Withnail and I Quotes

Marwood: Right, now we're going to have to approach this scientifically. First thing we've got to do is get this fire alight, then we split into two fact finding groups. I'll deal with the water and the plumbings, you check the fuel and wood situation. [Later, Withnail re-enters the cottage holding a short stick]
Marwood: What's that?
Withnail: The fuel and wood situation. There's nothing out there except a hurricane.

Movie: Withnail and I
Peter Marwood: What about whatshisname?
Withnail: What about him?
Peter Marwood: Why don't you give him a call?
Withnail: What for?
Peter Marwood: Ask him about his house.
Withnail: You want me to call whatshisname and ask him about his house?
Peter Marwood: Why not?
Withnail: All right. What's his number?
Peter Marwood: I've no idea. I've never met him.
Withnail: Well neither have I. What the **** are you talking about?

Movie: Withnail and I
Uncle Monty: Tell him if you must, I no longer care. I mean to have you even if it must be burglary.

Movie: Withnail and I
Withnail: Aargh!
Peter Marwood: I told you. You've been bitten!
Withnail: Burnt! Burnt! The ****ing kettle's on fire!
Peter Marwood: There's something floating up.
Withnail: FORK IT!

Movie: Withnail and I
[in a genteel tea-room]
Withnail: [taking a seat] All right here?
Waitress: No, we're closing in a minute.
Withnail: We're leaving in a minute.

Movie: Withnail and I
[approaching the pub]
Withnail: Right, here's the plan. First, we go in there and get wrecked, then we eat a pork pie, then we drop some Surmontil-50's each. That way we'll miss out on Monday and come up smiling Tuesday morning.

Movie: Withnail and I