Steven Wright Quotes

Steven Wright Quotes. Below is a collection of famous Steven Wright quotes. Here you can find the most popular and greatest quotes by Steven Wright. Share these quotations with your friends and family.

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.

By Steven Wright

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't part anywhere near the place

By Steven Wright

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

By Steven Wright

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

By Steven Wright

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.

By Steven Wright

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'

By Steven Wright

I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.

By Steven Wright

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

By Steven Wright

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.

By Steven Wright

I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

By Steven Wright

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

By Steven Wright

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.

By Steven Wright

I like to reminisce with people I don't know.

By Steven Wright

I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there.

By Steven Wright

I installed a skylight in my apartment yesterday. The people who live above me are furious

By Steven Wright

I installed a skylight in my apartment. The people who live above me are furious!

By Steven Wright

I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!

By Steven Wright

I invented the cordless extension cord.

By Steven Wright

I just bought a microwave fireplace. You can spend an evening in front of it in only eight minutes.

By Steven Wright

I have the worlds largest seashell collection. You may have seen it, I keep it spread out on beaches all over the world.

By Steven Wright

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.

By Steven Wright

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.

By Steven Wright

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

By Steven Wright

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

By Steven Wright

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it

By Steven Wright

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.

By Steven Wright

I have a hobby...I have the world's largest collection of sea shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen some of it..

By Steven Wright

I have a microwave fireplace. I can lay down in front of the fire for the evening in eight minutes

By Steven Wright

I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.

By Steven Wright

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

By Steven Wright