Mark Twain Quotes | Quotesoup

Ideally a book would have no order to it, and the reader would have to discover his own

By Mark Twain

I've come loaded with statistics, for I've noticed that a man can't prove anything without statistics.

By Mark Twain

I was seldom able to see an opportunity until it had ceased to be one.

By Mark Twain

I was born modest. Not all over, but in spots.

By Mark Twain

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.

By Mark Twain

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said I don't know.

By Mark Twain

I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.

By Mark Twain

I smoke in moderation, only one cigar at a time.

By Mark Twain

I never let schooling interfere with my education.

By Mark Twain

I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get the same money for cop.

By Mark Twain

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up.

By Mark Twain

I make it a rule never to smoke while I'm sleeping.

By Mark Twain

I have spent most of my time worrying about thigs that have never happened.

By Mark Twain

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education

By Mark Twain

I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting

By Mark Twain

I have made it a rule never to smoke more that one cigar at a time.

By Mark Twain

I have never examined the subject of humor until now. I am surprised to find how much ground it covers. I have got its divisions and frontiers down on a piece of paper. I find it defined as a production of the brain, as the power of the brain to produce something humorous, and the capacity of percieving humor.

By Mark Twain

I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough.

By Mark Twain

I have a prejudice against people who print things in a foreign language and add no translation. When I am the reader, and the other considers me able to do the translating myself, he pays me the quite a nice compliment-- but if he would do the translating for me I would try to get along without the compliment. (A Tramp Abroad,1880)

By Mark Twain

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

By Mark Twain

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell you see, I have friends in both places.

By Mark Twain

I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.

By Mark Twain

I do not like work even when someone else does it

By Mark Twain

I did it partly because it was worth it, but mostly because I shall never have to do it again.

By Mark Twain

I did not attend his funeral, but I wrote a nice letter saying I approved it.

By Mark Twain

I did not attend his funeral; but I wrote a nice letter saying I approved of it.

By Mark Twain

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it

By Mark Twain

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it.

By Mark Twain

I cannot call to mind a single instance where I have ever been irreverent, except toward the things which were sacred to other people.

By Mark Twain

I could never learn to like her, except on a raft at sea with no other provisions in sight.

By Mark Twain