Arrested Development Quotes
George Michael Bluth: [George Michael is in love with his ethics teacher] I don't want to let down Miss Baerly. She's nice, you know?
Lindsay Funke: She's interesting... and pretty?
George Michael Bluth: Well, I don't know why I'm telling you this. I guess there's just some things you can't always say to your dad.
Lindsay Funke: Ah. sounds like you'd like her to be more than just your teacher.
Narrator: Lindsay believed that George Michael wanted to fix up his father so he could fill the role of his mother.
Lindsay Funke: There's nothing wrong with that. Although... I must say I'm a little hurt that you haven't considered me.
George Michael Bluth: You're my aunt.
Lindsay Funke: That doesn't matter. Aunts can fill that role. Teachers can fill that role. And, someday, you're going to find the right woman to fill that role. But until then... I'll be right across the hall.
Narrator: Lindsay had never been more proud of anything she had said in her entire life.
George Michael Bluth: Yikes.
TV Show: Arrested Development
George Michael Bluth: Don't you always say "family first"?
Michael: Yes, I do. But that is not a family. Okay? They're a bunch of greedy, selfish people who have our nose. And Aunt Lindsay.
George Michael Bluth: She's not my real aunt?
Michael: Not her real nose. Got a picture of her when she was 14 in a swimming cap. She looks like a falcon.
TV Show: Arrested Development
George Michael Bluth: I came to talk to you about the softball game. We need some girls on the team this year.
Michael Bluth: It's a league requirement.
Narrator: One that was difficult to keep, given GOB's behavior in the third inning of last year's game. [shows GOB lying on top of a woman]
Narrator: And in the fifth. [shows GOB following one of the female players]
Narrator: Oh, and before the game. [shows GOB pouring water over the female players]
Michael Bluth: We lost our entire outfield and a couple of court cases.
TV Show: Arrested Development
George Michael Bluth: I have Pop Pop in the attic.
Michael Bluth: The mere fact that you call making love "Pop Pop" tells me that you're not ready.
TV Show: Arrested Development
George Michael Bluth: Oh, my God. It's your mom and gangee.
Mae 'Maebe' Funke: What are they doing here?
George Michael Bluth: They're adults. They're allowed to have fun whenever they want. We're kids, we're supposed to work.
TV Show: Arrested Development
George Michael Bluth: Say what you want about America, thirteen bucks still gets you a hell of a lot of mice!
TV Show: Arrested Development
George Michael Bluth: What's with Steve Holt and your mom?
Maebe: Oh, I gave him the impression that she was a tranny.
TV Show: Arrested Development
George Michael: Yeah, Ann loves eggs. Sometimes, she puts mayonnaise in her mouth, then she puts the egg in there and does this [Imitates pushing an egg around in his mouth]
George Michael: She calls it a "mayonegg!"
George Michael: [pause] [to Michael]
George Michael: Are you ok?
Michael: Yeah, I don't feel so good.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Tobias Fünke: [as Mrs. Featherbottom] O-kay, who'd like a banger in the mouth? [laughs]
Tobias Fünke: Right, I forgot, here in the States, you call it a *sausage* in the mouth.
Michael: We just call it a sausage.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Tobias Fünke: [background] Uh-oh. I should not have picked at that. That's blood.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Tobias Fünke: [footage of Tobias trying on a Speedo with his cut-offs on] Excuse me, do these effectively hide my thunder?
TV Show: Arrested Development
Tobias Fünke: [Tobias has been trying out for the Blue Man Group] Bad news, Michael, I am afraid that I am no longer an understudy for the Blue Man Group. It seems that we have parted ways.
Michael: [reading an official-looking letter] "Cease and decist... "
Tobias Fünke: Apparently, they dont like competition. [shows a magazine ad with Tobias that says "Want a Blue Man For Less Green?"]
TV Show: Arrested Development
Tobias Fünke: [Tobias is working as a waiter] I need to go take down the buffet and set up the leather pony.
Michael Bluth: What's the leather pony?
