The Kentucky Fried Movie Quotes

1st guest: Fish for dinner last night?
2nd guest: Phewww... Harvey still smoking those cigars?
3rd guest: CHRIST! Did a cow **** in here?

Movie: The Kentucky Fried Movie
A.M. Newscaster: It's 19 minutes after the hour, and now it's time for our daily feature The Astrological Hour. A quick reminder these reports are not intended to foster belief in astrology, but merely to support people who cannot take responsibility for their own lives.

Movie: The Kentucky Fried Movie
Game Show Announcer: Guard number one is a senior on Klahn's mountain, and aspires to be a research chemist. Welcome, please, Hung Well! Guard number two is a real skating buff. A warm welcome for Long Wang! Traveling comes naturally to guard number three, as he's a licensed airplane pilot. Welcome, please, Enormous Genitals!

Movie: The Kentucky Fried Movie
Henry Gibson: In the past year, over 800,000 millions have died. Despite millions of dollars of research, death continues to be our nation's number one killer.

Movie: The Kentucky Fried Movie
Loo: And who are they?
Dr. Klahn: Refuse, found in waterfront bars.
Loo: Shanghaied?
Dr. Klahn: Just lost drunken men who don't know where they are and no longer care.
Prisoner #1: Where are we?
Prisoner #2: I don't care!
Loo: And these?
Dr. Klahn: These are lost drunken men who don't know where they are, but do care! And these are men who know where they are and care, but don't drink.
Prisoner #3: I don't know who I am?
Prisoner #4: And I don't drink!
Dr. Klahn: Guards! (move prisoners) Do you care?
Prisoner #5: No.
Dr. Klahn: Put this man in cell #1, and give him a drink.
Guard: What do you drink?
Prisoner #5: I don't care.

Movie: The Kentucky Fried Movie
[Master Klahn decapitates a prisoner]
Klahn: Now take him to be tortured!

Movie: The Kentucky Fried Movie