Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance) Quotes
Mike Shiner: Popularity is the slutty little cousin of prestige.
Movie: Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)
Note on Riggan's dressing room mirror: A thing is a thing, not what is said of that thing.
Movie: Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)
Riggan: Listen to me. I'm trying to do something important.
Sam: This is not important.
Riggan: It's important to me! Alright? Maybe not to you, or your cynical friends whose only ambition is to go viral. But to me... To me... this is - God. This is my career, this is my chance to do some work that actually means something.
Sam: Means something to who? You had a career before the third comic book movie, before people began to forget who was inside the bird costume. You're doing a play based on a book that was written 60 years ago, for a thousand rich old white people whose only real concern is gonna be where they go to have their cake and coffee when it's over. And let's face it, Dad, it's not for the sake of art. It's because you want to feel relevant again. Well, there's a whole world out there where people fight to be relevant every day. And you act like it doesn't even exist! Things are happening in a place that you willfully ignore, a place that has already forgotten you. I mean, who the fuck are you? You hate bloggers. You make fun of Twitter. You don't even have a Facebook page. You're the one who doesn't exist. You're doing this because you're scared to death, like the rest of us, that you don't matter. And you know what? You're right. You don't. It's not important. You're not important. Get used to it.
Sam: Dad...
Sam: This is not important.
Riggan: It's important to me! Alright? Maybe not to you, or your cynical friends whose only ambition is to go viral. But to me... To me... this is - God. This is my career, this is my chance to do some work that actually means something.
Sam: Means something to who? You had a career before the third comic book movie, before people began to forget who was inside the bird costume. You're doing a play based on a book that was written 60 years ago, for a thousand rich old white people whose only real concern is gonna be where they go to have their cake and coffee when it's over. And let's face it, Dad, it's not for the sake of art. It's because you want to feel relevant again. Well, there's a whole world out there where people fight to be relevant every day. And you act like it doesn't even exist! Things are happening in a place that you willfully ignore, a place that has already forgotten you. I mean, who the fuck are you? You hate bloggers. You make fun of Twitter. You don't even have a Facebook page. You're the one who doesn't exist. You're doing this because you're scared to death, like the rest of us, that you don't matter. And you know what? You're right. You don't. It's not important. You're not important. Get used to it.
Sam: Dad...
Movie: Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)
Riggan: Just find me an actor. A good actor. Give me Woody Harrelson.
Jake: He's doing the next Hunger Games.
Riggan: Michael Fassbender?
Jake: He's doing the prequel to the X-Men prequel.
Riggan: How about Jeremy Renner?
Jake: Who?
Riggan: Jeremy Renner. He was nominated. He was the Hurt Locker guy.
Jake: Oh, okay. He's an Avenger.
Riggan: F - k, they put him in a cape too?
Jake: He's doing the next Hunger Games.
Riggan: Michael Fassbender?
Jake: He's doing the prequel to the X-Men prequel.
Riggan: How about Jeremy Renner?
Jake: Who?
Riggan: Jeremy Renner. He was nominated. He was the Hurt Locker guy.
Jake: Oh, okay. He's an Avenger.
Riggan: F - k, they put him in a cape too?
Movie: Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)
Riggan: [as Birdman]People, they love blood. They love action. Not this talky, depressing, philosophical bullshit.
Movie: Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)
Jake: Oh my gosh! How do you know Mike Shiner?
Lesley: We share a vagina.
Lesley: We share a vagina.
Movie: Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)
Riggan: [as Birdman]Shave off that pathetic goatee. Get some surgery. Sixty's the new thirty, motherfucker!
Movie: Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)
Tabitha: It doesn't matter, I'm gonna destroy your play.
Riggan: But you didn't even see it. Did I do something to offend you?
Tabitha: As a matter of fact, you did. You took off space on theater wich otherwise might have been used on something worthwile.
Riggan: Okay... well. I mean, you don't even know if it's any good or not... I didn't...
Tabitha: That's true; I haven't read a word of it or even seen the preview. But after the opening tomorrow I'm gonna turn in the worst review anyone has ever read and I'm gonna close your play. Would you like to know why? Because I hate you and everyone you represent. Entitled, selfish, spoiled children. Blissfully untrained, unversed and unprepared to even attempt real art. Handing each other awards for cartoons and pornography. Measuring your worth in weekends? Well this is the theater and you don't get to come in here and pretend you can write, direct and act in your own propaganda piece without coming through me first. So break a leg.
