One A.M. Quotes
Man-handled guard 1: Feeling anybetter?
Man-handled guard 2: No, my deformed friend. Like all quantities, horror has it's ultimate. And I am that.
Man-handled guard 1: Hey! That's from The Brain that wouldn't die, I loved that movie! I never thought I'd find myself relating to Jan-in-the-Pan.
Man-handled guard 2: No, my deformed friend. Like all quantities, horror has it's ultimate. And I am that.
Man-handled guard 1: Hey! That's from The Brain that wouldn't die, I loved that movie! I never thought I'd find myself relating to Jan-in-the-Pan.
Movie: One A.M.
Brooke: [pointing to Haley] So what's the deal with that one anyway?
Peyton: She's tutoring Nathan... supposedly.
Brooke: And hanging out with Lucas? And we're supposed to believe she's just friends with both of them? Right...
[Nathan walks over to Haley and nods]
Brooke: Oh My God! Did you just see that?
Peyton: See what?
Brooke: He just gave her the nod!
Peyton: What nod?
Brooke: The Hey, let's hook up after the game nod. You wanna know what I think? I think Nathan likes tutor girl, tutor girl likes Lucas, and I know I like Lucas, and I have no idea who the hell you like any more so this has been turned into one big love... rectangle plus one... whatever that is!
Peyton: She's tutoring Nathan... supposedly.
Brooke: And hanging out with Lucas? And we're supposed to believe she's just friends with both of them? Right...
[Nathan walks over to Haley and nods]
Brooke: Oh My God! Did you just see that?
Peyton: See what?
Brooke: He just gave her the nod!
Peyton: What nod?
Brooke: The Hey, let's hook up after the game nod. You wanna know what I think? I think Nathan likes tutor girl, tutor girl likes Lucas, and I know I like Lucas, and I have no idea who the hell you like any more so this has been turned into one big love... rectangle plus one... whatever that is!
Movie: One A.M.
Cass Silver, Marshal Flat Rock Kansas: Your first lesson comes now. At night, always walk in the shadows - you can see better. In the daytime, walk away from the sun - you'll live longer.
Movie: One A.M.
David Vickers: Do you happen to have a room available?
Roxy Balsom: Mmm... no.
David Vickers: What if the president showed up?
Roxy Balsom: [skeptically] This president?
David Vickers: Eisenhower.
Roxy Balsom: Oh him. Oh, yeah, well I think I could find a room for him.
David Vickers: Okay well he's not going to show up, so I'll take his room.
Roxy Balsom: No you won't.
David Vickers: Look, Roxy, c'mon I'm desperate. Don't you even have a broom closet? Only much larger with a king size bed and a view of something that's not a crime scene.
Roxy Balsom: Mmm... no.
David Vickers: What if the president showed up?
Roxy Balsom: [skeptically] This president?
David Vickers: Eisenhower.
Roxy Balsom: Oh him. Oh, yeah, well I think I could find a room for him.
David Vickers: Okay well he's not going to show up, so I'll take his room.
Roxy Balsom: No you won't.
David Vickers: Look, Roxy, c'mon I'm desperate. Don't you even have a broom closet? Only much larger with a king size bed and a view of something that's not a crime scene.
Movie: One A.M.
Dr. Tom Franklin: You know, I'm not a real doctor.
Anna Watson: It's ok, I'm not a real patient.
Anna Watson: It's ok, I'm not a real patient.
Movie: One A.M.
ECW Crowd: [to Kurt Angle] You suck dick! You suck dick! You suck dick!
Kurt Angle: Your mother taught me how!
Kurt Angle: Your mother taught me how!
Movie: One A.M.
F-15 Fighter Pilot 'Halo 2': Sir, pull up! You've got one on your tail.
President James Marshall: Get him off my tail!
F-15 Fighter Pilot 'Halo 2': Missile away. Air Force One. Break left and climb!
Major Caldwell: Sir, we've lost countermeasures.
F-15 Fighter Pilot 'Halo 2': This is Halo-2. They've lost countermeasures. I'm going in.
[takes the missile for Air Force One]
President James Marshall: Get him off my tail!
F-15 Fighter Pilot 'Halo 2': Missile away. Air Force One. Break left and climb!
Major Caldwell: Sir, we've lost countermeasures.
F-15 Fighter Pilot 'Halo 2': This is Halo-2. They've lost countermeasures. I'm going in.
[takes the missile for Air Force One]
Movie: One A.M.
Grover Groundhog: [after nearly being shot] This meat shortage is sure tough on us animals.
Movie: One A.M.
