Stargate SG-1 Quotes
Dr. Jackson: You are making a mistake. There is no curse. The black knight is a security feature created by Merlin through the use of science and advanced technology. There is no magic— [the Odyssey beams up SG-1]
[later]
Dr. Jackson: Once and for all: There was no curse. This is a device. There is no magic— [the Korolev beams him up]
Dr. Jackson: Boy, my timing's off today...
[later]
Dr. Jackson: Once and for all: There was no curse. This is a device. There is no magic— [the Korolev beams him up]
Dr. Jackson: Boy, my timing's off today...
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
[Sam is stranded in space, while Mitchell and the Odyssey crew are trying to rescue her.]
Lt. Colonel Carter: If you're thinking what I think you're thinking, it won't work.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: Marks, do you mind? [takes piloting controls] Hang on Sam, we're coming to get you.
[Odyssey starts moving towards Sam.]
Lt. Colonel Carter: Oh, boy.
Lt. Colonel Carter: If you're thinking what I think you're thinking, it won't work.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: Marks, do you mind? [takes piloting controls] Hang on Sam, we're coming to get you.
[Odyssey starts moving towards Sam.]
Lt. Colonel Carter: Oh, boy.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Lt. Colonel Carter: Look, the sub-light engines don't have that much control. If you hit me, even at minimum velocity...
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: [into radio] I'm not going to hit you. [to himself] Not on purpose.
Lt. Colonel Carter: Even if you get me in past the shield, the artificial gravity will kick in. A fall from even thirty feet in this suit...
Lt. Colonel Mithcell: Sam, stop worrying. Kvasir is riding the controls manually.
Kvasir: You're going too fast.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: This tub doesn't go any slower.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Woolsey: The IOA is considering bringing the Atlantis ZPM to Earth, for use in the Antarctic Earth defense system.
General Landry: Even if we had a ship, it would take a minimum of three weeks for the ZPM to get here. And there's no guarantee the Ancient weapons platform in Antarctica would be any more effective against the Ori ships than what we've already thrown at them. As usual, the IOA is wasting their breath. You know, if I had the salaries they pay those idiot blowhard politicians to put into my budget... I'm sorry, did I say that out loud?
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Bra'tac: We cannot merely stand by as our brothers and sisters fall.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: I'm going with them.
Lt. Colonel Carter: Me too.
Colonel Emerson: It's suicide.
Lt. Colonel Carter: Well, for Teal'c and Bra'tac, that's not really an argument against going.
Colonel Emerson: What about you?
Lt. Colonel Carter: However remote, there is still a chance that Daniel's alive on board one of those Ori ships. He may need our help.
Colonel Emerson: You really believe that?
Lt. Colonel Carter: You don't know him like we do.
Vala: Isn't there a part of you that's from me?
Adria: Of course. You are my mother.
Vala : And as your mother, you will listen to me, young lady. There will be no leading of these ships and armies on a mass-murdering crusade! Or else!
[Adria remains unmoved]
Vala: Eh, it was worth a try.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Dr. Jackson: What happened to you?
Vala: Oh, I had a baby! You know, I never thought I'd agree with my father, but now I'm starting to remember about how he used to go about how you nurture them and then you raise them and you teach them that best that you can and then all they do is break your heart. I always assumed that his experience was tainted by me.
Dr. Jackson: What are you talking about?
Vala: Well, she started off all sweet and innocent but now she's hellbent on domination of the galaxy.
Dr. Jackson: How old is she?
Vala: A few hours.[Dr. Jackson gives her a confused look.] The Ori used me to sneak one of their own across the border. This child is their way of cheating the ascended rulebook. They couldn't exactly cross over into our galaxy without getting into a confrontation with the Ancients, right? So they created a human representative with their knowledge to lead their armies.
Dr. Jackson: Sort of an uber-Prior, like the Doci?
