The Trail to Oregon! Quotes
Son: I've literally eaten everything that I've come across. When I interact with a new object, I'm gonna look at it for a little bit, I'm gonna reach out and poke it, see if it moves around, pick it up, wiggle it back and forth... and then that thing goes all the way in my mouth. And if it doesn't try to get out of mouth, it's going down the hatch. If you ask me, it's a pretty good way to do things. The other day I put a scorpion in my mouth, that guy jumped right out. I mean, he knew the rules, he played the game... I respect him for that.
Movie: The Trail to Oregon!
Son: Are we gonna go skinny dipping?
Mother: Why would we do that?
Son: I don't know.
Mother: Why would we do that?
Son: I don't know.
Movie: The Trail to Oregon!
Mother: Look, we are out here starving in the middle of the woods and you wanna crawl up on me and inject me with your filth? Blegh.
Father: Why you gotta say it like that?
Father: Why you gotta say it like that?
Movie: The Trail to Oregon!
Son: I lost a shoe two months ago. I didn't say anything about it and no one asked me, so... I've been walking around with one shoe. If someone were to ask me, Where's your shoe? I'd say, I don't know. Because at this point, I honestly don't. I mean, I remember where it was when I threw it off the wagon. But I mean, it bounced for a little bit and I kind of put my hand out and pointed at it, but no one said anything so I just put my hand down and forgot about it, man. All I know is that shoe bounced pretty good.
Movie: The Trail to Oregon!
Grandpa: The truth is... [sighs]
Grandpa: this is hard for me to say. The truth is... I never banished any lobsters to the sea.
Father: [Long pause]I know that, Dad.
Grandpa: They banished me to the land.
Father: [Yells]What are you talking about?
Grandpa: this is hard for me to say. The truth is... I never banished any lobsters to the sea.
Father: [Long pause]I know that, Dad.
Grandpa: They banished me to the land.
Father: [Yells]What are you talking about?
Movie: The Trail to Oregon!
General Store Guy: I know that based on what you just saw, you wouldn't believe it, but... I played Tony in Independence Community Theater's production of West Side Story a couple years back. It's like, big fish small pond, but... I was proud.
Movie: The Trail to Oregon!
Son: Goodbye, Dad. I guess I'm Mom's only son now.
Father: You were always Mom's only son. I'm the father, remember?
Son: Oh. Well I loved you like a brother.
Father: You were always Mom's only son. I'm the father, remember?
Son: Oh. Well I loved you like a brother.
Movie: The Trail to Oregon!
Daughter: [Dramatically]Oh, the good lord sent me back! [Winks at audience]
Daughter: There I was at the pearly gates and St. Peter said to *me*... Oh Mouthface, there is a fool family who is lost without you!
Mother: Did, uh, ahem... did you just fake dying of dysentery?
Daughter: [Smiles]Gotcha.
Daughter: There I was at the pearly gates and St. Peter said to *me*... Oh Mouthface, there is a fool family who is lost without you!
Mother: Did, uh, ahem... did you just fake dying of dysentery?
Daughter: [Smiles]Gotcha.
Movie: The Trail to Oregon!
Mother: [sings]Slippery When Wet and I'm a mother of two / Could have been a banker, guess a farmer will do / Why did you get to choose?
Father: Well, I don't know if you know this about me, but... I wrote the show. It's how this one goes.
Mother: Well we aren't gonna get very far as a bunch of fucking farmers.
Father: Well, I don't know if you know this about me, but... I wrote the show. It's how this one goes.
Mother: Well we aren't gonna get very far as a bunch of fucking farmers.
Movie: The Trail to Oregon!
Son: [sings]Craaphoole, yeah that's me, I'm seven and I'm male!
Daughter: [sings]Mouuthface, is what my friends call me, I'm looking for love on the trail!
Daughter: [sings]Mouuthface, is what my friends call me, I'm looking for love on the trail!
Movie: The Trail to Oregon!
Father: We're farmers you see, which means we don't need things like food. We can live off the land. All we're looking for is the bare essentials... boxes and boxes of bullets.
Movie: The Trail to Oregon!
McDoon: Well, uh, name's McDoon. And I make the ladies... [kisses Daughter's hand]
McDoon: McSwoon.
McDoon: McSwoon.
Movie: The Trail to Oregon!
