Mr. Show Quotes
David: Bob missed his first day of school, and he never really caught up, so he thinks there are only 5 states...and that one of them is named Chim-Cham.
TV Show: Mr. Show
Woman leaving convenience store (Jill Talley): Take a picture, it'll last longer, jag-off!
TV Show: Mr. Show
The Bob: It's time to eat the poison s'mores...get them while they're poison-ey; that's when they're best.
TV Show: Mr. Show
Dr. Ken Schwartz of "No Adults Allowed" (Bob): I tell ya, this generation is worse than the hippies, the flappers, and the Nazis combined...at least the hippies gave us those fat watchbands, and the flappers could dance, and the Nazis had that song "Eight Days a Week".
TV Show: Mr. Show
Father Mike (Bob): When I ask for a glass of water and someone hands me a glass full of sand, I turn it over, make a sand castle, and pretend I'm king. When someone throws a stone at my head, I pretend the bruise is a faded tattoo, and that I was once a sailor who ran a sweat shop in Singapore. I'm not too proud of that time in my imaginary life, but I'm comforted by the fact that my friends, who made me stick a banana in my crack, feel even worse.
TV Show: Mr. Show
Senator Howell Tankerbell (Bob): Gentlemen, I propose that this arts funding is like a milking machine and unless we shut it down, it's gonna rip our dicks right off!
TV Show: Mr. Show
Senator Howell Tankerbell (Bob): I've got a naked puppet doin' a lewd, lascivious Fandango on the lap of a full-grown man! I got a fella over here, he's churnin' butter. A lady over here dippin' candles...it's like a pioneer porn shop in here! Close 'em down, boys!
TV Show: Mr. Show
Senator Howell Tankerbell (Bob): I wish I could be everywhere that people are doin' art, so that I could keep the public from gettin' aroused...or titillated...or otherwise confused by the counterculture.
TV Show: Mr. Show
Marshall, the 13th apostle (David): God, lemme ask you something: are you happy settling for omnipotence?
TV Show: Mr. Show
Guy in Tech Corp commercial during Pit-Pat sketch (Jay Johnston): Fucking fuck-fuck!!!
TV Show: Mr. Show
Voiceover king (Bob): Mr. Pickle's funtime abortion clinics: we'll bring out the kid in ya!
TV Show: Mr. Show
Globo-Chem executive (John Ennis): My great great great grandfather started this company with one single rickety leaky hand-crafted slave ship, and a simple motto: "People Selling People to People".
TV Show: Mr. Show
Guy in Ding Dong Burgers commercial during Pit-Pat sketch (David): This cocksucker dragged me down here, I dunno.
TV Show: Mr. Show
Guy in Ding Dong Burgers commercial during Pit-Pat sketch (David): Fuck, this little motherfucker's tasty!!
TV Show: Mr. Show
Pit-Pat ad agency representative (Bob): Look lady, I don't come down to where you work and slap the dick out of your mouth.
TV Show: Mr. Show
Kindly farmer in "The Joke: The Musical" (Jack Black): Don't stick your dick in these holes.
TV Show: Mr. Show
David: Dear Globochem, someone is trying to kill me!!! Please send me as many free products as possible. Love, David Cross.
TV Show: Mr. Show
Jerry, the honeymoon crasher (David): Ooh. I gotta take a shit. Hey Todd, hand me that Hustler.
TV Show: Mr. Show
Jerry, the honeymoon crasher (David): Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend. Always in the way.
TV Show: Mr. Show