Moral Orel Quotes
Clay: You have done nothing but whine and complain like a lady in a flowery, sissy skirt and attractive high heels about my drinking since we got here!
Orel: (Half crying) It's because you become a bad person when you drink!
Orel: (Half crying) It's because you become a bad person when you drink!
TV Show: Moral Orel
Clay: Okay... It's time you became a man! Where's my rifle?
Orel: I-I-I don't think...
Clay: There it is! (grabs his rifle and starts aiming it around)
Orel: (trembling) Dad! W-Watch out!
Clay: Please, Orel. I know exactly what I'm doing.
Orel: Yeah, but you might shoot it off by mistake!
Clay: There aren't any mistakes either. No mistakes, no accidents, no flop-ups, no boner.
Orel: But...
Clay: DON'T "BUT" ME! (pulls the trigger, shooting Orel in the leg)
Orel: I-I-I don't think...
Clay: There it is! (grabs his rifle and starts aiming it around)
Orel: (trembling) Dad! W-Watch out!
Clay: Please, Orel. I know exactly what I'm doing.
Orel: Yeah, but you might shoot it off by mistake!
Clay: There aren't any mistakes either. No mistakes, no accidents, no flop-ups, no boner.
Orel: But...
Clay: DON'T "BUT" ME! (pulls the trigger, shooting Orel in the leg)
TV Show: Moral Orel
Clay: (cheerfully) Mornin'!
Orel: (holds up a sundial he made) Morning was 13 hours ago.
Orel: (holds up a sundial he made) Morning was 13 hours ago.
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Orel: Mom, why did you marry Dad?
Bloberta: Why? Well, men have to marry women. Otherwise if men married men and women married women, we'd all give birth to nothing but fairysexuals.
Orel: But why did you marry Dad?
Bloberta: Oh, well...why not?
Orel: Well, it's just that, when he drinks, he changes...
Bloberta: Oh, he doesn't change, Orel. That's just his true nature coming out. (Leaves the room)
Orel: Huh. "Nature"...
Bloberta: Why? Well, men have to marry women. Otherwise if men married men and women married women, we'd all give birth to nothing but fairysexuals.
Orel: But why did you marry Dad?
Bloberta: Oh, well...why not?
Orel: Well, it's just that, when he drinks, he changes...
Bloberta: Oh, he doesn't change, Orel. That's just his true nature coming out. (Leaves the room)
Orel: Huh. "Nature"...
TV Show: Moral Orel
After trying to get Shapey back from the Posabule family, Bloberta has ended up with both Shapey and Block, who bond quickly.
Shapey and Block: Mine!
Shapey: Cake?
Block: Cake!
Shapey: Yummy?
Block: Yummy!
Shapey: Mine?
Both: Mine! [They laugh happilly]
Shapey and Block: Mine!
Shapey: Cake?
Block: Cake!
Shapey: Yummy?
Block: Yummy!
Shapey: Mine?
Both: Mine! [They laugh happilly]
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Rev. Putty: Bloberta! What brings you...
Bloberta: Reverend, I want you.
Rev. Putty: I... uh... I'm sorry?
Bloberta: I need you. I have this feeling.
Rev. Putty: Oh, well, uh... Meet me at the church repressional.
Bloberta: No! I want to be with you! I want your mind, your body. I want to get close to you in anyway. Touch you, anywhere. I'm yours, all yours!
Rev. Putty: AAAAHHHH!!! (ejaculates in his pants and falls on his knees) I'm done.
Bloberta: What?
Rev. Putty: I'm done! Go away! Go a million miles away! (slams the door)
Bloberta: Reverend, I want you.
Rev. Putty: I... uh... I'm sorry?
Bloberta: I need you. I have this feeling.
Rev. Putty: Oh, well, uh... Meet me at the church repressional.
Bloberta: No! I want to be with you! I want your mind, your body. I want to get close to you in anyway. Touch you, anywhere. I'm yours, all yours!
Rev. Putty: AAAAHHHH!!! (ejaculates in his pants and falls on his knees) I'm done.
