Buffy the Vampire Slayer Quotes
Buffy: [about Adam] I could barely fight him. It was like Maggie designed him to be the ultimate warrior. He's smart and fast, he gave the commando guys the slip with no problem.
Willow: There's gotta be a flaw.
Buffy: I think the part where he's pure evil and kills randomly was an oversight.
Willow: There's gotta be a flaw.
Buffy: I think the part where he's pure evil and kills randomly was an oversight.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: I've been looking for you.
Faith: Been standin' still for eight months, B, how hard you look?
Faith: Been standin' still for eight months, B, how hard you look?
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Faith: I kept having this dream; I'm not sure what it means. But in the dream, this self-righteous blonde chick stabs me, and you want to know why?
Buffy: You had it coming.
Faith: That's one interpretation, but in my dream she does it for a guy. [Willow starts to sneak up behind Faith and is about to hit her with her backpack] Try it, Red, and you lose an arm. [Willow backs off] I wake up to find that this blonde chick isn't even dating the guy she was so nuts about. I mean, she's moved on to the first college beef stick she meets. And not only has she forgotten about the love of her life, she's forgot about the chick she nearly killed for him. So that's my dream... that and some stuff about cigars and tunnel. But, uh, tell me college girl, what does it mean?
Buffy: To me? Mostly that you still mouth off about things you don't understand. [Police sirens are heard] Uh oh, I guess somebody knows you're here [Faith hits Buffy]
Buffy: You had it coming.
Faith: That's one interpretation, but in my dream she does it for a guy. [Willow starts to sneak up behind Faith and is about to hit her with her backpack] Try it, Red, and you lose an arm. [Willow backs off] I wake up to find that this blonde chick isn't even dating the guy she was so nuts about. I mean, she's moved on to the first college beef stick she meets. And not only has she forgotten about the love of her life, she's forgot about the chick she nearly killed for him. So that's my dream... that and some stuff about cigars and tunnel. But, uh, tell me college girl, what does it mean?
Buffy: To me? Mostly that you still mouth off about things you don't understand. [Police sirens are heard] Uh oh, I guess somebody knows you're here [Faith hits Buffy]
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Joyce: You don't know the first thing about Buffy. Or me.
Faith: Don't I? I know what it's like. You think you matter. You think you're a part of something and you get dumped. It's like the whole world is moving but you're stuck. Like those animals in the tar pits. It's like you just keep sinking a little deeper everyday and nobody even sees.
Joyce: [sounding bored] Were you planning to slit my throat anytime soon?
Faith: Don't tell me you don't see it, Joyce. You served your purpose. You squirted out the kid, raised her up, and now you might as well be dead! I mean, nobody cares! Nobody remembers! Especially not Buffy-fabulous-super-hero! Sooner or later you're gonna have to face it. She was over us a long time ago, Joyce. [voice rising to a shout] Too busy climbing onto her new boy toy to give a single thought to the people that matter! I mean, you're her mother and she just leaves you here to die!
Buffy: [Dives in through the window, punches Faith] Hi, Mom!
Joyce: Hi, honey.
Faith: Don't I? I know what it's like. You think you matter. You think you're a part of something and you get dumped. It's like the whole world is moving but you're stuck. Like those animals in the tar pits. It's like you just keep sinking a little deeper everyday and nobody even sees.
Joyce: [sounding bored] Were you planning to slit my throat anytime soon?
Faith: Don't tell me you don't see it, Joyce. You served your purpose. You squirted out the kid, raised her up, and now you might as well be dead! I mean, nobody cares! Nobody remembers! Especially not Buffy-fabulous-super-hero! Sooner or later you're gonna have to face it. She was over us a long time ago, Joyce. [voice rising to a shout] Too busy climbing onto her new boy toy to give a single thought to the people that matter! I mean, you're her mother and she just leaves you here to die!
Buffy: [Dives in through the window, punches Faith] Hi, Mom!
Joyce: Hi, honey.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Faith[in Buffy's body, about Faith]: Well, could be things are looking up. I mean, a little stint in the pokey. Show her the error of her ways. I'm sure there's some big ol' Bertha just waiting to shower her ripe little self with affection.
Joyce: Buffy.
Faith: [in Buffy's body] I'm sorry, Mom. It's just, when I think about how she might have hurt you, I just... I can't stand it.
Joyce: Buffy.
Faith: [in Buffy's body] I'm sorry, Mom. It's just, when I think about how she might have hurt you, I just... I can't stand it.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Spike: You know why I really hate you, Summers?
