Haggard - The Movie Quotes

Glauren: What I need right now is heavy metal music, hard drinkin, mayhem, **** you can't offer me right now, okay Ryan?
Ryan Dunn: Who are you? You don't even like fast music - you don't even drink.
Glauren: [indignant] Yeah. Before I met Hellboy. You know what your problem is? You always want **** to stay the same, okay? I need to get out there. I wanna play the field - of dicks. [beat]
Ryan Dunn: Eww.

Movie: Haggard - The Movie
Valo: [Valo's voicemail message] Yeah, I figured it'd be you, that's why I didn't answer it.

Movie: Haggard - The Movie
Falcone: I like chocolate, I like fudge, I'll make some now or I won't budge.

Movie: Haggard - The Movie
Valo: Why is Don Vito such a ***** about grapes?
Falcone: Yeah, Don Vito's a whore about grapes.

Movie: Haggard - The Movie
Valo: Don't touch me, or I'll seriously kill your face, it's so hardcore.

Movie: Haggard - The Movie
[while filming a home movie using a model train set and action figures]
Falcone: What are you guys doing, humping on the caboose?

Movie: Haggard - The Movie