Vala: Oh, but she's MUCH worse than that. The Priors are just pawns, but she knows the score. She's complicit with the Ori; you should have heard the propaganda that she just tried to feed me.
Dr. Jackson: Wait, wait, waitaminute, we're talking about a baby here, right?
Vala: Oh. She's been genetically altered. She'll be a fully-grown figurehead in a day or so. If she takes after her mother, she'll have a pretty good figure too.
Dr. Jackson: This is bad.
Vala: You're telling me! Origin is about to become a lot more appealing to the males of this galaxy.
Dr. Jackson: Do you have any idea where we're going?
Vala: No, that she wouldn't tell me. She knows I'm not on her side; she's just hoping I'll see the light. But part of her can't help but feel tied to me. She wanted me to giv
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Vala Mal Doran: What do you know of the Jaffa?
Adria: They are proud people. Confused about the ways to salvation. They have been misled by parasites posing as gods for several generations. But in their hearts, I believe that they know ascension is the true path to salvation.
Vala Mal Doran: Then why are you slaughtering them?
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: So, we're outmatched in manpower, firepower, and technology. Do we have any sort of battle strategy, or are we just planning on dropping out of hyperspace and getting our asses kicked again?
Adria: They are proud people. Confused about the ways to salvation. They have been misled by parasites posing as gods for several generations. But in their hearts, I believe that they know ascension is the true path to salvation.
Vala Mal Doran: Then why are you slaughtering them?
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: So, we're outmatched in manpower, firepower, and technology. Do we have any sort of battle strategy, or are we just planning on dropping out of hyperspace and getting our asses kicked again?
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Teal'c: There never usually are rules in war.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: Unfortunately right now, there is no war. In a war, you have two sides fighting. All we have is a lot of winning by the bad guys.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: Unfortunately right now, there is no war. In a war, you have two sides fighting. All we have is a lot of winning by the bad guys.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Dr. Jackson: I got it! I made the connection! Sir Gawain to Gwalchmei. Culwhch and Olwen. Verus Gen Bree!
Lt. Colonel Carter: [to Mitchell] And you say I'm hard to understand.
Dr. Jackson: That's when it hit me: Sir Gawain.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: Wasn't he one of the Knights who say "Ni"?
Dr. Jackson: Look, I know she's no angel. She's-she's lied, she's stolen, she's cheated, she's misrepresented herself, she's… lied.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: This place is deader than a Texas salad bar.
Vala: ["Studying" for her Psych evaluation] You are in the desert, you see a tortoise lying on its back in the hot sand. You recognize its plight but do nothing to help. Why? [pauses] Hmm. Why? Oh. [starts writing] Because you are also a tortoise.
Dr. Hutchison: So, how are you feeling?
Vala: [eagerly] Very well! Very well…well, you know, all things considered. Heh. I mean, you'd assume I'd be a prime candidate for acculturation difficulty, enduring feelings of…displacement and alienation. Perhaps even a little paranoid ideation. Hmm? But the truth is, I was able to adopt an abstract attitude which allowed me to…release some of my repressed feelings, ultimately providing me with a cathartic actualization. How are you feeling?
Dr. Hutchison: I'm fine.
Teal'c: Perhaps we should rest.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: [starts to sit down, then stands up again] No...that's a bad idea. And I'm starting regret staying up late to watch Deuce Biglaow: European Gigolo last night. Check that, I regretted it almost immediately.
[General Landry has just informed Vala that she has been accepted at
Lt. Colonel Carter: [to Mitchell] And you say I'm hard to understand.
Dr. Jackson: That's when it hit me: Sir Gawain.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: Wasn't he one of the Knights who say "Ni"?
Dr. Jackson: Look, I know she's no angel. She's-she's lied, she's stolen, she's cheated, she's misrepresented herself, she's… lied.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: This place is deader than a Texas salad bar.
Vala: ["Studying" for her Psych evaluation] You are in the desert, you see a tortoise lying on its back in the hot sand. You recognize its plight but do nothing to help. Why? [pauses] Hmm. Why? Oh. [starts writing] Because you are also a tortoise.