Faith: [in Buffy's body] 'Cause I'm a stuck-up tight-ass with no sense of fun?
Spike: Well, yeah. That covers a lot of it.
Faith: [in Buffy's body] 'Cause I could do anything I want and instead I choose to pout and whine and feel the burden of Slayerness. I mean, I could be rich, I could be famous. I could have anything. Anyone. Even you, Spike. I could ride you at a gallop until your legs buckled and your eyes rolled up. I've got muscles you've never even dreamed of. I could squeeze you until you pop like warm champagne and you'd beg me to hurt you just a little bit more. And you know why I don't? [mockingly] Because it's wrong.
Spike: I get this chip out, you and me are going to have a confrontation.
Faith: [in Buffy's body] 'Cause I'm a stuck-up tight-ass with no sense of fun?
Spike: Well, yeah. That covers a lot of it.
Faith: [in Buffy's body] 'Cause I could do anything I want and instead I choose to pout and whine and feel the burden of Slayerness. I mean, I could be rich, I could be famous. I could have anything. Anyone. Even you, Spike. I could ride you at a gallop until your legs buckled and your eyes rolled up. I've got muscles you've never even dreamed of. I could squeeze you until you pop like warm champagne and you'd beg me to hurt you just a little bit more. And you know why I don't? [mockingly] Because it's wrong.
Spike: I get this chip out, you and me are going to have a confrontation.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
[Buffy tries to convince Giles she truly is Buffy, despite being trapped in Faith's body.]
Buffy[in Faith's body]: Giles, you turned into a demon and I knew it was you. I mean, can't you just look into my eyes and be all intuitive?
Giles: How did I turn into a demon?
Buffy[in Faith's body]: Oh! 'cause, uh... Ethan Rayne! And you have a girlfriend named Olivia, and you haven't had a job since we blew up the school - which is valid, lifestyle-wise. I mean, it's not like you're a slacker type, but... Oh, oh! When I had psychic power, I heard my mom think that you were like a stevedore during sex. Wh-Do you want me to continue?
Giles: Actually, I beg you to stop.
Buffy[in Faith's body]: What's a stevedore?
Buffy[in Faith's body]: Giles, you turned into a demon and I knew it was you. I mean, can't you just look into my eyes and be all intuitive?
Giles: How did I turn into a demon?
Buffy[in Faith's body]: Oh! 'cause, uh... Ethan Rayne! And you have a girlfriend named Olivia, and you haven't had a job since we blew up the school - which is valid, lifestyle-wise. I mean, it's not like you're a slacker type, but... Oh, oh! When I had psychic power, I heard my mom think that you were like a stevedore during sex. Wh-Do you want me to continue?
Giles: Actually, I beg you to stop.
Buffy[in Faith's body]: What's a stevedore?
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
[Faith, in Buffy's body, enters the church where three vampires are holding the parishioners hostage.]
Vampire: I told the cops, they send anyone in, I start the whole massacre thing.
Faith: [in Buffy's body] Well, I'm not the cops. I just came to pray.
Vampire: Now's a good time to start.
Faith: [in Buffy's body] You're not going to kill these people.
Vampire: Why not?
Faith: [in Buffy's body][earnestly this time] Because it's wrong.
Vampire: You're the Slayer.
Faith: [in Buffy's body] The one and only.
Vampire: I told the cops, they send anyone in, I start the whole massacre thing.
Faith: [in Buffy's body] Well, I'm not the cops. I just came to pray.
Vampire: Now's a good time to start.
Faith: [in Buffy's body] You're not going to kill these people.
Vampire: Why not?
Faith: [in Buffy's body][earnestly this time] Because it's wrong.
Vampire: You're the Slayer.
Faith: [in Buffy's body] The one and only.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Adam: You fear death. Being immortal, you fear it more than those to whom it comes naturally. Vampires are a paradox.
Boone: Okay, we're a paradox. That's cool.
Adam: Demon in a human body. You walk in both worlds and belong to neither. I can relate.
Boone: Okay, we're a paradox. That's cool.
Adam: Demon in a human body. You walk in both worlds and belong to neither. I can relate.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: But someone could wish the whole world to be different, right? That's... possible?
Anya: Sure. Alternate realities. You could, uh, could have, like, a world without shrimp, or with, you know, nothing but shrimp. You could even make, like, a freaky world where Jonathan's like some kind of not-perfect mouth-breather, if that's what's blowing up your skirt these days. Just don't ask me to live there.
