Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law Quotes
Phil: Everyone, it's Take Phil's Daughter To Work Day.
Peanut: I hereby volunteer to show her the interior of every supply closet.
Peanut: I hereby volunteer to show her the interior of every supply closet.
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
Harvey: Mr Gator ... [Wally Gator breaths menacengly, Harvey steps back], tell the court in your own words what you do each day
Wally Gator: Well ..., I fish and hmmm, then I watch NASCAR. yep.
Harvey: Things have been harder lately?
Wally Gator: Oh sure have! All these chain stores sprung up all over the place
Harvey: And the wildlife you're accused of injuring while trying to make your living crawfising in the swamp?
Wally Gator: Manatees[Switch to projecting slides where Wally shreds a manatee with his speedboat fan]. Don't see why the laws protecting them! Ain't nothin but floatin' meatsacks! [Court in surprise, deputy zips up pants] . Huh, federal government has NO BUSINESS tellin me how I should live MY LIFE!!!
Mightor: [Catering liquor from a reflux still] Heh, preach!!!
Wally Gator: Well ..., I fish and hmmm, then I watch NASCAR. yep.
Harvey: Things have been harder lately?
Wally Gator: Oh sure have! All these chain stores sprung up all over the place
Harvey: And the wildlife you're accused of injuring while trying to make your living crawfising in the swamp?
Wally Gator: Manatees[Switch to projecting slides where Wally shreds a manatee with his speedboat fan]. Don't see why the laws protecting them! Ain't nothin but floatin' meatsacks! [Court in surprise, deputy zips up pants] . Huh, federal government has NO BUSINESS tellin me how I should live MY LIFE!!!
Mightor: [Catering liquor from a reflux still] Heh, preach!!!
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
Phil: Take downs are worth two points.
[A bra lands on one of the monks.]
Phil: Ummm... Three if you're topless.
Monk: I see...
[A bra lands on one of the monks.]
Phil: Ummm... Three if you're topless.
Monk: I see...
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
Harvey: I'm being sued! Right?
Peanut: Yeah... I think that's fair to say.
Harvey: Quick, I need a lawyer!
Peanut: ... Wait...
Harvey: I need a good lawyer!
Peanut: Yeah... I think that's fair to say.
Harvey: Quick, I need a lawyer!
Peanut: ... Wait...
Harvey: I need a good lawyer!
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
Potamus: SAVANA! Who's ready for some lap candy?
Shado: I will have the Cobb salad.
Potamus: Nonsense! Will have four blooming onions and the full slab of baby backs. For the table!
Shado: I am no longer eating pork. (talking) I just telepathically communicated that I am no longer eating pork.
Shado: I will have the Cobb salad.
Potamus: Nonsense! Will have four blooming onions and the full slab of baby backs. For the table!
Shado: I am no longer eating pork. (talking) I just telepathically communicated that I am no longer eating pork.
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
Harvey: [whispering, having seen several costumed villains in courtroom] What's going on?
Potamus: ...Pride Weekend?
Mentok: [appearing in chair] Hippo, bird and...who are you?
Shado: SHADOOOOO THE BRAIN THIEF...
Mentok: Oh, no you don't. No "brain thieving" in my courtroom, you understand?. This is mind taking country, partner. You got it? Good.
Potamus: ...Pride Weekend?
Mentok: [appearing in chair] Hippo, bird and...who are you?
Shado: SHADOOOOO THE BRAIN THIEF...
Mentok: Oh, no you don't. No "brain thieving" in my courtroom, you understand?. This is mind taking country, partner. You got it? Good.
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
Shado: All part of a class action suit against this supposed "hero."...
Harvey to Potamus: Class action suit! And your opening statement was about that thing you sent them?
Potamus: [points at large chested court reporter] Check out the ha-has on Miss Stenopad.
Harvey to Potamus: Class action suit! And your opening statement was about that thing you sent them?
Potamus: [points at large chested court reporter] Check out the ha-has on Miss Stenopad.
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
Prof. Nightshade: Look, I'm Professor Nightshade. PROFESSOR Nightshade, I don't care who you are, you show a professor a little respect. You don't just shoot him 5-no wait (looks into his pants and nods as he counts) fi-no six, six! times in the nads!
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
Mentok: More witnesses, evidence, anything like that?
