One A.M. Quotes
Mitch: My name's Mitch Barrett. I'd like to talk to you.
Stu Christian: Don't recall askin' to listen.
Mitch: You'll listen and be glad you did for twenty thousand in gold.
Stu Christian: Mister, when you talk, you talk big!
Stu Christian: Don't recall askin' to listen.
Mitch: You'll listen and be glad you did for twenty thousand in gold.
Stu Christian: Mister, when you talk, you talk big!
Movie: One A.M.
[Costello lights up a cigar]
Abbott: Put that out. There's no smoking in here.
Costello: What makes you think I'm smokin'?
Abbott: You've got a cigar in your mouth!
Costello: I've got shoes on... don't mean I'm walkin'.
Abbott: Put that out. There's no smoking in here.
Costello: What makes you think I'm smokin'?
Abbott: You've got a cigar in your mouth!
Costello: I've got shoes on... don't mean I'm walkin'.
Movie: One A.M.
[discussing the man Mitch, unknown to the rancher, murdered]
Rancher: Sorry, Mitch. I know how you felt about Ole.
Mitch: No, I don't think so. No one will ever know that.
Rancher: Sorry, Mitch. I know how you felt about Ole.
Mitch: No, I don't think so. No one will ever know that.
Movie: One A.M.
[last lines]
Timothy X. Nolan: You're a rancher now. Who knows, in a month, six months, you might come to like it. The favor I owed you, Katy... I've hobbled and saddled him for ya. His wild stallion days are over.
[Tim dies]
Katy: Get the carriage. We'll take him home.
Harker Fleet: That untrustworthy son of a *****. He's done it to me again.
Timothy X. Nolan: You're a rancher now. Who knows, in a month, six months, you might come to like it. The favor I owed you, Katy... I've hobbled and saddled him for ya. His wild stallion days are over.
[Tim dies]
Katy: Get the carriage. We'll take him home.
Harker Fleet: That untrustworthy son of a *****. He's done it to me again.
Movie: One A.M.
[the town council asks Cass to resign]
Mr. Sam Bolton, Owner Boltons Emporium: I hope you don't take this as a personal reflection on you, Cass.
Cass Silver, Marshal Flat Rock Kansas: No, Sam, I don't. I take it as a personal reflection on you - all of you! The minute you people smelled money, this town got an attack of larceny. I don't blame in on Barrett; I blame it you. You're supposed to be respectable. You talk about law and order; you'd sell out for a copper penny - any one of you. You're robbin' and stealin' the same as he is, with your fifty dollar boots and your twelve dollar hotel rooms. If I was on this council, I couldn't look in the mirror without vomiting!
Mr. Sam Bolton, Owner Boltons Emporium: I hope you don't take this as a personal reflection on you, Cass.
Cass Silver, Marshal Flat Rock Kansas: No, Sam, I don't. I take it as a personal reflection on you - all of you! The minute you people smelled money, this town got an attack of larceny. I don't blame in on Barrett; I blame it you. You're supposed to be respectable. You talk about law and order; you'd sell out for a copper penny - any one of you. You're robbin' and stealin' the same as he is, with your fifty dollar boots and your twelve dollar hotel rooms. If I was on this council, I couldn't look in the mirror without vomiting!
Movie: One A.M.
[in a church, referring to the crucifix]
Ted Summers: Make sure Jesus is centered! All right?
Ted Summers: Make sure Jesus is centered! All right?
Movie: One A.M.
[speaking to Bambi, the host of "University Challenge"]
Vyvyan: I liked the part where you shoved the drill in the virgin otter's face.
Neil: That wasn't in BAMBI, Vyvyan.
Vyvyan: It was in the sequel, "Bambi Goes Crazy Ape Bonkers with his Drill and Sex"
Neil: Is that true Bambi? Did you do a Disney Nasty?
Vyvyan: I liked the part where you shoved the drill in the virgin otter's face.
Neil: That wasn't in BAMBI, Vyvyan.
