Arsenic and Old Lace Quotes
Cab Driver: Hey, you! Five more bucks and you'll own it!
Mortimer Brewster: Oh, no thanks! It wouldn't fit me!
Mortimer Brewster: Oh, no thanks! It wouldn't fit me!
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
Mortimer Brewster: All I did was cross the bridge and I was in Brooklyn. Amazing.
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
Mortimer Brewster: The name Brewster is code for Roosevelt.
Teddy Brewster: Code for Roosevelt?
Mortimer Brewster: Yes. Don't you see? Take the name Brewster, take away the B, and what have you got?
Teddy Brewster: Rooster!
Mortimer Brewster: Uh-huh. And what does a rooster do?
Teddy Brewster: Crows.
Mortimer Brewster: It crows. And where do you hunt in Africa?
Teddy Brewster: On the veldt!
Mortimer Brewster: There you are: crows - veldt!
Teddy Brewster: Ingenious! My compliments to the boys in the code department.
Teddy Brewster: Code for Roosevelt?
Mortimer Brewster: Yes. Don't you see? Take the name Brewster, take away the B, and what have you got?
Teddy Brewster: Rooster!
Mortimer Brewster: Uh-huh. And what does a rooster do?
Teddy Brewster: Crows.
Mortimer Brewster: It crows. And where do you hunt in Africa?
Teddy Brewster: On the veldt!
Mortimer Brewster: There you are: crows - veldt!
Teddy Brewster: Ingenious! My compliments to the boys in the code department.
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
Mortimer Brewster: [on the telephone] Yes, operator, I'd like the Happy Dale Sanatorium, Happy Dale, New York. Come on, operator, what's taking so long? They're just across the river. I could swim it faster! No, I don't want the Happy Dale Laundry. I want the Happy Dale Sanatorium. Sanatorium, sanatorium, sanatorium. Yes, yes, like a broken record. Hello - what? They're busy? Busy? Look, they're busy and you're dizzy. No, I am not drunk, madam, but you've given me an idea. [throws down the phone in disgust]
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
[last lines]
Mortimer Brewster: No, no. I'm not a Brewster. I'm the son of a sea-cook! Ha! Ha! Chaaaaarrrge! [he runs off across the cemetary]
Cab Driver: And I'm not a cab driver, I'm a coffee pot!
Mortimer Brewster: No, no. I'm not a Brewster. I'm the son of a sea-cook! Ha! Ha! Chaaaaarrrge! [he runs off across the cemetary]
Cab Driver: And I'm not a cab driver, I'm a coffee pot!
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
[speaking of the Brewster sisters]
Police Sgt. Brophy: They're two of the dearest, sweetest, kindest, old ladies that ever walked the earth. They're out of this world. They're like, they're like pressed rose leaves.
Police Sgt. Brophy: They're two of the dearest, sweetest, kindest, old ladies that ever walked the earth. They're out of this world. They're like, they're like pressed rose leaves.
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
[ speaking of a character in a play he has seen ]
Mortimer Brewster : He sits there *waiting* to be tied up and gagged! [ laughs ]
Mortimer Brewster : The big dope!
Mortimer Brewster : He sits there *waiting* to be tied up and gagged! [ laughs ]
Mortimer Brewster : The big dope!
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
[ last lines ]
Mortimer Brewster : No, no. I'm not a Brewster. I'm the son of a sea-cook! Ha! Ha! Chaaaaarrrge! [ he runs off across the cemetary ]
Cab Driver : And I'm not a cab driver, I'm a coffee pot!
Mortimer Brewster : No, no. I'm not a Brewster. I'm the son of a sea-cook! Ha! Ha! Chaaaaarrrge! [ he runs off across the cemetary ]
Cab Driver : And I'm not a cab driver, I'm a coffee pot!
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
Dr. Einstein : At least people in plays act like they've got sense.
Mortimer Brewster : Oh, you think so? Did you ever see anybody in a play act like they got any intelligence?
Dr. Einstein : [ agonizing ] How can somebody be so stupid!
Mortimer Brewster : Oh, you think so? Did you ever see anybody in a play act like they got any intelligence?
Dr. Einstein : [ agonizing ] How can somebody be so stupid!
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
Elaine Harper : But Mortimer, you're going to love me for my mind, too.
Mortimer Brewster : One thing at a time!
Mortimer Brewster : One thing at a time!
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
Mortimer Brewster : Look, you can't do things like that! Now, I don't know how I can explain this to you. But, it's not only against the law, its wrong!
Martha Brewster : Oh, piffle!
Mortimer Brewster : It's not a nice thing to do. People wouldn't understand. He wouldn't understand. What I mean is... Well... This is developing into a very bad habit!
Martha Brewster : Oh, piffle!
Mortimer Brewster : It's not a nice thing to do. People wouldn't understand. He wouldn't understand. What I mean is... Well... This is developing into a very bad habit!
