Blue Collar TV Quotes

Bill Engvall: I believe... Angelina Jolie thinks about me as much as I do about her.
Jeff Foxworthy: But I believe she doesn't on a hotel bed with a towel and a bottle of lotion.
Bill Engvall: Well, I believe I'm not telling any more secrets.

TV Show: Blue Collar TV
Bill Engvall: Can't have sausage anymore, and not because of health reasons, but because I saw a commercial that nearly scared me to death. I was watching TV one night, and this is what the commercial said word for word. The eggs are from real chickens. The milk is from real cows. But the sausage is from Jimmy Dean. Really? You'd think someone would have caught that!

TV Show: Blue Collar TV
Bill Engvall: Then she starts rubbing my butt! Yeah! All I could think was Don't fart! Yeah, you've thought about it, haven't you! 'Cause when you're standing up and you've got gas, you can clench it in. When someone's rubbing your butt cheeks east and west, you're bound to let one of those icky dog farts squirt out.

TV Show: Blue Collar TV
Jeff Foxworthy: [the Redneck dictionary scene for the word, mask. Jeff grabs Bill's shirt collar] M'ask you one more time. Think I can win the costume contest?
Bill Engvall: Yeah, yeah! First place, you psycho!
Jeff Foxworthy: M'ask you one more thing. Does this make my butt look fat?

TV Show: Blue Collar TV
Larry the Cable Guy: [during the things you don't want to hear people say when they first see you naked thing] Jeez, smoking really does stunt your growth!

TV Show: Blue Collar TV