Ed Wood Quotes
[ while he and the others flee the chaotic premiere of "Bride of the Monster" in a cab ]
Bela Lugosi : Now that was a premiere.
Bela Lugosi : Now that was a premiere.
Movie: Ed Wood
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Do you know that I've even had producers re-cut my movies?
Orson Welles : I hate when that happens.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : And they always want to cast their buddies. It doesn't even matter if they're right for the part.
Orson Welles : Tell me about it. I'm supposed to do a thriller for Universal. They want Charlton Heston as a Mexican.
Orson Welles : I hate when that happens.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : And they always want to cast their buddies. It doesn't even matter if they're right for the part.
Orson Welles : Tell me about it. I'm supposed to do a thriller for Universal. They want Charlton Heston as a Mexican.
Movie: Ed Wood
Bunny Breckinridge : What about glitter? When I was a headliner in Paris, audiences always liked it when I sparkled.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : No!
Bunny Breckinridge : Cat's Eyes.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : No!
Bunny Breckinridge : Well, I'm going to need some antennae.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : No! You're the ruler of the galaxy! Show a little taste!
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : No!
Bunny Breckinridge : Cat's Eyes.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : No!
Bunny Breckinridge : Well, I'm going to need some antennae.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : No! You're the ruler of the galaxy! Show a little taste!
Movie: Ed Wood
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : [ Reading a review ] Look, he's got some nice things to say here. "The soldiers' costumes are very realistic." That's positive!
Bunny Breckinridge : Rave of the century.
Bunny Breckinridge : Rave of the century.
Movie: Ed Wood
[ Bunny Breckenridge is being baptized ]
Reverend Lemon : Welcome to the fold, brother. Welcome. Praise the lord, brother. Do you reject Satan and all his evils?
Bunny Breckinridge : Sure. [ after his baptism, Bunny swims towards Ed Wood ]
Bunny Breckinridge : How do you do it? How do you get all your friends to get baptized just so you can make a monster movie?
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : It's not a monster movie. It's a supernatural thriller.
Reverend Lemon : Welcome to the fold, brother. Welcome. Praise the lord, brother. Do you reject Satan and all his evils?
Bunny Breckinridge : Sure. [ after his baptism, Bunny swims towards Ed Wood ]
Bunny Breckinridge : How do you do it? How do you get all your friends to get baptized just so you can make a monster movie?
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : It's not a monster movie. It's a supernatural thriller.
Movie: Ed Wood
[ on the phone to Bunny ]
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Listen, hit the bars, work some parties, and get me transvestites. I need transvestites. All right. Bye.
Bela Lugosi : Eddie, what kind of a movie is this?
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Listen, hit the bars, work some parties, and get me transvestites. I need transvestites. All right. Bye.
Bela Lugosi : Eddie, what kind of a movie is this?
Movie: Ed Wood
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : [ on phone with Mr. Feldman ] Really? Worst film you ever saw. Well, my next one will be better. Hello. Hello.
Movie: Ed Wood
Kathy O'Hara : Eddie's the only fella in town who doesn't pass judgment on people.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : That's right. If I did, I wouldn't have any friends.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : That's right. If I did, I wouldn't have any friends.
Movie: Ed Wood
Bela Lugosi : Karloff? Sidekick? FUCK YOU! Karloff did not deserve to smell my shit! That limey cocksucker can rot in Hell for all I care!
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : What happened?
Bela Lugosi : How dare that asshole bring up Karloff? You think it takes talent to do Frankenstein? It's all makeup and grunting. [ Mocks Frankenstein ]
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Bela, I agree with you 100%. Now, "Dracula," that's a role that requires talent.
Bela Lugosi : Of course. Dracula requires presence. It's all in the eyes, and the voice, and the hands...
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : [ interrupting ] That's right. That's right. You seem a little agitated. You wanna to go outside and get some air?
Bela Lugosi : Bullshit! I'm ready now! Roll the camera!
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : What happened?
Bela Lugosi : How dare that asshole bring up Karloff? You think it takes talent to do Frankenstein? It's all makeup and grunting. [ Mocks Frankenstein ]
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Bela, I agree with you 100%. Now, "Dracula," that's a role that requires talent.