Mother: Now, you see that girl right there? I made her out of my blood and my flesh, my sweat and my tears. And I love her more than the waking world. But I will smother her in her sleep before I see her ruin herself with some *thing* like you. So you better just run along now 'cause you'd have better luck sticking your pecker in a cactus.
Movie: The Trail to Oregon!
Grandpa: [to Audience Member]What was that? Tittymitty?
Father: How do you feel about that, Grandpa?
Grandpa: [Grinning]I like that name.
Father: He likes it a lot, you made him happy.
Father: How do you feel about that, Grandpa?
Grandpa: [Grinning]I like that name.
Father: He likes it a lot, you made him happy.
Movie: The Trail to Oregon!
Father: Have you ever heard the saying the blind leading the blind? That's what this trip is all about. Remembering old sayings.
Movie: The Trail to Oregon!
Mother: I did not love that banker and I did not love that carpenter. I loved the third kind of a person. A farmer.
Movie: The Trail to Oregon!
Father: But you know what kids, sometimes things just happen. And sometimes God... is a vicious, two-faced prick.
Movie: The Trail to Oregon!
Mother: This ox doesn't have any teeth. Or eyes.
Father: That's right, honey. That way he can't eat us or watch us undress. We do have a young daughter to think of. Now don't get any ideas, you horny ox.
Father: That's right, honey. That way he can't eat us or watch us undress. We do have a young daughter to think of. Now don't get any ideas, you horny ox.
Movie: The Trail to Oregon!
Father: All right, on three. What's this trip all about? One, two, three!
Mother: Dying. [Said at the same time]
Daughter: Eating grass. [Said at the same time]
Son: Skinny dipping! [Said at the same time]
Horny Ox: I'm a monster! [Said at the same time]
Mother: Dying. [Said at the same time]
Daughter: Eating grass. [Said at the same time]
Son: Skinny dipping! [Said at the same time]
Horny Ox: I'm a monster! [Said at the same time]
Movie: The Trail to Oregon!
Mother: We are setting our rations to bare bones, and our pace to grueling. We are not stopping for nothing. We are gonna blaze this trail all the way to Oregon! We're gonna do... a speed run.
Movie: The Trail to Oregon!
Grandpa: Well good shooting there, Craphole. Looks like you got about 2000 pounds here, and between the three of us we can carry back about... 20.
Movie: The Trail to Oregon!
Mother: Oh, the good lord sent me back! Why, there I was at the pearly gates and St. Peter said to me... Oh Slippery When Wet, your work on Earth is not done. There is a fool child down there who is lost without you. And I said, Oh no no, please let me in, you don't know how she treats me!
Movie: The Trail to Oregon!
Mother: Now kids, say a few words for your poor, foolish father, please.
Daughter: Pepperoni...
Son: And... cheese?
Mother: [pause]Yep. Y - yeah... couldn't have said it better myself. Pepperoni and cheese, amen.
Daughter: Pepperoni...
Son: And... cheese?
Mother: [pause]Yep. Y - yeah... couldn't have said it better myself. Pepperoni and cheese, amen.
Movie: The Trail to Oregon!
McDoon: I mean, sure I'm known far and wide as the bandit king but... I ain't got no one to love.
Cletus Jones: Well, we make love on occasion.
Cletus Jones: Well, we make love on occasion.
Movie: The Trail to Oregon!
Father: Honey. I just want to double check... if we're talking about a literal, actual dog? Then yeah, to hell with the dog, family first, I won't ask for a dog again! But we're talking about me...
Mother: Yes, we're talking about you.
Father: Then my opinion of that dog's completely different!
Mother: Yes, we're talking about you.
Father: Then my opinion of that dog's completely different!
Movie: The Trail to Oregon!
Grandpa: Now, now, now! Whoever wants to kill the most should go first.
Daughter: [Raises hand]I do, Grandpa. I've got bloodlust.
Daughter: [Raises hand]I do, Grandpa. I've got bloodlust.
Movie: The Trail to Oregon!
McDoon: Oh come on! I been treating you real good, haven't I? I keep your limbs bound with the finest rope money can buy. I gently chloroform you to sleep every night. And I promise that's how it's gonna be every day once you're my child bride.
Movie: The Trail to Oregon!
Daughter: They could be dead for all I know, and I've been sitting in the back of the wagon for three months writing letters to nobody like a jackass.
Movie: The Trail to Oregon!