Vyvyan: It was in the sequel, "Bambi Goes Crazy Ape Bonkers with his Drill and Sex"
Neil: Is that true Bambi? Did you do a Disney Nasty?
Movie: One A.M.
[the low fuel light comes on]
Peyton: Oh, my God... Brooke, didn't you think to put gas in the car?
[Brooke looks at Haley]
Brooke: Answer the question, Brooke!
Haley James: [gets out of the car] Hey, Peyton, pop the trunk.
Brooke: Peyton, don't listen to her! It might be a trick!
[Peyton pops the trunk anyway]
Haley James: [pulls out a gas can] Great... it's empty! I saw a gas station about a mile down the road, if I'm not back in an hour, tell my mom I loved her.
Brooke: Don't you mean Nathan?
Peyton: I'll go with you.
Peyton: What about me?
[Peyton locks the doors]
Brooke: Peyton... come back! Someone might come...
Haley James: You did remember to crack a window didn't you?
[Peyton and Haley laugh]
Brooke: Come on, you guys, I'm scared!
Peyton: Oh, my God... Brooke, didn't you think to put gas in the car?
[Brooke looks at Haley]
Brooke: Answer the question, Brooke!
Haley James: [gets out of the car] Hey, Peyton, pop the trunk.
Brooke: Peyton, don't listen to her! It might be a trick!
[Peyton pops the trunk anyway]
Haley James: [pulls out a gas can] Great... it's empty! I saw a gas station about a mile down the road, if I'm not back in an hour, tell my mom I loved her.
Brooke: Don't you mean Nathan?
Peyton: I'll go with you.
Peyton: What about me?
[Peyton locks the doors]
Brooke: Peyton... come back! Someone might come...
Haley James: You did remember to crack a window didn't you?
[Peyton and Haley laugh]
Brooke: Come on, you guys, I'm scared!
Movie: One A.M.
[the pups run past Horace and Jasper while covered in soot]
Horace: Look, Jasper. Do you suppose they disguised themselves?
Jasper: [jokingly] Say now, Horace, that's just what they did! Dogs is always paintin' 'emselve's black!
[bops Horace on his head]
Jasper: You idiot!
Horace: Look, Jasper. Do you suppose they disguised themselves?
Jasper: [jokingly] Say now, Horace, that's just what they did! Dogs is always paintin' 'emselve's black!
[bops Horace on his head]
Jasper: You idiot!
Movie: One A.M.
Beth Raymond: [reading the caller ID on Leann's cell] It says it's from Shelley. Who'd be calling on Shelley's phone?
Leann Cole: [after missing the call and reading the date] That's creepy. It's dated Monday, 10: 17 p.m.
Beth Raymond: It's Friday. Maybe you just set the date wrong.
Beth Raymond: [as Leann listens to the voicemail looking slightly creeped out] Leann, what is it? Leann?
Leann Cole: [after missing the call and reading the date] That's creepy. It's dated Monday, 10: 17 p.m.
Beth Raymond: It's Friday. Maybe you just set the date wrong.
Beth Raymond: [as Leann listens to the voicemail looking slightly creeped out] Leann, what is it? Leann?
Movie: One A.M.
Brooke: [pointing to Haley] So what's the deal with that one anyway?
Peyton: She's tutoring Nathan... supposedly.
Brooke: And hanging out with Lucas? And we're supposed to believe she's just friends with both of them? Right...
[Nathan walks over to Haley and nods]
Brooke: Oh My God! Did you just see that?
Peyton: See what?
Brooke: He just gave her the nod!
Peyton: What nod?
Brooke: The "Hey, let's hook up after the game" nod. You wanna know what I think? I think Nathan likes tutor girl, tutor girl likes Lucas, and I know I like Lucas, and I have no idea who the hell you like any more so this has been turned into one big love... rectangle plus one... whatever that is!
Peyton: She's tutoring Nathan... supposedly.
Brooke: And hanging out with Lucas? And we're supposed to believe she's just friends with both of them? Right...
[Nathan walks over to Haley and nods]
Brooke: Oh My God! Did you just see that?