Inspector Daniels: Garber, I just had a terrible thought: suppose they're not on the train? What if they set the throttle and jumped off? While we're chasing the train, they're sneaking out of an emergency exit somewhere behind us.
Lt. Garber: Ingenious thought, sir, except for one thing: it's impossible.
Inspector Daniels: Why?
Lt. Garber: Little gizmo known as a dead man's feature. It was built into the controller handle in case a motorman should ever drop dead. The controller handle has to have a man's hand pressing down on it hard at all times. Otherwise, the thing don't work. The train stops cold.
Inspector Daniels: Uh-huh. I see.
Lt. Garber: Nice try, though.
Lt. Garber: Ingenious thought, sir, except for one thing: it's impossible.
Inspector Daniels: Why?
Lt. Garber: Little gizmo known as a dead man's feature. It was built into the controller handle in case a motorman should ever drop dead. The controller handle has to have a man's hand pressing down on it hard at all times. Otherwise, the thing don't work. The train stops cold.
Inspector Daniels: Uh-huh. I see.
Lt. Garber: Nice try, though.
Movie: One A.M.
Jasper Carrott: I worry about rhinos, me. If rhino horn is an aphrodisiac, then why are they an endangered species?
Movie: One A.M.
Jeff Foxworthy: This one goes out to the fathers and uncles out there. Your shorts should be longer than your underwear! Especially if you wear tighty-whities. No one wants to look over at Uncle Fred and see something that looks like a baby bird.
Movie: One A.M.
Joey Styles: There is Edge, I'm made up I haven't bought my wife tonight, that is a wife stealer!
Movie: One A.M.
Johnny: Were all problems to be solved with apologies, we wouldn't need the marines!
Movie: One A.M.
Junior: Well, I cannot heckle that wolf anymore 'til he get back, so I might as well heckle you people out there.
[pulls out a blackboard and screeches on it with chalk]
Junior: I sure is a mean widdle kid, ain't I?
[pulls out a blackboard and screeches on it with chalk]
Junior: I sure is a mean widdle kid, ain't I?
Movie: One A.M.
Lindsay Farrell Rappaport Buchanan: Today is not a good day to be pushing my buttons.
Georgina Whitman #1: Well, what about tomorrow?
Lindsay Farrell Rappaport Buchanan: Tomorrow doesn't look good either.
Georgina Whitman #1: Well, what about tomorrow?
Lindsay Farrell Rappaport Buchanan: Tomorrow doesn't look good either.
Movie: One A.M.
Melanie Parker: Let's do this right. Let me freshen up so I'll feel a little more like a woman and less like a dead mommy.
Movie: One A.M.
Natalie: I don't know, something twisted. I mean, this whole place is twisted. It's like some twisted shrine of him and mother. What'd you do down here, gramps? Count your money and stare at yourself while groping at your daughter? Bastard!
Movie: One A.M.
Neil: [after all the lentils spill out of the cupboard] We'll have to have corn flakes.
Vyvyan: Corn flakes for breakfast? That's disgusting, Neil!
Vyvyan: Corn flakes for breakfast? That's disgusting, Neil!
Movie: One A.M.
Pongo: It was plain to see that my old pet needed someone, but if it were left up to Roger, we'd be bachelors forever. He was married to his work writing songs. Songs about romance of all things. Something he knew absolutely nothing about.
Movie: One A.M.
Stu Christian: What do you have to do around here to get a drink?
Julia Reynolds: Are you sure you're old enough?
Julia Reynolds: Are you sure you're old enough?
Movie: One A.M.
Timothy X. Nolan: Hark, you bloody idiot, the gold is getting away! It's lost to both of us!
Harker Fleet: Yeah, well, I don't feel so bad. I got myself invited to a Chinese wedding. I'll give away the bride!
Timothy X. Nolan: You mean you gave away the gold?
Harker Fleet: You can't stand it, can you?
[to himself]
Harker Fleet: And neither can I.
Harker Fleet: Yeah, well, I don't feel so bad. I got myself invited to a Chinese wedding. I'll give away the bride!
Timothy X. Nolan: You mean you gave away the gold?
Harker Fleet: You can't stand it, can you?
[to himself]
Harker Fleet: And neither can I.
Movie: One A.M.
Timothy X. Nolan: The bank in San Francisco won't extend me note. I owe them a hundred thousand dollars and with me holdings worth five times that, they're waiting like vultures to swoop down and foreclose.
Harker Fleet: Tim, how many times have I tried to tell you that banks are not to business with, they're to rob.
Harker Fleet: Tim, how many times have I tried to tell you that banks are not to business with, they're to rob.
Movie: One A.M.