Mad TV Quotes

Dale: Carol Finney! Tell us something about yourself, and *not* something I've already said!
Carol: Well, I like to roll nickels... I have a windmill magnet collection... my daughter's my best friend.
Dale: Well I hope your husband is a close second!
Carol: Well he would be if he'd help me roll nickels!

TV Show: Mad TV
Mrs. Campbell: Now see, that is why I never did buy a gun is because I just don't think shooting yourself sounds like any fun!
Man: Lady, I didn't do it on purpose.
Mrs. Campbell: You didn't? Well, now, let me ask you a question... do you have a television?
Man: Yes.
Mrs. Campbell: Have you ever seen this TV show? It's called The News...?

TV Show: Mad TV
Stuart Larkin: Look what I can do!

TV Show: Mad TV
Vancome Lady: [to a white tricker-or-treater dressed as a hooded ghost] Hurry up, Blondie, you don't wanna be late to the Hitler Youth Convention.
Vancome Lady: [to a black tricker-or-treater dressed as a jailbird] Oh, and young man, my car has low-jack.

TV Show: Mad TV
[last lines]
John Davidson: I sometimes, when, 'ust keep thinking why, why it has to be me, and not folks or criminals or, deserve it.

TV Show: Mad TV
[while roller-blading]
Lida: Lee-Lee, your hands are on my tetas.
Melina: Stupid, if I let go of your tetas, you gonna fall.
Lida: Ok, you can keep 'em there. [under her breath]
Lida: Lesbiana...

TV Show: Mad TV