Metalocalypse Quotes
William Murderface: Can you pass that Prozac shaker? [Pickles hands him shaker]
Pickles the Drummer: [takes a spoonful from the box of ice cream Murderface is eating] Awww, this is soy ice cream! Skwisgaar!
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: [responds lethargically] Huuuh?
Pickles: ...
Skwisgaar: Maybe I'm not perfect?
Nathan Explosion: At least you're not the fattest ugliest lead singer alive [holds up magazine cover] with horrible skin!
Pickles the Drummer: [takes a spoonful from the box of ice cream Murderface is eating] Awww, this is soy ice cream! Skwisgaar!
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: [responds lethargically] Huuuh?
Pickles: ...
Skwisgaar: Maybe I'm not perfect?
Nathan Explosion: At least you're not the fattest ugliest lead singer alive [holds up magazine cover] with horrible skin!
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Skwisgaar: Aww, it must be 200 degrees. Fuck this shit, I'm taking off my fucking shirt off.
Pickles: Wha - where are we?
Mashed Potato Johnson: We in the south! The birth place of the blues.
Nathan: Well it's too fucking hot! And I'm taking my shirt off!
Pickles: Wha - where are we?
Mashed Potato Johnson: We in the south! The birth place of the blues.
Nathan: Well it's too fucking hot! And I'm taking my shirt off!
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Nathan: My GOD, I have let myself go...
Murderface: You have put on a few pounds lately -
Nathan: You're, ah, not supposed to agree with me! Dick brain!
Toki Wartooth: What are we even doing in this horrible microwave? I don't even care nothings about this blouse!
Nathan: The blues.
Toki: Yeah. But all I cares about is dark and brutal!
Johnson: You wanna know dark and brutal? Come with me.
Murderface: You have put on a few pounds lately -
Nathan: You're, ah, not supposed to agree with me! Dick brain!
Toki Wartooth: What are we even doing in this horrible microwave? I don't even care nothings about this blouse!
Nathan: The blues.
Toki: Yeah. But all I cares about is dark and brutal!
Johnson: You wanna know dark and brutal? Come with me.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Johnson: 'Dis here where the blues began. Right here where we standin' Blind Harlan Davenport killed his wife, bury her in that chicken coop right there. That night he recorded "Wife Gone on a Funeral Train Blues." Next mornin', the po-lice shot him in the eye 52 times...
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Johnson: This is where Smokey Toe Brown was savagely beaten for sleepin' wif his neighbor's wife, shortly before he recorded "Train Leavin' This Station Blues". They say his ghost come back to life and kill his neighbor, pitchfork his intestines and hung them on a tree...
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Johnson: Everybody knows Shorty Turlingtop made a deal wif the devil. He was hit by a train at this exact spot. As his head traveled in the air, he wrote "Blues Train Blues".
Skwisgaar: Alls they sings about is trains!
Johnson: Is there anything else really to talk about? Heh heh. Come on...
Skwisgaar: Alls they sings about is trains!
Johnson: Is there anything else really to talk about? Heh heh. Come on...
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Johnson: This here's where Mustard Tits the Murder Master Brown slaughtered 22 men just for bein' ugly, heh. He went on to record "Here Come That Train A-Comin' Blues".
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Pickles: Dude, anyone got any SPF? I'm uh, very Irish... American.
Johnson: Real bluesman get a sun burn! Now go on Nathan, you can give Murderface them blues!
Nathan: Okay, uh, alright alright. Uh, hey dog-face! Why don't you go... eat some dog food... eat your own throw up cause you're a dog-face!
Murderface: Jeez, Nathan, you're a lil' below the belt, I guess I really do have a dog-face. Maybe I should throw up and eat it!
Johnson: Good! Now you're feelin' them blues! You go on now Murderface!
Murderface: Okay, uhh, hey uhh thin-lips, uhh, why don't you go uhh, make out with uhh, Glenn Close and uhh, go bring her to the Acadamy Awards, shove it up your fucking ass, that's great!
Nathan: Maybe you're right. Maybe I should use my crappy thin lips and make out with Glenn Close.
Johnson: Real bluesman get a sun burn! Now go on Nathan, you can give Murderface them blues!
Nathan: Okay, uh, alright alright. Uh, hey dog-face! Why don't you go... eat some dog food... eat your own throw up cause you're a dog-face!
