. And you ride it; you ride it like a skeleton horse through the gates of hell, and then you win, Ricky. You WIN! And you don't win for anybody else. You win for you, you know why? Because a man takes what he wants. He takes it all. And you're a man, aren't you? Aren't you?
Ricky Bobby: [pauses] Susan, I've never heard you talk like that... Are we about to get it on? Because I'm as hard as a diamond in an ice storm right now.
Susan: It's because it's what you love, Ricky. It is who you were born to be. And here you sit, thinking. Well, Ricky Bobby is not a thinker. Ricky Bobby is a driver. He is a doer. And that's what you need to do. You don't need to think. You need to drive. You need speed. You need to go out there, and you need to rev your engine. You need to fire it up. You need to grab a hold of that line between speed and chaos, and you need to wrestle it to the ground like a demon cobra! And then, when the fear rises up in your belly, you use it. And you know that fear is powerful, because it has been there for billions of years. And it is good. And you use it. And you ride it; you ride it like a skeleton horse through the gates of hell, and then you win, Ricky. You WIN! And you don't win for anybody else. You win for you, you know why? Because a man takes what he wants. He takes it all. And you're a man, aren't you? Aren't you?
Ricky Bobby: [pauses] Susan, I've never heard you talk like that... Are we about to get it on? Because I'm as hard as a diamond in an ice storm right now.
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Reese Bobby: [walks into the classroom] Excuse me, darling. I'm Reese Bobby. I'm here for career day with my son, Ricky.
10-year-old Ricky: Dad!
Reese Bobby: Hey there, boy! Man, you got big. How long's it been? Three, four months?
10-year-old Ricky: Ten years.
Reese Bobby: Ten years? Man, I gotta lay off the peyote.
[puts a cigarette in his mouth]
Schoolteacher: Mr. Bobby, there's no smoking in here.
Reese Bobby: Oh, it's all right, darling, I'm a volunteer fireman. Okay, I am a semi-professional racecar driver and an amateur tattoo artist.
Classmates: OOO0HHHH!
Reese Bobby: And the first thing you gotta learn if you're gonna be a racecar driver, is that you don't listen to losers like your know-it-all teacher here.
Schoolteacher: Okay, I think that's enough.
Reese Bobby: Your teacher wants you to go slow, and she's wrong because it's the fastest who get paid and it's the fastest who get laid.
[classmates all cheer]
10-year-old Ricky: Dad!
Reese Bobby: Hey there, boy! Man, you got big. How long's it been? Three, four months?
10-year-old Ricky: Ten years.
Reese Bobby: Ten years? Man, I gotta lay off the peyote.
[puts a cigarette in his mouth]
Schoolteacher: Mr. Bobby, there's no smoking in here.
Reese Bobby: Oh, it's all right, darling, I'm a volunteer fireman. Okay, I am a semi-professional racecar driver and an amateur tattoo artist.
Classmates: OOO0HHHH!
Reese Bobby: And the first thing you gotta learn if you're gonna be a racecar driver, is that you don't listen to losers like your know-it-all teacher here.
Schoolteacher: Okay, I think that's enough.
Reese Bobby: Your teacher wants you to go slow, and she's wrong because it's the fastest who get paid and it's the fastest who get laid.
[classmates all cheer]
Movie: Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby