Henny Youngman Quotes

Henny Youngman Quotes. Below is a collection of famous Henny Youngman quotes. Here you can find the most popular and greatest quotes by Henny Youngman. Share these quotations with your friends and family.

My wife told me the car wasn't running well, there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, and she told me it was in the lake.
By Henny Youngman
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
By Henny Youngman
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Now, the band that inspired that great saying, 'Stop The Music!!'
By Henny Youngman
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Nurse: 'Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office'. Doctor: 'Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.'
By Henny Youngman
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She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
By Henny Youngman
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She has a wash and wear bridal gown.
By Henny Youngman
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She has an electric blender, electric toaster, electric bread maker. Then she said, 'There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down! So what did I do? Bought her an electric chair.
By Henny Youngman
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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, 'Tut, Tut!'
By Henny Youngman
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, 'Am I too late for the garbage?' 'No, jump in!'
By Henny Youngman
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She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate.
By Henny Youngman
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She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.
By Henny Youngman
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She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.
By Henny Youngman
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Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.
By Henny Youngman
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Take my wife, please!
By Henny Youngman
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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
By Henny Youngman
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, 'Mrs. Cohen, your check came back.' Mrs. Cohen answered, 'So did my arthritis!'
By Henny Youngman
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The doctor says to the patient, 'Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window'. 'What will that do?' asks the patient. The doctor says, 'I'm mad at my neighbor!'
By Henny Youngman
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The Doctor says, 'You'll live to be 60!' 'I AM 60!' 'See, what did I tell you?'
By Henny Youngman
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The food on the plane was fit for a king. 'Here, King!'
By Henny Youngman
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
By Henny Youngman
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The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
By Henny Youngman
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The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
By Henny Youngman
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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
By Henny Youngman
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The patient says, 'Doctor, it hurts when I do this.' 'Then don't do that!'
By Henny Youngman
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The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
By Henny Youngman
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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
By Henny Youngman
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
By Henny Youngman
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This man dresses like an unmade bed.
By Henny Youngman
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
By Henny Youngman
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This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated!
By Henny Youngman
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