Riggan: Wow. You know... What has to happen in a person's life to become a critic anyway? What are you writing? Another review? Is that any good? Is it? Did you even see it? Let me read it.
Tabitha: I will call the police!
Riggan: Call the police... let's read your fuckin' review. Lacklustre... That's just labels. Marginality... You kidding me? Sounds like you need penicillin to clear that up. That's a label. That's all labels. You just label everything. That's so fuckin' lazy... You just... You're a lazy fucker. You know what this is? You even know what that is? You don't, You know why? Because you can't see this thing if you don't have to label it. You mistake all those little noises in your head for true knowledge.
Tabitha: Are you finished?
Riggan: No! I'm not finished! There's nothing here about technique! There's nothing in here
Riggan: But you didn't even see it. Did I do something to offend you?
Tabitha: As a matter of fact, you did. You took off space on theater wich otherwise might have been used on something worthwile.
Riggan: Okay... well. I mean, you don't even know if it's any good or not... I didn't...
Tabitha: That's true; I haven't read a word of it or even seen the preview. But after the opening tomorrow I'm gonna turn in the worst review anyone has ever read and I'm gonna close your play. Would you like to know why? Because I hate you and everyone you represent. Entitled, selfish, spoiled children. Blissfully untrained, unversed and unprepared to even attempt real art. Handing each other awards for cartoons and pornography. Measuring your worth in weekends? Well this is the theater and you don't get to come in here and pretend you can write, direct and act in your own propaganda piece without coming through me first. So break a leg.
Riggan: Wow. You know... What has to happen in a person's life to become a critic anyway? What are you writing? Another review? Is that any good? Is it? Did you even see it? Let me read it.
Tabitha: I will call the police!
Riggan: Call the police... let's read your fuckin' review. Lacklustre... That's just labels. Marginality... You kidding me? Sounds like you need penicillin to clear that up. That's a label. That's all labels. You just label everything. That's so fuckin' lazy... You just... You're a lazy fucker. You know what this is? You even know what that is? You don't, You know why? Because you can't see this thing if you don't have to label it. You mistake all those little noises in your head for true knowledge.
Tabitha: Are you finished?
Riggan: No! I'm not finished! There's nothing here about technique! There's nothing in here
Movie: Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)
Voice from the street: [Sam is sitting on the parapet of the theatre roof. Someone shouts from below]JUUUMP!
Sam: EAT ME!
Voice from the street: OKAY. JUMP ON MY FACE!
Sam: I love this city.
Sam: EAT ME!
Voice from the street: OKAY. JUMP ON MY FACE!
Sam: I love this city.
Movie: Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)
Mike Shiner: A man becomes a critic when he cannot be an artist, the same way that a man becomes an informer when he cannot be a soldier.
Movie: Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)
Young Birdman: It's a beautiful day. Forget about the Times... everyone else has. Come on. Stand up! So you're not a great actor. Who cares? You're much more than that. You tower over these other theater douchebags. You're a movie star, man! You're a global force! Don't you get it? You spent your life building a bank account and a reputation... and you blew 'em both. Good for you. Fuck it. We'll make a comeback. They're waiting for something huge. Well, give it to them. Shave off that pathetic goatee. Get some surgery! Sixty's the new thirty, motherfucker. You're the original. You paved the way for these other clowns. Give the people what they want... old-fashioned apocalyptic porn. Birdman: The Phoenix Rises. Pimple-faced gamers creaming in their pants. A billion worldwide, guaranteed. You are larger than life, man. You save people from their boring, miserable lives. You make them jump, laugh, shit their pants. All you have to do is... [Riggan snaps fingers, and explosions occur, shooting starts, soldiers get shot, choppers fly and shoot, one gets shot down]
Young Birdman: That's what I'm talking about. Bones rattling! Big, loud, fast! Look at these people, at their eyes... they're sparkling. They love this shit. They love blood. They love action. Not this talky, depressing, philosophical bullshit. [Birdman shoots laser in giant mechanical bird above the building, it screeches]
Young Birdman: Yes. And the next time you screech... [Riggan screeches]
Young Birdman: ... it'll explode into millions of eardrums. You'll glimmer on thousands of screens around the globe. Another blockbuster. You are a god. [Riggan starts flying]
Young Birdman: See? There you go, you motherfucker. Gravity doesn't even apply to you. Wait till you see the faces of those who thought we were finished. Listen to me. Let's go back one more time and show them what we're capable of. We have to end it on our own terms... w
Young Birdman: That's what I'm talking about. Bones rattling! Big, loud, fast! Look at these people, at their eyes... they're sparkling. They love this shit. They love blood. They love action. Not this talky, depressing, philosophical bullshit. [Birdman shoots laser in giant mechanical bird above the building, it screeches]
Young Birdman: Yes. And the next time you screech... [Riggan screeches]
Young Birdman: ... it'll explode into millions of eardrums. You'll glimmer on thousands of screens around the globe. Another blockbuster. You are a god. [Riggan starts flying]
Young Birdman: See? There you go, you motherfucker. Gravity doesn't even apply to you. Wait till you see the faces of those who thought we were finished. Listen to me. Let's go back one more time and show them what we're capable of. We have to end it on our own terms... w
Movie: Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)
Mike Shiner: Does she speak?
Sam: She does. Yeah, she can sit, stay, and roll over if you have any treats.
Sam: She does. Yeah, she can sit, stay, and roll over if you have any treats.
Movie: Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)
Sam: Why do you act like a dick all the time? Do you just do it to antagonize people?
Mike Shiner: Maybe.
Sam: You really don't give a shit if people like you or not?
Mike Shiner: Not really.
Sam: That's cool.
Mike Shiner: Is it? I don't know.
Mike Shiner: Maybe.
Sam: You really don't give a shit if people like you or not?
Mike Shiner: Not really.
Sam: That's cool.
Mike Shiner: Is it? I don't know.
Movie: Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)
Mike Shiner: Is this water? Did you replace my gin with water, man?
Riggan: Mike. Come on.
Mike Shiner: No. Come on, what?
Riggan: Come on, you're drunk.
Mike Shiner: I'm drunk? Yes, I'm drunk! I'm supposed to be drunk! Why aren't you drunk? This is Carver. He left a piece of his liver on the table every time he wrote a fucking page. If I need to be drinking gin, who the fuck are you to touch my gin, man? Listen, you fucked with the period, you fucked with the plot so you could have the best lines, you leave me the fucking tools that I need! Oh, come on people, don't be so pathetic. Stop looking at the world through your cellphone screens. Have a real experience! Does anybody give a shit about truth other than me? I mean the set is fake, the bananas are fake, there's fucking nothing in this milk carton, your performance is fake. The only thing that is real on this stage is this chicken. So, I'm gonna work with the chicken.
Riggan: Mike. Come on.
Mike Shiner: No. Come on, what?
Riggan: Come on, you're drunk.
Mike Shiner: I'm drunk? Yes, I'm drunk! I'm supposed to be drunk! Why aren't you drunk? This is Carver. He left a piece of his liver on the table every time he wrote a fucking page. If I need to be drinking gin, who the fuck are you to touch my gin, man? Listen, you fucked with the period, you fucked with the plot so you could have the best lines, you leave me the fucking tools that I need! Oh, come on people, don't be so pathetic. Stop looking at the world through your cellphone screens. Have a real experience! Does anybody give a shit about truth other than me? I mean the set is fake, the bananas are fake, there's fucking nothing in this milk carton, your performance is fake. The only thing that is real on this stage is this chicken. So, I'm gonna work with the chicken.
Movie: Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)
Lesley: Why don't I have any self respect?
Laura: You're an actress, honey.
Laura: You're an actress, honey.
Movie: Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)
Mike Shiner: You've been hanging around here trying to make yourself invisible behind this fragile little fuck-up routine but you can't. You're anything but invisible. You're big. You're kind of a great mess. It's like a candle burning at both ends, but it's beautiful. No amount of booze or weed or attitude is going to hide that.
Movie: Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)
Riggan: The last time I flew here from LA, George Clooney was sitting two seats in front of me. With those cuff links, and that... ridiculous chin. We ended up flying through this really bad storm. The plane started to rattle and shake, and everyone on board was crying, and praying. And I just sat there. Sat there thinking that when Sam opened that paper it was going to be Clooney's face on the front page. Not mine. Did you know that Farrah Fawcett died on the same day as Michael Jackson?
Movie: Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)
Riggan: That's you Mike. You're Mr. Natural. Mr. F - k the scene, just stare at my massive hard-on, right? That's the truth of the moment.
Mike Shiner: Do you think it was massive?
Mike Shiner: Do you think it was massive?
Movie: Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)
Mike Shiner: [to Riggan]Don't tell me how to do my job. This is my town, and to be honest, most people don't give a shit about you here.
Lady in Bar: Hey, you're Riggan Thompson, right? Would you mind having a picture with us here? [hands phone to Mike]
Lady in Bar: Would you mind?
Mike Shiner: What?
Lady in Bar: The button's on the bottom.
Lady in Bar: Hey, you're Riggan Thompson, right? Would you mind having a picture with us here? [hands phone to Mike]
Lady in Bar: Would you mind?
Mike Shiner: What?
Lady in Bar: The button's on the bottom.
Movie: Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)
Mike Shiner: [showing a fried chicken to Riggan]That's a nice bird, man!
Movie: Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)
Mike Shiner: Give me a cue again.
Riggan: Okay. Hey, I'm the wrong person to ask. I don't actually know the man, I've heard his name mentioned in passing. I don't know, you'd have to know the particulars. I think what you're saying...
Mike Shiner: Hey, can I make a suggestion, do you mind?
Riggan: Yeah, yeah sure, no not at all.
Mike Shiner: Okay, just stay with me. I'm the wrong person to ask, he says, but what is that, what is the intention in that? Is he fed up with the subject so he's changing it, is he deflecting guilt over the marriage? And here's the thing, you've got four lines after that that all say the same thing. I didn't even know the man, I only heard his name mentioned in passing, I wouldn't know, you'd have to know the particulars... The point is, you don't know the guy, we f - king get it. Make it work with one line: I didn't even know the man. Right?
Riggan: Right. Yeah. You know my lines too, huh?
Mike Shiner: Can we not get hung up on knowing lines?
Riggan: Okay. Hey, I'm the wrong person to ask. I don't actually know the man, I've heard his name mentioned in passing. I don't know, you'd have to know the particulars. I think what you're saying...
Mike Shiner: Hey, can I make a suggestion, do you mind?
Riggan: Yeah, yeah sure, no not at all.
Mike Shiner: Okay, just stay with me. I'm the wrong person to ask, he says, but what is that, what is the intention in that? Is he fed up with the subject so he's changing it, is he deflecting guilt over the marriage? And here's the thing, you've got four lines after that that all say the same thing. I didn't even know the man, I only heard his name mentioned in passing, I wouldn't know, you'd have to know the particulars... The point is, you don't know the guy, we f - king get it. Make it work with one line: I didn't even know the man. Right?
Riggan: Right. Yeah. You know my lines too, huh?
Mike Shiner: Can we not get hung up on knowing lines?
Movie: Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)
Sam: I want to ask another question.
Mike Shiner: You already did.
Sam: One more.
Mike Shiner: Go ahead.
Sam: If you weren't afraid, what would you want to do to me?
Mike Shiner: I'd pull your eyes out of your head...
Sam: That's sweet.
Mike Shiner: ...and put them in my own skull, and look around, so I could see the street the way I used to when I was your age.
Mike Shiner: You already did.
Sam: One more.
Mike Shiner: Go ahead.
Sam: If you weren't afraid, what would you want to do to me?
Mike Shiner: I'd pull your eyes out of your head...
Sam: That's sweet.
Mike Shiner: ...and put them in my own skull, and look around, so I could see the street the way I used to when I was your age.
Movie: Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)
[first lines] Young Birdman: How did we end up here? This place is horrible. Smells like balls. We don't belong here.
Movie: Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)
Sylvia: You know, just because I didn't like that ridiculous comedy you did with Goldie Hawn did not mean I did not love you. That's what you always do. You confuse love for admiration.
Movie: Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)
Young Birdman: Sixty is the new thirty, mother fucker.
Movie: Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)
Riggan: I'm the answer to a fucking Trivial Pursuit question
Movie: Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)
Riggan: Why did we break up?
Sylvia: Because you threw a kitchen knife at me. And an hour later you were telling me how much you loved me.
Sylvia: Because you threw a kitchen knife at me. And an hour later you were telling me how much you loved me.
Movie: Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)
Sam: Do you really think you'll be ready for opening tomorrow?
Riggan: Yeah, yeah. Yeah, well, I mean, previews were pretty much a train-wreck. We can't seem to get through without a raging fire or a raging hard-on. I'm broke. I'm not sleeping like, you know, at all. And um, this play is kinda starting to feel like a major deformed version of myself that just keeps following me around, hitting me in the balls with a tiny little hammer. I'm sorry, what was the question?
Sam: Never mind.
Riggan: Yeah, yeah. Yeah, well, I mean, previews were pretty much a train-wreck. We can't seem to get through without a raging fire or a raging hard-on. I'm broke. I'm not sleeping like, you know, at all. And um, this play is kinda starting to feel like a major deformed version of myself that just keeps following me around, hitting me in the balls with a tiny little hammer. I'm sorry, what was the question?
Sam: Never mind.
Movie: Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)