Arsenic and Old Lace Quotes
[ speaking of the Brewster sisters ]
Police Sgt. Brophy : They're two of the dearest, sweetest, kindest, old ladies that ever walked the earth. They're out of this world. They're like, they're like pressed rose leaves.
Police Sgt. Brophy : They're two of the dearest, sweetest, kindest, old ladies that ever walked the earth. They're out of this world. They're like, they're like pressed rose leaves.
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
[ to Mortimer ]
Elaine Harper : We were married today. We were going over Niagara Falls in a barrel. Your brother tries to kill me. A taxi is waiting and now you want to sleep on a window seat. You can take the honeymoon, your wedding ring, your taxi, your window seat, and put 'em in a barrel and push 'em all over Niagara Falls!
Elaine Harper : We were married today. We were going over Niagara Falls in a barrel. Your brother tries to kill me. A taxi is waiting and now you want to sleep on a window seat. You can take the honeymoon, your wedding ring, your taxi, your window seat, and put 'em in a barrel and push 'em all over Niagara Falls!
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
[ to Jonathan ]
Mortimer Brewster : Where did you get that face? Hollywood?
Mortimer Brewster : Where did you get that face? Hollywood?
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
Jonathan Brewster : Teddy, I think it's time for you to go to bed.
Teddy Brewster : I beg your pardon. Who are you?
Jonathan Brewster : I'm Woodrow Wilson. Go to bed!
Teddy Brewster : No, you're not Wilson, but you're face is familiar. Let me see. You're not anyone I know now - perhaps later on my hunting trip to Africa. Yes, you look like someone I might meet in the jungle.
Teddy Brewster : I beg your pardon. Who are you?
Jonathan Brewster : I'm Woodrow Wilson. Go to bed!
Teddy Brewster : No, you're not Wilson, but you're face is familiar. Let me see. You're not anyone I know now - perhaps later on my hunting trip to Africa. Yes, you look like someone I might meet in the jungle.
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
Mortimer Brewster : Certainly there are thirteen bodies in the cellar and there are hundreds more in the attic!
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
[ after listening to Mortimer's description of a character in a play ]
Dr. Einstein : You know, you were right about that fellow. He wasn't very bright.
Dr. Einstein : You know, you were right about that fellow. He wasn't very bright.
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
[ Explaining to Elaine why they shouldn't be married ]
Mortimer Brewster : You wouldn't want to have children with three heads, would you? I mean, you wouldn't want to set up housekeeping in a padded cell. Oh, it would be bad.
Mortimer Brewster : You wouldn't want to have children with three heads, would you? I mean, you wouldn't want to set up housekeeping in a padded cell. Oh, it would be bad.
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
Mortimer Brewster : All I did was cross the bridge and I was in Brooklyn. Amazing.
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
Cab Driver : I knew this would end up in the nuthouse.
Mr. Witherspoon : [ offended ] We like to think of it as a rest home!
Mr. Witherspoon : [ offended ] We like to think of it as a rest home!
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
Jonathan Brewster : [ threatening Mortimer ] If you tell O'Hara what's in the window seat, I'll tell him what's in the cellar.
Mortimer Brewster : Cellar?
Jonathan Brewster : There's an elderly gentleman down there who seems to be very dead.
Mortimer Brewster : Cellar?
Jonathan Brewster : There's an elderly gentleman down there who seems to be very dead.
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
Mortimer Brewster : You didn't want the reverend to see the body?
Aunt Abby : Well, not at tea. That wouldn't have been very nice.
Aunt Abby : Well, not at tea. That wouldn't have been very nice.
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
Dr. Einstein : You shouldn't have killed him. Just because he know something about us, what happens?
Jonathan Brewster : We come to him for help, and he tries to shake us down. Besides, he said I looked like Boris Karloff!
Jonathan Brewster : We come to him for help, and he tries to shake us down. Besides, he said I looked like Boris Karloff!
