Only Fools and Horses.... Quotes

Inspector Roy Slater: Remember Del? All us lads down the river playing pirates! Boycie was the first mate, Trigger was Long John Silver... What Part did I play Del?
Del Boy: You played the bloke what walked the plank!
Inspector Roy Slater: Ye that's right... I was always the bloke that walked the plank! I was in and out of that water more times than a ducks head! I always wanted to be BlueBeard!
Del Boy: Well you should have asked!
Inspector Roy Slater: I did lots of times but you'd never let me!
Del Boy: I did once
Inspector Roy Slater: Oh ye I remember that was the day that BlueBeard had to walk the plank wasn't it!

Movie: Only Fools and Horses....
Rodney: [Del has had a hang-gliding accident and is in a wheelchair surrounded by sympathetic well-wishers] Oh, listen to me for one minute, will you? Hospitals do not send home paralysed people by bus!
Del Boy: [lunging to his feet and seizing Rodney around the neck] You listen to me, you little git! I may never walk again! I may... [realises]
Del Boy: Though I must admit I'm getting some feeling back.

Movie: Only Fools and Horses....
Rodney: Come on, Del, let's have it. Just how do you see our respective roles in this partnership?
Del Boy: I see it as a combination of my business acumen and salesmanship, and your ability to drive a three-wheeled van. Badly. Or did you see yourself in a different position?
Rodney: Well, yes I did, actually! With my qualifications and experience, I saw myself more in the role of a financial advisor!
Del Boy: Financial advisor? Listen to this, Grandad. This morning, I had just clinched a deal to buy twenty five briefcases for £175, when my 'financial advisor' leapt in and advised me to pay £200 for 'em! And having done that, he then advised me to chuck the bleedin' lot in the river! I mean, with financial advisors like that, who needs a bleedin' recession?

Movie: Only Fools and Horses....
Vicar: I have become dismayed, even shocked by the attitude of youth - but today you walked into this church and offered us this tree simply because you care. You have rekindled my faith in the human race. It's not nicked, is it? [Del Boy is trying to sell Christmas trees to him]

Movie: Only Fools and Horses....
[after opening a box of Life-size Inflatable Dolls they purchased by accident]
Del Boy: Bloody Hell! What have WE got ourselves into here?
Rodney: Well this is your fault! You just go rushing into things and to Hell with the consequences!
Del Boy: That's because I've got a High Profile!
Rodney: Yeah! High profile and low forehead!

Movie: Only Fools and Horses....
[Del has entered a clay pigeon shoot with a pump-action shotgun]
Rodney: Oi, where did you get that gun?
Derek 'Del Boy' Trotter: Iggy Iggins.
Rodney: Iggy Iggins? Iggy Iggins robs banks.
Derek 'Del Boy' Trotter: Yeah but it's a Saturday.

Movie: Only Fools and Horses....