Bela Lugosi : Of course. Dracula requires presence. It's all in the eyes, and the voice, and the hands...
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : [ interrupting ] That's right. That's right. You seem a little agitated. You wanna to go outside and get some air?
Bela Lugosi : Bullshit! I'm ready now! Roll the camera!
Movie: Ed Wood
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : You know, you're, you're much scarier in real life than you are in the movie.
Bela Lugosi : Thank you.
Bela Lugosi : Thank you.
Movie: Ed Wood
Criswell : [ First lines ] Greetings, my friends! You are interested in the unknown. The mysterious. The unexplainable. That is why you are here. And now, for the first time, we are bringing you the full story of what happened. We are giving you all the evidence based only on the secret testimony of the miserable souls who survived this terrifying ordeal. The incidents, faces. My friends, we cannot keep this a secret any longer. Can your heart stand the shocking facts of the true story of Edward D. Wood Jr.?
Movie: Ed Wood
[ Impersonating Bela Lugosi ]
Dr. Tom Mason : I want to suck your blood. I want to suck your blood!
Bunny Breckinridge : Let's hear you call Boris Karloff a cocksucker.
Dr. Tom Mason : I want to suck your blood. I want to suck your blood!
Bunny Breckinridge : Let's hear you call Boris Karloff a cocksucker.
Movie: Ed Wood
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Is there a script?
Georgie Weiss : Fuck no. But, there's a poster.
Georgie Weiss : Fuck no. But, there's a poster.
Movie: Ed Wood
[ Waiting to be baptized in a swimming pool ]
Vampira : Why couldn't we do this in the church?
Criswell : Because Brother Tor couldn't fit in the sacred tub.
Vampira : Why couldn't we do this in the church?
Criswell : Because Brother Tor couldn't fit in the sacred tub.
Movie: Ed Wood
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Mr. Reynolds.
Ed Reynolds : Yes.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : We are going to finsh this picture just the way I want it... because you cannot compromise an artist's vision.
Reverend Lemon : But it's OUR money.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : And you're gonna make a bundle, but only if you shut up and let me do things my way.
Ed Reynolds : Yes.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : We are going to finsh this picture just the way I want it... because you cannot compromise an artist's vision.
Reverend Lemon : But it's OUR money.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : And you're gonna make a bundle, but only if you shut up and let me do things my way.
Movie: Ed Wood
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : ...and then, Dr. Vornoff falls into the pit, and his own octupus attacks and eats him. The end.
Old Man McCoy : Whew! That's quite a story.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Yes.
Old Man McCoy : So, uh, you made the movie, and now you wanna make it again?
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : No. We shot ten minutes of the movie, and now we're looking for completion funds.
Old Man McCoy : Oh, son, you're too vague. [ Yells to one of his butchers ]
Old Man McCoy : BILLY BOB! You're cuttin' em too lean.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Mr. McCoy. How can I make you happy?
Old Man McCoy : [ Spits ] Okay. Two things. Number one: I want the movie to end with a big explosion. Sky full of smoke.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Yes. But it ends with Dr. Vornoff falling into the pit.
Old Man McCoy : Not any more. Number two: I got a son. Little slow, but a good boy, and somethin' tells me he'd make a helluva leadin' man.
Old Man McCoy : Whew! That's quite a story.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Yes.
Old Man McCoy : So, uh, you made the movie, and now you wanna make it again?
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : No. We shot ten minutes of the movie, and now we're looking for completion funds.
Old Man McCoy : Oh, son, you're too vague. [ Yells to one of his butchers ]
Old Man McCoy : BILLY BOB! You're cuttin' em too lean.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Mr. McCoy. How can I make you happy?
Old Man McCoy : [ Spits ] Okay. Two things. Number one: I want the movie to end with a big explosion. Sky full of smoke.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Yes. But it ends with Dr. Vornoff falling into the pit.
Old Man McCoy : Not any more. Number two: I got a son. Little slow, but a good boy, and somethin' tells me he'd make a helluva leadin' man.
Movie: Ed Wood
[ pointing to a "Jacob's Ladder" on the set of Bride of the Atom ]
Bela Lugosi : I'm not getting near that goddamn thing. One of them burned me in "The Return of Chandu".