Peyton: See what?
Brooke: He just gave her the nod!
Peyton: What nod?
Brooke: The "Hey, let's hook up after the game" nod. You wanna know what I think? I think Nathan likes tutor girl, tutor girl likes Lucas, and I know I like Lucas, and I have no idea who the hell you like any more so this has been turned into one big love... rectangle plus one... whatever that is!
Movie: One A.M.
Brooke: [pointing to Haley] So what's the deal with that one anyway?
Peyton: She's tutoring Nathan... supposedly.
Brooke: And hanging out with Lucas? And we're supposed to believe she's just friends with both of them? Right...
[Nathan walks over to Haley and nods]
Brooke: Oh My God! Did you just see that?
Peyton: See what?
Brooke: He just gave her the nod!
Peyton: What nod?
Brooke: The "let's hook up after the game" nod. You wanna know what I think? I think Nathan likes tutor girl, but I think tutor girl likes Lucas, and I know I like Lucas, and I don't know who the hell you like any more this is all turning into one big love... rectangle plus one... whatever that is!
Peyton: She's tutoring Nathan... supposedly.
Brooke: And hanging out with Lucas? And we're supposed to believe she's just friends with both of them? Right...
[Nathan walks over to Haley and nods]
Brooke: Oh My God! Did you just see that?
Peyton: See what?
Brooke: He just gave her the nod!
Peyton: What nod?
Brooke: The "let's hook up after the game" nod. You wanna know what I think? I think Nathan likes tutor girl, but I think tutor girl likes Lucas, and I know I like Lucas, and I don't know who the hell you like any more this is all turning into one big love... rectangle plus one... whatever that is!
Movie: One A.M.
Congressman Hollis Peaker: [At the launch of Capricorn One Peak notices the Vice-President ogling a woman through his souvenir binoculars. He points to the launch pad] It's that big, tall, white thing over there. You can't miss it.
Movie: One A.M.
Det. Barzak: You're new around here. What's your name?
Malcolm: Malcolm.
Det. Barzak: Malcolm?
Malcolm: Yeah. What are you - welcome wagon?
Det. Barzak: Yeah. I've seen you oozing around the street. What is your scam?
Malcolm: Who me? Uh, I sell Amway products. Ha ha...
Det. Barzak: Yeah, ha ha. I catch you dealing any soap flakes in this neighborhood, I will cripple you.
Malcolm: I ain't afraid of no jive-ass cop, man. I KNOW my rights.
[turns to leave]
Det. Barzak: [puts him in a painful wrist lock] Malcolm: I am NOT your normal jive-ass cop, all right? And around here, you GOT no rights!
Malcolm: Oww! You must be 'Berzerk'!
Det. Barzak: You don't know the half of it, baby.
[throws him into a garbage pile]
Malcolm: [grunting in pain & cluthching his wrist] Aah...
Det. Barzak: Hey! Malcolm: have a nice day.
Malcolm: Malcolm.
Det. Barzak: Malcolm?
Malcolm: Yeah. What are you - welcome wagon?
Det. Barzak: Yeah. I've seen you oozing around the street. What is your scam?
Malcolm: Who me? Uh, I sell Amway products. Ha ha...
Det. Barzak: Yeah, ha ha. I catch you dealing any soap flakes in this neighborhood, I will cripple you.
Malcolm: I ain't afraid of no jive-ass cop, man. I KNOW my rights.
[turns to leave]
Det. Barzak: [puts him in a painful wrist lock] Malcolm: I am NOT your normal jive-ass cop, all right? And around here, you GOT no rights!
Malcolm: Oww! You must be 'Berzerk'!
Det. Barzak: You don't know the half of it, baby.
[throws him into a garbage pile]
Malcolm: [grunting in pain & cluthching his wrist] Aah...
Det. Barzak: Hey! Malcolm: have a nice day.
Movie: One A.M.
Dylan Jameison: I love when you smile.