Dr. Hutchison: So, how are you feeling?
Vala: [eagerly] Very well! Very well…well, you know, all things considered. Heh. I mean, you'd assume I'd be a prime candidate for acculturation difficulty, enduring feelings of…displacement and alienation. Perhaps even a little paranoid ideation. Hmm? But the truth is, I was able to adopt an abstract attitude which allowed me to…release some of my repressed feelings, ultimately providing me with a cathartic actualization. How are you feeling?
Dr. Hutchison: I'm fine.
Teal'c: Perhaps we should rest.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: [starts to sit down, then stands up again] No...that's a bad idea. And I'm starting regret staying up late to watch Deuce Biglaow: European Gigolo last night. Check that, I regretted it almost immediately.
[General Landry has just informed Vala that she has been accepted at
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Dr. Jackson: [looking out over Atlantis] I wouldn't miss this for the world. You know the number of times I tried to get here?
Vala: Only two of those times were my fault.
Lt. Colonel Sheppard: Well, good luck, and listen, if McKay gives you a hard time, just…
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: Shoot him.
Lt. Colonel Sheppard: Also, he's mortally allergic to citrus.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: Really?
Lt. Colonel Sheppard: I keep one with me at all times. [pulls a lemon from his vest pocket] It's just a comfort to know… [tosses the lemon to Mitchell] …it's there.
Vala: Only two of those times were my fault.
Lt. Colonel Sheppard: Well, good luck, and listen, if McKay gives you a hard time, just…
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: Shoot him.
Lt. Colonel Sheppard: Also, he's mortally allergic to citrus.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: Really?
Lt. Colonel Sheppard: I keep one with me at all times. [pulls a lemon from his vest pocket] It's just a comfort to know… [tosses the lemon to Mitchell] …it's there.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Dr. McKay: I am just saying, the yield calculations can be extremely tricky, if not borderline impossible. [smugly] You may need me.
Vala: Colonel Carter said as much.
Lt. Colonel Carter: Ooohhhh, we weren't going to tell him that.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: Ah, this place is Daniel Disneyland.
Dr. McKay: But um, first, I just wanted to thank you for being there for me recently in a time of great personal need. Well, actually, you weren't there— I was alone in the dark, but um, you know, it sure seemed like you were.
Lt. Colonel Carter: [suspiciously] Are you telling me one of your fantasies?
Dr. McKay: No it was a hallucination, I had a concussion, I was trapped in the back of a sinking Jumper and my mind conjured you up as a means of survival, it's what you would do in my situation. You saved my life
Lt. Colonel Carter: OK well, that's… sort of nice.
Dr. McKay: Mmm. Yes it was.
Lt. Colonel Carter: Was I naked?
Dr. McKay: [slightly embarassed] Partially.
Vala: Colonel Carter said as much.
Lt. Colonel Carter: Ooohhhh, we weren't going to tell him that.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: Ah, this place is Daniel Disneyland.
Dr. McKay: But um, first, I just wanted to thank you for being there for me recently in a time of great personal need. Well, actually, you weren't there— I was alone in the dark, but um, you know, it sure seemed like you were.
Lt. Colonel Carter: [suspiciously] Are you telling me one of your fantasies?
Dr. McKay: No it was a hallucination, I had a concussion, I was trapped in the back of a sinking Jumper and my mind conjured you up as a means of survival, it's what you would do in my situation. You saved my life
Lt. Colonel Carter: OK well, that's… sort of nice.
Dr. McKay: Mmm. Yes it was.
Lt. Colonel Carter: Was I naked?
Dr. McKay: [slightly embarassed] Partially.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Lt. Colonel Carter: [regarding McKay] You know, Cam, he's not wrong. As much as it pains me to say it, the data from our first attempt supports his argument.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: Well, like my grandma used to say, "if at first you don't succeed…"
Lt. Colonel Carter: [wryly] "…try a larger thermonuclear reaction?"