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
Mortimer Brewster : Look, Aunt Martha, men don't just get into window seats and die!
Abby Brewster : We know, dear. He died first.
Mortimer Brewster : Wait a minute! Stop all this. Now, look, darling, how did he die?
Abby Brewster : Oh, Mortimer, don't be so inquisitive. The gentleman died because he drank some wine with poison in it.
Mortimer Brewster : How did the poison get in the wine?
Martha Brewster : Well, we put it in wine, because it's less noticeable. When it's in tea, it has a distinct odor.
Mortimer Brewster : You mean, you... You put it in the wine!
Abby Brewster : Yes. And I put Mr. Hoskins in the window seat, because Reverend Harper was coming.
Mortimer Brewster : Now, look at me, darling. You mean, you mean you knew what you'd done and you didn't want the Reverend Harper to see the body?
Abby Brewster : Well, not at tea. That wouldn't have been very nice.
Mortimer Brewster : Oh, it's first-degree.
Abby Brewster : Now, Mortimer, you know all about it and just forget about it. I do think that Aunt Martha and I have the right to our own little secrets.
Abby Brewster : We know, dear. He died first.
Mortimer Brewster : Wait a minute! Stop all this. Now, look, darling, how did he die?
Abby Brewster : Oh, Mortimer, don't be so inquisitive. The gentleman died because he drank some wine with poison in it.
Mortimer Brewster : How did the poison get in the wine?
Martha Brewster : Well, we put it in wine, because it's less noticeable. When it's in tea, it has a distinct odor.
Mortimer Brewster : You mean, you... You put it in the wine!
Abby Brewster : Yes. And I put Mr. Hoskins in the window seat, because Reverend Harper was coming.
Mortimer Brewster : Now, look at me, darling. You mean, you mean you knew what you'd done and you didn't want the Reverend Harper to see the body?
Abby Brewster : Well, not at tea. That wouldn't have been very nice.
Mortimer Brewster : Oh, it's first-degree.
Abby Brewster : Now, Mortimer, you know all about it and just forget about it. I do think that Aunt Martha and I have the right to our own little secrets.
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
Jonathan Brewster : [ to Dr. Einstein ] This time, I want the face of an absolute non-enity!
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
[ Meeting with Dr. Gilchrist in the cemetery ]
Mortimer Brewster : Pull up a tombstone!
Mortimer Brewster : Pull up a tombstone!
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
Jonathan Brewster : Tonight, we are taking care of Mortimer.
Dr. Einstein : But, Johnny, not tonight. I'm sleepy. We'll do it tomorrow, or the next day.
Jonathan Brewster : Look at me, Doctor. You can see that it's got to be done, can't you?
Dr. Einstein : Yeah, I know that look.
Jonathan Brewster : It's a little late to dissolve our partnership.
Dr. Einstein : Okay, okay, Johnny. Okay, we'll do it. But the quick way, huh? The quick twist like in London.
Jonathan Brewster : No, Doctor. I think this calls for something special. I think, perhaps, the Melbourne method.
Dr. Einstein : [ cringing ] No! Not the Melbourne method, please! Two hours!
Dr. Einstein : But, Johnny, not tonight. I'm sleepy. We'll do it tomorrow, or the next day.
Jonathan Brewster : Look at me, Doctor. You can see that it's got to be done, can't you?
Dr. Einstein : Yeah, I know that look.
Jonathan Brewster : It's a little late to dissolve our partnership.
Dr. Einstein : Okay, okay, Johnny. Okay, we'll do it. But the quick way, huh? The quick twist like in London.
Jonathan Brewster : No, Doctor. I think this calls for something special. I think, perhaps, the Melbourne method.
Dr. Einstein : [ cringing ] No! Not the Melbourne method, please! Two hours!
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
Mortimer Brewster : Mr. President, may I have the pleasure of presenting...
Teddy Brewster : Doctor Livingston?
Dr. Gilchrist : Livingstone?
