Employee of the Month Quotes

David Walsh: Jack, you know Eric's gay.
Jack: Ya, he's here, he's queer, I'm used to it. I have no problems with queers.
Eric: Well, the community is going to be so thrilled to hear that, Jack.
Jack: I mean it! I mean, sucking dick, when chicks do it, I not only applaud, I want to watch it. I got, I got three-hour pornos with nothing but wall-to-wall ball to jaw. But when I think about chowing down on some other guys' wrinkled Mr. Lincoln... [makes a face and tries to contain his laughter]
Eric: Jack, are you a cartoon character? I mean, does someone come to your house every morning and draw you on an easel?

Movie: Employee of the Month
David Walsh: I just hope that my review shows that I've been slacking off, and this way I should be fired. That way, when I snap and threaten to kill the old ****er, I'll have a good reason. I'm just kidding.

Movie: Employee of the Month
Attractive Woman: Are you staring at my breasts?
Lon: I don't know.

Movie: Employee of the Month
David Walsh: Tits on a taco, it's hot out there.

Movie: Employee of the Month
Russell: Think about it guys, we could be working over there at Maxi-Mart and that place really sucks. Pass me the chips there, eight balls. [Iqbal passes a bulk size bag of chips]
Lon: Plus, I hear they make you wear those house-arrest ankle bracelet things, so they know where you are all the time and if you leave the main floor, you get a little shocker. [Blows a party kazoo]
Russell: True. I knew a guy in upper management, man, went crazy. Strapped one of those things around his hairy ballsack, ran out in the parking lot and blew a three dollar Hawaiian wonder cooler all over the place.
Iqbal: Ids-kay, ids-kay.
Russell: Knocked the little Korean kid right out of shopping basket.

Movie: Employee of the Month
Vince: Is your name Semi because you're the size of a huge Mack truck or because you're semi-retarded?
Semi: I don't know.

Movie: Employee of the Month