Potamus: Nah, we're done
Mentok: [in Peter Potamus's head] Call Shado to the stand
Potamus: I... call... Shado... to.. the.. stand... Now what?
Mentok: [in Peter Potamus's head] Ask him the quesion
Potamus: Uhh... did you...
Mentok: Go on.
Potamus: Did.. you.. get.. that.. thing I sent ya?
Shado: The thing you sent? I'm sure I did. One moment...
Mentok: And how long did they have to respond, Mr Potamus?
Potamus: 2 weeks.
Mentok: Oh, and lets see. That was two weeks ago right... now! MISTRIAL!
Shado: But nobody knew about that request for discovery. I hid it so well! How did you...
Mentok: Know? Back at the bar, when you thought we were getting all palsy-walsy, I was actually flipping through that sorry organizer you call a mind, looking for DIRT! YA KNOW WHAT WE CALL THAT?! MIND-TAKING BABY!!!!! ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES!!!!!! YOU'VE TRIED THE REST, NOW TRY THE BEST!! ONCE YOU'VE GONE BLACK, YOU NEVER GO BACK!!!!!!!!!
Harvey: So, I didn't hurt this guy, or that guy, or that guy, or this...gal?
Mentok: Oh, no. You hurt 'em, Birdy. You hurt 'em real bad. But you won! And that's all that matters!
Potamus: Nah, we're done
Mentok: [in Peter Potamus's head] Call Shado to the stand
Potamus: I... call... Shado... to.. the.. stand... Now what?
Mentok: [in Peter Potamus's head] Ask him the quesion
Potamus: Uhh... did you...
Mentok: Go on.
Potamus: Did.. you.. get.. that.. thing I sent ya?
Shado: The thing you sent? I'm sure I did. One moment...
Mentok: And how long did they have to respond, Mr Potamus?
Potamus: 2 weeks.
Mentok: Oh, and lets see. That was two weeks ago right... now! MISTRIAL!
Shado: But nobody knew about that request for discovery. I hid it so well! How did you...
Mentok: Know? Back at the bar, when you thought we were getting all palsy-walsy, I was actually flipping through that sorry organizer you call a mind, looking for DIRT! YA KNOW WHAT WE CALL THAT?! MIND-TAKING BABY!!!!! ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES!!!!!! YOU'VE TRIED THE REST, NOW TRY THE BEST!! ONCE YOU'VE GONE BLACK, YOU NEVER GO BACK!!!!!!!!!
Harvey: So, I didn't hurt this guy, or that guy, or that guy, or this...gal?
Mentok: Oh, no. You hurt 'em, Birdy. You hurt 'em real bad. But you won! And that's all that matters!
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
Peanut: Hello? Western Union? Are you in?
Birdman: Huh? Oh.. Oh no, I'm out of chips!
X: Maybe, there's something else of value you can bet?
Birdman: What?
X: Like, the CCCCCRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEESSSSTTT on Birdman's helmet!
Birdman: Huh? Oh.. Oh no, I'm out of chips!
X: Maybe, there's something else of value you can bet?
Birdman: What?
X: Like, the CCCCCRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEESSSSTTT on Birdman's helmet!
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
Peanut: Whaddya got?
X: Uh... Four. Kings. [pause] I WIN! I WIN! I WIN I WIN I WIN! [Dashes out the door, singing] Hey mister passer-by, CREST ON BIRDMAN'S HELMET! [Birdman's cell phone rings and he answers it, it is X] I WON!
X: Uh... Four. Kings. [pause] I WIN! I WIN! I WIN I WIN I WIN! [Dashes out the door, singing] Hey mister passer-by, CREST ON BIRDMAN'S HELMET! [Birdman's cell phone rings and he answers it, it is X] I WON!
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
X: [runs out of his room] LIGHT-UP CREST ON BIRDMAN'S HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-
[the scene changes to Harvey's office, where he runs in]
X: -EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELMET!!!
[the scene changes to Harvey's office, where he runs in]
X: -EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELMET!!!
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
Reducto: Your Honor, Sheriff Ricochet took a... DON'T YOU MOVE FROM THAT CHAIR!... an oath to protect the public, to ensure the public's... YOUR LEGS! STOP MOVING YOUR LEGS!... safety. But in the end he caused more property damage, more injury and loss of life than the very criminals he was...
