Bad Santa 2 Quotes

Thurman Merman: I'm 21, officially a man.
Willie: You're 21 already? That's creepy.
Thurman Merman: Are you still gonna pop my cherry?
Willie: What? Fuck, no! I said I'd get it done, by somebody else.

Movie: Bad Santa 2
Diane: [Willing is banging Diane hard doggy style behind a dumpster in an alleyway]Tell me how dirty it is.
Willie: Ok. Ahh. It's a dumpster and an alley. It's pretty... pretty fucking dirty, I guess.
Diane: [yelling]Tell me it's fucking dirty!
Willie: Okay, it's fucking dirty! It's dirty. Yeah, it's dirty.

Movie: Bad Santa 2
Willie: Why are you even out of the joint anyway? Some pity case? On account of you're a genetic defect? You know, they used to sterilize guys like you, to keep the world from becoming some negro Land of Oz.
Marcus: Shut the fuck up! Early release, overcrowding.
Willie: Why, it must've been packed to the gills if they couldn't cram your three foot ass in there.
Marcus: We got a job, Willie. That two grand is just to show I'm serious. Can you still crack a safe? Or did you get carpal tunnel from jacking off?
Willie: I can crack just fine, thanks.
Marcus: I'm talking millions this time.
Willie: Where at?
Marcus: Chi-town.
Willie: I thought you were all done with the gooks.
Marcus: Chicago, you racist moron fuck!

Movie: Bad Santa 2
Willie: You outta your goddamn mind? I ain't dancing around with a bunch of candy canes and shit. [slight pause]
Willie: Cuz I'm all about the birth of Christmas. You know, the wise guys kicked 'em out of the hotel. The ejaculate conception and then the drummer that didn't have shit to give 'em. And some perfume and the King Midas or one of them threatened to cut the kid in half, turn him into gold. But see uh, it's a heavy deal for me. Pretty damn heavy.
Diane: Are you talking about the true meaning of Christmas?
Willie: Exactly.

Movie: Bad Santa 2
Diane: You reek of whiskey. You know the rules and you're flouting them.
Willie: Flouting? I never sucked jizz out of nobody's ass. Uhh, with a straw...
Diane: I believe that's felching. Not that I would know.

Movie: Bad Santa 2
Sunny Soke: [to Willie]You still hit like your fuckin' father.

Movie: Bad Santa 2
Diane: I'm a good girl, Mr. Cook. But sometimes I need to be bad.

Movie: Bad Santa 2
[a young boy is sat on his knee to give Willie his Christmas wish list] Willie: What do you want?
Video Game Boy: I want Minecraft, Halo 5: Guardians, Rise of the Tomb Raider, Project X Zone 2, Assassin's Creed Chronicles trilogy, As...
Willie: Yeah, yeah, that's great. I don't know.
Video Game Boy: Call of Duty: Black Ops III...
Willie: I don't know what you're talking about. I have no idea what that shit is. You could be speaking fucking Swahili and I wouldn't know any better.
Video Game Boy: Grand Theft Auto V.
Willie: No, I don't care.

Movie: Bad Santa 2
Marcus: Damn, that's some fucked up shit!

Movie: Bad Santa 2
Boy: Why do you have two beards?
Willie: That's none of you're fuckin' business.

Movie: Bad Santa 2
Willie: I traveled all the way across the country to rob a Goddamn charity?

Movie: Bad Santa 2
[from trailer] Marcus: [to Willie]What... You don't trust your mama?
Willie: I trust her about as far as I can throw you... And I trust you about as far as I can throw her.

Movie: Bad Santa 2
Jolly Santa: I'm going to have to ask you to watch your language when you're representing the suit.
Willie: And I'm going to have to ask you to suck my fucking dick.

Movie: Bad Santa 2
Willie: Life sucks a big giant dick, kid. But you're a fucking man now and you gotta face up to it. Welcome to the shit show.

Movie: Bad Santa 2
Willie: What can I get ya?
Stuffed Cow Girl: [thick foreign accent]A stuffed cow that moves but doesn't poop. Some duct tape, so I can build a boat.
Willie: [hasn't understood a word]What?

Movie: Bad Santa 2
Willie: Spare some change. Think about somebody besides your fucking self.

Movie: Bad Santa 2
Sunny Soke: Well bless your heart. Cheap little fucker.

Movie: Bad Santa 2
Willie: Call me Santa.
Diane: What?
Willie: Call me Santa.
Diane: Don't be weird. Tell me how dirty this is.
Willie: Call me Santa.
Diane: Shut up. Spit on me.

Movie: Bad Santa 2
Willie: Have a seat. What can Santy Claus get ya?
Penguin Girl: A penguin. It doesn't have to be alive.

Movie: Bad Santa 2
Dorfman: Davis. Where's your friend at?
Marcus: I ain't got any fucking friends.
Dorfman: Hey, watch your language.
Marcus: Why don't I watch my dick go in and out of your wife's pussy lips while I'm at it?
Dorfman: Oh yeah? Well, joke's on you, cuz my wife died six months ago. Boom!
Marcus: Like that'll fucking stop me? Rigor mortis just make the pussy tighter.

Movie: Bad Santa 2
Sunny Soke: If I cut ties with every numbnuts who tried to shoot me, I never would've gotten pregnant with you.

Movie: Bad Santa 2