Anya: Sure. Alternate realities. You could, uh, could have, like, a world without shrimp, or with, you know, nothing but shrimp. You could even make, like, a freaky world where Jonathan's like some kind of not-perfect mouth-breather, if that's what's blowing up your skirt these days. Just don't ask me to live there.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: I'm not entirely sure that we can trust our memories. Anya, tell them about the alternate universes.
Anya: Oh, okay. Say you really like shrimp a lot or we could say you don't like shrimp at all. "Blah, I wish there weren't any shrimp" you'd say to yourself-
Buffy: Stop! You're saying it wrong. I think that Jonathan may be doing something so that he's manipulating the world and we're all, like, his pawns.
Anya: Or prawns.
Buffy: Stop with the shrimp! I'm trying to do something here.
Anya: Oh, okay. Say you really like shrimp a lot or we could say you don't like shrimp at all. "Blah, I wish there weren't any shrimp" you'd say to yourself-
Buffy: Stop! You're saying it wrong. I think that Jonathan may be doing something so that he's manipulating the world and we're all, like, his pawns.
Anya: Or prawns.
Buffy: Stop with the shrimp! I'm trying to do something here.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: Giles, do you have a Jonathan swimsuit calendar?
Giles: No... Yes... it was a gift.
Giles: No... Yes... it was a gift.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
[At Giles' place. Riley pages through a spellbook.]
Riley: These spells, they really work? I mean, can you really turn your enemies inside out? Or... learn to excrete gold coins.
Anya: That one's not so much fun.
Willow: They work, Riley, but they take concentration. Being attuned with the forces of the universe.
Xander: Right, you can't just go librum incendere and expect --
[The book catches on fire; Xander closes it rapidly.]
Giles: Xander, don't speak Latin in front of the books.
Riley: These spells, they really work? I mean, can you really turn your enemies inside out? Or... learn to excrete gold coins.
Anya: That one's not so much fun.
Willow: They work, Riley, but they take concentration. Being attuned with the forces of the universe.
Xander: Right, you can't just go librum incendere and expect --
[The book catches on fire; Xander closes it rapidly.]
Giles: Xander, don't speak Latin in front of the books.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
[When Buffy and Riley are attacked by a vampire-demon tag-team.]
Buffy: Okay, you get Fangs, I'll get Horny. I mean...
Buffy: Okay, you get Fangs, I'll get Horny. I mean...
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Xander: Buffy and Riley are trapped.
Anya: So? She's a Slayer, he's a big soldier boy. What do they need you for?
Xander: Anya, look around: there's ghosts and shaking and people are going all Felicity with their hair. We're fresh out of super-people and somebody's gotta go back in there. Now, who's with me?
Spike: I am. I know I'm not the first choice for heroics, and Buffy's tried to kill me more than once, and I don't fancy a single one of you at all, but... Actually, all that sounds pretty convincing. [walks off.] I wonder if Asian House is open.
Anya: So? She's a Slayer, he's a big soldier boy. What do they need you for?
Xander: Anya, look around: there's ghosts and shaking and people are going all Felicity with their hair. We're fresh out of super-people and somebody's gotta go back in there. Now, who's with me?
Spike: I am. I know I'm not the first choice for heroics, and Buffy's tried to kill me more than once, and I don't fancy a single one of you at all, but... Actually, all that sounds pretty convincing. [walks off.] I wonder if Asian House is open.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
[Giles is singing and playing "Behind Blue Eyes" by The Who at an espresso bar. Anya, Willow, Xander and Tara watch from the door, amazed. All three girls are riveted; Willow's and Anya's mouths are hanging open.]
Anya: Oh.
Willow: Wow.
Xander: Um, could we go back to the haunted house? Cause, this is creeping me out.
Tara: Does he do this a lot?
Xander: [sarcastic.] Sure. Every day the earth rotates backward and the skies turn orange.
Willow: Now I remember why I used to have such a crush on him.
Tara: Well, he is pretty good.
Anya: His voice is... pleasant.
Xander: [incredulous.] What?!
Willow: Oh, come on, he is kinda sexy.
Xander: I'm fighting total mental breakdown here, Will. No more fueling the fire, please.
Anya: Oh.
Willow: Wow.
Xander: Um, could we go back to the haunted house? Cause, this is creeping me out.
Tara: Does he do this a lot?
