Ed Wood Quotes
Dolores Fuller: Ed, what's *my* motivation?
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: You're the file clerk. You're running into the next room and you run into Janet.
Dolores Fuller: But are we good friends or is she just a casual acquaintance?
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: Dolores, I have five days to complete this picture. Don't get goofy on me.
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: You're the file clerk. You're running into the next room and you run into Janet.
Dolores Fuller: But are we good friends or is she just a casual acquaintance?
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: Dolores, I have five days to complete this picture. Don't get goofy on me.
Movie: Ed Wood
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: Why if I had half a chance, I could make an entire movie using this stock footage. The story opens on these mysterious explosions. Nobody knows what's causing them, but it's upsetting all the buffalo. So, the military are called in to solve the mystery.
Editor on Studio Lot: You forgot the octopus.
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: No, no, I'm saving that for my big underwater climax.
Editor on Studio Lot: You forgot the octopus.
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: No, no, I'm saving that for my big underwater climax.
Movie: Ed Wood
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: This story's gonna grab people. It's about this guy, he's crazy about this girl, but he likes to wear dresses. Should he tell her? Should he not tell her? He's torn, Georgie. This is drama.
Movie: Ed Wood
[on the reason for the success of 'Dracula(1931)']
Bela Lugosi: They were mythic. They had a poetry to them.
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: Yes.
Bela Lugosi: And you know what else? The women... the women preferred the traditional monsters.
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: The women? Huh?
Bela Lugosi: The pure horror, it both repels, and attracts them, because in their collective unconsiousness, they have the agony of childbirth. The blood. The blood is horror.
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: You know, I never thought of that.
Bela Lugosi: Take my word for it. If you want to make out with a young lady, take her to see Dracula.
Bela Lugosi: They were mythic. They had a poetry to them.
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: Yes.
Bela Lugosi: And you know what else? The women... the women preferred the traditional monsters.
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: The women? Huh?
Bela Lugosi: The pure horror, it both repels, and attracts them, because in their collective unconsiousness, they have the agony of childbirth. The blood. The blood is horror.
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: You know, I never thought of that.
Bela Lugosi: Take my word for it. If you want to make out with a young lady, take her to see Dracula.
Movie: Ed Wood
[Bela Lugosi answers the door on Halloween night wearing his Dracula costume]
Children: Trick or treat! [At the sight of Dracula, all but one little boy scream and run away]
Bela Lugosi: Aren't you scared, little boy? I'm going to drink your blood!
Little boy: You're not a real vampire. Those teeth don't frighten me. [Bela looks puzzled. Ed Wood appears next to him in the doorway]
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: How 'bout these? [Pulls out his entire row of front teeth]
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: [Little boy screams and runs away]
Bela Lugosi: Hey... How d'you do that?
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: Dentures! [Holds them up]
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: Lost my pearlies in the war!
Children: Trick or treat! [At the sight of Dracula, all but one little boy scream and run away]
Bela Lugosi: Aren't you scared, little boy? I'm going to drink your blood!
Little boy: You're not a real vampire. Those teeth don't frighten me. [Bela looks puzzled. Ed Wood appears next to him in the doorway]
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: How 'bout these? [Pulls out his entire row of front teeth]
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: [Little boy screams and runs away]
Bela Lugosi: Hey... How d'you do that?
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: Dentures! [Holds them up]
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: Lost my pearlies in the war!
Movie: Ed Wood
[Bride of the Monster wrap party. Mariachi band plays "Que sera sera"]
Tor Johnson: Mister Bunny, what's wrong? I heard you were becoming a lady.
Bunny Breckinridge: Oh, that. Mexico was... a nightmare. We got into a car accident... he was killed. Our luggage... was stolen. The surgeon... turned out to be... a quack. If it hadn't been for these men... [gestures to the Mariachi band]
Bunny Breckinridge: I don't know... how I would have... survived,
Tor Johnson: Mister Bunny, what's wrong? I heard you were becoming a lady.
Bunny Breckinridge: Oh, that. Mexico was... a nightmare. We got into a car accident... he was killed. Our luggage... was stolen. The surgeon... turned out to be... a quack. If it hadn't been for these men... [gestures to the Mariachi band]
Bunny Breckinridge: I don't know... how I would have... survived,
Movie: Ed Wood
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : I met Bela Lugosi.
Dolores Fuller : Why, I thought he was dead.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : No, he's very much alive. Well, sort of.
Dolores Fuller : Why, I thought he was dead.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : No, he's very much alive. Well, sort of.
Movie: Ed Wood
[ Bela Lugosi casts a love spell on Vampira who is on TV while moving his fingers like Dracula ]
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : My Gosh, Bela, how do you do that?
Bela Lugosi : You must be double-jointed. And you must be Hungarian.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : My Gosh, Bela, how do you do that?
Bela Lugosi : You must be double-jointed. And you must be Hungarian.
Movie: Ed Wood
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Boy, Mr. Lugosi, you must lead such an exciting life! When is your next picture coming out?
Bela Lugosi : I have no next picture.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : You gotta be joking, a great star like you? You must have dozens of them lined up!