[Ricohet Rabbit starts bouncing around the courtroom]
Reducto: [Jumping around and firing his shrink gun] Ah! You see? This is just the sort of reckless endangerment of which I speak! Ahhhh!
[Ricohet Rabbit starts bouncing around the courtroom]
Reducto: [Jumping around and firing his shrink gun] Ah! You see? This is just the sort of reckless endangerment of which I speak! Ahhhh!
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
Birdman: And if I fire this, it should stun him enough so I can retrieve my...
Peanut: Crest?
Birdman: YES! [Birdman squeezes through oil covered hole, wearing no pants] BIRDMAN'S CREST ON X'S HELMET!
[a pregnant pause]
Peanut: Ok, that was creepy.
Peanut: Crest?
Birdman: YES! [Birdman squeezes through oil covered hole, wearing no pants] BIRDMAN'S CREST ON X'S HELMET!
[a pregnant pause]
Peanut: Ok, that was creepy.
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
Mentok: Oh you do, do you?
[X pops up in the background]
X: The evil-do that I do do.
[X pops up in the background]
X: The evil-do that I do do.
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
X: See, that lighting guy didn't do me any favors.
Zardo: I think you look very good, I do think...
X: I wonder if this was my 15.
Zardo: No, No. Look at you. You're fantastic on television. You should be on television.
X: It's occurred to me.
Zardo: I think you look very good, I do think...
X: I wonder if this was my 15.
Zardo: No, No. Look at you. You're fantastic on television. You should be on television.
X: It's occurred to me.
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
X: (singing) Hey, Mr. Passer-by! Crest on Birdman's helmet!
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
[Phil Ken Sebben introduces his daughter]
Phil: Judy thinks she's interested in a law career. Ha ha ha! Pfft.
Judy: That's right, and I've been particularly interested in your work, Mr. Birdman.
Harvey: Really?
[Phil slaps Harvey with his mug, but appears across the room in the next frame]
Phil: Birdman, don't get any ideas, you hear? No touchy touchy, no rubby rubby patty, and no looky looky touchy.
Peanut: Sucky.
Phil: Judy thinks she's interested in a law career. Ha ha ha! Pfft.
Judy: That's right, and I've been particularly interested in your work, Mr. Birdman.
Harvey: Really?
[Phil slaps Harvey with his mug, but appears across the room in the next frame]
Phil: Birdman, don't get any ideas, you hear? No touchy touchy, no rubby rubby patty, and no looky looky touchy.
Peanut: Sucky.
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
Phil: I'm no Fred Flinstone, but I'm gonna make your bed-rock!
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
Harvey: That's it, you can't hang around anymore! This is not a game! Someone could have died back there, before any billable services were rendered.
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
Reducto: Mr. Mole, please show us your uniform.
Morocco Mole: My uniform?
Reducto: The Geneva Convention states that only those in uniform are considered soldiers.
Harvey: Objection, he isn't even wearing any pants.
Reducto: Exactly.
Phil: Neither am I. Is that a crime?
Mentok: Uh, yes. Yes, it is.
Morocco Mole: My uniform?
Reducto: The Geneva Convention states that only those in uniform are considered soldiers.
Harvey: Objection, he isn't even wearing any pants.
Reducto: Exactly.
Phil: Neither am I. Is that a crime?
Mentok: Uh, yes. Yes, it is.
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
Grok: An oracle foretold of a pink feathered man-bird coming from the sky to bring pestilence and death upon our tribe. You bad chinga, brother.
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
Potamus: Sentcha decrees a feast and an orgy... Hell, an orgy sexy feast.
Grok: That's Prince's best album.
Grok: That's Prince's best album.
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
Phil: I'm not a marriage counselor, but I do have this whip.
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
Harvey: You speak English?!
Grok: Why wouldn't I? Yet another cultural stereotype...
Harvey: No, it's just that, uh, the dinosaurs and the grunting and all... where did you learn...?
Grok: Three semesters at CSU-Long Beach.
Cavemen: GO, NINERS!
Grok: Why wouldn't I? Yet another cultural stereotype...
Harvey: No, it's just that, uh, the dinosaurs and the grunting and all... where did you learn...?
Grok: Three semesters at CSU-Long Beach.
Cavemen: GO, NINERS!
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law