Bloberta: What?
Rev. Putty: I'm done! Go away! Go a million miles away! (slams the door)
TV Show: Moral Orel
Don Nohammer: Nohammer's Hardware? (bothered) Yes, we have hammers! (slaps his head in frustration) No, it's just my name!
TV Show: Moral Orel
Miss Censordoll: No, Mother, I am not "Holier-than-thou". But I am Holier than you.
TV Show: Moral Orel
Nurse Bendy: Firstly, we must all pray for grace! Dear Lord in Godland, bless this mess of delicious food and thank you kindly for keeping our joyous family together under this one love-filled roof! We all need people who aren't mean to me or that don't act like they care about doing dirty, awful things to you. [becoming more despondent with each sentence] We need family because they care that I'm a real person who has thoughts of sadness, sometimes, along with happy thoughts or scared or aloneness thoughts. I feel thoughts of emotions and I need people to know that. So, thank you for keeping this family in good... shape. [suddenly cheerful again] The end for now, while we eat, signed, my family. [wipes a tear from her eye] Wow. My eye is really sweating up a storm here.
TV Show: Moral Orel
Some of the paper clippings on Ms. Sculptham's mirror: "FORCEFUL ADULTERER PROWLS MORALTON"
TV Show: Moral Orel
Angela: Only God could explain why you stayed here with me, and your brothers and sisters didn't. It must have been all that praying I did during the pregnancy with you. Do you know I didn't even smoke? Imagine being that preoccupied that you forget to even light up a cigarette every once in a while. My stomach was tied in such knots, and...I was so steeped in all my prayers that I couldn't even force down a highball. I mean, if it wasn't for food, I would've wasted away to nothing; and of course, through everything that was going on through my mind, I never had time to horseback ride or go on a roller coaster. And that trampoline out back, that practically went to waste. With all that lack of exercise, it's a wonder you were ever born at all.
TV Show: Moral Orel
Orel is trying to find a date to the Arms-Length Dance
Orel: Please, Lord, who should I ask to the dance?
Block enters the room and starts annoying Orel.
Orel: Knock it off Shapey- I mean Block- [Gasps] Christina! She'd be perfect! But, I'm not supposed to like her, because she's different. Unless, you don't mind, Lord? Please give me a sign, would you mind if I asked her?
Block: No!
Orel: Wow! Of all the things he could have said!
Orel: Please, Lord, who should I ask to the dance?
Block enters the room and starts annoying Orel.
Orel: Knock it off Shapey- I mean Block- [Gasps] Christina! She'd be perfect! But, I'm not supposed to like her, because she's different. Unless, you don't mind, Lord? Please give me a sign, would you mind if I asked her?
Block: No!
Orel: Wow! Of all the things he could have said!
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Putty: Hiya, kiddo.
Stephanie: Dad! Hey. Shouldn't you be in there thwarting sexual encounters?
Putty: Nah, I'm tired of being that guy.
Stephanie: Good. I wouldn't want you to do to Orel what you did to us.
Putty: Us? Us who?
Stephanie: You know, me and my date, all those years ago?
Putty: Well, I don't remember. It musn't have been anything too shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
Stephanie: Sounds like you got a leak there, Reverend.
Putty: You!
Stephanie: Ah, you remember! Well don't worry, nothing came of it. I just hope Orel has better luck with love than I do.
Putty: Are you kidding? You can't compare you and her to Orel and his little Orellette.
Stephanie: Why, because we're two girls, and Tolerance is only a pretend theme?
Putty: No. Because she didn't care for you.
Stephanie: ...wow. You remember it better than I do.
Putty: Yeah, I remember. When you've had my track record with love that stuff hits you like a ton of bricks. But, if you keep playing that song, we might both get lucky.
Stephanie: Dad! Hey. Shouldn't you be in there thwarting sexual encounters?
Putty: Nah, I'm tired of being that guy.
Stephanie: Good. I wouldn't want you to do to Orel what you did to us.
Putty: Us? Us who?