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: Her words exactly.
Dr. Jackson: [to Morgan Le Fay] I believe you. I do. I mean, I understand the fine line you have to walk. I realize the risk you're taking just showing yourself. But I'm sorry, I want more. You can pass that on to your friends as well. [to the room] Yeah, I know you're listening, [to Le Fay, in full passionate-speech mode] Because I am getting sick of hidden clues and cryptic messages. And Merlin was right that the Ori are a threat. But not only to us "lowers," not only to the billions of humans throughout this galaxy, but to your own existence. Because when this war is over, and every soul that's left alive is praying to the Ori, feeding their need to be worshipped, you know who they're gonna come for next. I won't pretend to know what that war will look like, or in what battlefield it will take place, but then, I won't be alive to see it.
Morgan le Fay: If we interfere, we are no better than the Ori.
Dr. Jackson: I understand that is at the very core of what you are, of what you believe, but I'm talking about survival here. If you really are trying to help, then help yourself.
Vala: [regarding the Ascended] I think I understand why you came back, Daniel. I wouldn't have liked their company either.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Ba'al: I understand your reluctance to trust me, so I'll be succinct. It's the clones. They want me dead.
Teal'c: That would make all of us.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: Chief, we've got a full count. Two strikes, three Ba'als.
Sgt. Harriman: [laughing] Oh, that's clever, sir.
Lt. Colonel Carter: He was thinking that one up the whole way home.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: Yeah, the whole three seconds.
Lt. Colonel Carter: Three point two.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: [shrugs] Good point.
Teal'c: That would make all of us.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: Chief, we've got a full count. Two strikes, three Ba'als.
Sgt. Harriman: [laughing] Oh, that's clever, sir.
Lt. Colonel Carter: He was thinking that one up the whole way home.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: Yeah, the whole three seconds.
Lt. Colonel Carter: Three point two.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: [shrugs] Good point.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Ba'al clone: You are trying to goad me into revealing information.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: No, I'm just calling it like I see it. And right now, you don't strike me as someone who could intimidate a ten year old out of his lunch money, much less run an interstellar empire.
Ba'al clone: [in Goa'uld voice] Why don't you have the guard excuse himself for a moment, and I'll show you just what I am "capable" of?
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: See, now I know you're not the real Ba'al. The real Ba'al wouldn't have cared about the guard.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Barrett (to Landry): General! I understand you have a few extra Ba'als. (punning on Ba'al/ball)
[Landry looks surprised]
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: General.
General Landry: Somebody, give me some good news.
[Vala stops her attempts to arm wrestle Teal'c.]
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: Sorry, sir. I still don't have anything useful.
Vala: I didn't even make it to first base.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Teal'c: It is ironic that not so long ago the mere presence of the Goa'uld on Earth would have been cause for great concern.
Lt. Colonel Carter: Seriously! Who'd ever think that we'd have bigger fish to fry? Or that you'd use the word "ironic" in a sentence?
General Landry: I told ya, the last thing we need is for this place to turn into the O.K. Corral.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: Or a vice-presidential bird hunt.
Vala: The Sodan were using these devices for hundreds of years. You'd think there'd at least be a label on the side in bold print that says, "Beware: May cause deadly extra-dimensional radioactive monster-causing creature to appear", or just "danger" would be nice.
[SG-1 is playing poker]
Teal'c: A true warrior...[pause] knows when to fold them.
Lt. Colonel Carter: Really? I won? [laughs] I was totally bluffing!
Lt. Colonel Carter: Seriously! Who'd ever think that we'd have bigger fish to fry? Or that you'd use the word "ironic" in a sentence?
General Landry: I told ya, the last thing we need is for this place to turn into the O.K. Corral.
Lt. Colonel Mitchell: Or a vice-presidential bird hunt.
