Mark Twain Quotes | Quotesoup

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

By Mark Twain

Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of congress but I repeat myself.

By Mark Twain

Suppose you were an idiot...and suppose you were a member of Congress...but I repeat myself

By Mark Twain

Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very'; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

By Mark Twain

Statistics show that we lose more fools on this day than on all other days of the year put together. This proves, by the numbers left in stock, that one Fourth of July per year is now inadequate, the country has grown so.

By Mark Twain

Somewhere between the Angels and the French lies the rest of humanity.

By Mark Twain

Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.

By Mark Twain

Some people get an eduction without going to college the rest get it after they get out.

By Mark Twain

Some men worship rank, some worship heroes, some worship power, some worship God, and over these ideals they dispute, but they all worship money.

By Mark Twain

Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre but they are more deadly in the long run.

By Mark Twain

Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.

By Mark Twain

So far as I am able to judge, nothing has been left undone, either by man or nature, to make India the most extraordinary country that the sun visits on his rounds. Nothing seems to have been forgotten, nothing overlooked.

By Mark Twain

Sacred cows make the best hamburger.

By Mark Twain

Sane and intelligent human beings are like all other human beings, and carefully and cautiously and diligently conceal their private real opinions from the world and give out fictitious ones in their stead for general consumption.

By Mark Twain

Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.

By Mark Twain

Religion consists in a set of things which the average man thinks he believes and wishes he was certain of.

By Mark Twain

Religion consists of a set of things which the average man thinks he believes and wishes he was certain.

By Mark Twain

Quitting smoking is easy, I've done it hundreds of times.

By Mark Twain

Prophesy is a good line of business, but it is full of risks.

By Mark Twain

Providence protects children and idiots. I know because I have tested it.

By Mark Twain

Principles have no real force except when one is well fed.

By Mark Twain

Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.

By Mark Twain

Pessimism is only the name that men of weak nerve give to wisdom.

By Mark Twain

Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.

By Mark Twain

Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside

By Mark Twain

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.

By Mark Twain

Our opinions do not really blossom into fruition until we have expressed them to someone else.

By Mark Twain

Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial 'we.'

By Mark Twain

Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.

By Mark Twain

One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.

By Mark Twain