Stephanie: You know, me and my date, all those years ago?
Putty: Well, I don't remember. It musn't have been anything too shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
Stephanie: Sounds like you got a leak there, Reverend.
Putty: You!
Stephanie: Ah, you remember! Well don't worry, nothing came of it. I just hope Orel has better luck with love than I do.
Putty: Are you kidding? You can't compare you and her to Orel and his little Orellette.
Stephanie: Why, because we're two girls, and Tolerance is only a pretend theme?
Putty: No. Because she didn't care for you.
Stephanie: ...wow. You remember it better than I do.
Putty: Yeah, I remember. When you've had my track record with love that stuff hits you like a ton of bricks. But, if you keep playing that song, we might both get lucky.
TV Show: Moral Orel
Rev. Putty: Well, if you remember last week's sermon, I ended it with a little cliffhanger: What was in the tomb when Mary Magdeline and company checked it out? Well, here's the answer: nothing. Nothing was in the tomb. Now, usually, nothing is a down. One big goose egg. Well, this time the goose laid a golden egg, people. Nothing meant "hope" for everyone. So the next time you look and see nothing, have a little hope for me. Amen.
TV Show: Moral Orel
Dolly: Well, I guess when you have a family, that's the sacrifice you make.
Clay': Sacrifice! Exactly! I sacrificed. The ultimate sacrifice: my happiness for my kids! You bet I did! You bet I did. And I do it again, too! I'd do over and over again! That's my life! Over, and over, and over, and over, and over...
Dolly: Okay, Clay. I get the point.
Clay: NO. YOU. DON'T! And over, and over, and over, and over, and over...
Clay': Sacrifice! Exactly! I sacrificed. The ultimate sacrifice: my happiness for my kids! You bet I did! You bet I did. And I do it again, too! I'd do over and over again! That's my life! Over, and over, and over, and over, and over...
Dolly: Okay, Clay. I get the point.
Clay: NO. YOU. DON'T! And over, and over, and over, and over, and over...
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Dolly: Well, the reverend sacrificing is very fitting on a day like today.
Clay: Oh really? Why especially today, Albert Vaginastein?
Dolly: Easter. The reverend sacrificing like the Lord has sacrificed.
Clay: Oh really? Why especially today, Albert Vaginastein?
Dolly: Easter. The reverend sacrificing like the Lord has sacrificed.
TV Show: Moral Orel
Clay: Golly, imagine the loser Florence is getting sloppy with.
Officer Papermouth: You better stop that!
Rev. Putty: Yeah, that's no way to talk about a guy you don't even know!
Officer Papermouth: Well, I don't care about the guy...
Rev. Putty: No, uh, I mean, it's insulting to you.
Officer Papermouth: And Florence.
Putty: Yes, and you! You're a handsome man. I'm sure the fellow who sleeps with Florence is at least as handsome, if not more.
Officer Papermouth: ...Um...Yeah...
Clay: Well, I think Jesus would say you're both nuts. This guy is probably some hard-luck sap that feeds off female desperation as much as he's desperate himself. (He is referring to Putty, but Papermouth doesn't know that)
Officer Papermouth: You better stop that!
Rev. Putty: Yeah, that's no way to talk about a guy you don't even know!
Officer Papermouth: Well, I don't care about the guy...
Rev. Putty: No, uh, I mean, it's insulting to you.
Officer Papermouth: And Florence.
Putty: Yes, and you! You're a handsome man. I'm sure the fellow who sleeps with Florence is at least as handsome, if not more.
Officer Papermouth: ...Um...Yeah...
Clay: Well, I think Jesus would say you're both nuts. This guy is probably some hard-luck sap that feeds off female desperation as much as he's desperate himself. (He is referring to Putty, but Papermouth doesn't know that)
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Clay: Well well well, Dr. Quentin Xavier Potterswheel!
Potterswheel: Clay.
Clay: Hey Doc, we were just talking about ex-wives.
Potterswheel: Uh, I'm a widower.