Xander: [sarcastic.] Sure. Every day the earth rotates backward and the skies turn orange.
Willow: Now I remember why I used to have such a crush on him.
Tara: Well, he is pretty good.
Anya: His voice is... pleasant.
Xander: [incredulous.] What?!
Willow: Oh, come on, he is kinda sexy.
Xander: I'm fighting total mental breakdown here, Will. No more fueling the fire, please.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Xander: So with Buffy and Riley having... you know, acts of nakedness 'round the clock lately maybe they set something free, like a big, bursting poltergasm.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Giles: When you called to Buffy and Riley didn't cry out or respond in any way.
Anya: No, they're probably dead.
Xander: Unless they're too busy doing it to answer.
Giles: Doing what?
Xander: You know, for a god of acoustic rock you're... kind of naive.
Giles: I didn't think you meant... In the midst of all that? Do you really think they were keeping it up?
[long awkward pause]
Giles: Oh, for different phrasing.
Anya: No, they're probably dead.
Xander: Unless they're too busy doing it to answer.
Giles: Doing what?
Xander: You know, for a god of acoustic rock you're... kind of naive.
Giles: I didn't think you meant... In the midst of all that? Do you really think they were keeping it up?
[long awkward pause]
Giles: Oh, for different phrasing.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: Zippo. Patrol has been totally uneventful. My kill count's way down.
Willow: [to Tara] She means that there's been less bad guy activity.
Giles: And we know what that often indicates.
Xander: Buffy doesn't make her quota. Bad Slayer!
Willow: [to Tara] She means that there's been less bad guy activity.
Giles: And we know what that often indicates.
Xander: Buffy doesn't make her quota. Bad Slayer!
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy: Oz isn't a Demon. Something happened to him that wasn't his fault. I never knew you were such a bigot!
Riley: I'm not. I'm just saying it's a little strange to date someone who tries to eat you once a month!
Riley: I'm not. I'm just saying it's a little strange to date someone who tries to eat you once a month!
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Willow: [Speaking of Oz's return] It's complicated...because of Tara.
Buffy: You mean Tara has a crush on Oz? No... [suddenly realizes Willow is in love with Tara]Oh!!
...
Buffy: [almost babbling with the shock of Willow's revelation] Well, there you go! I mean, you know, you have to... follow your heart, Will. And that's what's important, Will.
Willow: Why do you keep saying my name like that?
Buffy: Like what, Will?
Willow: Are you freaked?
Buffy: [overly insistent] What? No, Will! [pauses, then gathers her emotions] No. No, absolutely no to that question. I'm glad you told me.
...
Willow: I don't want to hurt anyone, Buffy.
Buffy: No matter what, somebody's going to get hurt. And the important thing is, you just have to be honest or it's going to be a lot worse.
Buffy: You mean Tara has a crush on Oz? No... [suddenly realizes Willow is in love with Tara]Oh!!
...
Buffy: [almost babbling with the shock of Willow's revelation] Well, there you go! I mean, you know, you have to... follow your heart, Will. And that's what's important, Will.
Willow: Why do you keep saying my name like that?
Buffy: Like what, Will?
Willow: Are you freaked?
Buffy: [overly insistent] What? No, Will! [pauses, then gathers her emotions] No. No, absolutely no to that question. I'm glad you told me.
...
Willow: I don't want to hurt anyone, Buffy.
Buffy: No matter what, somebody's going to get hurt. And the important thing is, you just have to be honest or it's going to be a lot worse.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Spike: The thing about the Slayer is she is a whiny little thing, but when it comes to fighting she does have a slight tendency to win.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Willow: No candles? I brought one. It's... extra flamey. [beat] Tara, I have to tell you...
Tara: No, I-I understand. You have to be with the person you l-love. [beat]
Willow: [looks a bit hurt, then smiles] I am.
Tara: You mean...
Willow: I mean. [pause] Okay?
Tara: Oh, yes.
Willow: I feel horrible about everything I put you through. A-and I'm gonna make it up to you. [smiles] Starting right now.
Tara: [smiles] Right now?
[Willow nods and smiles]
[Tara blows the candle out]
Tara: No, I-I understand. You have to be with the person you l-love. [beat]
Willow: [looks a bit hurt, then smiles] I am.
Tara: You mean...
Willow: I mean. [pause] Okay?
Tara: Oh, yes.
Willow: I feel horrible about everything I put you through. A-and I'm gonna make it up to you. [smiles] Starting right now.