Mortimer Brewster : Uh, well, that's what he presumes.
Teddy Brewster : Doctor Livingston?
Dr. Gilchrist : Livingstone?
Mortimer Brewster : Uh, well, that's what he presumes.
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
Aunt Abby : [ to Mortimer ] Now, Mortimer, you behave. You're too old to be flying off the handle like this!
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
Mortimer Brewster : But there's a body in the window seat!
Aunt Abby : Yes, dear, we know.
Mortimer Brewster : You know?
Martha Brewster : Of course!
Aunt Abby : Yes, but it has nothing to do with Teddy. Now, Mortimer, you just forget about it. Forget you ever saw the gentleman.
Mortimer Brewster : Forget?
Aunt Abby : We never dreamed you'd peek.
Mortimer Brewster : What the...?
Aunt Abby : Yes, dear, we know.
Mortimer Brewster : You know?
Martha Brewster : Of course!
Aunt Abby : Yes, but it has nothing to do with Teddy. Now, Mortimer, you just forget about it. Forget you ever saw the gentleman.
Mortimer Brewster : Forget?
Aunt Abby : We never dreamed you'd peek.
Mortimer Brewster : What the...?
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
Mortimer Brewster : [ on the telephone ] Yes, operator, I'd like the Happy Dale Sanatorium, Happy Dale, New York. Come on, operator, what's taking so long? They're just across the river. I could swim it faster! No, I don't want the Happy Dale Laundry. I want the Happy Dale Sanatorium. Sanatorium, sanatorium, sanatorium. Yes, yes, like a broken record. Hello - what? They're busy? Busy? Look, they're busy and you're dizzy. No, I am not drunk, madam, but you've given me an idea. [ throws down the phone in disgust ]
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
Lt. Rooney : Who are you? What's your name?
Mortimer Brewster : Well, usually I'm Mortimer Brewster, but I'm not quite myself today.
Mortimer Brewster : Well, usually I'm Mortimer Brewster, but I'm not quite myself today.
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
Aunt Abby Brewster : Just the thought of Jonathan frightens me. Do you remember how he used to cut worms in two with his teeth?
Mortimer Brewster : Oh, Jonathan? He's probably in prison or hanged or something by now.
Mortimer Brewster : Oh, Jonathan? He's probably in prison or hanged or something by now.
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
Mortimer Brewster : Wait outside.
Dr. Gilchrist : But it's Halloween!
Mortimer Brewster : Oh, don't worry about Halloween. The pixies won't be out till after midnight.
Dr. Gilchrist : But it's Halloween!
Mortimer Brewster : Oh, don't worry about Halloween. The pixies won't be out till after midnight.
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
Jonathan Brewster : [ pulling on surgical gloves ] And now doctor... we go to work!
Dr. Einstein : No, Johnny. I cannot operate without a drink!
Jonathan Brewster : Pull yourself together, doctor!
Dr. Einstein : I cannot pull myself together without a drink!
Dr. Einstein : No, Johnny. I cannot operate without a drink!
Jonathan Brewster : Pull yourself together, doctor!
Dr. Einstein : I cannot pull myself together without a drink!
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
Elaine Harper : [ Mortimer is feeling amorous in the cemetery with Elaine ] Mortimer! Right out here in the open with everyone looking?
Mortimer Brewster : Yes, right out here in the open with everyone looking. Let everyone in Brooklyn over sixteen look!
Mortimer Brewster : Yes, right out here in the open with everyone looking. Let everyone in Brooklyn over sixteen look!
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
Mortimer Brewster : What is this? Did everybody in Brooklyn know I was going to get married except me?
Martha Brewster : We knew you'd find out about it in time.
Martha Brewster : We knew you'd find out about it in time.
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace
Mortimer Brewster : [ trying to make Jonathan leave ] Now, Jonathon. Be a good fellow. Here's ten dollars. Go out and haunt yourself a hotel?
Movie: Arsenic and Old Lace