Bela Lugosi : Back in the old days, yes... Now, no one gives two fucks for Bela.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : But you're a big star!
Bela Lugosi : No more. I haven't worked in four years. This business, this town, it chews you up, then spits you out. [ pauses ]
Bela Lugosi : I'm just an ex-boogeyman.
Bela Lugosi : I have no next picture.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : You gotta be joking, a great star like you? You must have dozens of them lined up!
Bela Lugosi : Back in the old days, yes... Now, no one gives two fucks for Bela.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : But you're a big star!
Bela Lugosi : No more. I haven't worked in four years. This business, this town, it chews you up, then spits you out. [ pauses ]
Bela Lugosi : I'm just an ex-boogeyman.
Movie: Ed Wood
Bela Lugosi : They don't want the classic horror films anymore. Today it's all giant bugs. Giant spiders, giant grasshoppers... Who will believe such nonsense?
Movie: Ed Wood
[ Bela Lugosi answers the door on Halloween night wearing his Dracula costume ]
Children : Trick or treat! [ At the sight of Dracula, all but one little boy scream and run away ]
Bela Lugosi : Aren't you scared, little boy? I'm going to drink your blood!
Little boy : You're not a real vampire. Those teeth don't frighten me. [ Bela looks puzzled. Ed Wood appears next to him in the doorway ]
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : How 'bout these? [ Pulls out his entire row of front teeth ]
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : [ Little boy screams and runs away ]
Bela Lugosi : Hey... How d'you do that?
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Dentures! [ Holds them up ]
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Lost my pearlies in the war!
Children : Trick or treat! [ At the sight of Dracula, all but one little boy scream and run away ]
Bela Lugosi : Aren't you scared, little boy? I'm going to drink your blood!
Little boy : You're not a real vampire. Those teeth don't frighten me. [ Bela looks puzzled. Ed Wood appears next to him in the doorway ]
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : How 'bout these? [ Pulls out his entire row of front teeth ]
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : [ Little boy screams and runs away ]
Bela Lugosi : Hey... How d'you do that?
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Dentures! [ Holds them up ]
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Lost my pearlies in the war!
Movie: Ed Wood
Georgie Weiss : Why would Lugosi wanna do a sex-change flick?
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Because he's my friend!
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Because he's my friend!
Movie: Ed Wood
[ On the phone, agitated ]
Georgie Weiss : Look, look, look, when I said that you could have the western territories, I didn't mean all 11 states! I meant California, Oregon, and, uh, what's that one on top... [ Looks at map ]
Georgie Weiss : Washington! Yeah, yeah. Oh, really? Well, *screw you*! [ to Ed Wood, indifferently ]
Georgie Weiss : Hi, can I help ya?
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Yes, I'm Ed Wood, I'm here about directing the Christine Jorgensen picture.
Georgie Weiss : Well, a couple of things have changed. It ain't gonna be the Christine Jorgensen story no more. Goddamn Variety had to print the story before I got the rights. Now that bitch is asking for the sky.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Aw, you're not gonna make the movie...
Georgie Weiss : No! 'Course I'm gonna make the picture! I already presold Alabama and Oklahoma. Those repressed Okies, they go for that twisted, perverted stuff. We'll just do it without the she-male. We'll fictionalize it.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Is there a script?
Georgie Weiss : Fuck no! But, there's a poster! [ Holds up poster that reads "I Changed My Sex" ]
Georgie Weiss : It opens in 9 weeks in Tulsa.
Georgie Weiss : Look, look, look, when I said that you could have the western territories, I didn't mean all 11 states! I meant California, Oregon, and, uh, what's that one on top... [ Looks at map ]
Georgie Weiss : Washington! Yeah, yeah. Oh, really? Well, *screw you*! [ to Ed Wood, indifferently ]
Georgie Weiss : Hi, can I help ya?
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Yes, I'm Ed Wood, I'm here about directing the Christine Jorgensen picture.
Georgie Weiss : Well, a couple of things have changed. It ain't gonna be the Christine Jorgensen story no more. Goddamn Variety had to print the story before I got the rights. Now that bitch is asking for the sky.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Aw, you're not gonna make the movie...
Georgie Weiss : No! 'Course I'm gonna make the picture! I already presold Alabama and Oklahoma. Those repressed Okies, they go for that twisted, perverted stuff. We'll just do it without the she-male. We'll fictionalize it.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Is there a script?
Georgie Weiss : Fuck no! But, there's a poster! [ Holds up poster that reads "I Changed My Sex" ]
Georgie Weiss : It opens in 9 weeks in Tulsa.
Movie: Ed Wood
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : My girlfriend still doesn't know why her sweaters are always stretched out.
Movie: Ed Wood
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : This story's gonna grab people. It's about this guy, he's crazy about this girl, but he likes to wear dresses. Should he tell her? Should he not tell her? He's torn, Georgie. This is drama.
Movie: Ed Wood
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Listen, I was wondering if you'd like to go out sometime, grab some dinner, maybe?
Vampira : You mean a date? I thought you were a fag.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : No, no, I'm just a transvestite.
Vampira : You mean a date? I thought you were a fag.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : No, no, I'm just a transvestite.
Movie: Ed Wood
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : I like to dress in women's clothing.
Georgie Weiss : You're a fruit?
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : No, not at all. I love women. Wearing their clothes makes me feel closer to them.
Georgie Weiss : You're not a fruit?
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : No, I'm all man. I even fought in W.W.2. Of course, I was wearing women's undergarments under my uniform.
Georgie Weiss : You're a fruit?
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : No, not at all. I love women. Wearing their clothes makes me feel closer to them.
Georgie Weiss : You're not a fruit?
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : No, I'm all man. I even fought in W.W.2. Of course, I was wearing women's undergarments under my uniform.
Movie: Ed Wood
Criswell : Eddie, we're in show biz. It's all about razzle-dazzle. Appearances. If you look good, and you talk well, people will swallow anything.
Movie: Ed Wood
Dolores Fuller : Ed, what's *my* motivation?
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : You're the file clerk. You're running into the next room and you run into Janet.
Dolores Fuller : But are we good friends or is she just a casual acquaintance?
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Dolores, I have five days to complete this picture. Don't get goofy on me.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : You're the file clerk. You're running into the next room and you run into Janet.
Dolores Fuller : But are we good friends or is she just a casual acquaintance?
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Dolores, I have five days to complete this picture. Don't get goofy on me.
Movie: Ed Wood
[ Stepping into water ]
Bela Lugosi : GODDAMN, it's cold!
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : It'll warm up once you're in it.
Bela Lugosi : FUCK YOU! You come out here!
Bela Lugosi : GODDAMN, it's cold!
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : It'll warm up once you're in it.
Bela Lugosi : FUCK YOU! You come out here!
Movie: Ed Wood
Bela Lugosi : This is the most uncomfortable coffin I've ever been in. You are wasting my time.
Movie: Ed Wood
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : And cut! Print. We're moving on. That was perfect.
Ed Reynolds : Perfect? Mr. Wood, do you know anything about the art of film production?
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Well, I like to think so.
Ed Reynolds : That cardboard headstone tipped over. This graveyard is obviously phony.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Nobody will ever notice that. Filmmaking is not about the tiny details. It's about the big picture.
Ed Reynolds : The big picture?
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Yes.
Ed Reynolds : Then how 'bout when the policemen arrived in daylight, but now it's suddenly night?
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : What do you know? Haven't you heard of suspension of disbelief?
Ed Reynolds : Perfect? Mr. Wood, do you know anything about the art of film production?
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Well, I like to think so.
Ed Reynolds : That cardboard headstone tipped over. This graveyard is obviously phony.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Nobody will ever notice that. Filmmaking is not about the tiny details. It's about the big picture.
Ed Reynolds : The big picture?
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Yes.
Ed Reynolds : Then how 'bout when the policemen arrived in daylight, but now it's suddenly night?
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : What do you know? Haven't you heard of suspension of disbelief?
Movie: Ed Wood
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : [ after Thor Johnson bumps into a scenery wall while walking through a door making the wall shudder ] Ok, and CUT! PERFECT! PRINT IT!
Cameraman Bill : Don't you wanna do another take Ed? Seems like big baldy had some problems gettin' through that door.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : No, it's fine. It's real. You know, in actuality, Lobo would have to struggle with this problem every day.
Cameraman Bill : Don't you wanna do another take Ed? Seems like big baldy had some problems gettin' through that door.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : No, it's fine. It's real. You know, in actuality, Lobo would have to struggle with this problem every day.
Movie: Ed Wood
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Why if I had half a chance, I could make an entire movie using this stock footage. The story opens on these mysterious explosions. Nobody knows what's causing them, but it's upsetting all the buffalo. So, the military are called in to solve the mystery.
Editor on Studio Lot : You forgot the octopus.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : No, no, I'm saving that for my big underwater climax.
Editor on Studio Lot : You forgot the octopus.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : No, no, I'm saving that for my big underwater climax.
Movie: Ed Wood
Orson Welles : Visions are worth fighting for. Why spend your life making someone else's dreams?
Movie: Ed Wood
Georgie Weiss : So, what was the important news you couldn't tell me on the phone, again?
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Well, I started thinking about what you were saying about how your movies need to make a profit. Now, what is the one thing, if you put it in a movie, it'll be successful?
Georgie Weiss : Tits.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : No, better than that. A star.
Georgie Weiss : you must have me confused with David Selznick. I don't make major motion pictures; I make crap.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Yes, but if you take that crap and put a star in it, then you've got something.
Georgie Weiss : Yeah. Crap with a star.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Well, I started thinking about what you were saying about how your movies need to make a profit. Now, what is the one thing, if you put it in a movie, it'll be successful?
Georgie Weiss : Tits.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : No, better than that. A star.
Georgie Weiss : you must have me confused with David Selznick. I don't make major motion pictures; I make crap.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Yes, but if you take that crap and put a star in it, then you've got something.
Georgie Weiss : Yeah. Crap with a star.
Movie: Ed Wood