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
Mortimer Brewster : Yeah, yeah, I know that bromide. Something borrowed, something blue - old, new! Rice and old shoes, carry you over the threshold, Niagara Falls - all the silly tripe I've made fun of for years. Is this what I've come to? I can't go through with it. I won't marry you and that's that!
Elaine Harper : [ Adoring ] Yes, Mortimer.
Mortimer Brewster : What do you mean, "Yes, Mortimer"? Aren't you insulted? Aren't you going to cry? Aren't you going to make a scene?
Elaine Harper : [ Adoring ] No, Mortimer.
Mortimer Brewster : And don't "No, Mortimer" me either! Don't... Don't you see, marriage is a superstition, it... It's old-fashioned, it's... I... Ohhhh... [ He kisses her and hauls her into the marriage license office ]
Elaine Harper : [ Adoring ] Yes, Mortimer.
Mortimer Brewster : What do you mean, "Yes, Mortimer"? Aren't you insulted? Aren't you going to cry? Aren't you going to make a scene?
Elaine Harper : [ Adoring ] No, Mortimer.
Mortimer Brewster : And don't "No, Mortimer" me either! Don't... Don't you see, marriage is a superstition, it... It's old-fashioned, it's... I... Ohhhh... [ He kisses her and hauls her into the marriage license office ]
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
Teddy Brewster : [ His first line ] I must be catching cold.
Abby Brewster : No, dear, it was Reverend Harper who sneezed.
Abby Brewster : No, dear, it was Reverend Harper who sneezed.
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
Reverend Harper : Have you ever tried to persuade him that he wasn't Teddy Roosevelt?
Abby Brewster : Oh, no.
Martha Brewster : Oh, he's so happy being Teddy Roosevelt.
Abby Brewster : Oh... Do you remember, Martha, once, a long time ago, we thought if he'd be George Washington, it might be a change for him, and we suggested it.
Martha Brewster : And do you know what happened? He just stayed under his bed for days and wouldn't be anybody.
Abby Brewster : Oh, no.
Martha Brewster : Oh, he's so happy being Teddy Roosevelt.
Abby Brewster : Oh... Do you remember, Martha, once, a long time ago, we thought if he'd be George Washington, it might be a change for him, and we suggested it.
Martha Brewster : And do you know what happened? He just stayed under his bed for days and wouldn't be anybody.
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
[ discussing the body count ]
Dr. Einstein : You got twelve, they got twelve. [ angrily grabs Dr. Einstein's necktie ]
Jonathan Brewster : I've got thirteen!
Dr. Einstein : No, Johnny, twelve - don't brag.
Jonathan Brewster : Thirteen! There's Mr. Spinalzo and the first one in London, two in Johannesburg, one in Sydney, one in Melbourne, two in San Francisco, one in Phoenix, Arizona...
Dr. Einstein : Phoenix?
Jonathan Brewster : The filling station...
Dr. Einstein : Filling station? Oh! [ slits throat ]
Dr. Einstein : Yes.
Jonathan Brewster : Then three in Chicago and one in South Bend. That makes thirteen.
Dr. Einstein : You cannot count the one in South Bend. He died of pneumonia!
Jonathan Brewster : He wouldn't have died of pneumonia if I hadn't shot him!
Dr. Einstein : No, no, Johnny. You cannot count him. You got twelve, they got twelve. The old ladies is just as good as you are!
Dr. Einstein : You got twelve, they got twelve. [ angrily grabs Dr. Einstein's necktie ]
Jonathan Brewster : I've got thirteen!
Dr. Einstein : No, Johnny, twelve - don't brag.
Jonathan Brewster : Thirteen! There's Mr. Spinalzo and the first one in London, two in Johannesburg, one in Sydney, one in Melbourne, two in San Francisco, one in Phoenix, Arizona...
Dr. Einstein : Phoenix?
Jonathan Brewster : The filling station...
Dr. Einstein : Filling station? Oh! [ slits throat ]
Dr. Einstein : Yes.
Jonathan Brewster : Then three in Chicago and one in South Bend. That makes thirteen.
Dr. Einstein : You cannot count the one in South Bend. He died of pneumonia!
Jonathan Brewster : He wouldn't have died of pneumonia if I hadn't shot him!
Dr. Einstein : No, no, Johnny. You cannot count him. You got twelve, they got twelve. The old ladies is just as good as you are!
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
Mortimer Brewster : The name Brewster is code for Roosevelt.
Teddy Brewster : Code for Roosevelt?
Mortimer Brewster : Yes. Don't you see? Take the name Brewster, take away the B, and what have you got?
Teddy Brewster : Rooster!
Mortimer Brewster : Uh-huh. And what does a rooster do?
Teddy Brewster : Crows.
Mortimer Brewster : It crows. And where do you hunt in Africa?
Teddy Brewster : On the veldt!
Mortimer Brewster : There you are: crows - veldt!
Teddy Brewster : Ingenious! My compliments to the boys in the code department.
Teddy Brewster : Code for Roosevelt?
Mortimer Brewster : Yes. Don't you see? Take the name Brewster, take away the B, and what have you got?