Bela Lugosi : I'm not getting near that goddamn thing. One of them burned me in "The Return of Chandu".
Movie: Ed Wood
[ At the "Plan 9" premiere ]
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : This is the one. 'This' is the one I'll be remembered for.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : This is the one. 'This' is the one I'll be remembered for.
Movie: Ed Wood
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : They're driving me CRAZY. These Baptists are stupid. Stupid. STUPID.
Movie: Ed Wood
[ on the reason for the success of 'Dracula(1931)' ]
Bela Lugosi : They were mythic. They had a poetry to them.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Yes.
Bela Lugosi : And you know what else? The women... the women preferred the traditional monsters.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : The women? Huh?
Bela Lugosi : The pure horror, it both repels, and attracts them, because in their collective unconsiousness, they have the agony of childbirth. The blood. The blood is horror.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : You know, I never thought of that.
Bela Lugosi : Take my word for it. If you want to make out with a young lady, take her to see "Dracula".
Bela Lugosi : They were mythic. They had a poetry to them.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Yes.
Bela Lugosi : And you know what else? The women... the women preferred the traditional monsters.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : The women? Huh?
Bela Lugosi : The pure horror, it both repels, and attracts them, because in their collective unconsiousness, they have the agony of childbirth. The blood. The blood is horror.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : You know, I never thought of that.
Bela Lugosi : Take my word for it. If you want to make out with a young lady, take her to see "Dracula".
Movie: Ed Wood
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : What are you drinking, Bela?
Bela Lugosi : Formaldehyde
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Straight up or on the rocks?
Bela Lugosi : Formaldehyde
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Straight up or on the rocks?
Movie: Ed Wood
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Kathy... I'm about to tell you something that I never told any girl on a first date. But I think it's important that you know... I like to wear women's clothes.
Kathy O'Hara : Huh?
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : I like to wear women's clothes. Panties, brassieres, sweaters, pumps. It's just something I do. And I can't believe I'm telling you this, but I really like you, and I don't want it getting in the way down the road.
Kathy O'Hara : Does this mean... you don't like sex with girls?
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : No, I love sex with girls. [ long pause ]
Kathy O'Hara : Okay.
Kathy O'Hara : Huh?
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : I like to wear women's clothes. Panties, brassieres, sweaters, pumps. It's just something I do. And I can't believe I'm telling you this, but I really like you, and I don't want it getting in the way down the road.
Kathy O'Hara : Does this mean... you don't like sex with girls?
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : No, I love sex with girls. [ long pause ]
Kathy O'Hara : Okay.
Movie: Ed Wood
[ making up the bald Dr. Tom to look like Bela Lugosi ]
Makeup Man Harry : Ed, what am I gonna do here.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : What do you mean?
Makeup Man Harry : He has no hair.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Gee, I never noticed that. Put a wig on him!
Makeup Man Harry : Ed, what am I gonna do here.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : What do you mean?
Makeup Man Harry : He has no hair.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Gee, I never noticed that. Put a wig on him!
Movie: Ed Wood
Vampira : You're watching our Halloween movie, "White Zombie", starring Bela Lugosi, John Harron, Madge Bellamy, and a bunch of other people I've never heard of.
Movie: Ed Wood
Dolores Fuller : You people are insane! You're wasting your lives making shit! Nobody cares! These movies are terrible!
Movie: Ed Wood
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Are you people insane? I'm the director. I make the casting decisions around here.
Movie: Ed Wood
[ Finds Bela ailing ]
Bela Lugosi : This happens all the time.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Is there anything I can get for you? Water or a blanket?
Bela Lugosi : Goulash.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : I don't know how to make goulash. [ See the track marks on Bela's arm ]
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Bela, what's in the needle?
Bela Lugosi : Morphine. With a demerol chaser.
Bela Lugosi : This happens all the time.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Is there anything I can get for you? Water or a blanket?
Bela Lugosi : Goulash.
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : I don't know how to make goulash. [ See the track marks on Bela's arm ]
Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Bela, what's in the needle?
Bela Lugosi : Morphine. With a demerol chaser.
Movie: Ed Wood