Tobias Fünke: I don't know, we don't have that at lunch.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Tobias Fünke: [while at a western-themed resort] Michael, you are not quite the ladies man I had pictured. Hopefully, we will remedy that when we are in the spa spreading body chocolate on each other.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Tobias Fünke: [while rehearsing his "frightened inmate #2" character] Say something that will terrify me.
Lindsay Funke: Fuck me.
Tobias Fünke: No, that didn't do it.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Tobias Fünke: Are you calling me a coward?
Warden Stefan Gentles: There's only one man I've ever called a coward, and that's Brian Doyle Murray. No, what I'm calling you is a television actor.
Tobias Fünke: Ouch.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Tobias Fünke: Boy, I sure feel like a Mary without a Peter and a Paul.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Tobias Fünke: Come on, Lindsay. We've had some great times. [a white screen appears with text reading: "Footage not found."]
TV Show: Arrested Development
Tobias Fünke: Do you see me more as the respected dramatic actor or more of the beloved comic actor?
Carl Weathers: Whoa, whoa, whoa. There's still plenty of meat on that bone. Now you take this home, throw it in a pot, add some broth, a potato. Baby, you've got a stew going.
Tobias Fünke: Yes, that's fine, but I would like to focus on my acting, Mr. Weathers. I did give you my last $1, 100.
Carl Weathers: Let me tell you a little story about acting. I was doing this Showtime movie, Hot Ice with Anne Archer, never once touched my per diem. I'd go to Craft Service, get some raw veggies, bacon, Cup-A-Soup... baby, I got a stew going.
Tobias Fünke: [pause] I think I'd like my money back.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Tobias Fünke: Don't leave your uncle T-Bag hanging.
George Michael Bluth: Don't call it that.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Tobias Fünke: Good news, everyone. I bought the Queen Mary.
Gob: Really? I was just thinking of getting a yacht.
Tobias Fünke: Well, I was dancing with the owner and he was looking to sell... Also, he really, really did look like a woman... But can you believe it? The only reason he's selling it is because, supposedly, it's in a bad neighborhood?
Lindsay Funke: You idiot. I was going to use the stock money to get us into the country club.
Michael Bluth: What?
Lindsay Funke: ...It's in such a nice neighborhood.
Michael Bluth: I don't believe this. Didn't any of you read that memo?
Narrator: None of them had read past the word "unfrozen."
TV Show: Arrested Development
Tobias Fünke: I can picture the look on Lindsay's face right now. "Where's Tobias?". Oh, he's just on a weekend getaway with Michael Bluth and they're dipping each other in... hey, you didn't get any body chocolate.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Tobias Fünke: I don't do nudity. [holding up a pair of cut-off jeans]
Tobias Fünke: Why do you think I wear these?
George Michael: I was never really clear on that.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Tobias Fünke: I just found out that my cellular telephone was a lemon. It didn't work.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Tobias Fünke: I want my family back. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I want to reunite the band.
Michael: Oh, no.
Narrator: Oh, no was right. In the mid '90s, Tobias formed a folk music band with Lindsay and Maebe which he called Dr. Funke's 100 Percent Natural Good Time Family Band Solution. The group was underwritten by the Natural Food Life Company, a division of Chem-Grow, an Allen Crayne acqusition, which was part of the Squimm Group. Their motto was simple: We keep you alive.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Tobias Fünke: If this scene I recreate, perhaps I can resnare my mate...
Narrator: Why wouldn't she take him back?
TV Show: Arrested Development
Tobias Fünke: If this were a Lifetime Moment of Truth movie, this would be our act break.
Narrator: But it wasn't.
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Tobias Fünke: Michael, you are quite the cupid. You can stick an arrow in my buttocks any time.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Tobias Fünke: No, no, it's pronounced a-nal-ra-pist.
Buster: It wasn't really the pronunciation that bothered me.
TV Show: Arrested Development
Tobias Fünke: Okay, Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over - an analyst and a therapist. The world's first analrapist.
TV Show: Arrested Development