Clay: Oh right, right. Must be nice to lose a wife to sickness and death instead of her just plain ol' getting sick of you.
Potterswheel: No... Not so nice, especially when you're a doctor.
Clay: She just loved those painkillers! Probably didn't even realize she was infected, right Doc?
Potterswheel: She was... quite comfortable when she passed.
Clay: "Numb", some call it! Now, me and Jesus, we like to feel the pain. Tell me, doc. Did some of those painkillers protect her against you?
Potterswheel: What does that mean?
Clay: You know. The pain. Of you. Day in, day out, being there. With that face. Not knowing what to say. Not caring anymore. Not even knowing that you'll probably only care about her when it's finally too late. Forgetting about all those desperate- those desperate years you spent alone, your barren years when no woman would even consider resting her tired head on your shaky little shoulder. Stinking of belly semen. Why even wipe? And when you finally get one of these-- hum-buh-da-daa!-- coveted pieces of tail that have been built up as the grand trophy in your nothing life, you try desperately to keep it. Not to protect it! But to hoard it. To keep it away from the other wolves and jackals circling your territory! And you realize, all too soon, that you're not good enough! That maybe there was a jerk-off called Darwin after all. And that you never acknowledged his existence because you knew deep inside that you were really what you feared you were-- weak. And passive. And ultimately, broken by the ones who were made the fittest. And that through your weaknesses, you built up a poison that poisoned others around you. That you love. And the
Potterswheel: Clay.
Clay: Hey Doc, we were just talking about ex-wives.
Potterswheel: Uh, I'm a widower.
Clay: Oh right, right. Must be nice to lose a wife to sickness and death instead of her just plain ol' getting sick of you.
Potterswheel: No... Not so nice, especially when you're a doctor.
Clay: She just loved those painkillers! Probably didn't even realize she was infected, right Doc?
Potterswheel: She was... quite comfortable when she passed.
Clay: "Numb", some call it! Now, me and Jesus, we like to feel the pain. Tell me, doc. Did some of those painkillers protect her against you?
Potterswheel: What does that mean?
Clay: You know. The pain. Of you. Day in, day out, being there. With that face. Not knowing what to say. Not caring anymore. Not even knowing that you'll probably only care about her when it's finally too late. Forgetting about all those desperate- those desperate years you spent alone, your barren years when no woman would even consider resting her tired head on your shaky little shoulder. Stinking of belly semen. Why even wipe? And when you finally get one of these-- hum-buh-da-daa!-- coveted pieces of tail that have been built up as the grand trophy in your nothing life, you try desperately to keep it. Not to protect it! But to hoard it. To keep it away from the other wolves and jackals circling your territory! And you realize, all too soon, that you're not good enough! That maybe there was a jerk-off called Darwin after all. And that you never acknowledged his existence because you knew deep inside that you were really what you feared you were-- weak. And passive. And ultimately, broken by the ones who were made the fittest. And that through your weaknesses, you built up a poison that poisoned others around you. That you love. And the
TV Show: Moral Orel
Shapey: Mommy?
Bloberta: Not now, Shapey. No milk.
Shapey: When I'm thirsty, it feels how I feel when I'm alone.
Bloberta: Not now, Shapey. No milk.
Shapey: When I'm thirsty, it feels how I feel when I'm alone.
TV Show: Moral Orel
Orel is helping Miss Censordall campaign against Clay for Mayor.
Clay: [Angry] Orel...
Orel: [Indifferent] I know, meet you in your study.
Orel continues to give out fliers. Later, Orel is standing stoicly in Clay's study.
Clay: [Awkward] So, uh...how are...things...Orel?
Orel: I think we should get right to the lecture and punishment because I have a lot to do.
Clay: Woah! Mister Busy!
Orel: You had six months to talk.
Clay: [Angry] The last six months were not filled with you helping a mad woman campaign against me and my job!
Orel: You don't even like your job.
Clay: Like? Like? No-one likes their job! Have you ever listened to anything I've ever said in here? Did all these dead animal heads absorb my words before they reached your delicate little ears?
Orel: Can I go now?
