A Thousand Clowns Quotes

Albert Amundson: ...after I leave here... from this place... from your mind. And regardless of what you think of me...
Murray Burns: I think you're a dirty O.W.
Albert Amundson: [slight pause] And do you know what you are? Maladjusted!
Murray Burns: Ooh! [strikes heart and sinks to the floor]

Movie: A Thousand Clowns
Murray Burns: If things aren't funny then they're exactly what they are; and then they're like a long dental appointment.

Movie: A Thousand Clowns
Nick: I can imitate the voice of Alexander Hamilton. I do Alexander Hamilton, and Murray does a terrific Thomas Jefferson. We got the voices just right. [Murray and Nick speak to each other in normal tones throughout]
Murray Burns: [to Nick] Hi, Alex, how're you doing?
Nick: Fine. Say, Tom, you should have been in Congress today.
Leo: This is ridiculous! You can't do an imitation of Alexander Hamilton, nobody knows what he sounds like!
Nick: That's the funny part.
Murray Burns: You missed the funny part, Leo.

Movie: A Thousand Clowns
[in a candlelit restaurant]
Waiter: Have you decided on your luncheon order, sir?
Murray Burns: Yes. I'll have a hamburger. And a flashlight.

Movie: A Thousand Clowns