Deadwood Quotes
Commissioner Jarry: And you, Mr. Wolcott, I find you the most severe disappointment of all.
Wolcott: Often to myself as well.
Wolcott: Often to myself as well.
TV Show: Deadwood
Merrick: Lot, before God, could make no case for that food.
Mary: Lot's wife may have been in that food.
Mary: Lot's wife may have been in that food.
TV Show: Deadwood
Al Swearengen: Pain or damage don’t end the world, or despair or fucking beatings. The world ends when you’re dead. Until then, you got more punishment in store. Stand it like a man—and give some back.
TV Show: Deadwood
Alma Garret: [regarding Sofia] You frighten her.
Al Swearengen: I have that effect.
Alma Garret: I think specifically it was your plotting against her life.
Al Swearengen: I have that effect.
Alma Garret: I think specifically it was your plotting against her life.
TV Show: Deadwood
Dority: Fucks himself up the ass, Tolliver.
Swearengen: No mean feat! Yet how often we bring it off.
Swearengen: No mean feat! Yet how often we bring it off.
TV Show: Deadwood
Barfly: I won't fuck Chinese; I got a mother living yet.
Hawkeye: She the jealous type?
Hawkeye: She the jealous type?
TV Show: Deadwood
Con: Hey, you ever hear, Tom, the Chinese whore has a ancient way of milking ya of yer sorrow, your loneliness and that awful feeling of bein’ forsaken?
Tom: Seems to me that’d leave you with nothing.
Tom: Seems to me that’d leave you with nothing.
TV Show: Deadwood
Seth Bullock: Maybe you’re mistrusted less as a killer than showin’ your cards a corner at a time.
TV Show: Deadwood
Tom: My bicycle masters boardwalk and quagmire with aplomb. Those that doubt me, suck cock by choice.
TV Show: Deadwood
Dan: Sometimes I hear you speakin’ in here when I know there’s nobody in here but you.
Al: You have not yet reached the age, Dan, have you, where you’re moved to utterance of thoughts properly kept silent?
Dan: Been known to mutter.
Al: Not the odd mutter. Habitual fuckin’ vocalizing of thoughts best kept to yourself. I will confide further. Lately... I talk to this package: the severed rotting head I paid bounty on last year of that murdered fuckin’ Indian.
Al: You have not yet reached the age, Dan, have you, where you’re moved to utterance of thoughts properly kept silent?
Dan: Been known to mutter.
Al: Not the odd mutter. Habitual fuckin’ vocalizing of thoughts best kept to yourself. I will confide further. Lately... I talk to this package: the severed rotting head I paid bounty on last year of that murdered fuckin’ Indian.
TV Show: Deadwood
Charlie: [at Bill Hickock's grave] Evenin’, Bill. Jane ain’t with me, ‘cause she’s a drunken fuckin’ mess, and I don’t know what to do about it. I know you want her looked out for, and I’m doin’ my fuckin’ best. But I won’t stand before you claimin’ optimism. Other news. That letter you wrote your wife just before that cocksucker murdered you, it come to my hand. I won’t even try explainin’ fuckin’ how. And knowin’ what we know about our fucked up postal system, I ain’t committin’ it to the fuckin’ mails. You know I will try to get it to her, which I pray’d be a portion off your mind. When I’ve found where she’s at, on my way settin’ off I’ll tell you. All right. God bless you, Bill. [starts to leave and then turns back] And as far as Jane, as drunk as you’ve seen her, you’ve never seen her this worse. Between us, maybe havin’ lost, wantin’ to keep on. So I - I don’t know what the fuck to do! But you know I’ll— I’ll keep tryin.’ [leaves]
TV Show: Deadwood
Samuel Fields: [talking to a horse before he and Hostetler castrate it] Now, if you want to take it out on someone, remember it was very dark-skinned white folks that cut on you. They just sounded like niggers to throw you off.
TV Show: Deadwood
Tom Nuttall: Knowledge is overrated, William. Diligence is what’s required in the service of a willing spirit.
TV Show: Deadwood
Al Swearengen: They're hypocrite cocksuckers. And the fuckin' lyin' instruments and tactics they use to fuck people up the ass can be turned against them.
TV Show: Deadwood
Francis Wolcott: I feel you breathing down my neck.
Charlie Utter: Should I exhale out my ass?
Francis Wolcott: And I believe you're doing it intentionally.
Charlie Utter: Why? You think I believe you're a fuckin' cunt?
Francis Wolcott: [turns to face Utter] If we fight, it won't be a casual matter.
Charlie Utter: Ohhh, I see you got your big fuckin' knife there, and hid somewhere on your persons you've probably got some pussified shootin' instrument. But I am good at first impressions, and you are a fucking cunt, and I DOUBT you've fought many MEN, maybe even ONE!