Vala: The Sodan were using these devices for hundreds of years. You'd think there'd at least be a label on the side in bold print that says, "Beware: May cause deadly extra-dimensional radioactive monster-causing creature to appear", or just "danger" would be nice.
[SG-1 is playing poker]
Teal'c: A true warrior...[pause] knows when to fold them.
Lt. Colonel Carter: Really? I won? [laughs] I was totally bluffing!
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Gen. Landry: A fictionalized, albeit slightly ridiculous version of Stargate Command is an excellent cover for the real thing in the event of a security leak.
Lt. Col. Carter: Plausible deniability.
Dr. Jackson: I'm sorry, sir, did you say "slightly" ridiculous?
Lt. Col. Carter: Plausible deniability.
Dr. Jackson: I'm sorry, sir, did you say "slightly" ridiculous?
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Dr. Jackson: ... who makes a movie out of a series that only lasted three episodes?
Teal'c: It allegedly performed well on DVD.
[This is a reference to the cult DVD hitFireflyand the resulting filmSerenity, as well as Stargate itself.]
Teal'c: It allegedly performed well on DVD.
[This is a reference to the cult DVD hitFireflyand the resulting filmSerenity, as well as Stargate itself.]
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
Lt. Col. Mitchell: Well, you've got to open big, catch people's attention, make them think the whole thing is going to be jam-packed.
Vala: Ooh, I love jam.
[Mitchell, Jackson and Carter look at her]
Vala: Oh, I get it. It's yet another playful twist on words in your "earth" language.
Vala: Ooh, I love jam.
[Mitchell, Jackson and Carter look at her]
Vala: Oh, I get it. It's yet another playful twist on words in your "earth" language.
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
[Cut to a briefing room. Jackson is scrawling unintelligibly complex information onto a whiteboard for an audience of a dozen or so scientist types]
Dr. Jackson: ...and so, by translating this tablet, we should be able to determine the most important thing in the universe.
[There is a pause. We hear O'Neill begin to snore. Jackson looks exasperated.]
Dr. Jackson: Everyone wanna, poke around? See if you can find him?
Dr. Jackson: ...and so, by translating this tablet, we should be able to determine the most important thing in the universe.
[There is a pause. We hear O'Neill begin to snore. Jackson looks exasperated.]
Dr. Jackson: Everyone wanna, poke around? See if you can find him?
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
[Cut to interior of a Goa'uld ship. The ring device activates, then deactivates with no-one apparantly having beamed aboard. The Jaffa on-board look puzzled. Suddenly, each of them gets his ass kicked in turn by an invisible opponent. The rings activate again, and the rest of the team beam up. They look around, confused.]
Col. O'Neill: Hello? Hand signals? I'm waving you over!
Col. O'Neill: Hello? Hand signals? I'm waving you over!
TV Show: Stargate SG-1
[Cut to a corridor. Teal'c is walking along next to a coffee mug apparantly floating in mid-air (obviously being held by O'Neill)]
Col. O'Neill: The bottom line is, I can do more for this planet invisible than I ever could as my own sweet salient self.
[Pause, Teal'c looks steadily in the direction of where we presume O'Neill to be standing]
Teal'c: I assume I am staring at you stoically.
Col. O'Neill: Not buying it, eh?
Teal'c: No. You are most transparent, O'Neill.
Col. O'Neill: Ohh! I get it. Good one.
Teal'c: I can see right through you.
Col. O'Neill: Donnnnnn't push it...
Col. O'Neill: The bottom line is, I can do more for this planet invisible than I ever could as my own sweet salient self.
[Pause, Teal'c looks steadily in the direction of where we presume O'Neill to be standing]
Teal'c: I assume I am staring at you stoically.
Col. O'Neill: Not buying it, eh?
Teal'c: No. You are most transparent, O'Neill.
Col. O'Neill: Ohh! I get it. Good one.
Teal'c: I can see right through you.
Col. O'Neill: Donnnnnn't push it...
TV Show: Stargate SG-1