Queer as Folk Quotes

Brian Kinney: You stupid little twat, never let anyone **** you without a condom.
Justin: You're not just anyone.
Brian Kinney: Yeah, I'm sure that's what Ben thought about the guy who infected him. Put it on me... I want you safe. I want you around for a long time.

TV Show: Queer as Folk
Emmett: Do you think I'm physically attractive? Sexy?
Debbie: Keeping in mind that I'm a heterosexual woman of a certain age, and you're queer as they come - ****, yeah.

TV Show: Queer as Folk
Emmett Honeycutt: Oh my God, look. He must've followed us.
Michael Novotny: Christ! That's just what I need.
Emmett Honeycutt: Honey, it's what we all need. [Michael shakes his head, ready to go into his house. Emmett stopping Michael.]
Emmett Honeycutt: Hey, when was last time you got laid? [Michael opens his mouth, doesn't know how to respond.]
Emmett Honeycutt: My point exactly: if you can't remember, then it's time.

TV Show: Queer as Folk
Emmett: Apparently Pittsburgh is not ready to handle the fact that not only are queers anatomically corrrect, but they actually use all their parts.

TV Show: Queer as Folk
Mel: Don't **** with Mother Nature, huh? Well, I'm here to tell her, don't **** with me!

TV Show: Queer as Folk
[about Gus]
Lindsay: Isn't he a little young for James Dean?
Brian: Well you don't want him watching The Teletubbies. Might make him gay.

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[Discussing the new baby's name]
Stuart Alan Jones: Vince, run a check on "Alfred."
Vince Tyler: Alf Roberts; "Alfie," Michael Caine; "Alf," that American sitcom with the puppet - bit dodgy, but that's forgotten by the time he's in school, unless it's on cable... bet they've got it on Bravo. Oh... Alfred's the name of Batman's butler! Marvelous. Good name!

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[Mimicking "Titanic."]
Stuart Alan Jones: I'm the king of the world!
Vince: I'm always Kate Winslet!

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[Roy has just rammed Stuart's car after spotting him kissing his son]
Stuart Alan Jones: What the fuck are you doing?
Roy Maloney: Fifteen! That boy is fifteen!
Stuart Alan Jones: So? The car is only six months old and you've still buggered it.

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Hazel Tyler: [on phone] Oh, and get some Weetabix
Vince Tyler: Thought your breakfast was twenty Bensons.
Hazel Tyler: It's for little Lord Fauntleroy.
Vince Tyler: I'm not shopping for him! What else does he want? Angel Delight? Party Rings? Nappies?
Hazel Tyler: And give me the big box of Surg, I've got double the laundry. It's all bed sheets, I'd forgotten how much teenage boys masturbate.
Vince Tyler: Mum!
Hazel Tyler: Stiff as a board!
Bernard: Hazel, don't wash 'em, I'll have 'em!
Hazel Tyler: Bernie said don't wash 'em, he'll have 'em
Vince Tyler: It's like an 0898 number!

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Alexander: He's here, he's queer, I'm buying him a beer!

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Alexander: Right, shut your noise, bit of hush! Vince, sit down, it's time for the presents. And if anyone's got him a Jeff Stryker cock and balls you're getting booted out, that's so unoriginal.

TV Show: Queer as Folk

Alexander: What's the Japanese for slut?

TV Show: Queer as Folk

Stuart Alan Jones: He's a calendar, that kid, he's a clock, a great big stopwatch, staring me in the face. Cos he gets older. That's all he can do. Do you know what that means? I'm getting older. Look at me, is that old? That's not old. Can't get rid of him, twenty years time he'll still be there. Mind you they don't always live, meningitis - that's a good one!

TV Show: Queer as Folk

Stuart Alan Jones: It's the exact opposite of child-birth, first you have the baby and then you get fucked.

TV Show: Queer as Folk

Stuart Alan Jones: My world's so fucking huge!

TV Show: Queer as Folk

Stuart Alan Jones: Right do you want sex? Suppose I owe you a favour, come on then.
Nathan: I didn't do it for a shag.
Stuart Alan Jones: Nathan, that's all I've got to offer.
Nathan: How many men have had sex in here?
Stuart Alan Jones: 27 million.

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Stuart Alan Jones: Right, Nathan we're off. It's all getting a bit lesbian in here.

TV Show: Queer as Folk

Stuart Alan Jones: Where are you going?
Vince Tyler: You've copped off!
Stuart Alan Jones: I'm just getting his phone number, that's all!
Phil Delaney: What did you do - swallow it?

TV Show: Queer as Folk

Romey Sullivan: [on answerphone] Now, Stuart, don't panic. I'm in hospital, it's half past six Thursday night, the contractions have started, it's not a false alarm but don't worry ...
Stuart Alan Jones: Fuck, I've got a baby!

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Nathan: I'm doing it, I'm really doing it!

TV Show: Queer as Folk

Nathan: I'm fucking Mozart!

TV Show: Queer as Folk

Nathan: I'm still going out though, to The Village.
Roy Maloney: Not on school nights.
Nathan: And I'm not going to change, you know that, don't you? Cos it's not a phase, I'm not growing out of it. I'm going to be gay forever.
Roy Maloney: You've made up your mind, and it's obvious there's no stopping you. It's Helen I'm worried about, she's ten years old, she's a child. I don't want her head filled with notions.
Nathan: Like what?
Roy Maloney: As far as Helen is concerned, the anus is for shit. Got that?

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Nathan: You're straight, you don't know anything
Donna: I'm black. And I'm a girl. Try that for a week.

TV Show: Queer as Folk

Vince Tyler: [on straight bars] Can you believe it, they have toilets where no-ones ever had sex!

TV Show: Queer as Folk

Vince Tyler: [quoting an episode of "Doctor Who"] Unrequited love. It's fantastic, 'cause it never has to change, it never has to grow up and it never has to die!

TV Show: Queer as Folk

Vince: And I can't be the best shag he's ever had. He's Australian!

TV Show: Queer as Folk