Charlie Utter: Should I exhale out my ass?
Francis Wolcott: And I believe you're doing it intentionally.
Charlie Utter: Why? You think I believe you're a fuckin' cunt?
Francis Wolcott: [turns to face Utter] If we fight, it won't be a casual matter.
Charlie Utter: Ohhh, I see you got your big fuckin' knife there, and hid somewhere on your persons you've probably got some pussified shootin' instrument. But I am good at first impressions, and you are a fucking cunt, and I DOUBT you've fought many MEN, maybe even ONE!
TV Show: Deadwood
Francis Wolcott: On my order, Mr. Tolliver, Lee will burn this building, mutilating you before, during or after as I specify, or when he chooses unless I forbid.
Cy Tolliver: Oh, my full attention is at your disposal.
Cy Tolliver: Oh, my full attention is at your disposal.
TV Show: Deadwood
Hostetler: Horse run trash like that over by accident, still ain’t a white man on earth gonna stand up against roping us up, now is there?
Samuel Fields: John Brown would’ve.
Samuel Fields: John Brown would’ve.
TV Show: Deadwood
Al Swearengen: Sign these documents and leave unharmed.
Alice Isringhausen: I can’t trust that, Mr. Swearengen, being that it’s not to your interests.
Al Swearengen: That applies to you most, fuckin’ sittin’ in that chair distracting my fuckin’ thinking. If I have to come over there, I’ll cut your fuckin’ throat for you, pen yet put to paper or not.
Alice Isringhausen: I can’t trust that, Mr. Swearengen, being that it’s not to your interests.
Al Swearengen: That applies to you most, fuckin’ sittin’ in that chair distracting my fuckin’ thinking. If I have to come over there, I’ll cut your fuckin’ throat for you, pen yet put to paper or not.
TV Show: Deadwood
A.W. Merrick: And thus the uncharted journey continues.
Al Swearengen: Merrick, please. As we’ll be more often in each other’s company, when given to utterance of that type—consider drinking.
Al Swearengen: Merrick, please. As we’ll be more often in each other’s company, when given to utterance of that type—consider drinking.
TV Show: Deadwood
Wolcott: I am a sinner who does not expect forgiveness. But I am not a government official.
TV Show: Deadwood
Hugo: I do not, my friend Adams, take it up the ass... But I suspect those that do, do so because they consider they advance their own interests. Shall we not, like them, pursue our mutual gratification?
TV Show: Deadwood
Al Swearengen: It wouldn’t be the worst thing, backing a loser to Hearst. Let him pick me up from the canvas after, dust me the fuck off. I raise the great man’s hand and murmur, best as I can through split lips, "Your man beat my man’s balls off, Mr. Hearst." But Hearst’s chink boss in that alley ain’t to my fuckin’ taste. So what if something delays the battle of the chinks? Say, durin’ that interval I get to show my ass a few times to Mr. Hearst. Meanwhile, that pain in the balls Wu is sketching up a storm, drawin’ fuckin’ little pictures of himself brandishin’ the lash, drivin’ from a delivery ship a quota of chinks to be blown to pieces by dynamite working in the mines for Hearst at half the fee, per chink, that Hearst is paying the San Francisco cocksucker. Now, by this time Hearst has seen my ass so many times, he knows I’m no long-term threat. So some brief opposition of our interests ain’t gonna make him feel like he needs to engage me in a death struggle, say, by opposin’ local elections. Those circumstances, we can risk backing Wu, and the great man figures, "I am damaged by neither outcome. Why not retire to a neutral corner and test my import against the locals?"
TV Show: Deadwood
Hearst: [noticing a stuffed buck's head on the wall] Your kill, sir?
Swearengen: Who?
Hearst: The animal.
Swearengen: Oh fuck no, I'm a fucking terrible shot. Work better closer in.
Swearengen: Who?
Hearst: The animal.
Swearengen: Oh fuck no, I'm a fucking terrible shot. Work better closer in.
TV Show: Deadwood
Tom Nuttall: There’s talk of an offer on my place.
Al Swearengen: How will you answer?
Tom Nuttall: I came to take counsel with you.
Al Swearengen: Drunk or sober is my question.
Tom Nuttall: Well, I have my wits about me, Al.
Al Swearengen: Maybe, then, you’ll want a few more, huh?
Tom Nuttall: Don’t talk to me in fucking riddles.
Al Swearengen: Drunk, Tom, for reasons not to do with business, you’ll sell. If that’s your decision, let me offer. Sober, you know sellin’s stupid.
Al Swearengen: How will you answer?
Tom Nuttall: I came to take counsel with you.
Al Swearengen: Drunk or sober is my question.
Tom Nuttall: Well, I have my wits about me, Al.
Al Swearengen: Maybe, then, you’ll want a few more, huh?
