Vacation Quotes

Clark: Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?
Eddie: Naw, I'm doing just fine, Clark.

Movie: Vacation
Clark Griswald: [to the Dodge City bartender] Hey Knucklehead, set us up with four Red eye's will ya? [the bartender ignors him]
Clark Griswald: Hey Yellabelly, I'm talking to you! [the bartender glares at Clark]
Clark Griswald: Hey Tender foot, move your chicken wings turkey! [the bartender angrily glares at Clark]
Ellen Griswold: Clark, that's not nice.
Clark Griswald: Relax, it's all part of the act. [to the bartender]
Clark Griswald: Hey Underpants... [the bartender pulls out a double-barrled shotgun and shoots Clark!]

Movie: Vacation
Clark Griswold: [to his kids, played by the fourth different set of actors in as many Vacation movies] You guys are growing up so fast, I hardly recognize you anymore!

Movie: Vacation
Ed, the car salesman: Wait a minute, I'll get to the bottom of this, we'll find your car. Davenport!
Davenport: Yes, Mr. Ed.
Ed, the car salesman: Where is Mr. Griswold's Sports Wagon?
Davenport: I don't know sir.
Ed, the car salesman: I know what must have happened. It didn't come in. Now I can get you the Sports Wagon; the only problem is that it may take six weeks. I owe it to myself to tell you that if you're taking the whole tribe cross-country, the Wagon Queen Family Truckster is the way to go. You think you hate it now, but just wait until you drive it.
Clark Griswald: Ed, I'm not your average fool. Now I want my super sports wagon now, or I'm gonna take my business elsewhere!
Ed, the car salesman: Davenport! Get Mr. Griswald's car and bring it back here! [the car is in the process of being smashed. It returns flat, and clark tries to squat and open the door]

Movie: Vacation
Kent Winkdale, host of 'Pig in a Poke': What are the pyramidal tracks?
Clark Griswold: [thinking] ... Kent, I believe the pyramidal tracks are housing development outside of Cairo.

Movie: Vacation
[talking about Snot, Eddie's dog]
Eddie: If you scratch his belly, Clark, he will love you till the day you die.
Clark: I really shouldn't, Eddie. My hands are all chapped.

Movie: Vacation
Rusty Griswold: If Vin Diesel can do it, so can I!

Movie: Vacation
Rusty Griswold: I just wanted to sing Seal with my family like normal people.

Movie: Vacation
Debbie Griswold: James, you are not going to fight.
James Griswold: I am not going to stand here like a little bitch.

Movie: Vacation
Debbie Griswold: Hey, you know, you never told us why you keep that teddy bear on the front of your truck.
Trucker: Oh, it makes the kids feel more comfortable.
Rusty Griswold: Oh yeah? You have kids?
Trucker: No.

Movie: Vacation
James Griswold: I've never even heard of the original vacation.
Rusty Griswold: Doesn't matter. The new vacation will stand on its own.

Movie: Vacation
Rusty Griswold: [on ATVs]Are there helmets?
Stone Crandall: Yeah, I keep 'em with the tampons. [drives off]
Rusty Griswold: It's just basic safety.

Movie: Vacation
Stone Crandall: You can make hot water come out of the cold faucet.

Movie: Vacation
James Griswold: Mom, do you think Uncle Stone will let me ride his horse?
Debbie Griswold: I don't see why not.
Kevin Griswold: Do think I can shoot his guns?
Debbie Griswold: No, you cannot.
Kevin Griswold: Too bad.
Kevin Griswold: [to James]I would've shot you right off that fuckin' horse.

Movie: Vacation
Kevin Griswold: There was a hole in the side of my stall.
Rusty Griswold: Sounds like you found yourself a glory hole.

Movie: Vacation
Rusty Griswold: We're going to Walley World.
Debbie Griswold: What?
Kevin Griswold: This is some bullshit right here!

Movie: Vacation
Rusty Griswold: Well, I thought it'd be fun for the kids to see where you went to college.
Debbie Griswold: Oh, God. Why would that be fun for them, honey?
Rusty Griswold: You can give us a tour. Maybe one of them could study there one day.
James Griswold: Oh, no. No way, man. I've got my sights on something a little more Ivy League.
Debbie Griswold: [under her breath]Huh. Little fucker.
James Griswold: What, Ma?
Debbie Griswold: I love you. That's what I said.

Movie: Vacation
Rusty Griswold: Maybe for lunch we can find a burger place. You know, like a... Like a drive-through burger place.
James Griswold: I don't know, Dad. I think we should steer clear of that.
Rusty Griswold: Good one, James.
Debbie Griswold: All right, enough, you guys. Dad hit a cow, okay? Let's just moo-ve on.
Kevin Griswold: Oh, I got one.
Rusty Griswold: Yeah, let's hear it.
Kevin Griswold: James is a piece of shit.
Rusty Griswold: Kinda missed the point there, buddy.

Movie: Vacation