Clay: You know that thing you do with your hands and mouth and throat and stomach? That thing called "eating"? Well say goodbye to that thing forever if I lose my position in this town because of you!
Orel: I will.
Clay: Okay! ...you can go.
Clay: [Angry] Orel...
Orel: [Indifferent] I know, meet you in your study.
Orel continues to give out fliers. Later, Orel is standing stoicly in Clay's study.
Clay: [Awkward] So, uh...how are...things...Orel?
Orel: I think we should get right to the lecture and punishment because I have a lot to do.
Clay: Woah! Mister Busy!
Orel: You had six months to talk.
Clay: [Angry] The last six months were not filled with you helping a mad woman campaign against me and my job!
Orel: You don't even like your job.
Clay: Like? Like? No-one likes their job! Have you ever listened to anything I've ever said in here? Did all these dead animal heads absorb my words before they reached your delicate little ears?
Orel: Can I go now?
Clay: You know that thing you do with your hands and mouth and throat and stomach? That thing called "eating"? Well say goodbye to that thing forever if I lose my position in this town because of you!
Orel: I will.
Clay: Okay! ...you can go.
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Clay: Reverend Moderator, citizens of Moralton, friends, I have been criticized quite intensely for the outlawing of our little gooey breakfast buddies. I have been called a calloused hunter by my esteemed opponent. Does hunting and death really pose such a horrible threat to this town? Death, dear friends, is the best thing ever! Death is the beginning of our everlasting life. The only eggs I smash are the eggs of filth, the inhuman eggs that squeeze with vile evil, through the tantalizingly moist passage of feminine foul temptation, [is now becoming more and more lustful] protruding from our mother, bit by bit, with wrongful, erotic succulence. Completely enveloped by that soiled, evil, maternal opening.
TV Show: Moral Orel
Orel: [seeing picture of Clay and Daniel] Coach, you like my dad the way my mom likes my dad, don't you?
Daniel: Your mom likes your dad?
Orel: It's no use. You can't show me what there is to honor my father about 'cause there's nothing honorable about him.
Daniel: Orel, somehow in his own blundering way, your father made you, and that's honorable.
Daniel: Your mom likes your dad?
Orel: It's no use. You can't show me what there is to honor my father about 'cause there's nothing honorable about him.
Daniel: Orel, somehow in his own blundering way, your father made you, and that's honorable.
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Clay: This... is... Rape! You raped my son!
Bloberta: What?
Clay: ...with niceness in order to get to me.
Orel: Dad...
Clay: Well, it worked! You got to me! Now, you stay away from him! He's not yours! I am! I mean... He's mine, mine son! Oh, I missed you... Orel. I need you in my life... Orel. And I... I... I love you.
Bloberta: We should go.
Clay: I love you. I love you. I love you... Orel.
Orel: Come on, dad. It's late.
Clay: No! (Takes a step forward and steps on a picture of him and Daniel)
Daniel: He's right. It's too late.
Bloberta: What?
Clay: ...with niceness in order to get to me.
Orel: Dad...
Clay: Well, it worked! You got to me! Now, you stay away from him! He's not yours! I am! I mean... He's mine, mine son! Oh, I missed you... Orel. I need you in my life... Orel. And I... I... I love you.
Bloberta: We should go.
Clay: I love you. I love you. I love you... Orel.
Orel: Come on, dad. It's late.
Clay: No! (Takes a step forward and steps on a picture of him and Daniel)
Daniel: He's right. It's too late.
TV Show: Moral Orel
Putty: Today's Christmas sermon is about family. What is family? Well, a lot of times, family is just a bunch of people who are forced to be together just because they came out of each other, but every so often...a miracle happens. A loving family, just like that—out of nowhere. Now, what causes this? A belief in God, a strong moral structure, blind luck? Who knows? Who cares? Ah, you're not gonna get any answers out of me. I'm just a puppet for the Big Guy. I don't write this stuff. The end. I mean, Amen. Nah, who am I kidding? The end.
TV Show: Moral Orel