Tom Nuttall: Don’t talk to me in fucking riddles.
Al Swearengen: Drunk, Tom, for reasons not to do with business, you’ll sell. If that’s your decision, let me offer. Sober, you know sellin’s stupid.
TV Show: Deadwood
Hearst: [slaps the wall of his room in the Grand Central Hotel] These walls are coming down.
Wolcott: They'll be your walls soon.
Hearst: Ever since I was a child in Missouri I've been down ever hole I could find.
Wolcott: Boy-the-earth-talks-to.
Hearst: Yeah, I've told you, that's what the Indians call me.
Wolcott: Yes.
Hearst: It talks to you too, Francis, I know. Our time together, your hearing has stayed keen. But this gambler Tolliver, who was our agent for buying the claims has spoken to me about you. He says that you've killed women. Prostitutes. That he has disposed of the bodies for you.
Wolcott: [stunned, fumbles putting out his cigar]
Hearst: WELL!?
Wolcott: When I was in Campeche, you wrote a letter on my behalf.
Hearst: To the Jefe de Policia.
Wolcott: "I am aware of Mr. Wolcott's difficulty. You will find me personally grateful for any adjustments you may make in his case." What did you think that was about?
Hearst: I didn't think about it. You were my agent in Mexico! You had many responsibilities. You asked me for the letter and I wrote it!
Wolcott: As when the earth talks to you particularly, you never ask its reasons.
Hearst: I don't need to know why I'm lucky!
Wolcott: What if the earth talks to us to get us to arrange its amusements?
Hearst: That sounds like goddamned nonsense to me.
Wolcott: Suppose to you it whispers, "You are king over me. I exist to flesh your will."
Hearst: Nonsense.
Wolcott: And to me... "There is no sin." It happened in Mexico and now it's happened here.
Hearst: We must end our connection, you understand that, Francis. Make a severance you think is fair. You know I won't quibble. Does some spirit overtake y
Wolcott: They'll be your walls soon.
Hearst: Ever since I was a child in Missouri I've been down ever hole I could find.
Wolcott: Boy-the-earth-talks-to.
Hearst: Yeah, I've told you, that's what the Indians call me.
Wolcott: Yes.
Hearst: It talks to you too, Francis, I know. Our time together, your hearing has stayed keen. But this gambler Tolliver, who was our agent for buying the claims has spoken to me about you. He says that you've killed women. Prostitutes. That he has disposed of the bodies for you.
Wolcott: [stunned, fumbles putting out his cigar]
Hearst: WELL!?
Wolcott: When I was in Campeche, you wrote a letter on my behalf.
Hearst: To the Jefe de Policia.
Wolcott: "I am aware of Mr. Wolcott's difficulty. You will find me personally grateful for any adjustments you may make in his case." What did you think that was about?
Hearst: I didn't think about it. You were my agent in Mexico! You had many responsibilities. You asked me for the letter and I wrote it!
Wolcott: As when the earth talks to you particularly, you never ask its reasons.
Hearst: I don't need to know why I'm lucky!
Wolcott: What if the earth talks to us to get us to arrange its amusements?
Hearst: That sounds like goddamned nonsense to me.
Wolcott: Suppose to you it whispers, "You are king over me. I exist to flesh your will."
Hearst: Nonsense.
Wolcott: And to me... "There is no sin." It happened in Mexico and now it's happened here.
Hearst: We must end our connection, you understand that, Francis. Make a severance you think is fair. You know I won't quibble. Does some spirit overtake y
TV Show: Deadwood
Al Swearengen: [on Sol Star] He’s a candidate for office. He can’t whore-fuck no longer with impunity.
TV Show: Deadwood
Al Swearengen: Bloodletting on my premises that I ain’t approved I take as a fucking affront. It puts me off my feed.
Hearst: How do we know when you are off your feed?
Al Swearengen: You’ll start to see me tearing things down. Speeches tonight are canceled. Unless the insult’s cured by tomorrow, there’ll be further tearing down. Fuck the fucking elections, and fuck the agreement with Yankton. Let the camp return to its former repute: unstable and unsafe for commerce.
Hearst: I’m a great believer in those.
Al Swearengen: Oh, stability, Sir, and commerce? I can fucking imagine. Think of all they’ve helped you accomplish.
Hearst: How do we know when you are off your feed?
Al Swearengen: You’ll start to see me tearing things down. Speeches tonight are canceled. Unless the insult’s cured by tomorrow, there’ll be further tearing down. Fuck the fucking elections, and fuck the agreement with Yankton. Let the camp return to its former repute: unstable and unsafe for commerce.
Hearst: I’m a great believer in those.
Al Swearengen: Oh, stability, Sir, and commerce? I can fucking imagine. Think of all they’ve helped you accomplish.
TV Show: Deadwood