The Final Girls Quotes

Max Cartwright: You just fucked with the wrong virgin!

Movie: The Final Girls
Duncan: Ever since I was a little boy, I've dreamed of being the final girl.

Movie: The Final Girls
Mimi: Anyone wanna help me pick some strawberries?
Kurt: Nope, but I'll give you a hand with those melons! Talkin' about her boobs. You guys get me, right?

Movie: The Final Girls
Max Cartwright: Gertie, you're a virgin.
Gertie Michaels: No. Well, not anymore. Last summer with that guy, Jerry. He had like the weird mustache and he, like, winked. Remember?
Vicki Summers: Isn't he autistic?
Gertie Michaels: Yeah. Yeah. He is. But he was also very romantic.

Movie: The Final Girls
Nancy: I should have known something was up with this place. I mean think about it. What the hell kind of summer camp has waterbeds?

Movie: The Final Girls
Vicki Summers: Gertie, I'm sorry for that time in junior high when I told everyone to start calling you Ba-Chunk-a-Dunk, and then I covered your locker in bacon. That was so crappy and I'm so sorry! I'm such a bad person.
Gertie Michaels: You're not, it's okay. If it makes you feel better, last summer I'm the one who spread the rumor that said you had a weird disease where you were always on your period.
Vicki Summers: Wow, that's evil!
Gertie Michaels: Thank you.

Movie: The Final Girls
Nancy: Am I really gonna die?
Max Cartwright: Yeah.
Nancy: So, I guess I never grow up or fall in love or have kids. I had this dream that when I graduated college, I would meet a guy and we'd have a baby. A girl. And if she ever needed me, I would do anything for her - anything. I would've made a really great mom.
Max Cartwright: The best.

Movie: The Final Girls
[Tina fidgets with Vicki's iPhone] Tina: What is this thing, anyway?
Vicki Summers: It's a phone.
Tina: Yeah, please! I'm not that gullible. [talking into the phone]
Tina: Um hello, operator? Yes, I'm trying to make a call but I can't cuz my phone's not plugged into anything!

Movie: The Final Girls
Vicki Summers: I wanna know where they keep the hardware in this dump. I want chainsaws and big-ass knives and I want them now!

Movie: The Final Girls
Trailer Voice-Over: They won't be singing Kumbaya... they'll be screaming Kumba-no!

Movie: The Final Girls
[the kids strap Tina into a lifejacket and tape oven mitts to her hands] Tina: Why do I have to wear all this stuff again?
Chris Briggs: Because you're scripted to do a striptease at the slumber party, and when you take your top off, Billy comes running.
Tina: But why does he hate my boobs? Cuz they're not big?

Movie: The Final Girls
Tina: Oooh, I love legends! Loch Ness, Bigfoot, Bon Jovi... all of 'em!

Movie: The Final Girls
Gertie Michaels: Maybe we're dead and this is Heaven.
Vicki Summers: This can't be Heaven. Max is here and she's Jewish.
Gertie Michaels: Oh, right. Well, maybe it's Jewish Heaven.

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Kurt: Hey, where's you guys's suitcases? Because honestly, you're clothes, they're disgusting!
Vicki Summers: Says the guy in the crop top.

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Duncan: What did you pack, Tina?
Tina: The basics. Bikini, mouthwash, diaphragm.

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Kurt: Oh, what's up, funbags?
Vicki Summers: Funbags? Right. Yay, feminism.

Movie: The Final Girls
Duncan: I wonder if all this blood is just corn syrup, you know? Like these characters are walking around with just corn syrup in their veins. You know? Let's give it a shot here. [Duncan rubs blood from Mimi's corpse and licks his finger]
Duncan: Oh, God. No, that is, um... That is not corn syrup. That is... Oh God, that's blood.

Movie: The Final Girls
Kurt: By the way, what's with you and Max? Are you guys having sex? Because if not, I wouldn't mind bench pressing her with my dumbbell.
Chris Briggs: Listen, brah, you're not bench pressing anyone with your dumbbell! If I so much as hear your dumbbell took a Pilates class...
Kurt: What?
Chris Briggs: I'm gonna cut it off.

Movie: The Final Girls
Vicki Summers: Where do they keep the chainsaws here?
Paula: What?
Vicki Summers: We might wanna find out, right? Where they keep them? Because you never know when you might need a chainsaw.
Paula: Why do we need a chainsaw for a slumber party?

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Nancy: I can't believe they're all dead!
Vicki Summers: They were never alive! They weren't real. Neither are you because this is just a movie!

Movie: The Final Girls
Nancy: I didn't sleep with Kurt so now I guess I'll be able to save myself for George Michael after all.
Vicki Summers: I wouldn't hold your breath, honey.
Nancy: Why?

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Vicki Summers: Nancy, you can't be the final girl. It's not in your DNA, or whatever. You're the shy girl with the clipboard and the guitar. You get laid and then you die. You're just part of the body count. No offense.

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Nancy: You were right about one thing, you know?
Max Cartwright: What?
Nancy: I'm a movie star!

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Amanda Cartwright: Honestly, if you ever become an actor, don't ever do a slasher flick.
Max Cartwright: You wouldn't catch me dead in a movie.

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Vicki Summers: Tyson wanted to come here tonight and I was like, Oh my God, no, but here we are. So, you win, Tyson!
Chris Briggs: So, you didn't see my post about it, or anything?
Vicki Summers: No, I don't go on your stupid Twitter. Which, by the way, has lost three more followers today.

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Vicki Summers: I have a really good memory. It's not just the Adderall.

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Gertie Michaels: She's probably gonna pee on him just to mark her territory.

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Kurt: Nice legs. What time they open?

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Max Cartwright: [the kids prepare to watch Camp Bloodbath, which Max's mother starred in]
Max Cartwright: Today's the anniversary of her death. At least I get to see her. Even if she is being chased by a psycho with a machete.

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Kurt: [to Paula]OH GOD, YOU KILLED DUNCAN! You smell great, by the way.

Movie: The Final Girls