Murderface: Jeez, Nathan, you're a lil' below the belt, I guess I really do have a dog-face. Maybe I should throw up and eat it!
Johnson: Good! Now you're feelin' them blues! You go on now Murderface!
Murderface: Okay, uhh, hey uhh thin-lips, uhh, why don't you go uhh, make out with uhh, Glenn Close and uhh, go bring her to the Acadamy Awards, shove it up your fucking ass, that's great!
Nathan: Maybe you're right. Maybe I should use my crappy thin lips and make out with Glenn Close.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Johnson: Now Skwisgaar, let's talk about blues guitar.
Skwisgaar: I only plays metal. Its embarrass for us to even has this grandpas guitars.
Johnson: That's because you don't know how to make the bluuues sound! Why don't you try to play this?
Skwisgaar: I only plays metal. Its embarrass for us to even has this grandpas guitars.
Johnson: That's because you don't know how to make the bluuues sound! Why don't you try to play this?
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Skwisgaar: We can'ts not plays fast, uh, physically.
Toki: Yeah, it's hards!
Johnson: Alright, let's try somethin' else.
Toki: Yeah, it's hards!
Johnson: Alright, let's try somethin' else.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Toki: Oh, I gots the hit in the balls with the train cinder block, right in the balls oh... [keeps complaining in background]
Johnson: Now Nathan, I want you to play me some blues harmonica!
Nathan: I don't have a blues harmonica.
Johnson: Well that's okay, you can use mine. [gives Nathan the harmonica] Lick it.
Nathan: I'm sorry, what?
Johnson: A real bluesman get a flavor for his harp - now you go on and lick that thing. [Nathan touches the harmonica with the tip of his tongue] Now you play them blues!
Nathan: [plays a single fast note with the harmonica] There, I'm finished.
Johnson: What? You hardly play that thing at all.
Nathan: Yeah, well, I mean, I got it.
Johnson: Now Nathan, I want you to play me some blues harmonica!
Nathan: I don't have a blues harmonica.
Johnson: Well that's okay, you can use mine. [gives Nathan the harmonica] Lick it.
Nathan: I'm sorry, what?
Johnson: A real bluesman get a flavor for his harp - now you go on and lick that thing. [Nathan touches the harmonica with the tip of his tongue] Now you play them blues!
Nathan: [plays a single fast note with the harmonica] There, I'm finished.
Johnson: What? You hardly play that thing at all.
Nathan: Yeah, well, I mean, I got it.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Johnson: Now you boys come a long way but some of you might not know. Down here in Mississippi, there's evil. The Blues Devil live down here. If you wanna be a real bluesman, you gotta sell your soul to the devil.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Blues Devil: I understand you wish to bargain your eternal souls for blues fame.
Murderface: Yeah uhh, hey uh, fancy pants, we're Dethklok. We're kinda famous already?
Pickles: Oh c'mon we're supposed to become, uh, you know, uh blues guys. [to the Blues Devil] Sir? Sorry, hey we, uh, wish to bargain our souls you know, for whatever.
Blues Devil: Very well. You understand then that you will have to sign a binding contract. [lightning and thunder]
Murderface: Well, see, our lawyer is not here.
Pickles: Well, it's not like we never negotiated a contract before.
Nathan: [holding up a contract] Hold on! Page four, your language is kinda murky. Well that's gonna have to be re-written, I'm seeing other revisions too, page seven...
Murderface: Yeah uhh, hey uh, fancy pants, we're Dethklok. We're kinda famous already?
Pickles: Oh c'mon we're supposed to become, uh, you know, uh blues guys. [to the Blues Devil] Sir? Sorry, hey we, uh, wish to bargain our souls you know, for whatever.
Blues Devil: Very well. You understand then that you will have to sign a binding contract. [lightning and thunder]
Murderface: Well, see, our lawyer is not here.
Pickles: Well, it's not like we never negotiated a contract before.
Nathan: [holding up a contract] Hold on! Page four, your language is kinda murky. Well that's gonna have to be re-written, I'm seeing other revisions too, page seven...
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Nathan: ...in the 7% back-end on your soul, and you in turn will get this $5 gift card for Hot Topic.
Toki: I can lives with that.
Blues Devil: I'm... gonna sleep on it and contact a notary.
Murderface: I'm a notary.