[Nikki kisses Dylan on the lips]
Dylan Jameison: If this is a dream - I don't ever wanna wake up.
[Nikki pinches Dylan]
Dylan Jameison: Ow.
Nikki Sinclaire: Guess it's real.
[Dylan kisses Nikki]
Nikki Sinclaire: [giggles] Easy. We've got all night.
Dylan Jameison: You better pinch me again.
[Dylan and Nikki begin making out]
[Nikki kisses Dylan on the lips]
Dylan Jameison: If this is a dream - I don't ever wanna wake up.
[Nikki pinches Dylan]
Dylan Jameison: Ow.
Nikki Sinclaire: Guess it's real.
[Dylan kisses Nikki]
Nikki Sinclaire: [giggles] Easy. We've got all night.
Dylan Jameison: You better pinch me again.
[Dylan and Nikki begin making out]
Movie: One A.M.
Edgar Bergen: I've never told you the story of Alice in Wonderland, have I?
Charlie McCarthy: No, I've been lucky so far.
Edgar Bergen: Well, once upon a time,
Charlie McCarthy: Here we go...
Edgar Bergen: There was a child named Alice. She was a little girl.
Charlie McCarthy: Say you have done research, haven't you?
Edgar Bergen: One summer day she was seated on a riverbank, and she began to feel drowsy.
Charlie McCarthy: Well, she should have watched where she was sitting. Or did you say drowsy?
Charlie McCarthy: No, I've been lucky so far.
Edgar Bergen: Well, once upon a time,
Charlie McCarthy: Here we go...
Edgar Bergen: There was a child named Alice. She was a little girl.
Charlie McCarthy: Say you have done research, haven't you?
Edgar Bergen: One summer day she was seated on a riverbank, and she began to feel drowsy.
Charlie McCarthy: Well, she should have watched where she was sitting. Or did you say drowsy?
Movie: One A.M.
Horace: [Jasper is drinking] Hey, Jasper! Give us a swig! Just a short one?
Jasper: Now Horace, this hogwash ain't fit for a fancy gent like yourself. Besides, you'd get crumbs in it, ya cabbage head!
Horace: All right! Guzzle the whole works, and I hope it gives ya cobby wobbles, that's what!
Jasper: Now Horace, this hogwash ain't fit for a fancy gent like yourself. Besides, you'd get crumbs in it, ya cabbage head!
Horace: All right! Guzzle the whole works, and I hope it gives ya cobby wobbles, that's what!
Movie: One A.M.
Jack: What would you do if I kissed you right now?
Melanie: You wouldn't kiss me.
Jack: But what would you do if i did?
Melanie: Do you wanna kiss me right now?
Jack: I wouldn't've mentioned it if didn't.
Melanie: You wouldn't kiss me.
Jack: But what would you do if i did?
Melanie: Do you wanna kiss me right now?
Jack: I wouldn't've mentioned it if didn't.
Movie: One A.M.
Jasper: [after locking Nanny in the attic] Hey! Horace, me lad! I've got a sneaky suspicion we're not welcome here!
Movie: One A.M.
Joey Styles: And I love the FBI. Now, Little Guido Maritato, WWE fans know him as Nunzio, is truly Italian. Big Guido is truly Italian. Tony Mamaluke, Tracy Smothers and JT Smith couldn't find Italy on a map. Earlier today JT Smith asked me if an innuendo was an Italian suppository.
Movie: One A.M.
John Layfield: [the fans are chanting to JBL, you suck dick, you suck dick] I see no women hear and you're chanting a male organ, so tell me who is the fruit bootie?
Movie: One A.M.
Junior: Well, what'ya know! Saint Nicolas! What you know, Nick?
Wolf: Oh, er... Merry Christmas, my little man. He he he he. I'm sure you've been a very good little boy this year, haven't you?
Junior: He don't know me very well, do he, folks?
Wolf: Oh, er... Merry Christmas, my little man. He he he he. I'm sure you've been a very good little boy this year, haven't you?
Junior: He don't know me very well, do he, folks?
Movie: One A.M.