The Longest Yard Quotes

Brucie: How come I cant be kicker? I was all state!
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: All right let's see what you got.
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: [throws far too high] ... that's why you dumbass.

Movie: The Longest Yard
Captain Knauer: Dammit, Warden, I think this game's a big mistake.
Warden Hazen: Captain, not only will you have the chance to hone our team to a fine edge, you'll also have the opportunity to learn a great deal about life. Why is it, do you suppose, that I can walk through this yard, surrounded by hate, and in total command?
Captain Knauer: Because you've got 15 gun turrets all around you that say you can.

Movie: The Longest Yard
Caretaker: Look in your toilet, I left you a surprise.
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: You took a **** in my toilet?
Caretaker: No, that's what I left in Brucey's toilet.

Movie: The Longest Yard
Guard Dunham: [rock music on in locker room acting like he's playing a guitar] This is how a white man plays a guitar.

Movie: The Longest Yard
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: [to Turley] People have said that we look alike, so I just wanted to see for myself. [Turley roars very loudly]
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: I'm gonna go take a piss.

Movie: The Longest Yard
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: I will be your coach, your captain, your quarterback...
Brucie: You haven't played in years! Why can't I be quarterback?
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: You're right; let's see what you got. [throws ball to Brucie]
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: Hit me; I'm open!
Brucie: [throws wild pass]
Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe: That's why, now sit down and shut up.

Movie: The Longest Yard