Blues Devil: I'm gonna sleep on it. Take care guys. [heads to his car]
Pickles: I like him!
Nathan: Aww, we can't even get the blues right! God, it's making me depressed!
Toki: I can lives with that.
Blues Devil: I'm... gonna sleep on it and contact a notary.
Murderface: I'm a notary.
Blues Devil: I'm gonna sleep on it. Take care guys. [heads to his car]
Pickles: I like him!
Nathan: Aww, we can't even get the blues right! God, it's making me depressed!
TV Show: Metalocalypse
William Murderface: Ohhh... a bass.
Nathan Explosion: Yeah, I figured... you know, you play bass so uh -
Murderface: Oh thanks, thank you. Jus' put that over there -
Nathan Explosion: Yeah, I figured... you know, you play bass so uh -
Murderface: Oh thanks, thank you. Jus' put that over there -
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Skwisgaar: Hey, ahh, I got yous Ken Burns Civil War documentary. You know, actually, uhh, I think this is yours. I'm just giving it back to you, [sigh] I uh, I never watched it.
Murderface: Thank you.
Toki Wartooth: And I got you this. It's two Siamese fighting fish! They loves to pal around, that's why you gets two. Look!
Murderface: Thank you.
Toki Wartooth: And I got you this. It's two Siamese fighting fish! They loves to pal around, that's why you gets two. Look!
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Pickles: Oooookay.
Nathan: AHHHHH! [grabs William by the head and shakes him] I DID THIS TO YOU! [lets go] I was driving the Murdercycle. It should be me there! [dramatic music starts again] Still alive, with all those gifts. I'm sorry. I'M SORRY!!!! [punches the wall, which causes a flower pot to fall on William's head] OH GOD, I'M SORRY!
Nathan: AHHHHH! [grabs William by the head and shakes him] I DID THIS TO YOU! [lets go] I was driving the Murdercycle. It should be me there! [dramatic music starts again] Still alive, with all those gifts. I'm sorry. I'M SORRY!!!! [punches the wall, which causes a flower pot to fall on William's head] OH GOD, I'M SORRY!
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Murderface: Mmmmmmm.... Reeeligggion... mmm... reeeeeligiiiiion... mmmmmmmmmm... religggion...
Skwisgaar: Pffft, this is dildos. Doesn't he knows there's no such things as religion?
Nathan: You mean you don't believe in God. There is such a thing as religion.
Skwisgaar: Well prove it! Show me a miracle that religion exists!
Nathan: Well, uhh, there's a Bible right there.
Skwisgaar: Well... maybe I re-evaluates my life.
Skwisgaar: Pffft, this is dildos. Doesn't he knows there's no such things as religion?
Nathan: You mean you don't believe in God. There is such a thing as religion.
Skwisgaar: Well prove it! Show me a miracle that religion exists!
Nathan: Well, uhh, there's a Bible right there.
Skwisgaar: Well... maybe I re-evaluates my life.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Pickles: Ahh, c'mon, I grew up in the Mid-West, I don't need to see another Christian rock band!
Nathan: Listen, I almost killed him, he needs our support, just give it a chance, see... it's... it's, it's not so bad. It's uhh, fun?
Skwisgaar: Oh, there is no God! Just listen to his guitar! Ugh!
Toki: I gonna go check out this Christian rock mosh pit!
Nathan: Listen, I almost killed him, he needs our support, just give it a chance, see... it's... it's, it's not so bad. It's uhh, fun?
Skwisgaar: Oh, there is no God! Just listen to his guitar! Ugh!
Toki: I gonna go check out this Christian rock mosh pit!
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Nathan: What kind of church is this?
Pickles: This is the, uhh, Church of the Atheists.
Nathan: Oh, uhh, what does that mean?
Pickles: Oh, uhh, it means that they don't believe in, uhh, God.
Nathan: Oh, like Skwisgaar or Toki?
Skwisgaar: No we are Nihilists, we don't believe in anything.
Nathan: Can't a Nihilist also not believe in god, too?
Skwisgaar: Uhhh, I don't know.
Murderface: Shhh! Quiet!
Atheist Priest: Oh, God, whom we do not believe in, let us all not pray for you whom does not exist in any rational realm...
Pickles: This is the, uhh, Church of the Atheists.
Nathan: Oh, uhh, what does that mean?