Teddy Brewster : Rooster!
Mortimer Brewster : Uh-huh. And what does a rooster do?
Teddy Brewster : Crows.
Mortimer Brewster : It crows. And where do you hunt in Africa?
Teddy Brewster : On the veldt!
Mortimer Brewster : There you are: crows - veldt!
Teddy Brewster : Ingenious! My compliments to the boys in the code department.
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
Mortimer Brewster : Look I probably should have told you this before but you see... well... insanity runs in my family... It practically gallops.
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
Mortimer Brewster : Aunt Abby, how can I believe you? There are twelve men down in the cellar and you admit you poisoned them.
Aunt Abby Brewster : Yes, I did. But you don't think I'd stoop to telling a fib.
Aunt Abby Brewster : Yes, I did. But you don't think I'd stoop to telling a fib.
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
Elaine Harper : Now, wait a minute! Listen! You can't marry me one minute and throw me out of the house the next.
Mortimer Brewster : I am not throwing you out of the house, I am not throwing you out of the house! Will you get out of here? [ pushes her out and slams the door; Mr. Gibbs is standing on the porch holding a newspaper ]
Elaine Harper : Mortimer!
Mortimer Brewster : [ picks up the phone ] I'm sorry, Judge. But a thing happened. Look, Judge... About Teddy... you see, he's...
Elaine Harper : Mortimer!
Mortimer Brewster : [ into the phone ] You see, Judge, it's his bugle blowing. Yes, the neighbors have been complaining, and the police are all set to throw him into a state institution.
Elaine Harper : How do you like that...
Mr. Gibbs : I read an ad here about a room to rent...
Elaine Harper : Oh, shut up!
Mortimer Brewster : I am not throwing you out of the house, I am not throwing you out of the house! Will you get out of here? [ pushes her out and slams the door; Mr. Gibbs is standing on the porch holding a newspaper ]
Elaine Harper : Mortimer!
Mortimer Brewster : [ picks up the phone ] I'm sorry, Judge. But a thing happened. Look, Judge... About Teddy... you see, he's...
Elaine Harper : Mortimer!
Mortimer Brewster : [ into the phone ] You see, Judge, it's his bugle blowing. Yes, the neighbors have been complaining, and the police are all set to throw him into a state institution.
Elaine Harper : How do you like that...
Mr. Gibbs : I read an ad here about a room to rent...
Elaine Harper : Oh, shut up!
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
Mortimer Brewster : When I come back, I expect to find you gone. Wait for me!
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
Martha Brewster : [ to Mortimer ] One of our gentlemen found time to say "How delicious"!
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
[ after finding the dead body in the window seat ]
Mortimer Brewster : But - what happened to him?
Martha Brewster : [ cheerfully ] He died.
Mortimer Brewster : But - what happened to him?
Martha Brewster : [ cheerfully ] He died.
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
Teddy Brewster : Mr. Witherfork!
Mr. Witherspoon : Spoon! [ Mortimer hands him a spoon ]
Mr. Witherspoon : Spoon! [ Mortimer hands him a spoon ]
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
[ on the telephone ]
Mortimer Brewster : Hello... Operator? Can you hear my voice? You can? Are you sure? [ hangs up ]
Mortimer Brewster : Well, then I must be here.
Mortimer Brewster : Hello... Operator? Can you hear my voice? You can? Are you sure? [ hangs up ]
Mortimer Brewster : Well, then I must be here.
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
[ Elaine is impatient to leave on the honeymoon ]
Elaine Harper : But, darling - Niagara Falls.
Mortimer Brewster : It does? Well, let it.
Elaine Harper : But, darling - Niagara Falls.
Mortimer Brewster : It does? Well, let it.
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
Aunt Martha : For a gallon of elderberry wine, I take one teaspoon full of arsenic, then add half a teaspoon full of strychnine, and then just a pinch of cyanide.
Mortimer Brewster : Hmm. Should have quite a kick.
Mortimer Brewster : Hmm. Should have quite a kick.
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
Jonathan Brewster : Perhaps we'd better introduce ourselves. May I present Dr. Einstein.
Elaine Harper : Dr. Einstein?
Jonathan Brewster : A surgeon of great distinction... and something of a magician.
Elaine Harper : Now, I suppose you're going to tell me that you're Boris Kar...
Jonathan Brewster : I am Jonathan Brewster!
Elaine Harper : Dr. Einstein?
Jonathan Brewster : A surgeon of great distinction... and something of a magician.
Elaine Harper : Now, I suppose you're going to tell me that you're Boris Kar...
Jonathan Brewster : I am Jonathan Brewster!
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
Jonathan Brewster : We're moving the car behind the house. You'd better get to bed.
Martha Brewster : The car is alright where it is until morning.
Jonathan Brewster : I don't want to leave it in the street. That might be against the law.
Martha Brewster : The car is alright where it is until morning.
Jonathan Brewster : I don't want to leave it in the street. That might be against the law.
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace