The Navigator Quotes

[Harpic is reading a briefing to his staff about the new rules under privatization]

Harpic: Oh, now listen, now this really *is* important: Deaths must be kept to an acceptable level.

Gerry: What's an acceptable level?

Harpic: Er, two a year.

Gerry: But nobody's been killed for the past eighteen months.

Jim: Any volunteers?

Movie: The Navigator
[after stopping at a pasture, David steps off the ship to urinate]

Max: What are you doing?

David: Can't I have a little privacy?

Max: Do not know privacy.

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[Alien eats David's hat]

Max: That could have been your head David.

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[first title card]
[first title card]: Our story deals with one of those queer tricks that Fate sometimes plays.

Movie: The Navigator
[Harpic is reading a briefing to his staff about the new rules under privatization]

Harpic: Oh, now listen, now this really *is* important: "Deaths must be kept to an acceptable level".

Gerry: What's "an acceptable level"?

Harpic: Er, "two a year".

Gerry: But nobody's been killed for the past eighteen months.

Jim: Any volunteers?

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[Rollo shakes Betsy's hand and presents her with a bouquet]

Rollo Treadway: Will you marry me?

Betsy O'Brien: Certainly not!

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David Scott Freeman: Where do you go next, Max?

Max: Back in time to when I picked up my creatures. By now they're so hungry, they could eat a zigzog.

David Scott Freeman: What's a zigzog?

Max: Kind of like a hippo, but with feathers.

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David: [flying into Florida] Al's Gator City... This must be Florida, Max!

Max: And that must be Big Al!

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David: My dad took me to see the Bee Gees a couple months ago. Who did you see?

Carolyn McAdams: Twisted Sister.

David: Never heard of her.

Carolyn McAdams: It's a him.

David: Oh.

Carolyn McAdams: Actually, it's a them.

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David: That's it?

Max: That's it, Davy!

David: Davy?

Max: If you wanna learn how to swim, you have to jump in the water. Don't forget to feed Bruiser. Two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun... Whoa! I think I got some stuff out of your head that has nothing to do with navigating this ship!

David: You sound just like a human!

Max: No! That dumb dog will never learn to catch a frisbee. You are the inferior species, you dumb dork!

David: Buttface!

Max: Scuz-bucket! Ha-ha!

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Edith Iglauer: I can't die now, my obit wouldn't be long enough.

Edith Iglauer: The boat's about to sink, you're worried about your obituary?

John Daly: You're right, I'm shallow.

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Edith Iglauer: I can't die now, my obit wouldn't be long enough.

John Daly: The boat's about to sink, you're worried about your obituary?

Edith Iglauer: You're right, I'm shallow.

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Edith Iglauer: When I was younger, I wanted to write the great American novel.

John Daly: What happened?

Edith Iglauer: Didn't have the money.

John Daly: What about now?

Edith Iglauer: Don't have the time.

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Jeff Freeman, 16 Years: This is totally rad, dude! You're my big little brother!

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John Daly: What do you think of fishing so far?

Edith Iglauer: In the words of Mark Twain, fishing is a jerk on one end of the line waiting for a jerk on the other end.

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John Daly: You kill the salmon, you don't get 'em back, there is no crisis management.

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John Daly: You kill the salmon, you don't get 'em back, there is no crisis management.

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Max: Are we there yet? Where are we anyway?

David: Geez, I have no idea where we are. We got to get directions.

Max, David: [they hear "Trapped in My Mind" coming from a convertible on the highway] Hmm.

David: I wonder if that's that Twisted Sister stuff Carolyn was talking about.

Teen in Car: Come on.

David: [they lower the space ship beside the car at a stop sign] Hi, you wouldn't happen to know the way to Fort Lauderdale, would you?

Max: [Max sticks his 'head' out] Try to make your directions clear because we get lost easy.

Teen in Car: [freaking out] Fly!
[they speed off]

Max: Hey! Thanks for nothing!... Were those geeks, David?

David: Yes, Max. Those were geeks.

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Max: Are we there yet? Where are we anyway?

David: Geez, I have no idea. We need to get directions.

Max, David: [they here some upbeat music coming from a convertible on the highway] Oooooo.

David: [they lower the space ship beside the car at a stop sign] Excuse me. Could you tell us how to get to Fort Lauderdale?

Max: And you better make your directions clear because we get lost easy.

Teen in Car: MOVE!
[they speed off]

Max: Hey! Thanks for nothing!
[to David]

Max: Were those geeks, David?

David: Yes, Max. Those were geeks.

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Max: Compliance!

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Max: I crashed into electrical towers and my star charts were erased. I need the ones in your head to complete my mission.

David: So you need ME and my INFERIOR brain to fly that thing?

Max: Correction, I need the SUPERIOR information in your INFERIOR brain to fly this... thing.

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Max: I do not leak, you leak!

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Max: I told you, I blew a fuse when I totaled that electrical tower. I was checking out some daisies.

David: You crashed while looking at FLOWERS?

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Max: I told you, I blew a fuse when I totaled that electrical tower. I was checking out some daisies.

David: You were looking at FLOWERS!

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R.A.L.P.H: Pardon me, coming through.

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Rollo Treadway: [to the doorman] I think a long walk would do me good.

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William Sanders: [the new editor's policy] The attention span of the American public is zip. That means shorter articles, and not so dense.

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William Sanders: I understand principles, I used to have 'em, before I had four kids.

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Woman Officer: David, what is the date today?

David: [sighs] It's the Fourth of July.

Woman Officer: And what year?

David: [impatiently] 1978!

Detective Banks: [a beat] David... who is the President of the United States?

David: Duh. You need that for your paperwork?

Detective Banks: Mmm-hmm.
[long pause]

Detective Banks: Well?

David: It's Jimmy Carter!

David: [long, awkward pause as the Woman Officer and Detective Banks look at David, then at each other]

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[last lines]

Rollo Treadway: We are sinking! It's just a matter of time until we're captured.

Betsy O'Brien: Can't you fix it?

Rollo Treadway: [shakes his head] That would have to be fixed from the outside.

Movie: The Navigator