Pickles: Oh, uhh, it means that they don't believe in, uhh, God.
Nathan: Oh, like Skwisgaar or Toki?
Skwisgaar: No we are Nihilists, we don't believe in anything.
Nathan: Can't a Nihilist also not believe in god, too?
Skwisgaar: Uhhh, I don't know.
Murderface: Shhh! Quiet!
Atheist Priest: Oh, God, whom we do not believe in, let us all not pray for you whom does not exist in any rational realm...
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Atheist Priest: Oh no, we're being picketed by agnostics!
Pickles: [informing the band] Agnostics honor the possibility of there not being God.
Atheist Priest: Get 'em!
Pickles: They hate each other. This is gonna be awesome.
Pickles: [informing the band] Agnostics honor the possibility of there not being God.
Atheist Priest: Get 'em!
Pickles: They hate each other. This is gonna be awesome.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Murderface: [peering out the window] Just give me a sign. Show me the path of enlightenment, dear, sweet demilord icon.
Toki: I don't wants to sounds harsh, but this is gettin' weird. He's been through every religion and he ain't decide on nothing. This kind of thing could really fucks up a band. We mays needs to kicks his ass out.
Pickles: What do you mean? Why do you say that?
Toki: Because he's creepy. He's acting likes he's fucking demon-possessed. Look at him!
Toki: I don't wants to sounds harsh, but this is gettin' weird. He's been through every religion and he ain't decide on nothing. This kind of thing could really fucks up a band. We mays needs to kicks his ass out.
Pickles: What do you mean? Why do you say that?
Toki: Because he's creepy. He's acting likes he's fucking demon-possessed. Look at him!
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Skwisgaar: Yah I agree, it always happens. One band member, y'know, becomes religion, and the whole band has to change to accommodate the guy, y'know... the dynamic is all the boom, magic is gone... it sucks, y'know but, uh, yeah I say we kill him.
Nathan: Aw come on, you dicks, he's the bass player. Without him, we're nothing. Sure, we mix his bass out of pretty much every song, but we need him. [pause] Okay, we really don't need him, but it's my fault he's this way; I guess that's my point!
Nathan: Aw come on, you dicks, he's the bass player. Without him, we're nothing. Sure, we mix his bass out of pretty much every song, but we need him. [pause] Okay, we really don't need him, but it's my fault he's this way; I guess that's my point!
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Satanic Priest: Greetings you children of Satan. Tonight we will pay homage to our under-lord and make sacrifices unto him, ooookay. But first, a couple of announcements, um, last week, some people left some trash behind, candy wrappers, coffee cups, and empty chip bags. Umm, okay this is a church of Satan, this isn't a waste-paper basket - c-can - so if you could please just remember to clean up after yourselves and we can avoid having, you know, ants, worms, raccoons, hail Satan!
Crowd: Hail Satan.
Satanic Priest: Also, uh, the neighbor next door, he's on a real tear, he wants, uh, he tows cars, so uh, try not to park in front of his house, because you car will be towed and that's around $300...$300, hail Satan!
Crowd: Hail Satan.
Crowd: Hail Satan.
Satanic Priest: Also, uh, the neighbor next door, he's on a real tear, he wants, uh, he tows cars, so uh, try not to park in front of his house, because you car will be towed and that's around $300...$300, hail Satan!
Crowd: Hail Satan.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Satanic Priest: Pray now the prayer of revenge. On whom do you seek revenge?
Toki: I seek revenge on Rachel Ray of the Food Network! Can't you make her... eyes fall out, something? Tits fall off?
Satanic Priest: Satan! Grant this man the gift of revenge against his foes at the Food Network.
Toki: Seriously?
Satanic Priest: Yes.
Toki: S-seriously?!
Satanic Priest: Yes.
Toki: Really?
Satanic Priest: Yes.
Toki: [whispers in awe] That's cool.
Toki: I seek revenge on Rachel Ray of the Food Network! Can't you make her... eyes fall out, something? Tits fall off?
Satanic Priest: Satan! Grant this man the gift of revenge against his foes at the Food Network.
Toki: Seriously?
Satanic Priest: Yes.
Toki: S-seriously?!
Satanic Priest: Yes.
Toki: Really?
Satanic Priest: Yes.
Toki: [whispers in awe] That's cool.
TV Show: Metalocalypse