Tara: [smiles] Right now?
[Willow nods and smiles]
[Tara blows the candle out]
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Giles: [singing] If I leave here tomorrow Would you still remember me? Well I must be traveling on now There's too many places I've got to see And if I stay here with you, girl Things just couldn't be the same 'Cause I'm as free as bird now--
[Giles suddenly shrieks as he realizes Spike is standing in the room.]
Spike: You know, for someone who's got "Watcher" on his resume', you might want to cast an eye to the front door every now and again.
[Giles suddenly shrieks as he realizes Spike is standing in the room.]
Spike: You know, for someone who's got "Watcher" on his resume', you might want to cast an eye to the front door every now and again.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Willow: Crack a government encrypted code on my laptop? Easy as really difficult pie.
Spike: You're not exactly the wiz these days either. God, I'm never going to get paid.
Willow: I am a wiz.
Tara: She is a wiz.
Willow: If ever a wiz there was.
Spike: You're not exactly the wiz these days either. God, I'm never going to get paid.
Willow: I am a wiz.
Tara: She is a wiz.
Willow: If ever a wiz there was.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Spike: [happily] Now that was fun!
Adam: You were successful?
Spike: [scoffs] Easier than I'd thought it'd be, too.
Adam: You're sure?
Spike: [scoffs] Feel it in my bones. I call it...the Yoko Factor. [off Adam's look] Don't tell me you've never heard of The Beatles?
Adam: I have. [stands] I like Helter Skelter
Spike: What a surprise. The point is, they were once a real powerful group. It's not a stretch to say they ruled the world. And when they broke up everyone blamed Yoko, but the fact is the group split itself apart, she just happened to be there. You know how it is with kids. They go off to college, they grow apart. Way of the world.
Adam: You were successful?
Spike: [scoffs] Easier than I'd thought it'd be, too.
Adam: You're sure?
Spike: [scoffs] Feel it in my bones. I call it...the Yoko Factor. [off Adam's look] Don't tell me you've never heard of The Beatles?
Adam: I have. [stands] I like Helter Skelter
Spike: What a surprise. The point is, they were once a real powerful group. It's not a stretch to say they ruled the world. And when they broke up everyone blamed Yoko, but the fact is the group split itself apart, she just happened to be there. You know how it is with kids. They go off to college, they grow apart. Way of the world.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Xander: You and Willow go do the superpower thing. I'll stay behind and putter around the bat cave with crusty old Alfred here.
Giles: Ah, no. I am no Alfred, sir. No, you forget. Alfred had a job.
Giles: Ah, no. I am no Alfred, sir. No, you forget. Alfred had a job.
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
[amidst an argument between Buffy, Xander, and Willow]
Xander: Maybe that all changes when I'm off doin' sit-ups in Fort Dix!
Giles: Fort Dix? [begins to giggle hysterically]
Buffy: Are you drunk?
Giles: [finishes laughing] Yes, quite a bit, actually.
Buffy: Well, stop it!!
...
Buffy: You guys, stop this! What happened to you today?!
Willow: It's not today! Buffy, things have been wrong for a while, don't you see that?
Buffy: [perturbed] What do you mean 'wrong?'
Willow: Well, things certainly haven't been right since Tara. We have to face it, you can't handle Tara being my girlfriend...
Xander: No, it was back before that, since you two went off to college and forgot about me. Just left me in the basement to- Tara's your girlfriend?!
Giles: [from upstairs, still drunk] Bloody hell!
Xander: Maybe that all changes when I'm off doin' sit-ups in Fort Dix!
Giles: Fort Dix? [begins to giggle hysterically]
Buffy: Are you drunk?
Giles: [finishes laughing] Yes, quite a bit, actually.
Buffy: Well, stop it!!
...
Buffy: You guys, stop this! What happened to you today?!
Willow: It's not today! Buffy, things have been wrong for a while, don't you see that?
Buffy: [perturbed] What do you mean 'wrong?'
Willow: Well, things certainly haven't been right since Tara. We have to face it, you can't handle Tara being my girlfriend...
Xander: No, it was back before that, since you two went off to college and forgot about me. Just left me in the basement to- Tara's your girlfriend?!
Giles: [from upstairs, still drunk] Bloody hell!
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
[Buffy's in her room with Angel & Riley ]
Buffy: I'll put you both in hospital. Anybody think I'm exaggerating ?'
Buffy: I'll put you both in hospital. Anybody think I'm exaggerating ?'
TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer